The wind rustling through the university kicked into a tempest as Tiffany screamed towards the campus. Students attending evening classes startled and pointed to the incoming ball of white light and, just as it seemed the burning missile would crash, the wind died and it winked out of sight.
Over the mumble of puzzled students, no one caught the tiny cries of a winged girl tumbling and rolling over the grassy lawn like a stray football.
Tiffany wrestled her way out of the dead, feathery wings tangled around her body like drag chutes, pausing to rub the feeling of whiplash from her neck. Guess even fairy drugs make you pay for overdosing. The supersonic flight had used up her extra kick of magic and her new wings had torn off in the impact. She was back to her pink hair and dragonfly wings, and she stood in front of her destination: the Zeta Alpha Epsilon fraternity house. Audrey's in there. She wanted to race inside but, still disoriented from the fall, Tiffany opted to limp gingerly to the three-story house's porch and carefully press herself through the front door.
Inside, the blast of rock music only disoriented her further. The living room was filthy, a mess of beer cans and hanging party streamers. Colourful flower leis, on closer inspection. A gaggle of boys were crowded around the TV, some playing a video game shooter and the others cheering on their friends. No sign of Audrey, but her eyes lingered on a corkboard collage of passed out, half-naked girls. Each polaroid was tagged with a name and date like it was a hunting trophy. This is seriously creepy. I thought Marco cleaned up this place!
Tiffany made her way up the stairs, hovering to avoid touching the stained carpets. As with Nikki, she needed no Huniebee to guide her, just the thump of dance music reverberating from Marco's third floor room. She had a good idea of why Audrey had detoured from the date schedule and she wasn't looking forward to this 'I told you so' moment. With arms hugged to her chest, Tiffany phased through Marco's door and gagged at the sight inside.
Marco's room had been converted into an impromptu dance floor with an iPod speaker blaring music and a plug-in disco ball painting the walls with rainbow dots. Five other guys were crammed between the desk and bed, and Audrey stood in the center of the pack making an absolute spectacle of herself: her backside grinding against one boy's jeans, her chin tilted to the ceiling and her mouth guzzling down a beer to the thumping chorus of "chug, chug, chug!"
Tiffany massaged her forehead. No surprises here. Audrey Belrose, an exceptional girl given a once in a lifetime ticket to ride the train of true love, and she'd yanked the emergency handbrake so she could get drop-dead drunk with Marco's frat buddies.
The crowd cheered: Audrey had just polished off her latest liquid conquest. The redheaded vixen wiped her mouth and let out a mean, reverberating belch that sent the boys into a frenzy and got her howling like a hyena.
"My friend," she slurred, "wud be soooo pissed if sh'saw me now! No wait, lemmie try tha' again." She stifled her giggles and switched to her sweet voice. "She'd be like, totally in a tiff! Audrey, you gotta like, be all sweet 'n nice! No drinking, Audrey! Well go suck a dick, bitch! You're not the boss of me!"
The boys howled and raised their bottles. Tiffany's cheeks burned.
"Hmm, so who's got my nex' drink?" Audrey's shaky fingers danced over the three grinning boys on the bed, each cradling an open beer bottle between their legs. The redhead settled on the spiky-haired one in the middle and started her show, dropping to her knees and seductively crawling forward, hands shimmying up his legs while the other boys egged her own. With exaggerated slowness, Audrey wrapped her tongue around the bottle and slid her lips down the narrow neck. Audrey bobbed her head and pretended to moan for the boys' amusement, then, with a quick snap of her neck, she flicked the bottle out and upside-down and let the contents glug down her throat while the boys hooted. She lost her balance, of course, tumbling on her backside and scattering her legs, but she kept chugging till she spat out the empty bottle and hooted too.
"Fuck, yeah – no hands! Yeah, you boys like that shit, don'cha? Hey, Marky Mark, yer friends're all real fuckin' perverts!"
Marco! Tiffany spotted him tucked in the corner, jotting notes in his black book and monitoring his date's debauchery like a dispassionate researcher. Tiffany took his silence for a look of appalment. She could only imagine the disappointing journal he was recording. Date boozed up on restaurant wine and hijacked our romantic evening. Dragged me to a convenience store for cheap beer (and made me carry it), then insisted I show her around the frat. Not repeating this mess.
The party appeared beyond his control but at least he was ever the gentleman. Audrey's purse hung around his shoulder; he'd probably confiscated it to keep her from sending any drunk texts on her phone.
