Unable are the loved to die. For love is immortality. ~Emily Dickinson
Rude starred in wonder as the wall lifted to reveal Rufus Shinra.
Rufus was alive. His body was bruised and broken. His white coat was filthy, singed around the edges and tattered. He should have looked like hell, normally neat hair disheveled and as dirty as the rest of him, and yet somehow Rufus Shinra still managed to look like a million bucks. The man was unshakeable. He gave them a smile, and said good work, as if he'd just finished signing off on some run of the mill paper work. Surviving the impossible, just another day at the office.
Then Rufus collapsed.
"Boss!" Rude and Reno cried in unison.
Reno rushed forward and managed to catch Rufus; the dead weight of Rufus's body nearly knocked him over but he somehow kept his balance. Reno cradled the unconscious President and bending at the knee, lowered them both slowly to the ground. There he sat, Rufus's head resting in his lap.
"Rude, go find a doctor!" he ordered.
"Is the Boss—" Rude almost asked if Rufus was all right, but it was clear he was far from it. "How is he?"
"He's sound asleep," said Reno. The smile on Reno's face was small, but Rude had never seen him look so happy. Reno brushed the hair away from Rufus's face as he cradled the President's sleeping form. "Guess the excitement of seeing us again wore him out," Reno tried to joke, but it fell flat.
"I'll go get help," said Rude.
"Check outside," said Reno.
Rude nodded and turned to go, leaving Reno to watch over Rufus. A moment ago his partner had seemed on the edge of breaking down, but when Reno had looked at Rufus's sleeping face he'd seemed almost serene. Of course, they were still worried. Who knew how badly the President was actually hurt. The sooner they got him to a hospital, the better. All the same, the fact Rufus was alive seemed nothing short of a miracle.
It had been a night for miracles, it seemed. First Tseng coming back from the dead and arriving just when they'd needed him most, and now finding Rufus just when it seemed all hope had failed. Maybe it was luck, or something about Tseng and Rufus that gave them the ability to survive against all odds. But Rude liked to take it as a sign that maybe nothing was ever as hopeless as it seemed.
Outside, the world was falling apart, but maybe somehow they'd make it.
Rude reached the lobby and headed outside. The storm was raging. Sheets of rain were falling hard and fast, but the harsh wind sent the water flying like bullets. Rude stood in the darkness, blasted by the wind and rain and tried to his best to survey the scene.
It looked like what he'd expect from the end of the world. Lightning ripped the sky, and in its flashing light he saw a world in ruin. Midgar looked less like a city and more like a warzone. Rubble from the upper plates and from the building itself lay scattered where it fell.
Then the scene became brighter, illuminated by the cold white light of a search light. Rude turned towards the light and saw the rescue crew who'd managed to get the light set up despite the storm. Above the howling wind, Rude could hear the blades of a chopper. Its searchlight scanned the area, breaking through the darkness like the beam of an enormous flashlight. The broken glass that littered the street seemed flashed under the passing beam.
Despite the chaos of the world around him, Rude felt strangely calm. Finding out Rufus was still alive gave him courage. More than just his musing about luck or fate; the fact Rufus was alive meant that, despite all that had happened, Shin-ra Company still remained.
Rufus himself was Shin-ra Company, and for the good or ill, as long as Rufus survived Shin-ra was going to live on. As long as Shin-ra continued to exist, so would the Turks.
This is what gave Rude the strength to remain calm. Even though Rude hadn't chosen this path under the best of circumstances, he couldn't imagine any other life. In fact, it was painful to think of living any life except that of a Turk. This job was more than a job; it had become part of his identity. A future as a Turk was forth fighting for, and so he wasn't about to give up yet.
Rude made for the nearest paramedic crew, careful to watch his step as he went. As he ran the helicopter descended, stirring up dust and debris. A palm-sized splinter of wood hit Rude's forehead, but he wiped the blood away and kept going. Rude had to get Rufus help, and there was no time for hesitation. Really, Rude didn't mind the flying debris or the inherent danger of the situation. Rude loved thrills, it was part of what made being a Turk worthwhile. One thing was for sure, as long as Rufus was around, things were guaranteed to be interesting.
