Chapter Eight

Duncan, Bryce and Eleanor

Wynne,

Thank you for your letter, it is the first time I have been in Highever since it fell and the days aren't really falling where they're supposed to, what with working on Duncan's memorial and my sickness that hasn't really abated yet, but your letter has helped bring some normality.

I am glad that Zevran hasn't gone completely mad with power following our absence from Denerim and has at least had the foresight to ask our permission to let certain members of the guard go but some part of me does fear that he has already done so with just the guise of asking us with a ready made excuse for our return. Perhaps he will forget how to read?

Duncan's memorial is going well – the statue is in its later stages of completion – and we have chosen the site. It is just a stone's throw away from the ocean, easily to spot from any high point in Highever, which is where Alistair has taken to lurk, watching them build the foundations. I don't think he likes it in Highever. He seems to have so much on his mind, so despite me being so happy to back with my brother, I can't wait to come home and get my Alistair back.

I lowered my quill slowly and looked down at the parchment, chewing my lip in thought.

As for my health, I feel fine. As I mentioned before, my sickness hasn't changed but that also means it hasn't gotten worse. I'm fine. So kindly stop your worrying.

All my love.

Lily.

P.s. Tell Zevran Alistair says, and I quote "leave them alone you sticky fingered bastard." He said he'd know what that meant. Did you hide the crown jewels safely enough?

I left the glittering ink to dry and withdrew from my desk, wandering over to where Alistair stood at our balcony staring at the foundations of Duncan's memorial. He had said almost nothing during my letter home, which was meant to be a joint effort, only reawakening from his thoughts long enough to throw in the thinly veiled threat aimed at Zevran.

"Is it nice where you are?" I asked, wrapping my arms around him and pressing my cheek against his back.

"Yes, dear." He said, not tearing his eyes from the distance. He didn't even blink.

"I think you're thinking too much again."

"Yes, dear." I frowned a little. I did not appreciate being Yes Deared.

"Thinking doesn't suit you at all."

"Yes, dear."

"I'm leaving you and running away with the blind beggar outside."

"Yes dea- wait, what?" He blinked owlishly at me, a sight so endearing I forgot my annoyance.

I smiled sadly. "I'm still here, you know?" He nodded and smiled apologetically, drawing me against him and holding me tightly.

"I've just got a lot to think about. All I can think about is Duncan and you and home and the baby. So much is going on in my head and... that's never happened before. It's normally this big gaping void of idiocy." He grinned.

I put my hand against his face and his grin changed into a tender smile. "You're a blockhead, you know that right?" I told him.

"Noted."

Alistair and my brother had buried the hatchet pretty soon after their argument – in fact they both acted like what happened the night of our arrival hadn't actually happened at all and returned to being a pair of big boys with one another. I even caught them both sparring in the courtyard one afternoon after I had fallen asleep in the lounge, reading a book. I was glad they were getting along but, as time went on and Duncan's memorial began to near completion, Alistair almost totally stopped engaging in any human interaction, hardly slept and only played with any food he had on his plate, leaving his former new best friend reeling, confused and questioning his little sister.

I was sitting, once again, in the lounge, eating an apple and reading a book when I heard a gentle knock at the door, and I turned, seeing my brother stepping cautiously into a room that belonged to him anyway. I had snapped once or twice at Fergus over our stay in Highever and apparently I had become quite formidable since falling pregnant. I smiled at him and he relaxed.

"Good afternoon, Lils." He said to me softly.

I stretched and set aside my book as he entered the room properly and perched on a seat near me. I was lounging on one of the low sofas, not unlike those that had been bought into the palace in Denerim when my pregnancy became common knowledge, in the small spot of sunshine I had managed to find.

"Hello Fergus. I assume you're bothering me for a reason?" He smirked. He had responsibilities as the Teyrn of Highever so it was strange that he would take the time for an idle chat, especially during daylight hours. We had taken to talking more at dinner and before we all retired for the night.