Back at the dance floor, the boys were already queueing up the next bottles for their female entertainment, who snorted at their display. "M'friend would luv you guys," Audrey told the boys. "S'thinks she's hot shit. Mizz Know-it-All, all squeaky-clean. You aughta see the freaky shit she keeps in 'er room. Jus' as raunchy as you horn-dogs."
If they hadn't all been so drunk they might have noticed the angry sparks jumping off Tiffany's wings. So this is what I am to you – a punchline for your stupid parties. Audrey seemed to fancy herself some raunchy, stand-up comedian, slinging insults at her audience and winning their respect with her wit. The boys laughed, but Tiffany could see it was at their own private joke. They didn't care how badly this girl trashed them so long as they could enjoy the sexy drunk girl putting on a skin show for them.
Audrey readied another salvo of Tiffany gossip. "Kay, m'friend –" but she wobbled and barely caught herself against Marco's desk. "Wha' th'fuck! Shit, a girl's gonna break 'er neck in these heels." Steadying herself against the desk, she raised a shoe to pick at the buckle strap, sliding her skirt up in the process. The spiky-haired boy whistled, and Audrey cocked an eyebrow.
"Oh, you boys like that, huh?" Tiffany clapped her hands to her eyes. No, Audrey, no! Beside her, Marco stiffened.
But there was no stopping Audrey now that she'd found a new game. Plopping down in Marco's chair, she started playing with the straps of her shoe, teasing out her heel and letting the shoe dangle from her toes as the catcalls crescendoed. When she finally let it drop, the crowd roared. "One more, girl! One more!"
Audrey bent her chest into her thighs and slid her fingers down her calves, tugging the last shoe once, twice, off! Then she raised the shoe to her face and licked her tongue over the heel, trying to act sexy but gagging over the taste of leather. It was good enough for the boys, so she kept slobbering like a puppy while taunting the simple-minded jocks. "Yeah, you dicks live fer this shit, don'tcha?"
"Keep it comin', babe!"
Tiffany couldn't look away from the train wreck, equal parts furious and embarrassed for her friend. Audrey had her hand up her skirt and was wiggling her hips as she fumbled for the band of her nylons. In her mind she must have looked so desirable, turning around and bending her backside at the boys while she slid the leggings to her knees. Halfway through, the drunk girl tumbled splat on the floor, shrieking with laughter as though she were on a spinning carnival ride. The boys on the bed tried to help her out, pulling her stockings off from her toes, and Audrey laughed and squirmed like she was a kindergartener in a tug-of-war match. It was all a game to her.
"Take it all off," another boy hooted once Audrey got back onto her bare legs. In the corner, Marco chewed tensely on his thumb.
"Tha' wha' you boys want?" Audrey turned her back to them, grinding her hips and grinning like a loon while her fingers teased toward the zipper clasp at her neck. Thumb and forefinger plucked up the metal tongue and gave a half-inch tug – the boys wolf-whistled – then another – they howled – peeling open her dress just above her bra.
Audrey glanced over her shoulder and waved her hand for more noise. The boys roared at her to keep going. One hand grabbed the zipper again; the other slid to her leg and started bunching up her skirt and exposing her silky thigh. "More?" she purred.
The response deafened Tiffany.
"NAW!" Zipper and skirt yanked back into place. "You boys ain't getting' shit," Audrey taunted, blowing a raspberry at her crowd.
Now the tide turned. The boys pelted their teaser with hisses and boos, (the spiky-haired boy shouted "Boo-urns!"), grumbling at the cruel and abrupt ending. Marco seemed to have reached his limit. He switched off the music and muscled his way to the door. "Show's over, guys. Clear out."
The boys moaned and complained, but they all obeyed - grabbing their drinks, filing to the door and delivering Marco fist bumps and "good lucks" before leaving. Marco shut the door and, in her corner, Tiffany sighed in relief. Time for saner heads to re-take control of this evening and get Audrey home safely.
Audrey was still laughing to herself and twirling in circles, but the high was coming down. "Tha' waz fun. You have fun, Marky? Yer friends're silly, Marky."
"They're a bunch of idiots," the fraternity leader noted, "but they're loyal, and they know when to follow orders." He met Audrey in the center of the room but the redhead breezed past him.
