June 22nd 2011


Its only been five days since Jade slept over at my house but she already seems to be doing a lot better. She's has a bit of colour back in her cheeks and she looks a lot less tired. I've also seen her eating which is a massive relief. I'm not walking around in paralysing fear that she could drop down dead anymore but I'm still keeping a close eye on her.

I made her give me her gym card which annoyed her a lot, but it makes me feel better that she literally cannot go. I also convinced her to sit with our friends at lunch again. Everyone seemed pleased that Jade was back and even Beck smiled when she sat down next to me on Monday. I however, did not smile. I just don't feel like I can see Beck the same way I did before, not now I know he's the reason Jade started starving. Whenever he smiles at me or I hear him laugh, I feel angry. I'm trying not to let it show but I'm finding it hard not to roll my eyes at everything he says.

The one thing I didn't expect to come from all of this though is how Jade's been acting around me. She's always been slightly hostile and freaks out when people touch her and I guess she's still that way - just not with me. Instead of the cold behaviour I've grown used to from her, she's constantly finding my hand to hold under the table. And I'm not exactly stopping her either.


June 23rd 2011


I guess things got better too quickly, or I deluded myself into thinking things had got better when they really hadn't at all. Today I caught Jade throwing up in the girls bathroom. I feel so stupid that I didn't even think that she might do that. I innocently went to the bathroom at the start of my English class and I realised there was someone being sick in one of the cubicles. I was about to call out and ask if they were ok when I noticed Jades bag sticking out of the gap in the door and my heart sunk. I stood next to the sinks, arms crossed waiting for her to finish and when she finally opened the cubicle door, I saw the realisation cross her face. She knew she'd been caught.

"Ugh don't eat the veggie burgers." Jade didn't meet my eye as she crossed the room and started to wash her hands. I stared at her in disbelief

"Really?" I said skeptically.

"Yeah I think he gave me food poisoning." Jade continued.

"Drop the act Jade, you and I both know that's crap." I scolded.

"Why are you spying on me?" Jade suddenly became defensive.

"I was just going to the bathroom and then—"

"Well if you need the bathroom, go to the bathroom! Don't just stand and spy on me, there's such a thing as privacy!" Jade interrupted me, her words stinging me like poison.

"I'm not trying to invade your privacy." I sighed.

"Then don't stand outside toilet cubicles when someones being sick. Jesus it's not exactly rocket science Tori!" Jade snapped.

"What?" I widened my eyes "But you're doing it on purpose!"

"Just stop spying on me!" Jade stormed out before I could even get another word in the conversation. I groaned loudly as she slammed the door closed. I felt like we'd taken one tiny step forwards and now, several steps back. I'm not taking my eye off her at school anymore. I'm going to be watching her like a hawk.


June 24th 2011


Aghhhhhhh! I'm more confused than I have ever been before. Today Beck finally had enough of me ignoring him and glaring at him constantly and he called me out on it. We were both at our lockers and Beck was trying to start a conversation with me about one of the senior plays. I brushed off nearly everything he said, still feeling pissed with him about the Jade situation but somehow he figured it out.

"Is this about Jade?" Beck said suddenly.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Tori you're supposed to be one of my closest friends but you're acting like you barely even know me right now." Beck sounded hurt

"Why would you assume that's anything to do with Jade?" I asked him seriously.

"Because you've been hanging out with her a lot. I'm not stupid Tori. She's obviously said something to you to turn you against me." Beck frowned.

"She hasn't." I shook my head, closing my locker door.

"Then care to tell me what I've done to upset you?" Beck asked exasperatedly. I kept quiet, ignoring his question. I couldn't explain to him why I was mad with him without revealing everything Jades been doing and I wasn't about to go behind her back to her ex-boyfriend like that. But it turned out I didn't need to.

"How much weight has she lost this time?" Beck asked seriously. My eyes widened.

"Wait what?" I asked confused. How did he know.

"Oh God. Tori just talk to me please!" Beck practically pleaded.

"How do you know?" I asked shocked.

"How do I know?" Beck repeated exacerbated. "Tori she might not be my girlfriend anymore but I know her better than anyone. Give me some credit."

"I'm so mad at you right now" I told him. Shaking my head.

"Why?" Beck asked, genuinely seeming confused.

"Because this is your fault!" I snapped angrily.

"How is it my fault?" Beck looked bewildered. I scoffed, typical Beck to deny having done anything wrong.

"Do I have to refresh your memory, you dated her for three years, dumped her, stopped speaking to her, started dating someone else after barely even a month! You drove her to this!" I yelled. Beck looked horrified.

"I'm hurting too. The break-up hurt me too!"

"Oh you're hurting? Just look at her Beck! She's barely even recognisable. How could you do this to her?" I found myself letting out all my anger on him.

"How could you even accuse me of this? I thought you were my friend." Beck seriously looked hurt, not that I cared, "You said it yourself, she was my girlfriend for three years! Don't even try to pretend I don't care about her."

"You can't care about her that much since you broke up with her." I snapped.

"We fell out of love with each other Tori." Beck said solemnly. I kept quiet for a moment taking in the seriousness of his tone. I could tell he cared, but it didn't excuse him from this. It wasn't like I wanted Beck and Jade to be together either. I just wanted him to fix the mess he'd made.

"I'm not saying date her. I'm saying talk to her. Stop her from doing this. I'm not sure you realise how serious this is." I said more calmly. The bell rang signalling end of the last period and I was ready to walk away, sick of hearing Beck's excuses but before I had the chance he'd grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me into the janitors closet.

"She's been like this for a long, long time Tori. You think I don't know? I've tried to help her snap out of it but she's had problems with food for years." Beck whispered, anxiously peering out of the janitors closet.

"What?" I frowned. As far as I was aware, as far as Jade had told me. This only started a couple of months ago.

"Jade has issues with eating and her weight and she's really, really good at lying about it." Beck emphasised.

"No.. what? This is because of the breakup. This is directly caused by the break up!" I argued.

"What exactly has she told you?" Beck sighed.

"She's been starving herself, throwing up meals, taking diet pills, exercising way too much." I listed everything I could think of. Beck shook his head, running a hand through his hair anxiously.

"Ok well the over-exercising is new. The rest she's done before." Beck sighed.

"Want to know why she's doing this?" I felt a new surge of anger towards him.

"Why she says she's doing this." Beck raised an eyebrow.

"She says its punishment for not being good enough for you. Because she thought it would make you love her." I folded my arms, waiting for his reaction. It was not what I expected.

"I will always love Jade as a friend, but as a girlfriend.. we just aren't right for each other and she knows that." Beck sighed sadly..

"Well, that's what's making her do this." I glared.

"It's not Tori." Beck said firmly.

"Yes it is!" I raised my voice, thoroughly annoyed with him and everything he was saying. Why wouldn't he just accept responsibility for his actions? Beck looked angry at me too though and I could tell he'd had enough of arguing with me when he put his hands to the side, in a giving up notion.

"You know what? If it makes you feel better blame me. Blame me for the issues that she's had for years. But I'm not apologising for ending the relationship that made both of us miserable." And with that Beck walked out of the janitors closet leaving me there feeling infuriated.

I can't stop thinking about everything we talked about today. Beck did seem to know a lot more about this than I expected him to. I just don't want to believe that Jade lied to me that night. She seemed completely genuine when she told me Beck was the reason for all of this, but here he was telling me she'd done it all before. I just don't know who to believe.


Please Review :)