Time to Heal Chapter 7
Chapter 7
"So how does it feel being back at work," Janet asked Amanda as they walked through the park on their way back to the agency after lunch.
Their therapy sessions had ended two weeks ago and Janet had since returned to her life in New York. She was only back in Washington for a couple of days to wrap up a few lose ends and this was the last chance the two friends had to get together before she returned home that evening.
"It feels good to be back but I'm just doing paperwork right now. I haven't been approved to return to the field yet. Well, if I return to the field at all."
"What do you mean?"
"Lee has an opportunity to leave the field. He wants me to leave too."
"Oh I see. So what do you want?"
"My life back the way it was before all this happened." They stopped at a bench and sat down. "I don't know. I understand how Lee feels, but what does it say about me if I walk away now. How would it look?"
"How would it look to whom?"
"To all those who didn't think I could or should have been in the field. "Scarecrow got out so of course she would too. She can't make it without him," or "I knew she couldn't handle it. As soon as things got a little rough she ran.'" Janet, you understand. You didn't let what happened keep you from going back in the field."
"Yes, but you're not me. I also didn't have a family, at that time, to consider." She paused before continuing. "Amanda, I told you, I read your file. Even if I hadn't it's not like you haven't made a name for yourself in the agency. Sure being Scarecrow's partner gave you a lot of exposure but everyone knows that a great deal of your success as partners was because of you. You have nothing to prove to anyone."
"So you think I should leave."
"I can't answer that for you. Amanda, you need to honestly examine why you want to be in the field and decide what would be best for you and your family."
Soon after they returned to the agency, Janet headed for the airport for her return to New York and Amanda headed back to the Q-Bureau. Lee was out in the field with Francine working on a lead while she was left behind to do research.
She scanned through the Craig Sorenson file several times for clues. What had they missed? She picked up the key his wife had found – 'GB' was the initials engraved on it. She'd seen it before she was sure, but where? She stared at it continuously but her mind couldn't focus. All she could think about was her conversation with Janet. Finally deciding to give up, she wrote Lee a note, grabbed her purse and headed home.
On her way home, she stopped at the market to pick up some groceries for dinner. She was removing the groceries from her car when she heard someone approaching.
"Hello Mrs. Stetson," said the voice behind her.
Amanda turned to see Debbie Stevenson, the young physical trainer. As usual she wore her hair pulled back into a ponytail and her much fitted jogging suit.
"Hi Debbie, I see you're out jogging again."
"Yes, I always like to get a run in before I head to work. It loosens me up and makes me very flexible. You should try it sometime."
Amanda just looked at her and smirked. There was something about the woman that irritated her.
"Well, I have to go. Say hello to Lee," she added.
The woman only irritated her before, now she knew she absolutely did not like her. By referring to Lee by his first name, Debbie was trying to imply that their relationship was more intimate than it really was. Looking at the woman she couldn't help but think about how much she resembled the women Lee used to date. Under normal circumstances she would have just laughed at the woman's absurd antics but considering their current sex life or lack of one, she found the situation a bit frustrating.
Debbie was starting to jog off when Amanda spotted the logo on the corner of her jacket. Suddenly it all came clear to her what had been nagging at her all day.
"Debbie," she called out to the woman.
"Yes," she turned to Amanda still jogging in place.
"Actually Lee and I have been thinking about joining a gym. I was hoping you could give us some information on the gym you work at."
"That's great. I have to go right now but why don't you both come by the gym sometime and I'll be sure to give you a tour and answer some questions you have." Then she turned and jogged off.
"Okay, thanks," Amanda said with a smirk of satisfaction on her face. It was finally clear. She knew she'd seen it before. The logo on Debbie's jacket was the same as the one on the key – GB – 'Gold Bar' Fitness Gym. Those weren't initials on the key. GB isn't a person, it's a place.
After putting the groceries away, Amanda tried to reach Lee at the office but he hadn't returned. She also tried calling his car phone but there was no answer there as well. Finally deciding she'd try later she began preparing dinner.
"No, you don't have to interrupt their meeting. I'll see him when he gets home. Thank you, goodnight," Amanda said to the agency's evening switchboard operator that had answered the phone. It was her third time calling and this time he had returned to agency but he was in a meeting with Billy.
She hung up the phone slowly and sighed. It was after eight o'clock and he still wasn't home. She wasn't sure why it bothered her so much; it wasn't his first time working late. But she hadn't seen or heard from him since he left the agency at 10:30 that morning. Usually if they were apart for a long period of time during the day, unless they were working undercover, they would check in just to let the other one know they were alright. However, they hadn't spoken much at all the last few days. Her unanswered decision to his ultimatum had created some tension in their already strained relationship. She was starting to wonder if he was purposely trying to avoid her.