"Friends. Tha' mus' be nice. Wish I had some. You wanna be friends, Marky?"
Marco didn't answer. "You're chatty when you're drunk, aren't you?"
"Ahm, th' party bus tha' never stops," Audrey giggled, stopping only when her ankles wobbled again. "Shit, this is gonna hurt in th' morning. Where's my purse, Marky? You seen my purse?"
The athlete's foot shoved something under the bed. "Dunno. You probably dropped it downstairs." Audrey mumbled something foul and did her best to navigate the spinning room to the door. The knob rattled in her fingers.
"S'locked," she muttered, puzzling over the door like it was a stalled car in need of a boost. While she fought the knob impotently, Marco's shadow loomed over Audrey and the redhead wobbled to face him.
He smiled coldly. "I thought we could use some privacy."
Tiffany tensed up. Even after seeing the real Audrey cut loose, he still wanted to spend time with her? Well, he is a boy, she countered. At the door, Audrey swallowed slowly, her eyes small and sober. Marco stood so close their chests brushed with every inhale, and he wasn't moving. She tried cracking a laugh. "Party fer two. Kinda borin', am I right?"
Marco only leaned closer, brushing a strand of Audrey's hair. The redhead spun and tried the door again.
Marco scooped an arm around Audrey's waist, pinning her arms in his bear-like grip. Bending over, he nipped his teeth into the back of her neck. Audrey stiffened and gasped.
"You looked so sexy doing your dance," he growled. Audrey's zipper squeaked down her back and Marco's lips wandered from her neck to her shoulder blades. "No reason we can't keep going, hmm?"
Tiffany averted her eyes. Time to give them some privacy. A night of drunken sex in a frat house wasn't her ideal ending, but insisting on her plans was what had caused Nikki so much grief. If this was how Audrey preferred to close her evenings, at least she'd paired her friend with a decent guy. Though I never expected Marco would be so aggressive. The boy was really getting into it, his hand worming through the open back of her dress and wandering over Audrey's stomach.
She'd seen too much already and meant to phase out, but Audrey's reactions made Tiffany stop and look again. Her friend's body had gone stiff, hit with that same paralysis Tiffany had witnessed when Marco leaned over to kiss her in his car. Audrey sucked air in fitful, frightened gasps like she was hyperventilating. "Marky? Hey, t-time out, 'kay? I need -"
Marco's teeth pinched her collar until Audrey squeaked. "I know what you need," he growled, hands wandering lower.
Audrey tried again. "I … I have to use the bathroom! I gotta go!"
"Yeah, I've heard that one before."
"I mean it, I'm gonna piss all over the rug!"
Marco scanned her panicked eyes for sincerity, weighing a clean carpet against his cravings. Finally, with an irritated grunt, he pushed her away. "Third door on the left. Hurry up."
Audrey's face told that she desperately wanted to escape the room, but just standing took a terrible effort. She teetered with arms out, leaning against the wall to keep her balance. Tiffany scanned the empty bottles littering the room. Just how many of those did she drink?
While Audrey searched for her center of gravity, Marco paced the floor, eyeing her loosened dress and the trail of bare skin running down to her hips. His hands snatched the fabric at her neck. One tug – the dress ripped from her shoulders. Another – the fabric tore to her waist and a final yank sent it puddling at her ankles. Marco planted a foot over the dress and waited for Audrey to step out of her clothes. "Don't go anywhere," he whispered into her ear.
Audrey wobbled through the door and into a crowd of hooting boys and flashing camera phones. She startled, hid her face and forced her way through the crowd of boys hungry to snap her picture or to grab at her skin. Tiffany tried to keep the worst at bay, shoving away the wandering hands.
Audrey slammed and bolted the bathroom door. Tiffany phased in after her and watched.
Once Audrey caught her breath she started scanning the room for exits. There was a small window above the toilet but it was only wide enough to let fresh air through. Audrey tried standing on the throne and opening the screen anyway but the frame was barred to keep pigeons from roosting. Her face fell in a crushing defeat and she sank onto the toilet, shivering.
Seeing Audrey alone, quaking and stripped to her underwear stunned Tiffany. She'd always assumed the redhead dressed exclusively in lacy lingerie: alluring red and black bras accompanied by the barest string of a matching thong, but Audrey's underwear was shockingly plain – white cotton with nothing but a black pinprick of a ribbon as decoration. This was the best she had for her date night. She's the same as me underneath.