Rude passed a group of civilians near the main entrance to the building frantically digging through the rubble from the partially collapsed building. Rude tried to call to them to see how many survivors they'd managed to find, but they didn't respond. They just stopped and stared at him, terrified by his mere presence.
Perhaps Rude might been intimidating on his own, a big bald guy with dark glasses, and pierced ears, but there was more to their fear than that. Rude was a Turk, something about him reeked of violence. They regarded him like deer spotting a wolf. The reaction was one he was used to getting.
It hadn't always been that way. Rude remembered a time when being a Turk meant respect. The times a stranger had bought them drinks and thanks them for their service. The look of gratitude in the eyes of someone they'd helped by stopping a mugging or assault. The Turks weren't police officers, but they'd keep the peace if they saw trouble. In the old days they'd helped ordinary people quite a bit.
That was how he'd met the woman he'd thought was the love of his life, Chelsea. He'd rescued her and at the time it had seemed like something from a fairy tale. Rude knew now that things were never so simple.
Along side the civilians were rescue teams made up of hospital staff funded by Shin-ra Company. He grabbed one of them by the arm.
"I need your help," said Rude.
"Yes sir," said paramedic. "What is it?"
Rude didn't know how if was safe to mention Rufus's name, and erred on the side of caution. "There's a survivor who needs be taken to the hospital immediately," said Rude.
"Is he a member of Shin-ra?"
"Yeah," said Rude. You could say that.
"Then he has priority," said the man.
"I'm counting on you," said Rude. His tone must have made the words seem like a threat, judging from the look on the man's face.
The man nodded hastily and called over to his colleagues who were carrying a stretcher.
"I'll show you the way," said Rude. Together they headed for the door. That's when Rude saw her, a young woman shouting into a hand held radio, a woman he knew. She was one of Cloud's friends. A self-described AVALANCHE operative, although Rude doubted she knew the real meaning of the word. The first organization was before her time, and the copycat terrorists cells weren't the same. But keeping the same name had its benefits. It sent a message. Individuals may die, whole organization may be brought down, but bullets couldn't stop ideas. AVALANCHE would continue, in one form of another, the name had become synonymous with resistance to Shin-ra.
Tifa was Shin-ra's enemy, and that made her his enemy as well. In another life, Rude might have had the chance to show her that there was more to him than the uniform he wore. Rude had fallen for Tifa the moment he laid eyes on her. How could he not? She had the most gorgeous eyes he'd ever seen: dark and distant, and full of life. He'd seen anger and pain there too, and he should have guessed that she'd been hurt, that she was out for vengeance. Instead he saw a hurt girl who needed someone to hold her, and wished he could have been that guy.
But Rude knew that was impossible. To Tifa, Rude was one of the bad guys.
Rude understood why simple ideas of good and evil appealed to some. He knew things were rarely black and white, but it was hard for most people to accept such ambiguity, even if their own actions, doing bad things for the right reasons,, put them in that same zone of ambiguity. He found that often people would categorize their own morally grey actions as white, because in their minds they were doing the right thing.
As a Turk he'd had to do a whole lot of bad things for what he thought was the higher good. However, the fact that the ends justified the means didn't make what he did any less wrong. Rude was not good person. However, he wasn't a bad person either. It wasn't that simple. Good guys and bad guys, one side right and the other wrong.
Tifa would never see that; would never see the good in him. She'd never take the time to look and why should she? Tifa had her hero, and to her Rude was a villain.
Black and white.
He supposed it was easier that way; he understood the comfort in seeing your enemy as evil. During their struggle against the first incarnation of AVALANCHE, he'd killed his fair share of their forces. They were just ordinary people devoted to a cause they thought was right, but it would sure make the killing easier to see them as faceless bad guy and nothing more.
Black and white.
Rude knew better than that, even if thinking of his enemies like people made the job harder. Once upon a time he'd fallen in love with an AVALANCHE spy, and she wasn't evil or any different than Rude himself really. They'd just been people caught up in their circumstances.
