Chapter 8

Easy as breathing

A/N: Sorry for the long wait, I made this chapter a little longer to make up for it. I went on vacation to the Bahamas for my birthday I don't own twilight.

I had subsequently locked myself in my bed room after meeting Edward that afternoon. My head was killing me and confusion had set in to a degree I never thought possible. I wanted to scream or cry, to be angry or laugh. This quite literally reminded me of a nervous breakdown I had read about. When Edward had kissed me, I had felt the familiarity of it, and I knew the act had been practiced before.

That didn't stop it from feeling wrong. His lips were hard and cold, like ice and though my heart had sped up when his lips had touched mine, I didn't know if it was out of excitement or fear. I felt like I was being choked by the overwhelming feelings it had given me. It wasn't right.

When Jake and I had kissed, I had felt consumed, sure. But it felt like it was okay to let go of any inhibitions I had been clinging to, because he was there to protect me, he was the gravity that held me to the ground. With Edward, I felt like I would fly skyward and never come down, and as a result would drift further into space with nothing to console me in the many years of drifting to come.

Then there were these flashes and dreams. I was starting to believe they were true, and that sent me into a whole new barrage of emotions. 'I could be committed for Christ sake!' I paced my room, and wondered if I would wear a whole into the floor, because I had been at it for hours now. The door slammed closed downstairs and I jumped, spinning around to stare at the door of my bedroom.

"Bella? Are you home?" Charlie voice carried up the stairs and I glared at my feet. I was frustrated, tired, and fed up. I quickly walked to my door, opened it and made my way downstairs. I was on a mission, and I would not fail. I stepped into the living room, where my dad had already made himself comfortable on his lazy boy, beer in hand. "Hi Dad, how was today?" I leaned against the couch, too worked up to sit.

He looked at me and sighed. "Long day, a lots going on, in fact I'll probably pull another 14 hour day tomorrow. How you feeling?" I bit my lip and his eyebrows furrowed in concern as he turned more of his focus on me. "Bells?" I was feeling a bit guilty after his speech, so I decided I would pester him another day. 'Mission is an epic fail.'

"What going on at the station?" I asked instead of answering his voiced concerns. Still watching me with unease he replied. "Three people have been found murdered out in the woods in the last 48 hours." He sighed. "Actually it looks like they have been mauled, but I'm not convinced that we have a human eating bear out there. So I'm trying to open a homicide case. The higher ups are giving us issues though." Charlie leaned back in the chair and took a swig of his beer. "I don't want you out in the woods from now on Bella, I know you like to go hiking or you did before umm- just stay close to the house and town." He cleared his throat and nodded to himself.

"Is animal mauling in this area normal?" I asked as I finally sat down on the couch to face him, worried about the lines bracketing his eyes. 'He needs to sleep.' He shook his head. "Semi-common on the trails, but this is close to town, so no." He watched me. "You going to tell me what's bothering you now?"

My eyes widened and I sent him a questioning glace. He actually smiled and chuckled a bit. "You're a terrible liar Bella, and you've always worn your feelings on your sleeve. I won't push you, but I here if you need to umm talk or something." He looked a bit uncomfortable and I came to the startling realization that we probably had never had any conversations like this. 'Was I really that selfish?' Tears were in my eyes before I knew it and Charlie had made his way to my side silently, gently rubbing my back.

I looked at him, and I think he knew I felt lost. "Honey everything will work itself out. I know it's got to be hard, but Ill do what ever I can to make it easier." I leaned up against his shoulder and shook my head, my hair falling to hide my eyes. "Dad- please I need you to tell me something's about my past, I need to know, because I don't know what to think-" I took a shuddering breath as more tears ran down my cheeks. I felt so misplaced.

He rubbed my arm and pulled me closer and he leaned us back to rest on the couch. "How about this I'll try my best to answer your questions and we go a little bit at a time day by day. Let's say five questions a day." I sighed and pulled my knees up on to the couch so I could lean further against him, he tensed as if not used to the contact but relaxed. "Okay, I can work with that."

