Warnings: Oh yes, there are more. Once you think I've covered all potentially sensitive aspects of human behaviour, I find new ones to write about. I know it must get tiresome to have these at the beginnings of several chapters, but I don't want anyone reading anything of mine and getting upset or triggered. So, on top of everything else (just to cover me there, not all warning-ed things are going to crop up in this chapter, that would be impressive), this chapter describes an act of (pretty mild) self-injury. Although, I suppose you could debate whether this is self-harm or not as he's not aware of doing it, but the fact he is... I don't know why I brought it up, but I know some people are very particular about what constitutes self-harm, so I thought I should mention the debate in case anyone is offended.
Chapter 8
Robin seemed to fight with himself for a minute or so before stepping a bit closer to him.
"What did he do to you?"
Jack stared at him.
No way.
"What did you say?" Jack asked, suddenly feeling as if he'd been punched in the gut.
Hard.
Robin opened his mouth, steeling himself to say the words that had seemed so much easier to say before Mr Yates had got hold of Jack. He didn't want to think about what had gone on inside that principal's office but he'd be lying if he said he didn't have some idea.
He had to do this. Jack had to get out of this. Robin had to tell him what the principal was like, what was going to happen if he stuck around, and then force him to leave school. No matter what Mr Yates might be using to keep Jack quiet (as there usually was something), Robin could convince him it wasn't worth it.
"Mr Yates," he started in a rush of breath.
He stopped himself when he saw Jack turn away, looking physically sick at the mere mention of the man. It was perhaps his expression then that really brought reality crashing down on Robin. Jack would never forgive him for not telling him sooner.
He'd lose his only friend.
Before Jack had come along, school was hell. He'd never showed up for more than a couple of classes a week and was the bane of more than a few teachers' existences. And now… Well, now things were different. He'd started showing up, staying for the whole six hours and he was just a lot less messed up when he was with Jack.
Could he give that up?
"What about him?" Jack asked defensively.
Looking at him, Robin realised he couldn't hold out for much longer.
"I- I just wanted to say…"
He choked.
"What?" Jack snapped, clearly not in the mood to deal with Robin's tentative approach.
"Um… I just wanted to say I hope he wasn't too harsh on you. This one time he gave me detention for like a month."
That sealed it.
He was officially the scum of the Earth.
For a long moment Jack didn't even breathe: Robin's innocent inquiry into his anything-but-innocent encounter with Mr Yates made him want to die right there and then.
"And," Robin continued, looking oddly troubled. "I'm sorry about the whole thing with Bobby, it won't happen again."
The whole thing with Bobby…?
Oh, he meant the drugs.
It was odd that he had forgotten about something once so important to him that he had punched Robin over it. He supposed some events just put everything else into perspective.
"I guess we're even," Jack said, gesturing the bruise on Robin's jaw.
He couldn't believe he was talking about this so soon after seeing the principal; they might as well be discussing the weather.
"Yeah," Robin agreed, not looking any less uneasy than he had earlier. "Cool."
There was an awkward moment of silence.
Jack glanced around for his brother's car, even if he knew seeing something so heart-breakingly familiar would be more than he could stand. Robin, in turn, glanced at anything other than Jack, feeling unworthy to even be sharing this moment with him. He'd just had God-knows-what happen to him and all he had for comfort was some guy who was blatantly refusing to even ask what the matter was.
"There's a party tonight," Robin said, knowing he was an insensitive bastard before he'd even said the words. "Want to come along?"
Jack guessed it wasn't hosted by anyone from school for obvious reasons.
That meant it was probably someone Robin knew from his extra-curricular activities.
"Sure. When is it?"
Robin looked shocked for a second before realising he wasn't meant to know Jack was fucked up just then and schooling his expression.
"Seven, but we could hang out before, get some alcohol and stuff."
Jack nodded.
"Sounds good."
He gestured for Robin to lead the way, but the other boy hesitated.
"What about Bobby? I thought you said you were getting a ride with him. Won't he be pissed if you just leave?"
Jack shrugged.
"He'll figure I'm out somewhere. Besides, we're not really alright at the moment."
Robin figured the reason for this was personal and so didn't press for details. Instead he walked off in the direction of the nearest liquor store, Jack next to him.
They spent the walk in a contemplative silence.
If Robin noticed the tremors running through Jack's hands he didn't mention it.
If Jack noticed the way Robin was watching him a little more closely than normal, he didn't bring it up.
After all, ignorance was bliss.
Bobby was sitting at the kitchen table, staring at the clock on the opposite wall. He was not in a good mood. In fact, he could feel himself becoming more and more agitated as every second ticked by.