He grimaced. "Pregnancy does not agree with you Lily. You're mean."

"I meant it with all the love and compassion in the world." I smiled, wrapped my arms around my growing bump and rested my head back, at ease and comfortable in the warmth. "What's the problem big brother? You have your worry face on."

"Your husband... Is he okay?"

I sighed. "He's mourning. He didn't really have much time to take stock just after Duncan's death and erecting a memorial in his name has brought it all rushing back." I looked at Fergus and his familiar scowl. "We have all lost so much but... in a way we have come to terms with our demons – I killed Howe myself, you have had the teyrnir to cultivate, the house to run... Alistair has had nothing to make peace with Duncan, up until now. He's making his peace... I doubt he'll be back to normal until we're back home."

"The statue is nearly complete isn't it?"

I nodded. "Alistair is overseeing it as we speak. The foundations are done and I think it's just the final touches and putting it in place. We'll leave once it's erected."

We were silent for a long while, both straying in our respective thoughts about those we have loved and lost.

Finally, after what seemed like an age, Fergus frowned a little and looked down at his clasped hands. "You know, after I rebuilt this place, I felt like I was somehow betraying mother and father, especially since not really anything remained of the original building, so... I... put something up... to honour them. My own little memorial, if you will."

I sat up suddenly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to make you sad." Fergus shrugged. "You have so much to think about now."

My face turned sad. "But I still want to see it. It doesn't matter if I am the Princess-consort, they are still my parents." Fergus stood up and offered me his hand, his face sombre.

"Come with me then. I will show you."

When I was younger, I loved the gardens that surrounded our home; but that was because the building itself and the courtyard it surrounded were so grey, bleak and cold, even in the summer. I would run through the long grass, just before it would be cut, chasing my mabari puppy, Tynian, who bounded in and out of bushes and shrubberies with his tongue lolling out in an expression of pure doggy joy. I would sit under the trees and braid daisy-chains into the servant girls' hair. I loved the gardens.

I was gratified to see that they had hardly changed. Fergus led me down the old worn path, the same path on which I had fallen and grazed my knee when I was younger, and down to where the duck pond used to be, the same pond in which I had fallen in and Fergus rescued me when I was six. The pond was still there but it seemed smaller compared to the vast glittering, sparkling mirror I remembered from my youth and now sported a pristine white bridge which we crossed to approach a small clearing amongst low rosebushes. My brother gently held my hand as we crossed the bridge and led me to the clearing, his grip sure and calm, the exact opposite to what I felt – alarmed by the nostalgia of being in my favourite place when I was so young – especially as I was now married and expecting my first child. It was difficult and I was definitely not prepared for what I was about to see.

An old Cousland shield, my father's if I was not mistaken, had been placed lovingly upon a plinth with a small wooden plaque with the names Bryce and Eleanor Cousland carved on in simple but beautiful script. It was not over the top and it was not gaudy, but it was exactly as my mother and father would have wanted it. If they wanted something to be leftover from their lives it would be this. This beautiful memory, quiet and unassuming in the gardens their whole family adored.

I walked forwards slowly and placed a hand upon the wood. "Hello mother, hello father." I smiled. "I suppose it's been a long time." I sighed. I never really got to say a proper goodbye to my parents and I would never get a chance to say another thing to them and have them hear it but if they could hear me and if they were anywhere, it would be here. In this place. Now.

"I'm fine. Everything is fine. I'm alive and well and happy." I smiled. "Mother, you don't have to worry anymore. I'm married to a wonderful man, the king if you really want to know, but I met him as a Grey Warden, at Ostagar and yes, father, that does mean he can protect me. And he has. There was this one time when this Darkspawn Hurlock came running at me and–"

I couldn't say how long I talked for, with Fergus standing patiently behind me as I yammered on and on about everything that had happened since they died. I told them about my wedding, about killing the Archdemon myself, about the Deep Roads and about my baby. I promised I would take care of my brother as much as I was able and I told them that I loved them and missed them so much it hurt. I cried so much my head hurt and I laughed so much I could hardly breathe, imagining their shocked faces and their tear-filled and proud faces at all I had accomplished.