"It'll get easier too, your going back to school next week, you wont just be cooped up her with your old man." He laughed a bit and I joined in quietly as I felt my eyes drooping from the eventfulness of the day. "We have all the time in the world Bella, go ahead and go to sleep." He whispered and blackness claimed me before I could respond.

I was standing on a cliff overlooking the beach, the wind was blowing and the long strands of my hair whipping around me. I heard a distant howl on the wind, and the smell of the rain was thick in the air.

"Edward." I heard myself whisper as I stepped to the edge of the cliff, I noticed the rocking waters at the bottom and for some reason felt accomplished. Taking a deep quivering breath, I jumped and the feeling of the air splitting around me was invigorating, but then I hit the water and anything good I had been feeling was washed away with the iciness of the water and then unfathomable undertow that pulled me beneath the depths. I floated under the water, not struggling to break for air. Then I saw red in the distortion of the water, gleaming eyes gazing at me, a full mouth grinning with sharp teeth.

I swam backwards trying to escape, and felt the stab of rocks hitting my head before the world around me painfully pulsed and then I was sinking. I felt the last of my air escape my lips as I drifted downwards. Then out of the corner of my eye, was Edward. Floating downwards with me, I reached for him weakly, and just as I was about to grasp him a scorching hand grabbed me under my shoulder. My hand passed through Edwards and then he disappeared.

Hot lips pressed against mine, breathing in something I seemed to be missing and I gasped and coughed. Warm hands brushed over my brow and deep brown eyes looked into mine, wild with fear. There was this feeling pulling me toward him, anchoring and sealing me to him and this feeling that had been with me since I could remember being filled.

I welcomed it and wanted it. But then the pale visage of amber and brown flashed in my mind and I could not let go. The heat that had been washing over me, healing the broken edges of disrepair, was torn and I felt the jagged emptiness overtake me again.

I launched upright, desperately trying to catch my breath, clutching my heart which was thumping hard in chest. I looked wildly around the room and realized I was still in the living room. Pale light was flickering though the curtains and as I finally calmed my self enough to glanced at the clock on the wall.

10:34 am.

I flopped down on the couch and pulled the covers over my eyes. 'What was that? Was it dream or reality?' My head ached again and I rolled off the couch, looking around feeling the emptiness of the house closing in around me. 'Charlie must have gone to work already.' It was confirmed when I saw another note posted on the fridge.

'Remember what I told you about the woods. Be out late tonight, don't worrying about waiting up. Love Dad'

I sighed and walked upstairs, climbing into the shower after disrobing. Tears pored from my eyes, hidden in the water streaming from above, but it couldn't hide my sobs. 'I don't understand any of this!' Every things was coming quicker now. I ground my teeth and squeezed my eyes shut and before I knew it I had punched the wall of the shower. Pain burst through me and I forgot my temper tantrum and pulled my fist to my chest.

"Dammit!" I hissed and quickly turned the shower off, throwing a robe over my naked form. I tripped all the way down the stairs still cursing under my breathing. I sat on a chair in the kitchen and bravely opened uninjured hand to inspect the throbbing hand. Before I could get a real look at it however, a knock sounded at the front door.

"Who is it!" I ground out, and squeezed my eyes shut as my hand began to throb. "Bella? It's just Jake." I felt a bit of excitement, but it was quickly drowned out by the pain. "Umm-err is the door open?" I yelled back and he replied no. "Are you okay Bella?" his voice was starting to sound concerned and I forced myself to stand and make my way to the door. I opened the door slightly and peeked out at him. "This is really embarrassing Jacob, so if you laugh at me I swear I'll kick you right back out." I growled and opened the door for him to come in. He stood in the door way, eyes wide staring at me, mouth agape. It was then I realized I was just wearing the thin cotton of my robe, hair a soaking mess around me and I internally groaned. 'Way to make an impression.'

"Bells?" he squeaked and it made me feel the slightest bit better. I walked back to the kitchen and leaned over my hand; he followed me and arched a brow, embarrassment forgotten. "Are you okay honey?" He made his way over to me and leaned down on his knees so he was my height. He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and I angry huffed. "I punched the wall okay-I think I broke my hand." I grouched. He gently guided my hands down to my lap from my chest and teased my hand away from the injured one. "You punched the wall Bella." I could hear some amusement as well as concern and I growled. "Remember what I said Jacob. You will go out." He was holding in a chuckle and then he hissed when he saw my hand.