When he met Chelsea he didn't know she was AVALANCHE. He found out later. Rude was a Turk, he noticed when things were amiss. He didn't act when he'd found out because he wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, because he didn't want to see her get killed.
Because he loved her, and thought she might love him too, in spite of everything.
He'd met her on the streets and it had seemed like fate. He knew now it had been a set up. They knew the Turks habits. Knew they'd help civilians in danger if at all possible, of course the success of a mission took priority, it wasn't their job to police Midgar, but when they could be of service they'd gladly lend a hand.
So they'd arranged to have her attacked right when he happened by; he'd foiled the robbery and the mugger ran off. That left Rude with beautiful damsel he'd rescued, looking up in his eyes and softly saying he was her hero.
"Please, there must be something I can do to thank you," she'd said. She brushed her hair behind her ear, and tilted her head ever so slightly to the side.
"Oh no," said Rude, "It's nothing."
"So saving my life is nothing?" she asked. Then she giggled at the look on his face. "Oh come on, I'm only teasing. But please, let me do something for you. How about dinner sometime, my treat?"
One dinner had led to another. There was this warm feeling inside whenever he was around her. They could spend hours talking about everything or nothing at all. He loved her laugh most of all. She'd giggle at how shy Rude could be, but he never felt laughed at, only that she thought he was cute. It wasn't every day someone would think of him as cute.
Rude wouldn't say he should have known it was too good to be true. He wasn't that cynical, not even now and certainly not then. He was a different man then, before and after her. What had happened made the world seem harsher, but Rude supposed he should have learned life wasn't fair a long time before that.
Soon enough he'd picked up that things weren't right. The way conversation circled back to what he did for a living, but she never talked in depth about what she did. The way she'd sometimes stop herself from saying certain things. The times that she'd lie to him; for a spy she wasn't the best liar he'd ever seen; being conflicted could do that to a person.
Even when he knew the truth, he still had hope. She was conflicted. So maybe he was more to her than a mission. More than a Turk she'd been sent to manipulate for information. Maybe he was just Rude: the man she loved. Was it possible that as she'd worked to get him to fall for her she'd wound up falling in love for real? The look in her eyes said this was more than just pretending.
So he'd given her a chance. Given her a test.
It was simple enough. He'd gone to the bathroom on one of their dates and left his PHS where she could get it. He made sure to be gone long enough to give her ample opportunity to bug it. It was the perfect chance. Just the moment she'd been waiting for all along.
If she took it, then it meant he was nothing to her. Then he'd know what to do. He'd inform Veld and bring her in because that was the right thing to do. She was spy and a member of a terrorist organization. Any information she had could be used to save lives. It would be simple. It would be impossible. So what would he do then if he couldn't bring her in? Couldn't bring himself to take action that would mean certain death for the woman he loved despite all reason? Tell her he knew? Tell her to run?
In the end he hadn't faced that dilemma because she hadn't let him down. That night he'd taken his phone apart and put it back together. He'd run every sort of test he could. It wasn't bugged; he knew that without a shadow of the doubt. Hell, she hadn't even tried to access any of the information on it.
So she really did love him? She couldn't bring herself to carry out her mission anymore than he could bring himself to turn her in. Shin-ra and AVALANCHE were sworn enemies, but Rude and Chelsea were in love. Nothing else mattered except that fact. Love transcended all else.
Rude knew what to do then. He'd tell her he knew, and tell her to trust him. Then they'd make a plan from there. Maybe her time with him, seeing that he wasn't some evil henchman, had made her question where she stood. If she was abandoning her mission that meant she was turning on AVALANCHE. From what Rude knew of the group, they wouldn't let that go lightly. If she tried to leave she'd be a liability. They'd kill her for sure. He could offer her safety. If she turned on AVALANCHE, gave the Turks information, then they could arrange for her protection. Maybe she'd even join them, and they could be on the same side.
If she refused well then…they'd have to work something else out. The idea of running away together was dangerous if not impossible. Shin-ra wouldn't let Rude just walk away anymore than AVALANCHE would let her go. They'd be fugitives with enemies on all sides and nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. But there was a part of Rude that thought that didn't matter, because at least they'd be together. They had to die someday, and he could think of no better way to go than with the woman he loved by his side, together until the very end.
