Chapter 8

"Claire, a word please."

Ezekiel's voice came bursting through the room, commanding yet kind. I had been looking out the window of the room I had slept in the night before turning the piece of paper in my fingers that had Daryl's chicken scratch scribbled on it. Pushing off the sill I saw that Ezekiel wasn't alone.

"Claire, this is Carol. She was inquiring as to Daryl's whereabouts, I was informed that you both stayed here last night."

I watched as a graying woman laid a hand on Ezekiel's shoulder, muttering something to him with a suspicious looking smile on her face. She stepped into the room with me, closing the door behind her. Probably wanted to tell me something along the lines of back the fuck off; leave it to Daryl to leave out that he's moved on.

Fuck! I knew that kiss last night would lead to nothing but trouble.

"He went back to Hilltop this morning, that's all I can tell you." I told her, holding out the little note as evidence.

"Daryl was never one who could sit on the sidelines when he felt he could be useful." She mused, taking the paper from me and glancing across the sheet.

"Why are you here?"

"He paid me a visit yesterday, before you got here, I was hoping to talk to him about something but it seems like I already missed him."

She still kept the smile on her face but her eyes were not reflecting it. Something about this woman was off, like she was putting on a façade for the world to see. She had secrets to hide, that much I knew.

"What did you say your name was?"

"I didn't, Ezekiel did. My name's Carol." She told me, handing back the paper.

I nodded as we fell into silence, neither of us knowing what to say to the other though we both knew there was at least something that needed to be said. I almost started picking up Daryl's bad habit of chewing on my fingers when Carol spoke again.

"Benjamin said he saw you two in the bathroom earlier this morning. Glad to know Daryl finally found someone to spend a little alone time with."

"It's not like that, I promise. We had some old business to talk about and he just so happened to follow me into the bathroom this morning to discuss it. He doesn't want to have anything to do with me, trust me."

"So you knew each other before all of this?"

"He's my ex-husband, so yeah we know each other."

"Sorry to hear that."

"He wanted to end it. It was probably for the best though; he's got too much of his brother in him."

"I met Daryl, and Merle, just after Atlanta fell; he does have a lot his brother in him but he's done a lot of growing up since this all started. Merle got left behind in Atlanta while a few of our group went into the city on a run, Daryl was pretty upset about it however he overcame that and grew into a much better person. He doesn't take anyone's life for granted anymore, he would fight and he would die to protect us. Maybe you should start getting to know the new Daryl, you might be surprised."

Closing my eyes I pinched the bridge of my nose trying to shake the feeling that was steadily creeping up my spine. Something wasn't right. The paper that became trapped between my fingers began fluttering slightly as the digits began trembling.

"I've gotta go."

Shoving past Carol I flung the door open to find Ezekiel standing just outside with Shiva standing guard. Ezekiel couldn't get a word out before Shiva screamed in pain as I accidentally stepped on her tail. All three of them were hot on my heels shrouded in confusion, that tiny voice in my head repeatedly telling me something was wrong, something was not right.

I wasted no time in getting outside and to the doors, a person on either side pulling them open just wide enough to let me through. A few walkers were scattered but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle on my own. Making my way down to where I had parked the bike last night I discovered that it was gone, figuring Daryl must've taken it with him.

Guess I'm walking back to Hilltop. At least I'm getting a fairly early start, should be able to make it there before sunset as long as there are no big hold-ups.

It's probably been an hour or so since I started walking, every now and then I'd start singing some random song that came to mind. The song I was currently muttering to myself came to an abrupt halt as the sound of engines began reaching my ears. The bikes were still a ways away but still close enough to warrant wanting to get the hell out of Dodge before they spotted me.

The cabin that I had mentioned to Daryl last night wasn't too far from the abandoned highway that I stood on. Taking to the woods I found the overgrown path that led me to my destination. But again that nagging voice sprang forth telling me that something was out of the ordinary. Cautiously, I took my gun from the holster being mindful of the engines that roared closer to where I was.

"Shhh, get in there and stay quiet."

I should've known…

Sighing, my shoulders drooping, my head hanging low, I holstered my gun and walked into the cabin. I stood just inside the door as Daryl slammed it shut, whirling around on his heel as the latch caught.

"The hell you doin' out here anyway, huh? Already left ya a note that I was going back to Hilltop."

"Call it a gut feeling. Something's just not right about-"

I stopped myself short as the engines drew closer. My hope that was that they would just pass by however, having been around bikes for a number of years I knew that we were no longer safe when the roaring turned to silence. I listened carefully as the engines sat idle. There was no doubt that Negan had sent scouts to search for Daryl after I left the Sanctuary. Maybe I was wrong this time and they were just stopping to take a piss while on their way to the Kingdom for their pick-up.