The whole room still faintly smelt of bleach, his chair was uncomfortable as hell and it was almost half two in the morning.
If Jack didn't show up in the next three seconds, he was going to-
His train of thought halted when he heard a sort of scrabbling at the back door.
The kid always had impeccable timing.
Nevertheless, Bobby didn't get up to help his younger brother negotiate the new lock outside, opting to wait for him to figure it out. After a few seconds more of listening to Jack struggle, the lock clicked and the door opened, tipping Jack and a blast of frigid air inside the kitchen.
Bobby evaluated his brother's movements as he shut the door behind himself. He seemed reasonably steady on his feet until he suddenly lost his balance and stumbled to one side, catching himself on the nearest counter.
Bobby pursed his lips, clearly disapproving at the state his brother was in, and wondering when the kid was going to notice his presence.
If that ever happened, of course.
Maybe he was too high to tell.
"Well," Bobby spoke up, not having the patience to play games.
Jack jumped in surprise, whirling around to face him.
"Jesus Christ," they both exclaimed simultaneously.
Jack, because he'd just been given the fright of his life.
Bobby because his younger brother looked like an absolute mess. He was pale from cold, his eyes were glassy (no doubt due to whatever party he had just been to), and his hair and clothes were in absolute disarray.
"Where the fuck have you been?"
"Party," Jack mumbled.
"Really, Jack? I had no fuckin' idea." Bobby said under his breath, standing up.
He walked over, the harsh kitchen lights only making Jack seem even more washed out than he had on first inspection. Bobby reached out to tilt his brother's face more towards the light but he shrank away.
"I'm fine," Jack said.
"Of course you are."
Bobby tried again, but Jack just backed even further away.
"What is wrong with-"
He stopped abruptly when he noticed the bite marks on Jack's neck.
If this was anyone else but Jack he would have laughed and made a couple of jokes about the sort of girl the guy had hooked up with. However, the point was it was Jack. And Jack was notoriously scared of intimacy and hated being closer than he had to be to anyone, immediate family excluded.
Something was really not right here.
"Just leave me alone," Jack said.
He made to move past Bobby, but his world lurched rather dramatically with the first step away from the counter and he stopped.
"Oh sure," Bobby said, his anger palpable in the air. "Because you're proving time and time again you do just fine without me."
Jack clasped the side of his head.
"I am fine," he repeated.
He made to leave again but swayed rather impressively and Bobby had to move forward and grab his arm to keep him from falling.
"You… you fucking idiot," Bobby muttered. "Do I even want to know what you're strung out on?"
Jack made a motion which could have symbolised smoking and Bobby almost wanted to slap him out of pure frustration. As a compromise, he pulled Jack bodily from the room and up the stairs, telling himself he didn't care as Jack tripped to keep up with Bobby's deliberately quick pace.
Once on the landing, Bobby pulled him through into the bathroom, closing the door behind them. Without saying a word, he roughly pulled the leather jacket from Jack's shoulders, ignoring the way he was oddly stiff in response instead of bristling as he usually would. He dumped the jacket on the floor before pushing Jack into the shower and switching it on.
The only real act of mercy Bobby gave him was making the water warm.
And that was only because Jack probably had hypothermia regardless.
Jack's only reaction to this was to sit down under the spray, his arms wrapped around his knees. His figure was so pitiful just sitting there, soaking wet, clothes clinging to his too-thin body that Bobby almost wanted to apologise. Luckily it was only a fleeting sensation and he stood back, arms crossed, quelling the immense urge to pull Jack out and just hold him.
He'd gone so soft lately.
As Bobby watched him, Jack stared blankly at his bare forearms. The shower felt surprisingly right to him. He'd felt so dirty after being with Mr Yates, he was surprised doing this hadn't occurred to him before then. Of course, in a sick way, he could see maybe that was what he was trying to achieve with Robin's party tonight.
He'd only wanted to forget.
His gaze focussed a little and he realised his wrist was bruised from where his principal had pinned him against the wall. Not really aware he was doing it, his other hand drifted to the mark and started rubbing at it, as if that could be washed away as well. It symbolised that entire meeting to him.
He'd been so damn powerless.
"Hey!"
He was jerked back to reality, by someone seizing his arm and pulling it to the side. He traced the hand gripping his forearm with his gaze, following it up the drenched shirtsleeve to Bobby's concerned face, uncomfortably close.
"Hey," Bobby repeated, this time sounding worried.
Jack traced his eye line back to his other wrist. There, on top of the other bruises, were a line of red gouges in his skin.
How had that…?
He'd… he'd… oh God, what the hell had he done?