"I just don't get you, Audrey."
"Tiffany?" Audrey face lit up as though she beheld a holy angel; she stood and tried to grab the fairy. Tiffany patted at her bare face and remembered how she'd thrown away her butterfly mask. Mortified, she switched to full invisible, leaving Audrey to phase through her and grope blindly on the floor.
"Jessie," Audrey corrected herself, panic and relief mingling in her voice. "Jessie, you gotta help me."
"I've tried, Audrey, but I'm honestly at my limit. I set you up with a caring guy and you complain he's too nice. You drink yourself stupid and strip for a bunch of strangers, then you freak out when a guy who likes you tries to be intimate."
"Please, Jess, you gotta tell me what to do!"
Yeah, because that strategy's had a good record. "Audrey, you need to figure out what it is that you want."
Her friend gave a panicked whine. "I'm talking about Marco! He wants to … to do it with me!" The word 'sex' was suddenly too frightening to utter. "What'm I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to put my hands? Am I supposed to talk dirty or just shut up? I don't know what to do!"
"Well don't look at me; you're the expert who sleeps with a different guy every night."
Audrey's fist hammered the floor. "You just love rubbing that in my face, don't you? You've been hounding me since day one; you think I don't feel shitty enough without you reminding me?"
"About what?"
"That I've never had sex with anyone!"
Had she been visible, Audrey would have seen the fairy's eyes bugged out wider than dinner plates. "You?" A virgin? "But, but all those stories –"
"What d'you think? I made it all up! I've never had sex, never given head, never even jerked off a guy!" Audrey wiped her eyes. "I haven't kissed a guy since high school, dammit."
Audrey puddled on the floor and Tiffany kneeled over her friend. "Audrey, why didn't you –"
"Tell you?" the redhead finished. "You think anyone's impressed by some rich, know-nothing daddy's-girl? That they wanna hang out with a loser who's got nothing better to do than shop and feed her fish? Nobody gives a shit about me if I'm not wild or crazy messed-up! Not the boys, not the girls; not even my friends!"
A sob choked out of Audrey's throat and she curled up on the floor, a miserable shadow of the girl Tiffany had admired. Audrey Belrose – life of the party, master of her destiny, and so terribly desperate for approval that she'd turned her life into one of the theatre performances she adored. I haven't learned anything, Tiffany realized. Still seeing only what she wanted, never asking the hard questions, like why her friend always went clubbing alone, or why she never followed through on her flirtations. Assuming that her friends could stand strong without her, when she was the only support they had.
Tiffany reached out and touched her fingers to Audrey's shoulder. The redhead swatted her away. "Don't touch me. You say you're helping me but then you leave me like every other bitch I've met. The minute they get a taste of something better," she snapped her fingers, "gone!"
No. This ends now. "I've never left you, Audrey." Audrey – she held the name close to her heart and let her veil slip away. "I've done a lousy job of it lately, but I've always got your back."
Her words made Audrey stop everything and look up, meeting a sad smile and blue eyes that no amount of pink hair or fairy wings could disguise. "Tiffany?"
She nodded, and stripped off the stupid kitty ear headband and the ridiculous cat paw gloves. "Yeah, it's me, Audrey."
"But, but how'd you –?"
"That's a long story, and I think I'd better save it for when you sober up." She wiped a stray bang from Audrey's face. "God, I really wish you didn't drink so much."
That pricked a nerve. "I drank because you left me on my own! I needed t'settle my nerves after my fairy godmother ditched me, so when Marco offered, I pounded down that cocktail." She swallowed. "Then he got me another. Said I should loosen up, that he likes a girl who can have fun. An' you told me this was my last chance t'impress him, so –"
"So you took him on a beer run?"
Audrey jabbed a wobbly finger in objection. "Marco bought that shit, not me! Said we should go hang with his buddies, play a few drinkin' games, and I'm like why not? A'least one of us has friends who'll stick around."
Marco bought all that beer? Tiffany examined Audrey's eyes, black and baggy as the evening she'd drunk half a liquor cabinet out of desperation. "He wanted you to drink this much?"
"Said he'd match me," Audrey slurred. "Kept sayin' I should have another, 'n that it waz okay, cause he felt all right."