I was brought from my own world by a presence beside me that I had not felt when I begun talking to my dead parents.

I looked up into the face of my husband, tired and drawn but looking down on me with a kind, understanding smile. I did not quite realise that I had fallen to my knees but he pulled me up slowly and gently before taking a step toward the plinth and bowing, once.

"My Lord and Lady." He said softly in his normally teasing voice, only this time he was more serious than I had ever seen him. Even at court he had a humorous edge to his voice, teasing and always half-sarcastic. "My name is Alistair. I am a Grey Warden of Ferelden and I have come to your home from the capital with the express intent of asking for your daughter's hand in marriage." He smiled back at me. "I have known Lily for a while and it did not take me long to discover that she is a kind, courageous and beautiful woman and I would be a fool if I let her slip away from me. I know it may seem untoward, especially as I have never met you in person before but I humbly ask your permission to wed her. I promise I will keep her warm and safe, happy and content until I die..." He sighed. "This is what I would have said to you, had I chance to do so... But, however belated, I do offer these promises with as much weight and hope as I would have done if I were asking your permission to marry Lily. I will keep her warm, safe, happy and content until I die... there is nothing I would rather do in this life. I'm very sorry I should never have chance to meet you and regretful that you will never know your grandchild either. We should have loved being part of your loving house. Sleep well and Maker bless you." He gave a final bow and turned back to me.

I didn't have any words. Well, I had lots of words but none that could really justify how much the man standing before me truly meant to me. So I just smiled and he smiled in return and reached toward me to take my shaking hand, pulling me forward.

We stood in silence for a long while, his arms warding off the winter chill while listening to the birds sing with the rustling of the trees overhead as an accompaniment to their harmonies before I looked up at him. He was studying the Cousland shield with a thoughtful frown on his face. "You gave me one like this," he stated, after a while.

I nodded, struck by the sudden memory, gratified that he remembered. "It was in the vault... we found it when... when..." I sighed. "It wasn't doing much good sitting in my pack, I thought you should have it. You got some use out of it. Protecting your soft head." I said the latter with a small smile so he would know I was joking and he had the decency to offer a mock hurt expression at my half-hearted insult.

"I didn't realise it was so precious to you." He nodded. "Thank you."

I smiled and then struck by a sudden thought. "Is the statue finished?"

He nodded slowly. "You should see it." He told me. "It looks just like him... The foundations are done and all that is left to do now is just put it into place. It will be done tomorrow."

"Can I come see?"

"When it's finished, definitely. Right now, I just want to do this, it's my own little proper goodbye to him." He looked a trifle embarrassed but I understood. He left me to do my own mourning, so I should let him do the same, I would give him all the time he needed.

I slept easily that night, for the first time in what seemed like years, warm in my bed curled in the arms of my husband and I awoke feeling refreshed and unfortunately alone.

I hated it when he left me when I was sleeping.

Still refreshed, but perhaps now slightly grumpy, I swung out of bed, donned one of my thicker maternity dresses, knowing I was about to step out into the chill that was Ferelden fast approaching wintertime for an extended amount of time. I knew Ferelden very well. In the summer... it was cold. In the wintertime... It was even colder. I shoved my feet into woollen slippers, threw on a large woollen cardigan I had the foresight to pack and went off in search of my husband, brother or failing them, breakfast.

Fergus found me twenty minutes later in the dining hall with a bowl of porridge and he joined me, chatting about normal things until we finished and went about our day.

It was late into the afternoon when Alistair made his reappearance. I was in my favourite haunt, in the library where I always ended up when I was lacking in both husband and brother departments. Normally, I would be accompanied by one or two of the female servants though on that day I was alone and leafing through a book I was sure I had read at some point in my adolescence. A soppy romance about an elf in the circle of the magi falling for a templar. Forbidden love almost used to make my heart flutter when I was younger.