A more rational part of Rude's brain knew that such a course of action would be unbelievably stupid. The more loyal part of Rude knew he could never leave Shinra. What would that do to Reno? Being forced to hunt down his own partner, or sit back and let it happen? Turks didn't turn on their own. It wasn't a position Rude would ever want to put them in, but if anything would justify doing that it was love.
Rude wasn't sure what he'd do. All he knew was that he and Chelsea needed to work something out.
The night he'd let her gain access to his PHS he'd told her to meet him in the park the next night, either to confront her, if she'd taken the bait and bugged his phone, or if he meant more to her than AVALANCHE then he'd tell her that he loved her too. Either way, Rude hadn't been sure exactly what the next step would be. Either way, he needed to see her again.
But she hadn't come…
They were supposed to watch the tree lighting together. It was the Yule Holiday, a holiday for lovers. The lights on the tree represented undying love, and the hope that everyone would find their one true love someday. Two souls whose light shown out into the darkness, meeting to form a single light, bright, warm, and everlasting.
Some of Rude's colleagues balked at such sentimentality, while other disliked holidays on principle. Why did you need a holiday as an excuse to do something for someone you loved? It was just a scam by the card and candy companies, to boost sales; what buy into mindless consumerism?
For his part, Rude liked the idea behind the holiday and the tree. What better place to tell Chelsea that he loved her? That their love was stronger than their circumstances, even if it didn't seem like it was meant to be?
He stood in front of the tree for a long time waiting. It began to snow. A rare sight in Midgar; overcast was a constant but that had more to do with pollution than weather. Actual precipitation was almost as rare as sunshine. People passing by remarked on how perfect it was that night, like something out of a card, magical. A perfect moment for people in love, glistening snow flakes to match the shimmering light of the tree.
Except life wasn't meant to be as perfect as greeting card or as happy as a fairy tale, at least not then. Not for Rude and Chelsea.
Eventually the other Turks found him there. Their little rookie shotgun expert found him first. Her name was Xero, and she was tough as nails. When she found that Rude that night she looked so sorry.
"Chelsea wanted me to tell you that she…" she trailed off. She couldn't say the words. "Won't be coming today."
There was more to it than that, but that was all Rude needed to know. Rude knew he'd never see the woman he loved again.
She was an agent of AVALANCHE and he was an agent of Shin-ra. As much as she loved him, she could not bring herself to trust him. Maybe what she'd done had been out of love. Maybe it was kinder of her to disappear without a word rather than ask Rude to choose between her and Shin-ra. Still, it hurt to think that maybe she didn't even consider the possibility that he would have chosen her. That they could have found a way, or at least tried to, because it was worth it to try, even if it meant risking everything.
Then again, maybe she loved him too much to ask him to risk that for her. Maybe she knew she couldn't join Shin-ra, and running away together would be a death sentence for them both. Maybe dying alone with the knowledge that your beloved would live because you didn't ask them to die with you was more romantic than dying together like star-crossed lovers in a play.
Maybe their ending was more tragic too. Dying was easy, going on without the person you loved was harder than anything Rude had ever done.
Years later, Xero had told him what Chelsea had really said to her.
"I know she's gone," said Rude. AVALANCHE had ensured she didn't last long on her own after turning traitor, of that Rude was certain "Before she died she wanted you to tell me something, what was it?"
Xero had swallowed and taken a deep breath. "She said…she believed in reincarnation, and when she was reborn she wanted to meet again."
Rude had smiled at that. It seemed fitting. Undying love; the hope that soul mates would find each other, two lights shining in the darkness. If there was such a thing as the next life he'd be waiting, but for now he had this life to live.
Years passed, and Rude did his best to move on. He tried to love again, and wouldn't you know it. The next girl he fell hard for was also technically his enemy. But at least at the moment, there was no reason to fight with her.
Despite what people thought, Turks didn't go looking for a fight. Rude only resorted to violence if he was given an order, or if someone or something got in the way of the mission. At the moment, the fact Tifa was with AVALANCHE no longer mattered. That fight was over. Now they all faced a common enemy, and shared the same fate. What did factions matter when the world was about to end?
