Joker and Batman arrived at a small, dilapidated building on the outskirts of Gotham. "Lex is in there?" asked Batman, looking skeptically at the shack.

"Well, we get to him through there," retorted Joker. "Thanks to your boy in blue, Lex has had to build all kinds of weird hideouts and secret entrances so he's not constantly spied on by an alien. I understand his concern – I don't respect Lex either, but really, basic privacy should be a human right. How would you like it if you were being watched all the time? I mean, I guess you are, since Supey can see through walls and stuff – he could be watching us right now."

"God, I hope not," muttered Batman.

"You'd better get used to the idea if you're gonna last on our side," said Joker. "Dealing with nosy, super-powered authoritarians is part of our everyday routine, and it makes life a whole lotta difficult. Well, you know what I mean – you used to be one. Tell me, while you said it was just to protect innocent people, you kinda got off on the power trip of spying on everyone, huh?"

"Uh…no," said Batman.

"I would have," said Joker. "I once hacked into the security camera system in Arkham just to spy on the other freaks. They were surprisingly boring. The doctors on the other hand…"

"That's really interesting, Joker – do you want me to carry two of these?" interrupted Batman, reaching for the boxes in the back.

"No, leave 'em for now," said Joker. "Let's just show Lex we're here."

Batman shrugged, following Joker toward the door. He knocked, and a few moments later, a slot opened in the door, revealing a small camera. Joker leaned forward and kissed the lens. "Honey, I'm home!" he exclaimed.

"You're cleaning that camera," snapped Luthor's voice, followed by a buzz. Joker pushed the door open, and Batman followed him inside.

The inside of the shack was nothing but a long, metallic tunnel, which led off in several different directions. They heard Luthor's voice coming from one of the directions, and followed it. As they approached, they saw that he was video chatting to someone on his laptop.

"Now, I really must be going – I'm expecting company," Luthor was saying.

"Just one more question, Mr. Luthor, if you don't mind," said a female voice on the other end. Batman froze, recognizing it.

"What's wrong, buddy?" asked Joker.

"He's talking to Vicki Vale," whispered Batman.

"So?" asked Joker. "I'm sure he won't mind if we interrupt. I mean, I'm sure he will, but that's half the fun!"

"You don't understand – Vicki Vale is a journalist," whispered Batman. "She can't see you with me – she'd tell everyone!"

"So?" repeated Joker. "If we're pals now, she's gonna find out sooner or later, just like everyone will. What's the problem whether it's now or later?"

Batman stared at him, wondering if he should just break the act now. But he sincerely doubted he could take both Luthor and Joker single-handedly, and besides, Vicki Vale was well-known to have made up stories on occasion. Even if she did see them together, Batman could always claim that this was another one of those fake, click-bait articles to boost falling sales. So he forced another smile. "No problem at all, buddy," he said.

"…it just seems to me that people rightfully criticize the NSA for spying on people without their knowledge, but they don't criticize the Justice League," Luthor was saying. "At least we elect the government – we do not elect these self-appointed guardians of so-called justice. I'm actually transmitting to you now from an underground bunker I have had to construct just for my own peace of mind, to know my privacy is not being invaded by a snooping alien. Frankly, I'm the victim here. I'm being unfairly targeted and persecuted."

"But wouldn't you concede that the Justice League have some right to be suspicious of you based on your past actions, Mr. Luthor?" asked Vicki.

"It's possible that aliens, or those members of the organization who have been around for centuries, for instance, might be unfamiliar with the idea of redemption, and that, in this country at least, a man's past does not necessarily determine his path for the future," Luthor replied. "I have paid my debt to society by literally upholding society, which includes Metropolis and all its infrastructure. This despite the fact that I have remained unconvicted of any criminal activity by a court of law."

"I'm not insinuating that you have undue authority over the courts or anything, but what checks should we have on the rich and powerful if the system can be manipulated by the rich and powerful?" asked Vicki.

"I might ask the same question in regards to the Justice League," retorted Luthor. "Who monitors justice to see that it remains just? Or are we just meant to trust that those people granted superpowers are also granted super wisdom and super judgment and super reliability and super trustworthiness? Forgive me if I'm a little skeptical of that attitude, Miss Vale. Now I really must go, but I'd love to continue this interview later, maybe over dinner sometime?"

