"All rise for the judge who took two years to fix the courtroom." Bankotsu said as WS teleported into his shiny new, wooden desk.
"I'm actually happy I managed to get the new desk. That old one was terrible." WS said as he reclined back in his chair, sipping from the long straw protruding from the desk." And it has built in soda tube, useful for both drinking and spit takes." He said as he kept sipping from it.
"What's in there?"
"Well since I can't drink while on the bench, no matter how much I want to, so it's filled with Coke."
"Cocaine?" Bankotsu asked, obviously knowing it wasn't the answer, but seeking to find any way to annoy the judge he could.
"Yes, because there is such thing as liquid cocaine." WS said before he thought for a second. "Don't nobody steal that idea!" He shouted at the audience before he reclined back, still sipping on his straw.
"Okay, well, I went back through the contract-" he started before WS spit out all of the soda he was drinking.
"Where the hell did you get that!? I burned them this time!" WS shouted.
"No, you didn't, you just put another burn notice along with a nasty note for the janitor on them again." Bankotsu explained as WS thought back.
"Damn my laziness." He groaned as he sat back in the chair. "What other change are you gonna twist my arm to implement?"
"Nothing major, but my paycheck is supposed to be higher than it is now; in fact, it's supposed to be 5x what it is now. What's the deal?" Bankotsu asked.
"Oh yeah, we drained all that in the renovation, thank you for being such a good consigner." WS said with a smirk.
"But, I never cosigned that..."
"Who taught you your signature?" WS interrupted as Bankotsu, hoping that if he glared at WS hard enough that he might die from the hatred, handed him the case file.
"Oh, watch this." WS said as he pressed a button and a metal claw snatched file from the hand and pulled into the bench before it appeared in a hologram on the bench. "Cool, right?" He asked as he reviewed it. "Alright, send them in." He commanded as Renkotsu and Jakotsu took their respective positions. "So, Jakotsu, you're suing Renkotsu for wrongful termination."
"Yes, baby," Jakotsu answered as WS shuddered, "I was still in fighting condition when Renkotsu...um...let me go, yeah, that sounds right."
"Fighting condition?!" Renkotsu said in shock. "You were Wind Scared and then you had a body-crushing amount of rock piled on top of you! You were most definitely not in fighting condition."
"How would you know?"
"Your sword was destroyed." Renkotsu shot back evenly.
"He's right Jakotsu, you were most definitely not in fighting condition." WS agreed as he helped his hand in his head. "You wouldn't be able to kick Mukotsu after Inuyasha was done with you."
"Hey!"
"Mukotsu!" WS screamed to no response. "Keep it up. You got one more time."
"I can think of a few things I could've done after I was done with Inuyasha." Jakotsu replied as he winked and blew a flying kiss at WS, who incinerated the kiss in midair with a blast of fire from the bench.
"Jury, what do you rule? Not guilty, good, I do too! I sentence Jakotsu to remain 30 feet away from me at all times. Case dismissed!" WS said rapidly as he hurriedly slammed down his gavel and Jakotsu was teleported to the back of courtroom. "Next time, control your brother!" WS shouted to Bankotsu, who shrugged before he pointed at him.
"Um, Judge, I think there's a pigeon flew in from the hole nesting in your wig." Bankotsu pointed out the pigeon sitting in WS's hair, looking around the room randomly.
"Oh my God!" WS said excitedly. "Quick, Bankotsu, take a picture."
"You don't want it out before it lays eggs?" Bankotsu questioned as WS shot a quick glare at him.
"Nonsense, if Shaley wants to lay some eggs, you will let her lay eggs."
"...Okay, anyway," Bankotsu rolled his eyes before handing over the next case file into the slot as the hologram popped up on screen. After reading it, he smirked and gestured for the plaintiff and defendant to come in. Jaken and Sesshomaru walked down the aisle before reaching their desks. They did it so civilly, WS had to take a moment to revel in the moment.