Of course he'd feel sober; he's over six feet tall and with an athlete's metabolism! This evening hadn't taken a detour, it had gone exactly as planned. "Oh my god, Audrey, I'm so sorry." They had to leave. Now. "Audrey, try to stand up. You need to hold on to me as tightly as you can." She regularly phased her clothing and fairy equipment through walls; surely she could do the same with another person. Right?
Well, the warmth from Audrey hugging against her chest gave her the courage to try. At the very worst she'd pass through the wall empty-handed and have to try something else. "Here goes…" Tiffany's wings hummed them into the air and she charged the bathroom wall.
The bang against her head didn't hurt quite so much as the surprise of hitting the solid wall and tumbling to the floor. "Wha' th'fuck?" Audrey groaned.
"What's going on?" Tiffany shot up in a heartbeat, patting her hands against the bathroom walls, hunting for the secret switch that would let her squeeze through. "I can't phase!" Was her magic running low? She popped open the hourglass necklace for a boost and gasped.
Empty. In her mad rush to find Audrey she'd swallowed the last of Kyu's fairy pills. She'd reached her limit.
"Shiii… wha's happenin' t'yer wings?"
Audrey's voice focused her on a sound like winter ice splintering under footsteps. Tiffany threw herself at the bathroom mirror, starring in horror as spider web cracks raced through her dragonfly wings and drops of pink dye pooled at the tips of her bangs.
"Not like this…"
Regular transformations had never hurt since that first day in the hospital but tonight, Tiffany ached to her very soul. She muttered desperate prayers as her wings crumbled and shattered against the ground. She clutched at her skin as the fairy glamour flaked from her limbs and pressed at her scalp as though she could hold in the magic dribbling through her fingers like pink blood. Jessie the love fairy burst into a heap of sparkling dust and coloured water, and in her remains stood Tiffany Maye, the worthless, leftover stem of a wilted rose.
"Shit, it really is you." Though her friend looked more familiar than ever, Audrey's voice was frightened and unsure. She's right to be scared, Tiffany thought as she stared at her newly blonde locks and her bare shoulders. Jessie the fairy godmother had been Audrey's only chance out of this mess and now, all she could offer was a post-midnight Cinderella. They were trapped.
Have we been here long? Maybe it wasn't too late. "Maybe if we still hurry we can –"
A violent bang on the door cut that thought. "Audrey! What's the hold up?"
Audrey paled and scrambled to the corner like a bug. "He's gonna hurt me," she whimpered.
Furious, Tiffany seized Audrey by the wrist and forced her to stand. "He's not laying a finger on you." She scanned the room. No way out but through the door and Marco, nothing useful inside beyond toothpaste and shaving lotion. Nothing on her body but a sketchy dress and her fairy belt.
No. That wasn't all she had.
"Audrey, stay close to me. I'm opening the door."
She had a plan.
She saw Marco's eyes widen in surprise when the door ripped open from inside, but that shock morphed into all-out bewilderment once he met her determined glare.
"Maye?" he exclaimed. "Tiffany Maye from the cheer squad? How the hell'd you …? What're you doing here?"
Did he dare play the fool with her? Tiffany stomped forward, left arm at her back guarding Audrey, the other jabbing a finger at Marco's chest. "What am I doing? What about you? You were supposed to take Audrey on a romantic night on the town, not this creep zone. I'm taking Audrey home, Marco."
She wasn't too surprised when the athlete's huge arm barricaded the doorway. "My girl's had a bit too much to drink, Maye. She needs to chill somewhere safe while she sleeps it off."
"Oh, and that's with you?"
"Better me than you, Maye. Belrose can't keep her mouth shut once she starts drinking, and she's been yammering all night about what a bitch you've been to her."
Tiffany's thoughts swam through all conversations she'd shared with this boy after football games; how kind and genuine his smile had seemed. "Marco, what's going on here? This isn't like you. You're this sweet, nice guy who takes care of others and volunteers at the animal shelter."
He chuckled at that last one. "Yeah, all that kitten crap really gets the ladies wet. What can I say, Maye? I like to keep a tight reputation."
"And this is where it all goes? So you can get your date drunk and try to take advantage of her?"
"I didn't hear a 'no'."
"Well she didn't say 'yes' either!"
They traded angry glares until Marco suddenly broke off in laughter, like this stand-off was nothing but an absurd joke. "Sorry, it's just," he paused to retrieve his black dating book and read a page. "Tiffany Maye. Second year – academic, animal lover; uptight little prude. Now, here you are, standing up for Audrey Belrose, the biggest slut on campus!"