"Surely you knew the wall would win Bella, Jesus, I might have to take you to the hospital." I felt his hand gently touching the knuckles and I gritted my teeth. I looked down at the hand and felt the world swim, bloody knuckles and black and blues stared back at me. I felt my breathing pick up and my head spinning. I was picked up gently and set down on the kitchen counter. "Bella-Hey snap out it. Breath in and out-in and out." I followed the instruction and finally opened my eyes when I felt like I wouldn't pass out.

"You okay now?" I heard Jake ask and I looked up at him and notice our position. I was sitting on the counter top in my kitchen, Jacob-a shirtless Jacob resting between my legs, his hands holding the missing shirt around my hand gently. I stared dazed, what was going on again. "Bella?" his voice sounded like it was in a tunnel. I leaned forward and touched his face with one hand, moving it to the back of his head and into his hair. I started to pull him downwards, leaning my face towards him in a silent appeal and he followed my lead with no resistance, saying my name again, only now it was whispered. I felt the world explode in colors when his lips touched mine and he shifted closer, one hand cupping the back of my head. I could feel the heat coming off of him in waves and let my hand drop down to touch his chest. He made a noise resembling a growl and his hand traveled down to my lower back to pushing me closer. His tongued slid into my mouth and I returned the pressure just as greedily, biting lightly on his lower lip. He groaned and just as I was about push myself closer with my other hand, a searing white hot flash of pain distracted me. "Shit!" I gasped.

He immediately grasped me lightly and made a frustrated noise that I knew was him being annoyed with himself. "I'm so sorry Bella, I should have known better. Come on, we need to get you to the hospital and get you looked at." He leaned down to pick me up and I tried to catch my breath. "I need to put some clothes on Jacob." I mentioned when he began towards the door. His grinned sheepishly and nodded, turning towards the stairs and taking two of them at a time with his large gait.

"Umm-You need any help?" he gulped and I giggled at the look on his face. "I think I've got it covered. I'll be down in a moment." He nodded and I shut the door. 'What was that, poor guy I practically jumped him.' My cheeks heated with the thought of his body against mine. I had never felt something so tangible, or at least I didn't think I had. I threw on some underwear and had a hard time with my pants. Then I stared at my bra I had pulled out with trepidation. 'How is this going to work.' I tried and tried but could not for the life of me get it on. 'You could just ask Jake.' A snarky voice said. 'Um no.' I replied back and contemplated a button up flannel. Shrugging I donned the black shirt sans bra and buttoned it the best I could.

I walked down the stair and Jacob waited by the door, looking way to beautiful for it to be legal. 'You are a perv Isabella Swan.' He looked at me and smiled and then laughed. "Hold on honey let me fix this real quick." He said as I reached his side. He quickly unbuttoned the top buttons of my shit before I could protest, but then stalled when his knuckles brushes the naked flesh of the valley between my breasts where a bras fabric would have normal have been. I gulped when he froze. "I couldn't get it on." I mumbled and flushed. His breath stalled and he cleared his throat. "Umm, yeah that makes sense." He righted the button with shaky hands and pulled me towards the door and out towards the car.

Out ride to the hospital was tense and I was internally worried that our friendship had been compromised. We sat in silence the whole ride there and the only thing he had said when we got to the hospital was some thing about it being a few minutes but I would be back soon.

They called my name and I headed back, looking back at Jake when I realized he wasn't coming. He nodded to me and I frowned. I sat in the cold and sterile hospital room waiting, feeling my insecurities and fears coming back the longer I was away from Jake and alone. 'Does he make me feel better? Like my dream?'

A nurse came in before I could think on that further and lead me to get an x-ray. Twenty minutes later, I was informed that it was just some nasty bruising and to be more careful. Hand wrapped in a brace and chastised I made my way to the waiting room where Jake was. The closer I got the better I felt, tension leaving my muscles.