"Let's get you out," Bobby said, sensing his brother's panic.
And if he perhaps was a little more helpful than he needed to be and let his hands linger a bit too long, he wasn't counting it: he just wanted Jack to be okay. Once Jack was sitting, shivering, on the side of the tub, Bobby handed him a towel and a pile of dry material.
"I got you some clothes."
Jack looked at the simple sweats and T-shirt Bobby had given him as if he had never seen anything like them before. He hadn't even noticed Bobby leave the room.
But then again, he hadn't noticed scratching a layer of skin from his wrist either.
"Thanks," he said softly.
Bobby walked out to give him some privacy and Jack carefully stripped out of his soaked jeans and top and into the clothes Bobby had provided. Not able to bear looking himself in the mirror, he kept his gaze averted as he picked up the towel and dried his hair.
Emerging from the bathroom, he certainly felt more sober, as proven by the way he was walking, rather than stumbling, from the room. However, soberness came with the price that he could now think clearly again and knew he'd really messed up.
Again.
He went to his room to find Bobby already sitting on his bed, one side of his shirt soaked wet from when he stopped Jack from…
Well, doing what he was doing.
Knowing there was no real escape, Jack sat down next to him, but it was a while before Bobby spoke.
"I just don't get you," Bobby said quietly, mindful of the other people asleep in the house.
Feeling wretched, Jack didn't glance over.
"Bobby, I was just-"
"Shut up," he interrupted wearily. "You're going to lie to me anyway."
Jack did as he was told.
"I don't know what's wrong," Bobby tried again. "I don't and I'm not pretending to, but whatever it is, it's tearing you up so badly it's even scaring me. You're either completely emotionless, or you're stoned, or your bleeding in the shower… it's too much, Jackie. You're going to burn out. And I'm too tired and too slow to catch up with you every step of the way."
Bobby paused, sounding so achingly sincere Jack wanted nothing more than to just be miraculously not messed up and pretend today had just never happened. There was something about seeing his perpetually-macho brother being vulnerable that made Jack feel special somehow: few people got to see this side of Bobby Mercer. He wanted so badly to be perfect to feel he was good enough to be one of these select few.
"Just," Bobby said with a bitter laugh. "I just want you to know that whenever you feel like you can trust me, I'll be waiting for you to open up, okay? I… I love you, alright?"
Only Bobby could make 'I love you' sound like a challenge.
Nevertheless, Jack inclined his head a fraction in a nod. When the silence stretched on, Jack forced himself to speak, straightening to look Bobby in the eyes.
"It's not that I don't trust you," he said seriously, willing Bobby to believe him.
"It is, Jack. Maybe you do trust me a little, but if you trusted me enough, I'd already know what's wrong. We wouldn't be having this conversation."
Jack mulled that over, not too sure if that was the truth. Bobby was the only person (Evelyn aside) that he had trusted with anything remotely personal or secret, wasn't that 'enough'?
"There are some things you can't tell anyone," Jack said firmly.
That had been one of Mr Yates' terms anyway. He couldn't tell anyone or he'd be kicked out anyway and everyone would know…
He was diverted from that particular line of thought from Bobby suddenly leaning in closer to him.
"Not when it comes to me and you."
He said it so quietly and intimately, he might as well have whispered the words in Jack's ear.
In retrospect, Jack would never be able to recall who instigated what happened next, but before he knew what was happening, Bobby's lips were pressed against his gently and a hand was running through in his hair.
He would, however, remember that he reciprocated.
Then, just as suddenly as it started, it stopped. Bobby ripped himself away from Jack, looking horrified, angry and perhaps more than a little regretful. He stood up, raking a hand through his hair in a harsh imitation of what he had just been doing to Jack. Realising this, he dropped his arm, punching the nearby doorframe instead.
"God dammit," he hissed.
Jack had no doubt he would have screamed the words if Evelyn wasn't sleeping in the next room, but he could only watch as Bobby practically ran out, shutting Jack's door behind him as he went as a clear 'don't-follow-me' signal.
"Oh God," Jack muttered.
It was only when he looked down to the ground once more that he noticed his wrist had started bleeding again.
A/N: There we are, an update for each of my stories within a week, not bad, eh?
So yes, Robin is a bit of a coward as it turns out, but I hope his reasons for not trying to help Jack weren't too horrible. If I was ostracised for as long as he has been, I'd probably try and cling onto a friend too.
Also, sorry to my Jack/Bobby slashers. I gave you a bit of action at the end, but it ended pretty quick, I feel like I've teased you with it ;).
Thanks go to dmitri for beta-ing this chapter.
Hope it was worth the wait :).