"Lee still isn't home yet," Dotty asked as she walked into the kitchen.
"Uhm, no he's working late."
"He's been doing that a lot lately."
"Yeah," she said turning to stare out the window.
"Amanda, are you and Lee okay?" Dotty asked sensing that something was wrong.
"What?"
"I've noticed some tension between the two of you lately."
She turned away from the window. "Yes, were fine. There are few things we have to work through, mostly work related but …"
"Oh please tell me you're not doing anything dangerous again. You can't keep putting yourself in these situations."
"Mother …"
"Okay, okay, I know you can't talk about agency business so I'll back off. You said it was mostly work related, what else is going on?"
"Oh! Nothing important!" She picked up the dish cloth and began wiping off the counter.
Dotty eyed her suspiciously. "Amanda, do you remember when I was learning to drive and I caused that three car accident."
"Yes, I remember."
"It was awful. I'm glad you weren't there to see it. I was so scared of driving after the accident that I thought I'd never drive again, but do you remember what you told me."
"Don't give up."
"Right! And although I was a little nervous, I stayed calm, kept trying and before I knew it I was driving."
"That's a sweet story mother but I don't understand why you're telling me this."
"Honey, what I'm trying to say is, you've been through a lot lately and getting your life back on track, returning to your old routines can be a little scary. It may take a while but if you calm down and relax eventually you'll get there. I know how much Lee loves you so whatever you two are going through; I know you'll work through it eventually."
"Thank you mother," Amanda said hugging her. "I needed to hear that."
Amanda was awakened by the sound of footsteps in the bedroom then she saw the bathroom light go on. She turned and looked at the clock – 10:05.
"Lee, are you just getting home."
"I'm sorry," he answered sticking his head out of the bathroom, "I didn't mean to wake you."
"That's okay; I was trying to wait up for you anyway." She sat up in the bed and stretched. "You had another difficult day?"
"That's life at the agency." He had removed his tie and was in the process of removing his shirt. "By the way, I'm sorry I didn't call you today. Francine and I got sent on a wild goose chase that led us to the countryside and I couldn't get a signal or find a working phone."
"I admit I was a bit worried but I understand. That must have been some meeting you had with Billy."
"There was a problem with one of our agents working undercover oversees and Billy needed my help rectifying the matter."
"Practice for when you take over his position?" she asked. Lee had just returned to the bedroom and was looking through the top drawer.
"The agent at the switchboard told me you called a few times, was there something you needed," he asked ignoring her previous question.
"I have some new information on the Dr. Sorenson case and thought you'd want to know."
She relayed her earlier encounter with Debbie Stevens while he listened from the chair across from the bed.
"Gold Bar Gym. I can't believe it, it's been right here in front of our face the entire time."
"We've been dealing with so many other things lately."
"Yeah, you're right. So do you think Debbie knows something about Dr. Sorenson's death?"
"Well we always suspected that he was having an affair and she definitely wouldn't be opposed to having a relationship with a married man," she stated remembering her earlier conversation with Debbie and the way she's been throwing herself at Lee. "I don't understand what kind of man would even fall for her cheap antics."
"Okay, well I'll check it out tomorrow."
"Maybe I should come with you since she's expecting both of us."
"No, I can handle it alone."
"It's just a gym."
"Amanda!"
"Alright Lee, I'll stay away," she caved realizing it was an argument she wouldn't win. "You still didn't answer my other question"
"What?"
"Did Bill say anything about the job?"
Lee hesitated. "Yeah, he said he needs an answer soon."
"I think you should take the position."
"Amanda we've already discussed this."
"I know and I've thought a great deal about what you said and why I want to go back in the field."
"And?"
She paused for a moment. "Lee, when I first joined the agency, there was a lot of talk about whether I could effectively handle myself in the field seeing as I was just a housewife."
"Amanda, that was a long time ago. No one has questioned your ability in the field for years."
"I know that too. I tried convincing myself that I needed to go back in the field to prove something to everyone else but the truth is I need to prove something to myself."
"I don't understand."
"Lee I'm scared – scared that I can't handle myself out there anymore. I need to know, that with everything that's happened, if I'm needed I can still function in the field."
"This thing with Birol happened six years ago and you've worked in the field successfully since then."
"Yes, but I also didn't fully remember what happened. I refused to let myself remember because I was afraid. Now, that I know … everything's changed. I need to know that I left on my own terms and not because I let my fear of what he did to me push me out."
"Amanda, I …"
"But I also realize that I can't keep doing this. That I can't stay out there; so I propose a compromise."
"Compromise?" Lee walked over to the bed and sat down next to her.
