Killua walked aimlessly for a long time.
He knew he had to go back, after all they were going to travel in the next morning, but he hesitated to return - he didn't feel ready to face Gon, not only because of Gon's attitude, but because of his own feelings.
Just like in Yorkshin where Gon decided what to do despite of what he thought about it, where he just stay quiet and followed, glad to be part of the group, glad to be his friend.
Just as in the Greed Island where his hands were badly hurt - and all he felt was joy at hearing that Gon wanted him to continue playing, that it had to be him.
Just like with the chimeras, where he had been driven away, his feelings and loyalties disdained by the one whom matters the most, but he continued following Gon, obeying Gon, protecting Gon … loving Gon.
Killua noticed the problem, he realized that things were getting out of control if they had not already.
Gon is an incredible boy, loyal and charismatic, but also a selfish, stingy boy...
Gon is the light of Killua's life, and Killua like a fly flew toward that light even knowing he will only get hurt, even knowing that that light, so beautiful, can kill him even though it doesn't want to.
He had to pull away, but he couldn't.
And there he was again, swallowing his feelings, put his needs and desires apart and obeying, following, protecting someone who may be glad to be his light but could not stop from hurting him and the most tragic of it all is that all he could think of was how Gon felt.
Is Gon all right?
I was so rude!
No!
He knew that the wrong one was Gon, but that was Gon and Gon had always been like this, he should know that this would occur, he should avoid situations Gon doesn't like.
Isn't it true?
I knew it could happen and I still did it, that means I provoked him, so I'm the one to blame.
Killua was so distracted that he didn't notice Gon approaching until he heard his name.
"Killua!"
He turned to see Gon run toward him.
"Killua!"
His heart pounded, his cheeks flushed - Gon was looking for him!
Gon in turn approached Killua - it seemed that he would embrace him, but he stopped at the last moment.
"Killua ..." Gon gasped "... I'm sorry."
Killua stood, without much reaction.
Gon in turn continued to speak, he spoke looking into Killua's eyes, as if searching for his soul.
"I know I've apologized before, I know this is all I do, I hurt you and then I come to apologize, I know this is wrong ..."
Killua seeing the guilt in Gon's eyes couldn't agree with what was being said, even if it was true.
"Gon ... you don't nee-"
"No, Killua, you have to stop tolerating this and I have to stop doing it! … We are wrong, both of us and you know that."
"G-Gon ..."
"Gin may be a lot of things, but he told me that when we apologize we have to promise never to do that again, we have to act differently. I owe it to you."
Killua's eyes filled with tears, that was what he wanted to hear in the past, but for some reason, after life hit him continually, he had lost some of his faith.
Not that he doubted Gon, far from it, but how to blindly believe when experience shows him otherwise.
Killua felt Gon's hand wipe away the few tears that ran down his face. He blushed, gave a faint smile and a pat on Gon's hand.
"Let's go back, Gon."
"You forgive me?" Gon asked.
"Let's go back." It was all Killua answered.
In the house the silence was disturbing; it was so big that it looked like an invisible wall was created between Killua and Gon.
Alluka tried to cheer up her brother, and she succeeded, but Gon kept looking at them with a sad smile on his face - she knew he wanted to be there beside Killua, receiving Killua's smile, maybe even his anger, anything but silence.
"Well ... everything is ready for tomorrow. I think we should go to sleep as we wake up tomorrow."
Killua said leaving to take a shower.
Gon and Alluka stayed where they are and Alluka decided to help.
"Gon-san!"
Gon that was looking at the empty hallway turned to look at her.
"Yes?"
"Why don't you go talk to Killua?"
"I don't think he wants to talk to me."
"Aaah, silly." Alluka said with a smile "Killua loves to talk to you, he just can't resist, why don't you try?"
She didn't say anything more - her intentions were good, after all, Gon left her brother happy, at least happier than when he was not there.
Killua needed to cool his head, to hear Alluka say his name instead of calling him brother made him remember his situation, it was Nanika, and that wasn't a simple request.
It was an order ...
A sentence ...
Killua didn't do it but he got no choice.
He stood there thinking and after years where he spent living with Alluka and even before – when he and Gon were children – he got the costume to not lock the bathroom door.
Killua plunged his entire body into the water and stood there meditating, he always trained his Ren at such times, and several times he would leave the water sugary by accident.
Lost in his thoughts, in his doubts and in how to get out of the situation he found himself into, he didn't question the presence that entered the bathroom.
"I'm busy now, Alluka ..."