"Come with me." I whispered, knowing that he'd hear me.

Walking the short distance from the door to the living room I knelt down to knock on a few of the boards trying to find the panel I had cut out about six months ago when the place got overrun with walkers. A bad storm had rolled through and a tree took out a wall in the kitchen, a herd of about thirty or forty walkers was passing through around the same time. There would've been no way I could handle that many on my own so I had to hide in the storage room that I notched out under the cabin.

The hollowness confirmed that I found the right panel, pulling it back I quickly ushered Daryl inside. He knew he had to be quiet, there was no need for me to say the words or remind him. The board was back in place just as footsteps outside and around the cabin began reaching my ears. Taking my gun from its holster for the second time today I carefully made my way to left side of the window, trying my best to see through the overgrown trees at who was approaching.

As I was watching a Savior pass by the front window I caught sight of another one passing by the side window. Swallowing thickly I pulled the second gun that I had tucking in my waistband behind my back. I stood with my back to the wall keeping a careful eye on both windows with my guns raised should the need arise to use them.

A shrieking scream came out of nowhere followed by cries of 'rotters!' One of the two that I had been watching ran in the direction of the screams, the other stuck around though I wasn't fully sure why when it was clear that the level of danger this area presented was higher then what they thought it was.

My eyes went wide as he started turning around, possibly to get a look inside. Crouching down I knew that my current position would mean that he'd spot me easily, so I crept along the wall until I stood next to the window, just out of sight. I watched as he lifted a hand to the side of his face peering inside. Looking around the room I saw that nothing was out of the ordinary from how I left it last; everything was still in its place and anything of significant value was out of sight. All of the food and water I had were under the cabin where Daryl was.

The Savior quickly turned away from the window, completely caught off guard as a pair of walkers came down on him. His shrill screams causing all manner of attention to be brought to our location. I watched as one walker tore into his neck, a spray of blood slashing across the glass as the other bit down on his arm. A small group of Saviors, maybe three or four, came crashing through the woods putting down the walkers and hauling their comrade off. His cries of agony could still be heard as they made it back to the road.

He wasn't going to make it back to the Sanctuary today.

Knowing there was one less Savior made me feel a little better until I remembered that for every one Savior they lost Negan still had an army of 'em at his complete disposal.

I sunk down to the floor, my arms resting on my knees and my head resting against the wall as I listened to his wails of suffering pierce through trees wishing they would put him out of his misery already. Once the woods grew quiet again I stood from my spot and walked to the middle of the living room, tapping my foot on the loose floorboards letting Daryl know the coast was clear. He came out looking dirtier than when he went in. Cobwebs hung in his hair, dirt clung to his skin, the heavenly scent of dirt hugged his clothes.

"What was all that hollering out there?"

"Pair of walkers took a Savior out. We're in the middle of a hot zone right now, so sad to say we're stuck here for the next few hours." I answered, holstering one gun and tucking the other inside my waistband behind my back.

"That why you came out here?" he asked, climbing out of the hole and replacing the panels.

"Maybe. I know you can fend for yourself but something about you being out here just didn't sit right with me. Gotta stay quiet though, blood on that window there is gonna have the walkers swarming us any minute."

Just as the words left my mouth a walker came up the bloody window, flinging itself against the glass. Its putrid, black tongue licking the glass as it desperately clung to the frame to support itself. Soon after two more walkers came pushing towards the glass, then three more on top of that.

"C'mon, let's get upstairs. If they do manage to get inside we'll stand a better chance of taking 'em out on the stairs. More narrow so only a few can get through." Daryl whispered, nodding towards the staircase.

In a way he was right, narrow spaces means you could take out the walkers as they packed into that tight of an area but it also meant that there were probably a dozen hands reaching for fresh flesh.

We crept to the stairs taking it one step at a time. I quietly signaled and pointed to the spots where the wood creaked rather loudly letting Daryl know to watch where he walked. Even in work boots held together with tape and fabric strips that man could still tip-toe as quiet as a deer in a thick brush.

"You look tried, why don't you go take a nap for a little bit? I'll wake you in a few hours." I offered as I once again took my gun from its holster, taking a seat on the stop stair.

From where I was perched I had a clear line of sight to the front door. If the walkers were able to beat the door down they'd be able to see me right away but at least I stood a decent chance of taking about 15 or so out before I ran out of bullets and had to rely on my six-shooter.