"Yes. You take the job as Section Chief and I agree to leave the field in six months. That gives me enough time to see if I really could handle myself in the field and time to decide on what I want to do next." She could see he was struggling with the idea. "Lee, please. I promise I'll be careful and you get to pick my partner."
"Six months and you're out?"
"Yes, six months."
"Okay."
She threw her arms around his neck. "Thank you."
"Now I just have to decide who I'm going to assign as your partner. And it won't be that idiot you worked with on your last assignment."
"Lee it wasn't his fault my cover was blown."
"I'm not debating this with you. The answer is no."
"Okay fine. What about Matt Connelly who transferred from the Chicago office last year? We've worked with him on a few cases and I worked a case with him earlier this year. He has a great field record."
"Yeah but he always seems just a little too eager to work with you. I'm not trying to cause problems for myself."
"Lee Stetson, are you saying you think he could win over my affections."
"No, not at all," he bent forward and kissed her, "but I'm not taking any chances."
He cut off her laughter with another kiss. He was about to pull back when she inched her lips forward prolonging the kiss. As she slid her hand behind his head and into his hair, he pulled her closer and their kiss quickly began to intensify. Considering what happened at the cabin, he felt he should stop but the whisper of his name from her lips encouraged him to go further; and unlike what happened that night at the cabin, this time she didn't push him away.
"Come in," Amanda said in answer to the knock at the Q-Bureau door. She looked up to see Jamie walk through the door. "Jamie, honey what are you doing here."
"We're supposed to go shopping today at the mall, don't you remember?"
"Yes, but is mother here too. I thought you were going to ride over there with she and Emily and I was going to meet you there."
"Yeah, I know but our class had a field trip in the city not far from here so I thought, why go all the way back home to Virginia only to have to come back. I got my teacher to call grandma and she gave the okay for me to stay in Washington and come here to meet you."
"I guess it's alright, it does make sense. I just wished you would have let me know first."
"I did try to call you but I didn't get an answer."
"Okay, well just let me take this file downstairs and then I'll be ready to go. You'll be okay waiting here?"
"Of course mom, I'll just read until you get back," he said taking a seat on the couch.
Jamie waited a few moments after she left then he got up from the couch, went to the door and took a look out in the hall. Seeing no one, he quickly closed the door and went to Lee's desk. Happy to see that the computer was still on, he keyed in Lee's password. He had been there a few months ago and watched from a distance as Lee entered it. Luckily he had remembered.
Jamie knew something was wrong when he returned from his weekend trip to see Phillip. The house was a little too quiet even solemn – there was no laughter. Everyone was different. Sure, the family routines were the same but they were all mechanical. And mom stayed in her room most of the time. No baking cookies or cleaning or nagging them about homework. She was always resting. That wasn't like her. One day he found her in the kitchen – it was obvious she had been crying but when he asked her what was wrong she claimed she had been cutting onions.
He asked Lee if anything was wrong and he claimed everything was fine. He said they were all just a little tired from everything that's been going on lately which is why he said they had taken a leave from the agency. Jamie wasn't convinced. He tried talking to Phillip about it but Phillip just thought he was being paranoid. Then everything started to change back to normal. Mom no longer stayed in her room and everyone wasn't so gloomy. He was beginning to think Phillip was right; maybe he was just being paranoid. They did work a great deal; perhaps they did just need a little rest.
Then came the day, a week ago, when he overheard the conversation between Lee and Francine in the backyard - and he knew the truth. He couldn't believe what he had heard. He rode his bike to the park and sat there for hours trying to process it all. He thought of calling Phillip again but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He hated even thinking about it. His mother had been … raped. The thought of it made him sick.
Jamie took a sigh of relief, the password worked. Once he had access to the system, he made a file search for 'Berol.' From what he'd overheard, he knew he was the one. He received an error message: 'file not found'. Then he substituted the 'e' with an 'i', and there it was – Birol, Adi. In the top corner of the file was Birol's picture. He stared at it for a long time, memorizing every detail - his curly black hair, thick eyelashes, sinister eyes – this was the man that hurt his mom. He couldn't explain why it was so important but he needed to know who Birol was, what he looked like.
He quickly scanned through the file. It seemed the government had been after him for quite a while before he was finally captured. October 1986, that was when they finally caught him. Lee Stetson was listed as the 'Agent of Record.' He was the foremost agent credited with Birol's capture. Jamie took some solace in knowing that Lee had brought this man to justice. Then he saw it - listed among Birol's many charges – 'the abduction and torture of US Federal Agent Amanda King.'