The silence, so unusual to Alluka, made Killua open his eyes and meet Gon.
"Aaah!"
The scare made him splash some water on the brunette as he tried to hide himself by bringing his legs close to him with his arms entwining them.
"Hehehe, my bad, I didn't mean to scare you."
"Don't you know you have to knock the door? Baaaka!"
"Well, it was open and you have nothing I haven't seen before, Killua."
"That's not the problem! Get out of here, Gon!"
Gon was silent, his gaze a little surprised, but he soon recovered, he went there with a purpose, he needed an answer and would not leave without.
"No!"
"Excuse me?" Killua said angrily, releasing his aura and making it clear he wasn't kidding.
"I said no, I want an answer from you!"
"Well, you're going to wait until I finish here, now get out!"
Killua started to get up, Gon would get out the bathroom even if it was the force.
But Gon's reaction was another, while Killua was getting up, Gon grabbed his shoulders and made him sit in the tub again.
Killua in turn tried to get out of the tub while Gon was practically getting into it in an attempt to keep him in place.
"Stop this Gon!"
"No! Not until you tell me you forgive me!"
"What are you talking about?"
Killua asked confused and at the same time a little bewildered.
"I apologized earlier today and you didn't tell me if you forgave me or not!"
"G-Gon, let me go, we'll talk tomorrow, okay ? ..."
"You're ignoring me!"
"I'm because you're being an asshole! Now you leave me be!"
It was then that the situation changed, Gon close the distance between them, pushing his body against Killua and using his physical strength to press Killua between him and the bathroom wall.
Killua could feel Gon's body, the heat emanating from him, his big, rough hands, one gripping his hair, another dangerously close to his ass - that alone was enough for Killua to freeze in a mixture of excitement and fear.
But it was the unexpected kisses that Gon gave on his neck that took him out of his trance.
"Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me ..." Gon spoke softly between the kisses.
That wasn't Gon.
Gon could be straightforward but he wasn't a person who would do that.
But Killua also knew that Gon got what he wanted, had what he wanted, and went all the way to achieving his goals.
"LET ME GO!"
Killua began to release his aura and Gon replied in the same way, that was no longer a simple argument, it was gradually getting out of control.
Nearby, Alluka heard the noises, felt the aura and rose up going to where the two boys were.
Killua released his Hatsu, the electricity ran loose and with a simple jerk he threw Gon to the other side of the bathroom.
Gon hit the wall breaking the sink and several tiles, falling to the floor in spasms as his body tried to recover from the shock.
Killua in turn got out of the tub with some difficulty, water conducts electricity and even he being resistant to it, that didn't mean he was immune.
For a moment he looked at Gon on the floor and he was worried, but while lying there with his body still recovering, Gon began to release that sinister aura from before.
Killua's instincts screamed for him to run out of there and so he did it running toward the door only to be stopped by Gon who grabbed his heel and pulled Killua's feet.
The years of experience prepared Killua for this, he stopped his fall with his arms and spun trying to hit a kick in Gon's face.
But Gon knew Killua very well and was already waiting for it, being able to hold his kick, quickly lifting Killua and throwing him back against the ground.
Taking advantage of the impact, Gon opened Killua's legs snuggling between them, quickly pinning one with his knee and approaching his body to Killua.
Why is Killua looking at me like that?
Why does he look at me as if Im' Illumi or Hisoka?
Why?
"Why?" Gon asked in a confused and childish tone that didn't match his expression or action.
Killua was already in the state of flight or fight and released his hatsu one more time launching Gon towards the bathtub.
Killua didn't wait a second before taking off at an abnormal speed, running out the door, picking up his sister halfway, entering the bedroom and putting Nen in the door to make sure it was sealed.
Gon in turn also recovered fast but speed was never his forte.
He stalked out of the bathroom and ran in the same direction as Killua.
Why?
Why?
What did I do?
Alluka looked at her naked brother, kneeling on the floor leaning against it. She could feel him sweating cold, his breath erratic.
"Killua? Is everything okay?"
Killua looked at her and forced a smile on his face.
"Yes, it's okay."
He stood up, ignoring the doorknob moving as Gon was trying to open the door.
He was already dressed when Gon started knocking; he lay on his sister's bed and drew her close to him, hugging her.
"Killua!" Gon knocked on the door.
"Killua! Open the door!" And the door was hit harder and harder.
"Nanika ... put Gon to sleep."
"Yay"
From inside the bedroom it was possible to hear the sound of Gon falling on the floor, Nanika in turn embraced her brother and began to pat his head.
"Killuah! I love you!"