Tiffany's stomach tightened into knots. He's got a profile on me in there?
"Do you even know who this girl is, Maye? I've heard all the stories – flirting with anything that moves, fucking random guys left and right; drops you once your wallet and your dick are dry. Hell, I booze her up, I lay her down; I'm just giving Belrose the night she wants!"
Audrey peeped up from behind. "I, I don't want –"
"Oh, what? You wanna put on that 'good girl' routine again? Bitch, you stole my wallet just so you could get close and get some of what I've got; don't bullshit me now! You can dress up nice, act all sweet and innocent but that doesn't change what you are: a god-damn whore!"
Audrey crumpled under the accusations, but Tiffany only felt her resolve harden. Staring down Marco felt like staring into a mirror, and now she understood why, when she'd threatened Kyu with violence, the fairy had looked at her with such pity and disgust.
"You don't know a god-damn thing about Audrey," she hissed. "How much she loves going to the theatre and spending time with her grandmother; all the care she puts into looking after her fish! She raises seahorses; did you know that? And do you know how much she loves to sing?"
She felt her heart spilling forth in a tsunami of words but her appeals crashed weightlessly against Marco. The only effect they had on the jock was to make his lips twitch as he fought back another wave of laughter. "Why am I wasting my time with you, Maye? Unless you're looking to get fucked like this bitch, get the hell outta my house!"
He tried to move in again. "I'll tell everyone about you," Tiffany fired. Marco shrugged off the assault.
"Tell whoever the fuck you want. God knows those three bitches from last year yacked their pretty heads off after I bent them over, but I'm still here, and y'know why? It's all about reputation."
Marco gestured to himself like he was a museum exhibit. "Me? I'm the UOG golden boy. My talent brings in donations; new students and their tuition. The admin's gonna bend over backwards to keep me playing football. Plus, my boys," he jerked a thumb to the hall of doors, "will all back up my story. Belrose got drunk and was begging for it. Who are you, Maye? Just some uptight ditz whose whore friend got what was coming to her."
Tiffany had a hard time responding, her teeth just wouldn't separate from their lock-jawed gnashing. But she calmed herself enough to give a dark smile. "You're right," she nodded. "It's just your word against mine."
The left hand she'd kept at her back raised the Huniebee and rewound its recording app until Marco's voice shouted over the tiny speaker – less you're looking to get fucked like this bitch, get the hell outta my – and she watched the jock's pupils narrow to pinpoints.
"So let's say it loud and proud."
She stepped into the hallway and Marco staggered from her phone like it was Kryptonite. Tiffany pressed her opening and pulled Audrey with her, stepping backwards to keep Marco in view. The boy gaped blankly at them, probably watching his life flash before his eyes, but as they neared the staircase, Marco woke from his trance with furious eyes and growled.
"Give me the phone, Maye."
"Tiff…" Audrey gripped her shoulder like a safety railing. Turning sideways and keeping one hand on her friend, Tiffany holstered her phone and whipped out the purple pheromone vial like a can of mace.
"Stay away from us, Marco."
The ruse only worked for a second. Marco hung back, weighing the sprinting distance, the chemical pain and her reaction speed, but when Audrey wobbled her first foot onto the staircase, the jock knew he was out of options. He lunged after them.
Tiffany's trigger finger squeezed and shot him right across the eyes. Marco cried out and clawed at his face, but he was only suffering from reflexive panic, and very quickly realized that the liquid in his eyes was harmless as water.
"What the hell, perfume?" To Tiffany, the spray was odorless but the frat leader sniffed the air after some phantom stench. "Baked … beans?"
Then the pheromones wormed into Marco's brain and the jock seized up, eyes pale and panicked. Sweat ran from his forehead, tremors shook through his legs and his hands grabbed at his stomach like it was about to burst from his belly. "Oh god…" he gasped. Marco's pupils narrowed to a single pinprick, and his brain narrowed to a similarly singular need. He bolted for the bathroom – Tiffany heard the jingling of zippers and the rattling of porcelain seats and then –
Boom.
Tiffany had been wondering how the purple vial worked; how it convinced the brain to bring about the immediate cessation of all dating activities. Did it switch off your emotional centers and turn you into a disinterested zombie? Perhaps it flooded the brain with fear, making the client too cowardly to continue relations? No, she'd been thinking too kindly. The love fairies understood that there was one universal turn-off that all cultures and people reacted to with revulsion and shame, and they'd weaponized it in the name of protecting mankind's dating pool.