"Oooh, Lex, you old smoothie!" chuckled Joker, appearing behind Luthor on the webcam suddenly. "You've got power and charm, all the qualities women love, except hair, of course!" he laughed, patting Luthor's bald head. "How can you resist a guy like that, Vicki?" he asked, smiling at the camera.

"Is that the Joker?" asked Vicki Vale, her eyes lighting up at the prospect of an exclusive scoop. She stared at the webcam and suddenly noticed a movement in the shadows, and her eyes lit up even more. "Is that…Batman?" she whispered.

Luthor whirled around. "Uh…no, it's not either of those people," he said, shoving Joker out of the way. "Now I really do have to go…"

"Why is the Joker with you? And more importantly, why is the Joker with Batman? Are you allies? Are they allies? That's a much more interesting story – you don't have to confirm or deny, just blink once for yes and twice for no…"

Luthor hung up suddenly, slamming the laptop lid down. "Joker, what the hell do you mean by crashing my interview?" he shouted. "And what the hell is he doing here?" he demanded, throwing a finger at Batman. "Why would you lead a member of the Justice League straight to one of my secret hideouts, after all my work to hide it from them?!"

"Relax, Lexy – Bats ain't a member of the Justice League no more," said Joker. "He's come over to our side."

Luthor stared at him. "I can't believe you actually fell for that story, Joker!" he snapped. "Of course he hasn't come over to our side! He's just using you to get to me, to find out where I am and what I'm up to! I've been avoiding Superman for weeks, so he's sent his little Bat-lackey to find me!"

"Hey, I'm not Superman's lackey!" snapped Batman.

"Yeah, of the two of them, he's the brains," agreed Joker. "And I think I know Bats a little better than you do, Lex. The fact is, he's become woke, as the kids say, and seen that our view of the world was right all along. So he's abandoning those super-powered weirdos to join the winning side."

"Joker, as much as I admire your optimism, no superhero has ever changed their view and joined our side," retorted Luthor. "They never have, and they never will."

"First time for everything," retorted Joker. "And Batsy was never a real superhero anyway. He doesn't have any special powers to beat people down with like the rest of those do-gooders."

"Actually, I do consider myself a real superhero," said Batman.

"Well, what's your super power?" asked Luthor.

Batman was silent. "Gadgets?" he said at last.

"I have those, and I'm not a superhero," snapped Luthor.

"You're a supervillain," pointed out Batman.

"Yes, but that's because I'm the antagonist of a superhero," said Luthor. "Or, you know, so-called superhero because he has super powers, not because he ever does anything actually heroic. You know what this latest battle for Metropolis was about? Some alien moron had come here to challenge Superman, so they got into a fight, and the city racked up millions in property damage. Explain how that's heroic. Anyway, Batman's not here to help us destroy Catwoman's animal sanctuary, being a paramour of hers, so kindly get him out."

"I'll go, after I finish helping out my buddy Joker, just like I promised," said Batman.

"See?" said Joker, sticking his tongue out at Luthor. "We are pals."

"You're not, and I'm not comfortable putting this plan into action while he's here," said Luthor. "So get him out."

"I'm going nowhere, except back to the car to help Joker bring those boxes in," said Batman.

"What boxes?" asked Luthor, puzzled.

"The boxes…we had to collect from Scarecrow, and Two-Face, and Catwoman," said Batman, slowly. "The gift boxes?"

"I don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about," snapped Luthor. "Gift boxes? Is this some kind of joke?"

"Actually, it is," said Joker, smiling at him. "And it's on you, Lexy! Nighty night!" he exclaimed, pulling a gun and firing a dart directly at Luthor. It hit him in the neck, and he slumped forward, instantly losing consciousness.

Batman looked from him to Joker. "Lex doesn't know about the boxes?" he asked. "So they're for an entirely separate scheme to the one you planned with him?"

"I'm afraid so," agreed Joker. "What can I say? I'm an unpredictable guy, and I hate to be boring. And speaking of unpredictable…"

He fired a dart at Batman, which embedded itself in his jaw before Batman could block it. "Sorry to do this to you, buddy - you're gonna have a bit of a headache later," he heard Joker's voice saying, seemingly from far away, as the image of Joker's beaming smile swam before his vision. "But it'll all be worth it when you wake up. You'll see!"

He blacked out to Joker's hysterical laughter.