Jerry stormed into the US Coast Guard office and slammed the door behind him.
"I need some service!" he yelled.
A plain-looking woman emerged from the back room. "All right, all right! Just hold your horses! What's the big emergency?"
Jerry reached into his pocket and pulled out a picture. "I need to find this yacht. As soon as possible!"
The woman took the picture and glared at it. "Who is this?"
Jerry smiled in spite of himself. "That's Osgood. And that..." he said, pointing to the picture, "...is his yacht!"
The woman smirked. "And who are you?"
Jerry shook her hand proudly. "I am Jerry. His finance."
The woman quickly let go of his hand and her eyes widened.
"Excuse me?"
Realizing what he had said, Jerry quickly changed the subject.
"Look, lady. Are you gonna help me or not?"
She sighed. "Mister it's gonna be impossible to find a yacht like this when all we have to go on is a blurry picture."
"Really..." Jerry said, reaching for his wallet. "Perhaps I could change your mind."
"What are you talking about?"
Jerry pulled out a wad of money and flashed it in the woman's face. "Will five hundred dollars do the trick?"
The woman gasped. "Um..."
Jerry smiled. "That's what I thought. So are you gonna help me or not?" he asked again.
Finally the gruff woman smiled. "Certainly sir! We aim to please!"
Jerry scoffed. "Yeah, I bet. So here's what I want. I want that yacht located immediately and a phone call no later than 10am tomorrow."
She shook her head. "No way. Impossible."
"Playing hard to get, are you?" Jerry asked. "Okay..." He reached into his wallet again and pulled out another wad of cash. "Will a thousand satisfy you?"
The woman swallowed hard and picked up the phone. "Coast guard base, this is the California office. I have an emergency-a missing yacht. What was that? Yes sir, the situation is dire. Missing person? Yes... um... most definitely... You'll put a four alarm alert on it? Thank you sir."
"Satisfied?" She snapped as she hung up the phone.
Jerry smiled. "Absolutely. You know, whoever said that money doesn't talk has never met me."
"We'll give you a call in a couple of days." The woman said.
"A couple of days? No! I need to find that yacht now!" Jerry yelled. He opened his wallet once more. "All right. This is my last and final offer... two thousand dollars."
The woman's eyes grew as wide as saucers and for a moment he thought that she might faint.
"Well..." Jerry said giving her a fake smile. "I guess I'll be hearing from you tomorrow?"
"What?" The woman looked up from her dazed state.
"The yacht?" He reminded her as he pointed to the phone.
"Oh yes." Again she picked up the phone. "Coast guard base, this is the California office again. About the missing yacht... make that a code red."
"Code red?" Jerry asked when the woman hung up the phone.
"Yes sir." She said. "I'll call you by 10am tomorrow."
Jerry sighed with relief.
Thank God...
As he walked out of the office he saw the woman waving cheerfully as though they were old pals.
Of course she liked him... He'd just given her every penny he had.
Joe, I hope you appreciate this... you owe me big time... literally.