Jamie's eyes were fixed on the word 'torture.' What else had Birol done to her he wondered? Whenever his mom or Lee had been injured in the line of duty, they were always careful not to show any outward signs of worry or fear around the family. As a result, he and Phillip had learned to treat their injuries as just another day on the job. But he thought about the things Lee said that day in the back yard, the sound in his voice. It had all been an act. He ran his hands through his hair in imitation of Lee – "abduction and torture" – he said the words out loud. No wondered they were so worried when he escaped. They were worried he would come back to seek revenge on them or worst their family. 'And I just made things worst acting like an immature kid – pouting because they wouldn't let me go to a stupid lunch with Dean and some highly publicized photographer.'
He was about to read on when suddenly he heard voices. Quickly he cleared the screen, locked the computer and rushed back to the sofa. He had just taken his history book from his backpack when Lee and Amanda opened the door.
"Hi Sport," Lee said, "I heard you were here."
"Yeah," he said with a smile. "So mom, are you ready to go."
"Just let me get my purse."
"Good, I'll wait downstairs." Jamie quickly left the room, his heart pounding after almost getting caught.
"Wow, he certainly got out of here in a hurry." Amanda took her purse from the bottom drawer. What do you suppose that was about?"
"I don't know. I'm sure it's nothing, probably just anxious to meet up with some girl at the mall." He gently grabbed Amanda's arm as she walked towards the door and turned her towards him. "So I guess I'll see you at home later?"
"Yeah," she smiled. "Are you working late tonight?"
"Not if I can help it," he responded. Then he leaned in and gave her a slow sensual kiss.
Amanda was still thinking about that kiss as she walked through the mall with her mother and Emily. Jamie had gone off on his own probably to meet up with some girl as Lee had guessed.
"Amanda look, this is perfect," Dotty stated looking at some lace material hanging in the display window. "Come on I have to have a look."
Emily enthusiastically followed behind her grandmother as she shopped for the perfect accessories for her upcoming wedding. Amanda's mind, however, was not in it. She could think of nothing but Lee. Last night they had made love for the first time in a long time. It hadn't been their usual fireworks - they were both too careful – she was afraid of clamming up the way she had at the cabin and he was of afraid of hurting her, but it was nice and it was a start.
She thought again about the way he'd kissed her earlier, the way he looked at her. She smiled to herself. It was extremely exhilarating to know how much he still wanted her. They were at a good place right now. She knew it would take time to fully get back to where they were but now at least she was confident they would.
As her mother and Emily spoke with the sales lady, Amanda walked around the boutique admiring its merchandise. She saw a beautiful white suit that made her think fondly of the day she and Lee were married. She picked up a hat from a nearby display table and placed it on her head as she stood before the mirror. She adjusted the hat several times on her head. The hat was nice but it wasn't her.
A loud sound of laughter caused her to glance past her reflection to the boutique's display window. She saw a group of giggling teenage girls pass by. Friday evenings at the mall was always crowded with teenagers and couples anxious to start their weekend.
She caught sight of a gentleman standing along the far end of the wall outside the boutique. He was wearing a baseball cap and was dressed in khaki pants and a sweat shirt. No doubt he was probably waiting for his girlfriend or wife but there was something about him that seemed a little odd, yet familiar. 'Do I know him,' she wondered.
"What do you think of this one?" she heard her mother ask. She was about to look away from the gentleman and the mirror when suddenly she caught sight of his eyes and realized he was watching her too. She stood looking through the mirror with her eyes locked on him when a crowd walked by and obscured her view. When the crowd cleared he was gone. She quickly turned and headed for the boutique's entrance. She heard her mother call to her but she didn't respond.
Once outside the boutique she glanced from left to right in search of the gentleman she had seen. Finally to her left, she spotted the baseball cap and began walking quickly in his direction. She struggled to keep up. Each time she thought she was gaining on him another group of shoppers entered her path causing her to slow down and allowing him to increase his distance. She was so consumed in her pursuit that she didn't notice that she had walked right past Jamie.
"Mom?" he called questioningly but she didn't stop, she couldn't. She wasn't sure why it was so important to catch up to that man but she was sure she knew him. That he just happened to be there, outside the boutique, watching her, she was sure was no coincidence.
She watched him turn down a corridor. She glanced at the sign above and realized he was headed for the exit. Realizing she was going to lose him she quickened her pace. Her heart was beating wildly. She reached the corridor just as he had pushed open the exit door. But just as the door was about to close, he turned back towards her and smiled. Then he was gone.
She gasped. She could feel herself trembling. "Birol," she whispered.
"Mom, are you alright," Jamie asked standing next to her. He looked a little bewildered as he glanced down the empty corridor where her eyes were fixed. "Mom …"
"Jamie," she stated finally realizing someone was there. Then she grabbed him by the arm. "Come on, we have to get your grandmother and sister. We have to go … Now."
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