"Nah, I'm good." He replied taking a seat on the stair next to me. "'Sides, told ya this morning I wasn't done talking. What happened after you left your grandparent's farm?"

"Looking to hear my life's story?"

"I was a piece of shit to treat ya the way I did, I can't take it back but I can try and make up for it."

Our knees touched just a hair before I pulled my leg away, letting his words sink in. Now he wants to talk after five years? Now he wants to listen to what I have on my mind after five years?

"Why the change of heart? You never cared to listen to what I had to say before."

"People change; I let Merle get inside my head. Just after this all started he went with a couple people in our group into Atlanta, I went hunting. He got left behind, by the time we got to where he was the son of a bitch cut his own hand off and got out of the city. He was gone and I was free to be my own person for the first time ever."

"Ever see him again?"

He sat in silence for a moment, contemplating before he spoke.

"'Bout a year later, whole time I thought he was dead but he was in a place called Woodbury. Their leader called himself the Governor, Merle was-"

"I know who Merle was to the Governor," I cut in. Daryl looked at me perplexed, his brows knitting in confusion and concern. "Ran into Merle after I left my grandparent's farm. When the car ran out of gas I pulled it off onto the side of the road, practically set up camp right there until I could figure out what to do next. Slept in the car for a few days until I was awakened one morning. Car was surrounded by a small group, probably four or five of 'em with Merle as their fearless leader."

I paused glancing over at Daryl, the confusion turned to anger as I could only imagine the thoughts that were running through his head. Me laying asleep in my car suddenly awakening to find myself surrounded with no way out and Merle's familiar face in the window, probably with a grin plastered across his features.

"Merle didn't do anything to me, he wouldn't even let those in his little hunting party do anything to me either. Which is shocking considering he didn't give two shits about what he did to me while we were married."

"What did he do? Don't lie to me neither."

"Took me back to Woodbury with him. Introduced me to the Governor, kept asking about you; was wondering if I had seen ya at all. Of course we hadn't seen each other but I knew you were close. You can't say you didn't feel it too."

"We held up in a prison, I'd go out hunting for just about anything I could scrounge up, knew you were close didn't think you were that close. The Governor took two of our people, didn't see ya there when he had me and Merle fighting to the death."

"I was already gone from Woodbury by then. The Governor gave me the creeps so I left, told Merle that I hope you two found each other. That was the last time I ever saw him."

"He never told me you were there; he never even brought up your name. We'd go on watch and I'd sometimes ask him if he thought you were still alive, he'd tell me to quit being such a fucking pussy I wanted out and got just what I wanted, shouldn't give two fucks whether you were dead or alive."

"That's my fault, I told him if you ever found each other to just pretend he knew nothing." We sat quietly for a minute before the question escaped, even though he wasn't blood I still considered Merle my brother-in-law. "How did it happen? Merle dying, I mean. You used to say nobody could kill Merle but Merle."

"Don't know, he already turned when I found him gnawing on some other dead bastard. He had a hole in his chest so that'd be my guess. He went out his way though; at least that's what I like to think."

"You're a lot like him, ya know. Not just your temper but the way you carry yourself, you emulated him a lot when we were married, you're even more like him now. A friend of yours came to see me this morning, think she said her name was Carol, told me how you would die to protect your family, your group. Merle was a selfish hard-ass but he'd do anything to keep you safe and out of trouble."

We fell silent after that.

The walkers were still clawing and clashing into the cabin, their raspy groans could be heard through the wooden walls as the sun continued on its familiar trek across the sky. My eyes were starting to grow heavy as the walkers finally started to give up. I'm almost certain that the window had been licked clean of the fresh blood that was sprayed across the pane a few hours ago as well as the ground where the blood pooled into the dirt.

I was brought out of my semi-state of sleepiness when a broken whimper filled the room. Lifting my head off the wall I set my gun down next to my left hip. Carefully I wrapped my arms around Daryl's head and neck, gently resting his head on my shoulder. He buried his face in my neck as he wound his arms around my waist, the tears wetting my skin as I just held him.

In all my life I had never seen Daryl this upset but our history together dictates that even though we both know the questions I'm going to ask it was best to just let him get it out of his system now and he'll tell me about it later.

Minutes later he lifted his face from my neck, unwrapped an arm from me and wiped his face off with the back of his hand. The pain of what he was feeling was still unmistakable; the tears were beginning to well up in his eyes again. Picking up the bottom of shirt he brought it to his face and wiped away a few more tear tracks.

"Thanks." He whispered, sniffling a bit. "Claire? Do you hate me? Not just for what I did to you and put you through, but as a person. Do you hate me?"