Waves of sound and stench made the girls gag and pinch their noses. An abrupt, wet and drawn-out trill like the blast from a whoopee cushion. A poisonous perfume of rotten eggs, refried beans and sour milk and, from Marco's throat, the shrill, hope-abandoning scream of a man being dragged to hell as his bowels succumbed to a bout of instantaneous and explosive diarrhea.
Or, as Audrey surmised through her alcohol-inebriated brain, "Holy shit, he crapped his pants!"
Tiffany's thoughts spiraled into the past. Oh my god, I almost used this on Nikki!
They froze for what seemed like hours, noses clamped shut so they wouldn't fall off their faces. Finally, gasps of relief, the flush of spinning water, and the wasted panting of a man crawling on hands and knees. Marco dragged his way to the door, jeans around his knees and very little to show beneath his shirt. Literally, very little.
"Whaddid you do to me," Marco gasped. "Whaddid you –" and that was as far as he managed before round two kicked in and he heaved chunks all over the floor. Tiffany gagged and backed away from the spreading, pea soup green pond. Audrey just stared mutely, the horrors magnified by her drunken state. Tears watered from Marco's eyes and snot dribbled down his nose as every orifice of his body flipped the emergency release switch. And, oh yes, judging by the dark patch spreading over his boxers, there were no exceptions.
By that point all the hallway doors had opened and frat boys streamed into the hall, some puzzled by the yelling, others disgusted by the smell and looking for answers. All of them made a full stop and, seeing Marco collapsed in his own vomit and feces, started laughing their heads off.
"S'not funny!" Marco roared, breaking off to vomit again. "Call th' -" urp! "-hospital, you shitheads! Call the ... no, don't take pictures, you assholes!" Thbbpt! "I swear to god, if you Instagram this shit I'll -" Blechh! Marco cowered and backpedaled into the bathroom like a hideous troll retreating under his bridge. The frat boy mob huddled at the door in pursuit.
Bastards, Tiffany grimaced, remembering how they'd hooted and paraded around Audrey. She sprayed a thick mist of purple over the boys and pulled Audrey down the staircase, stopping every few steps to freshen the air. By the time they made it to the front porch, the frat house wailed with the screams and moans of multiple digestive systems hitting their panic alerts and engaging emergency evacuation.
Tiffany slammed the door on it all. They were free.
"Tiff?" That's right, it's not over yet. Audrey shivered on the porch in her underwear, staring at her unmasked friend. Her eyes were reliving every magical visitation, every intimate secret shared with the fairy stranger; every argument fought with her absentee friend. Jessie and Tiffany, two confounding puzzles she now had to reassemble into a single whole. "Tiffany?" she repeated.
"Yeah, it's me, Audrey. It's a long story but –"
"You bitch!" Audrey's right hook knocked Tiffany clean off her feet. The redhead tackled her to the ground, fists bundled up like wrecking balls and hammering away at her friend. Tiffany's arms guarded off the worst blows but Audrey wasn't holding anything back.
"You bitch! You set me up with that fuck-head rapist! You god-damn bitch!"
"Audrey, I didn't know! I'm –" sorry? She wanted to scream her sorries from the rooftops but she knew empty words wouldn't cut it. She'd screwed up so much tonight. So she lowered her guard and took the worst Audrey could dish out; let her friend scream and sob and slap and punch until she had nothing left to give. The instant she had an opening, Tiffany sat up and threw her arms around Audrey. The girl pushed and squirmed but Tiffany held her still.
"You're the worst fucking friend ever, Tiffany Maye."
"I know," she sobbed. "But I'm never giving up on you, Audrey."
When Audrey grew sedate enough for her to pull away, Tiffany stood, undid the clasps and zippers on her fairy dress and stripped down to her strapless bra and bike shorts. "Here, put this on." Her boots were a size too big but she gave those to Audrey as well. This was her mess and it would be her walk of shame.
The dress draped awkwardly over Audrey but she furiously clutched at its warmth. "Now what? You'd better fucking have money for a cab home."
"We're not going home, Audrey. Not yet." Campus security had an office just two blocks away but Tiffany set the Huniebee's GPS for the nearest police station.
"First, we're going to make this right."