The doors slid open and I spotted him just as he spotted me. He stood and walked towards me and we met in the middle, eyes on each others. "You okay?" he said as he brushed away some hair from my eyes and I nodded. "Just some bruising, cant even break my hand properly it seems." He chuckled and grabbed my good hand leading us back out side. It was raining and we jogged towards the car, laughing.

The tension that had been a suffocating cloud on our way there was gone, replace with a comfortable one with music playing in the back round. We were almost to my house when Jake tensed and slowed, his eyes taking on a glow I had never seen before. "How about we go to my house for a bit Bells?" he asked, voice controlled and low. I nodded, never taking my eyes off of him as he sped up again, the rabbit protesting the speed. We reached his house quickly and I stepped out of the car, rain slicking my hair at the now downpour. Jake reached my side grasping my good hand, urging me towards the house it seemed franticly. "Jake-What are you doing?" I could feel his hand shaking and it made me think of my dream. I gasped and pulled back, my hand slipping easily from his grasped due to the rain.

He spun and looked about ready to throw me over his shoulder when his eyes rounded and focused on something behind me. A truly terrifying snarl issued from his throat, eyes turning darker, form beginning to blur. "Bella go inside now." He whispered his eyes never leaving what was behind me.

It may have to do with the fact I'm doomed to be one of those girls that get murdered in a horror flick or it could be that I'm unnaturally curious and don't know when to listen, but which ever it is, I turned to look over my shoulder and my blood ran cold at what I saw.

There standing at the tree line, a figure stood draped in a sharp suit that clung to him with the weight of the rain. His skin white and hair dark and long, but what stood out the most, was the maniacal grin that held sharp canines, and those eyes. Those blood red eyes that had haunted me since the first time I had dreamt of them. He focused on my face and laughed, the sound making me shiver. "Isabella, how good it is to see you again." He licked his lips and the next thing I knew I was behind Jacobs quivering body. "Leave this place!" he snarled and I took a step back away from him. The man in the trees ignored him and smiled beseechingly at me. "How very exciting this is, Isabella, I can hardly wait to taste you; your blood is practically singing with fear. Most delicious." He took a step forward. Then all hell broke loose and I was startled to say the least. Jake snarled and his form blurred into the russet wolf of my dreams, baring teeth at the creature in the forest. The man paused and looked thoughtful. "Oh how very quaint, you've taken in a stray." He chuckled to himself and I looked at him from behind my place behind the wolf I was sure was Jake. "Who are you? How do I know you? What are you taking about?" I screamed and backed away, Jake following my movements and continuing to place himself between myself and the man.

He laughed though it sounded slightly angered. "You dare forget me little singer. That is not very polite as I have not forgotten you. In fact I've traveled some way to see you." My eyes widened as his form was suddenly closer, and the rumble that came from the wolf in front of me distracted me. I trembled and remember not being afraid of the wolf in my dream, that he would protect me. I took slow steps towards the wolf, shaking but sure of my decision. I moved to the wolf's side, grasping the russet fur, like a child would a treasure blanket. I could almost feel the surprise of the animal, but he let out a soft purr of comfort and I knew I had been right. "I don't know who you are or what you are, but you need to leave." I said shakily, not knowing where this courage was coming from.

The wolf growled and then raised his head in a howl that shook me with the familiarity of it. Seconds later, multiple howls sounded back. The man looked displeased and looked at me with malice. "I am Aro, best you remember it this time Isabella." And then he was gone like he had never been there. I could hear the pounding of feet in the distance and adrenaline pumped through me, I wanted to run, but I was frozen to the spot and my hands were going numb with how hard I was grasping the thick fur on the wolf next to me.

A group of six wolfs exploded into the clearing and I gasped at the sheer size of them. They stared towards us and my body quivered. A large black wolf, made his way closer and I gasped hiding my face in the fur bracketing my body. I felt the snarl, and then the wolf I was holding on to lowered in to a laying position and I followed leaning into the curve of its body. When silence had reigned for some time I lifted my head and notice we were alone. The wolf's face lowered in a silent show of submission and I stared into the deep brown of the eyes I knew so well. Shaky hands moved towards the muzzle and I touched softly, feeling some fear, but more amazement. I rubbed the soft fur, and listened to the soft rumble that began.