I was stunned by the question. I have had the last five years to reflect on everything that Daryl and I went through both together and apart. Every time I ever thought about us, about what we had, about what we could've had it always circled back to one thing: Merle. I told myself after the divorce was finalized that if I ever saw him again I'd tear both of 'em a new asshole. But now that Daryl's here I can't bring myself to say any of the things I thought of.

"Claire? Please, I need to know, do you hate me?" Daryl was begging, pleading with me to not hate him.

"C'mon, I need to get in that bed, these stairs are really starting to hurt my back. Help an old woman up?"

Daryl let out a reluctant sigh as he stood and stretched his hand out. Taking his hand, I was rapidly pulled to my feet but as he tried to drop my hand from his grasp I wrapped my fingers around his wrist and pulled him into the bedroom, shutting the door behind us and making sure all of the locks were in place, just in case those walkers outside did manage to get inside. Daryl stood in the middle of the room, another sniffle escaping.

"Lay down, if the walkers haven't broken through by now then I don't think they're motivated enough to get us from in here." I said, pushing Daryl backwards to the bed stopping only when the backs of his knees touched the side of the bed. "I promise I have an answer for you but you look exhausted."

Daryl nodded, toeing out of his boots and climbing into the bed, pulling the blankets around him and adjusting the pillow as necessary. I climbed in after him and got myself as comfortable as I could. Turning to my side to face him it became clear how badly he needed to hear that I didn't hate him. Daryl was always the kind of person to wear his heart on his sleeve and it always meant that he was more susceptible to becoming an emotional wreck if something around him caused him any kind of extreme pain. This was one of those situations. His normally clear blue eyes were becoming bloodshot, his nose was red from where he had trying to wipe the snot away, his body vibrated under the blankets as he shook from fighting back tears.

Opening my arms I watched in alarm at how quickly Daryl flew into them. His body started to relax a bit as we just laid in bed holding each other but I knew Daryl was still needing an answer.

"I hate what you did to me, but I do not hate you as a person. I told myself when the judge signed off on the order that if I ever saw you again after that day I'd rip you to shreds. That was five years ago; I can forgive you for everything you put me through but I will never forget it."

"As bad as I wanted to get out the Sanctuary can't help feeling that I still belong there. People back home are dead because of me, dead because I lost my temper, dead because I didn't listen. They hate me, Tara hates me, Rosita hates me, Maggie especially hates me. The ones they loved are dead because of me. Would it be better if I just let you take me back? Negan'll probably kill me on sight but I'd deserve it."

"Daryl, if you keep talking like that you're gonna hate yourself even more, you need to stop. If your group hated you that much they would've lynched ya as soon as they set eyes on ya yesterday. Probably right though, Negan would kill you on sight but not before he made you watch him torment a few others; he'd probably get ya all riled up ready to fight just before that bat came down. Trust me, I've seen him do it. We'll get you back to Hilltop tomorrow and then we can figure something out from there. One thing I know for certain, if you are going to war against the Saviors, you'll need one hell of an army behind ya."

"When this is all over, what happens next? What happens to you?"

"I already told Gregory that I'd be gone from Hilltop-"

"You're leaving?"

There's that trace of boyish sadness I remember.

"I meant what I said last night, we're not good for each other."

"I don't want you to go." His voice shaking as he clung tighter. "I don't want to be alone anymore. Had a dream last night, it was about the first time you ever let me spend the night at your place. Landlord put up the eviction notice and changed the locks on us. I remember when I came over you let me in without question but said I had to sleep on the couch. Ended up sleeping in the bed after I got ya off pretty good. I'm sure you figured it out pretty quick that I never had sex with anyone before you, but you should know I haven't slept with anyone after you either. You once told me that I was a good person and that even if I didn't believe it that those around me could see it. You saw what no one else could and it took the world ending for me to finally see it for myself."

"What are you getting at Daryl?"

"You were the only good I had before the world went to shit, I was a fucking idiot to let ya go especially over something as petty as watching ya climb into your cousin's car to go to lunch. Got jealous that you wanted to spend time with your family instead of me, even if it was only an hour. I let Merle get in my head, I let him tell me that you were out fucking around behind my back. Claire, I'm sorry."

"Say it again?" I asked, carding my fingers through his hair.

Carefully Daryl lifted his head from the depths of the blankets bringing a section of it up to his face to wipe away more tears that had fallen and to once again wipe his already reddened nose. More unshed tears lingered but somehow he managed to pull himself together just long enough.

"Claire, I'm sorry. For everything I did to ya and all the shit I put ya through, you didn't deserve any of that. I'm sorry."