At the moment Rude's only mission was to get Rufus Shinra to relative safety. So he kept his head down, and hoped Tifa wouldn't notice him as she frantically rushed by. The rain stopped falling, but the wind continued to roar as if it might tear the world apart.
As they made their way back into the lobby Rude spotted Tseng and Elena. He didn't want to risk saying Rufus's name, or Elena blurting it out, so instead of calling out to them, he merely turned his head towards the paramedics he was leading. Tseng understood Rude's meaning and nodded before moving to follow Rude, Elena in tow.
"How is he?" asked Tseng.
"Injured but alive," said Rude.
They reached the executive panic room and found Reno cradling the still unconscious Rufus. The paramedics looked at each other, and then stepped forward to exam Rufus. Reno got out of their way, but watched them like a hawk.
"What's his condition?" asked Tseng.
"Stable," said the paramedic, "for now." They loaded Rufus onto the stretcher.
"Where are you going to take him?" asked Reno. Reno fixed the paramedics in his gaze, starring them down like guard hound about to charge if they made one wrong move.
Rude understood Reno's sentiment. Paramedics or not, the Turks weren't about to trust just anyone with Rufus's well being.
"We'll take him to the hospital," said the paramedic, "but we can't say what will happen when—"
"Can't say?" asked Reno, "What the hell does that mean?"
"I mean Meteor," said the paramedic. "What can we do if the Planet's about to be destroyed? We can't guarantee anyone's safety any more."
"Well, I guess that's the truth," said Reno. "Just be careful with him, all right? Come on, I'll show you short cut." Reno led them through a side door that connected to the panic room. It was the quickest way to the front entrance.
"What is this passage?" asked one of the paramedics. "It's not on the schematic we were given."
"Secret exit for executives only," said Reno. "So don't tell anyone."
Reno laughed at that, and Rude joined him. What did it matter now?
The paramedics looked unnerved, despite the Turk's laughter and one of them said, "Yes, sir." As if they were terrified the Turks would kill them if they ever revealed the secret.
Rude almost laughed at that too. Really, who cared about the Shin-ra building's secrets when the place was in ruins and the world was about to end?
As they continued towards the outside Reno suddenly stopped. He looked back the Turks, and pointed. A little ways off was a familiar figure, another one time enemy, Yuffie.
Elena looked at Yuffie, then back at the Turks. Rude knew Elena; Rude might have been willing to walk away from a fight but Elena was young and had something to prove. She looked at them like a hound awaiting the command to sick a rat; barely able to stop herself from moving to follow Yuffie.
Rude looked at Reno. He knew for a fact that Reno didn't like unfinished business, but his partner looked torn. The last thing Reno wanted to do right now was leave Rufus's side, not after coming so close to losing him. To Rude it seemed that Reno was caught between two conflicting obligation, his duty as a Turk and his duty to Rufus, not just as his Boss, but as the person he loved. Then Tseng spoke up, and Reno no longer had a choice.
"You three look into it," said Tseng, "I'll accompany him to the hospital. Report back to me there."
Reno hesitated for a moment and then nodded. They all knew Rufus was safe with Tseng.
Reno took one last look at Rufus and then turned to the rescue team. "You take good care of him, all right?"
"Of course, he'll be in good hands," said one of the men. "By the way, what is the patient's name?"
"He'll tell you himself once he wakes up," said Reno. "Just make sure you put him in a good hospital room."
"Could he be—Rufus Shinra?" whispered one of the men carrying the stretcher.
"Shh!" said hissed the other, looking warily at Tseng.
Rude almost felt sorry for the rescue workers.
Tseng moved off, the rescue team following close behind. Rude turned to follow Reno and Elena. He didn't really understand the point of going after AVALANCHE now, the last thing Rude wanted was a fight. Would a final show down with AVALANCHE really do them any good?
Things had changed. Even if the world didn't end, it was the end of an era. Shin-ra would never be the same again. So why keep battle lines drawn? Things were less black and white than ever. It seemed like a time to let things go.