"So, Sango, you're suing Miroku for sexual harassment." WS asked before she nodded. "Well then, go on and tell me and Shaley what is happening."
"Your Honor, I think it goes without saying Miroku, in today's society, would have gone to jail for sexual assault by now." She said to a murmuring of agreement across the courtroom. "So I come today seeking payment for all the times I've had to put with groping, feeling, and sexual comments that are constantly aimed my way." She said, standing back.
"Miroku, what weakass defense do you have that will be completely overruled because it is a weakass defense?"
"Well, I would like to say I have an abuse claim in there-"
"Oh yeah, you do." WS interrupted before he pulled it out. "I read it this morning and here's what I think about it." He said as he gave it to Bankotsu and whispered orders into his ear. Bankotsu, with a bemused smirk, walked it over to the shredder in the corner and placed it into the device, destroying the document.
"What the-" Miroku said as he watched his claim be shredded. "How could you?"
"I've watched the show! Every time you meet a woman, you grope her. And guess what, you get hit for it."
"It's a curse on my hand."
"Don't give me that bullshit. What, your hand magically drawn to grope a butt whenever you're in the vicinity?"
"Yes." He said as WS smirked and rested his chin on his hand.
"Oh really? Let's test this, Baliff, go over there and see if the defendant's claim real?"
"WHAT?!" Both Bankotsu and Miroku screamed as the entire courtroom erupted in laughter, including WS, who laughed the hardest. After a few seconds, he stopped and wiped the tears from his eye.
"Sir, please…" Bankotsu pleaded as WS tried his best not to laugh.
"C'mon, you'll be fine. It's more than likely a lie he makes to get away with his perversion." WS explained as Bankotsu, uneasy, began approaching Miroku. After a second of consideration, he turned to face the bench and waited. The entire courtroom was silent, watching to see exactly what happens. Will he grope Bankotsu? Will he get his own counterclaim dismissed? The tension was so thick, you could cut it with Tessiga.
"Well…" WS asked as Miroku turned red.
"FINE, I ADMIT IT!" Miroku screamed, collasping at his desk. "My hand is not cursed, I'm just a pervert!"
"Oh, thank God." Bankotsu said as he sighed in relief before he made his way back to the desk.
"So you finally admit."
"Well…it's only for women's hindquarters, if you would give-"
"You think I'm just gonna volunteer a woman to be groped? Hell no! Admit it, you're a fraud. A fraud of monk, a fraud of exorcist, and a fraud committing sexual assault!" WS screamed as Shaley squawked in agreement before he turned to the jury, who all nodded.
"Guilty."
"Good to know." He said as he turned to Miroku. "I sentence Miroku to spend two weeks with Urasue. Let him know how it feels to be groped." He said as Urasue quickly appeared next to Miroku with a dirty smile. "This is the part where you run." WS said as Miroku quickly ran down the aisle, the witch quickly following him.
"It feels good to be back home." WS said as he leaned back in his chair as he looked over at the glaring Bankotsu. "What?"
"Why the fuck did you put me up there to be groped?"
"Because we all knew he was a liar." WS explained. "Besides, we need to prove case and I know for a fact that Miroku will not grope a man…but then again, he does have that ponytail. Off of that, thank you for your cooperation I will raise your paycheck a dollar as well. Now, I shall take my leave."
"Judge-" Bankotsu growled as WS sighed and looked over at him.
"Bankotsu, I am not in the business of acting on your wishes." He said as he opened a portal and walked through it.
"I am in business." Bankotsu muttered, now that he was alone. "Business of kicking your ass. And let me tell you, business sure is booming." He muttered smirking to himself before he noticed everyone pointing to something behind him. He turned around to see WS with his hand on his hip and an angry look on his face, dropping his smirk immediately. "Um…"
"Ya looking to expand your business?" WS asked as he raised a finger and a fireball appeared.
"Business is closed!" Bankotsu shouted, dodging the fireballs being thrown at him. "Business is closed!"