"This is crazy." I whispered, and the wolf made a barking noise that I thought could have been a laugh. I narrowed my eyes. "It's not funny; I could be locked up for this." Again the wolf barked, though this time his tongue rolled out much to my exasperation. I continued to run my hands through his fur, realizing it was calming me as much as it was calming him. "So it's all real." I quietly murmured. Looking up when the he nosed me, I saw the question in his eyes. "My dreams, you're a wolf and you protect me." I paused and crinkled my nose. "Though I'm still not sure from what." I felt him tense and it was my turn to look at him questionably. He huffed and settled down, head laid on his paws. 'If that's not an I don't want to talk about, I don't know what is.'

I stood and walked out in front of him, seating myself so I could really look at him. He raised his head, cocking it to the side in a very puppy like manner and I giggled. He grumbled, and then the next thing I knew he licked my face. "Ewww!" I sputtered and wiped my face with the sleeves of my shirt. I glared at him and stood crossing my arms, back facing him. I heard him stand and felt the heavy head lay gently on my shoulder. I nuzzled my head against his muzzle and turned, now serious. "So your really Jake? I'm not dreaming." He nodded and sat down. I gazed at him. "Prove it." I whispered and raised an eyebrow when he all but grinned, his form blurring, and there stood Jake.

Eyes comically wide I stared at him. All of him. Then I realized why he had grinned that way and spun around. "You could have warned me Jake!" I screamed and was not comforted at all when he burst out laughing. "Well you said prove it!" "I didn't know that meant you were going to be naked!" "How was I supposed to know?" "Arg! Go put some clothes on!"

He was still laughing as I felt him approach and place a hand on my shoulder. Despite the gravity of the situation that had just past, I still knew he was naked, I felt my blood heat. "You need to come inside too Bella, I'll be right behind you." I nodded and forced myself to breath and not think about Jacob naked. It was a much more pleasant thought than thinking about the terrifying red eyes however, so I used it to distract myself. The house was quiet and I stepped into the living room, trying not to look behind me as I heard Jake make his way to his bedroom.

'You acting like a hormone driven teenager.' I thought to myself. 'Well duh.' I shook my head and wandered through the living room, much to keyed up to sit. I was staring at some pictures on the mantle and smiled when I saw Jacob and a little girl that resembled me playing in the mud. 'Mud pies.' I was just starting to turn when warm arms slid around me from behind and a chin rested on my shoulders. I relaxed. "Are you okay Bella, like really okay-your way to calm for someone who just saw what they did." The deep tone of his voice made me shiver, and I leaned back into him. "I would hardly say that I'm calm Jake-I just some how know that you will never hurt me. That I'm safe or something with you." I turned in the circle of his arms and wrapped my own around his neck, looking into his eyes which were filled with some many emotions.

"Your right, I would never hurt you, or let someone else hurt you." He voice holding a certainty that I would believe regardless of any situation. 'I trust him.' I tilted my head and ran a finger down his face, rough with five o' clock shadow. "Did I know about you before I forgot every thing?" he tensed and I felt the invisible barrier he had just erected as he stepped away from me. Loss pulled at me and the feeling tore through me, only stronger this time.

"You knew, we protected you just like we did tonight." He murmured, face a mask of control and I envied him. I couldn't stand it, so I followed him to where he had sat in the open window ledge. The day was cloudy, darker with storm, and we listened to the rain for a bit before I spoke again. "What was he Jake?" I whispered. I lowered my head and a headache coming on. "Why did he seem to know me?"

Jake sighed and shook his head. "I can't tell you Bella. Remember what the doctor said about jarring your memories. I won't hurt you." He looked angry, though he had never even looked at me, just continued to stare at the rain. "It's more than that isn't it?" I questioned, turning his head with my hand on his cheek. He still averted his eyes and let out a frustrated sound. He finally looked at me his face drawn into a scowl, and I almost gasped out loud at the fear I saw lingering in his eyes, fear he was desperately trying to hide. "Jacob-why?" he just shook his head and withdrew my hand gently and stood moving toward the couch to sit down. I watched him, feeling the tug again, though this time it was different, less pronounced. "You're afraid. Why are you afraid?"