As he opened the door and entered, I threw down my book and, as fast as I was able in my circumstances, crossed the room to him.

His cheeks were pink and his nose was cold when I kissed him in greeting, cupping his face in my hands.

He gasped appreciatively when I touched him. "Oh! Your hands are warm!" He pressed my hands closer to his cheeks. "Warm haaaands. Warm Lilyyyyy. Waaarrm is gooooood."

I smiled. He was starting to sound like himself again.

"Is it finished?" I asked him. I slipped my hands out from under his, only to place them back on top of them in a lame attempt to warm him up further. My hands were so much smaller than his. "You are like ice."

He nodded, a twinkle in his eye. "Do you want to see?"

"Are you sure you want to go back out there? You feel so cold."

"Well it is cold out there." He grinned and looked down at me. "Wrap up warm and come with me. I want you to see this."

It was cold on the hilltop. We stood together, huddled against the wind while both looking up at the statue that had painstakingly made and placed upon the foundations. The team that had actually created the statue were there also – older men and women, those who actually remembered Duncan from the time he actually lived in Highever, a time that was apparently short-lived. We did not know how he lived when he and his family lived in Orlais but we wanted to honour the beginning of his life, and mourn it ending.

It was remarkable at how close the craftsmen had managed to create the Grey Warden's likeness. His stance and maybe his muscles were a little off but his face – his face was so … so Duncan that it stopped my breath – almost entirely.

I remembered him. I didn't know him quite as well as Alistair but on our journey from Highever to Ostagar, Duncan was pretty much all I had. He kept me sane after the destruction of my family. My home. Duncan was my friend. And I missed him.

Flutter.

I froze.

Oh. Oh. Oh Maker.

I suddenly reached out to Alistair and it was to his credit that he directed an alarmed look at me almost instantly.

"Lily, what is it?" He asked me urgently.

I knew words wouldn't be enough so I just took his hand and placed it flat on my bump, my eyes not leaving his face. One second. Two. Three. His eyes widened, amazed, and he turned to face me properly, his other hand coming up on the opposite side as if he could cradle our child while it was still within me. Slowly, Alistair sank to his knees as I felt the tiny thump again and pressed his lips to the fabric of my gown. He then looked up at me, adoration in his eyes. "The baby..."

"It's moving." I finished, my voice thick with emotion.

When we had left Denerim, Wynne had checked me over and had told me I was nearing the time we would start feeling movement but I didn't really think it would be like this, at this time. But part of me was still worrying about the taint in my blood and that my child was not as healthy as it would be if Alistair and I hadn't been Grey Wardens. With the first kick that part of me had finally been silenced and I knew it was the same for Alistair.

Our baby was fine and currently kicking the hell out of its father's hands.

We stood like this for a long moment, up until a polite clearing of the throat alerted us to Fergus' arrival. Without hesitation, Alistair stood up, grasped Fergus' hand and placed it on the spot where the baby had been kicking. "Feel." He instructed. He then stepped back, grinning like an idiot.

My brother's reaction was as could be expected – overwhelmed and yet oddly sad, remembering Oriana pregnant with Oren... so long ago.

Me, my husband and my brother stood in the shadow of Duncan, the Grey Warden, marvelling over new life while mourning the still painful loss of our previous mentor.

Thanks to:

jBrand625: Thank you! Sorry for the wait again! Keep reading and I hope you enjoy. If you hadn't guessed by now I like tenderness and togetherness lol!

Jackattack456: Here's more then! I try to keep them all IC as much as possible – and you're right... the way Bioware portrayed him, he was hilarious :)

Lightan117: Hoping for more tears now with this chapter! Lots of memories and snuggles :) Thank you for being a continuous reader and reviewer :) It means a lot to me.

Saga Svanhildr: Yeah... Well I'm getting slightly better at updating now... slightlyyyy. Well I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thanks again for reviewing!