"Bella stop. I told you I can't." He laid his head in his hands, grasping at the hair on his head. 'I can't stand to see him like this.' He was so strong and happy all the time, that seeing him so desolate and upset felt like I was being ripped apart. 'Enough.' I thought as I strode towards, purpose in mind. He raised his head to look at me, leaning back against the couch, leaving himself open. "Bella-I told you-" I silenced him with the press of my lips as I sat on his lap.

Hoping I wasn't completely misreading him, and that he wanted this as much as I seemed to want to, I was gentle and slow. He didn't respond for a moment and I was about to pull back when his hands gripped me, one hand sliding into the locks of my hair, the other wrapping around my waist to bring me closer. His mouth slid open and then we were battling for dominance in the kiss. I shifted forward, trying to destroy the distance between us and he groaned, tilting my head to the side and nibbling on my neck. I gasped and shifted closer again. The hand at my waist tightened and tilted my hips, bring me in contact with the manifestation of his excitement, I moaned when it brushed against the bundle of nerves between my thighs and he answered with a gasped version of my name.

Our lips met again, my good hand wrapped in the silk of his hair and the other wrapped around shoulder as I tilted my hips into his. His hand left my hair, traveling to my thigh hitching it higher around it waist, the other travel under my shirt to brace me, his hand cupping my neck. A practically strong thrust against my center had me crying out his name breaking away from his lips, he nuzzled my neck and into the open buttons of my blouse. When that had happened I would never know, but the others were quickly unbuttoned and his lips circling one of my naked breasts. "Oh god!" I gasped as a new feeling over took me. "Bells." He groaned biting one of the sensitive peeks. "Jake!"

I was on fire. Everywhere he touched was set aflame and what had started out as a means to comfort to calm him was quickly turning into an inferno of passion and feelings I had only had a taste of. I wanted more, we had to have done this before, he knew exactly what to do to cascade me into oblivion.

The movement of our hips was becoming frantic, and I knew he was close as I was. "Bella-I-come for me Bella." He groaned huskily, biting my neck. I gasped feeling tingles rushing through me, a numbing heat beginning. "Say my name Bella." He growled and I shuddered at the sound of his voice, and then something snapped and I was gasping out his name. A few moments later, he was choking out mine, his body straining, eyes shut in ecstasy.

He fell back against the couch and I fell with him, resting on his naked chest, revealing in the feeling of skin touching skin as my shirt lay in to crooks of my arms. We both panted, tracing shapes on each others skin. "Where did that come from?" he breathed, tightening his arms around me, nuzzling my hair. I smiled against the skin of his neck. "I needed to touch you; it's been bugging me all day." I joked though I was serious.

He lifted my chin and sweetly kissed me. "We shouldn't have done that Bella." He whispered and I tensed and looked at him in shock. His eyes quickly widened as he realized what he just said. I sat up and he grabbed my hips still straddling his waist. "I didn't mean it like that! I just meant that you're still unsure of everything and I don't want you to regret it!" I huffed still not pleased with his explanation.

I struggled to get up but he held strong. I glared at him. "Let go Jacob." He looked frantic and it might have been funny if I wasn't so upset. I mean really, it's the only sexual encounter that I have to go off of and he tells me we shouldn't have done it. "Bella, please understand, there's a lot of stuff you don't know." He begged. I crossed my arms. "Um yeah I know that. But it wouldn't be that way if someone would tell me what the hell is going on!" I struggled again and he let me up finally and I was already making my way to the door when he caught me, spinning around to give him a piece of my mind, he caught my lips before so much as a peep could come out.

When he pulled back I was dazed, he looked into my eyes like he was trying to decrepit my soul and smiled when he saw something he had to have been looking for. "I don't regret it Bella, I never will. I just don't want you to hate me when and if you remember. I don't want you to regret it."

I cuddled into him, nodding and gently kissing the exposed skin of his chest. "Jacob, I really don't think I could ever regret being with you. Definitely not hate you." I tilted my head back and looked into his eyes, half smiling. "Because being with you, it's really as easy as breathing don't you think?"