Toni was getting real fed up with Betty Ross real quick. Against her best attempts Ross still managed to be around Bruce all the time and for once Toni wasn't exaggerating, it was all the fucking time. For the past month Toni had managed to see Bruce alone a handful of times, and during most of those times she was half asleep, or woken up for a two second goodnight. To add insult to injury it didn't even seem like Ross' fault. Bruce was the one seeking her out, and Bruce was the one having them stay up. Toni was pretty damn sure that the two of them weren't even working on anything, and she honestly had half a mind to separate them to make sure something actually got done.

Toni didn't even want to admit how badly this was affecting her, she wasn't sleeping, was barely eating. She'd been drinking again and she could feel the black edges of depression creeping up on her. The time she spent working with Steve or playing pranks with Clint and Thor, wasn't helping much either. It kept the feelings away while she was with them, but she couldn't monopolize their time twenty four seven.

Toni pushed lank curls out of her eyes and began washing dishes by hand. She was so tired and lonely that she was doing chores. The print on the cup became a bit fuzzy and she had to grip the counter as a wave of exhaustion washed over her, she was slowly creeping up on the limit of how much sleep she could go without before she shut down.

"Good morning Miss Stark."

Toni grit her teeth together roughly and forced herself to be polite, "Good morning Miss. Ross, I trust your work is going well."

Toni turned to see the woman beam happily, "It is. Your facilities are absolutely amazing. I really wanted to thank you for hiring me."

Toni shrugged, not really caring that they were playing nice after the incident when they met, and turned back to the dishes, "You're one of the best. I like having the best. It made sense."

"Actually if you don't mind," Betty came and leaned against the counter next to the sink. Toni's mouth filled with the bitter taste of envy at how radiant the woman looked. Her violet eyes were vibrant and her long hair fell arrestingly around slim shoulders that led to a perfect body. Toni knew she looked like something that had been dragged out of a sewer.

"Miss Stark?"

Toni's head snapped up, "Huh?"

"I asked if you could tell me why you're called Toni. Your first name is Natasha and I couldn't figure it out."

Toni washed slowly, "My full name is Natasha Antoinette. My father wanted a son and he didn't get one, so he called me Toni. I like it better than both my legal names anyway, but I could never legally change it because it wasn't powerful enough for the owner and CEO of one of the biggest companies in the world."

She had absolutely no idea why she was being so nice. Toni hated giving out personal information, hated for people to see under the surface, but she was just so tired. She didn't have the energy to tell the woman to piss off.

"Oh I see," Ross watched her silently, "Why did you stick with it? It doesn't seem like a very nice nickname if your father gave it to you because he wanted a son. Didn't he just want you? My father never minded that I'm a woman."

Something inside Toni sparked, as pathetic as it was she'd never gotten over her daddy issues, never gotten over her inability to please him just because she was a woman, never gotten over that fact that if he had stayed sober he would have loved her all the time. "Of course he didn't want me," her voice was sharp and bitter, "My father never wanted me Miss. Ross," sharp brown eyes met wide violet, "Now don't you have something more important to be doing then bugging me about things that have nothing to do with you? Your work for example," Toni felt sick. Ross wasn't even angry; she was looking at Toni with pity.

Toni dropped the cup in the sink, not even wincing when it shattered and stormed out of the kitchen, mood only growing darker when she realized that Betty Ross shouldn't have even been able to get into the Avenger's kitchen.

"Jarvis!" Her voice ricocheted off the walls sharply, she refused to note the welling hysteria in it. She really needed to sleep.

"Miss Stark?"

"How the fuck did Ross get access to the fucking kitchen that I use," she slammed open the door to the rooms she shared with Bruce. Surprise, surprise they were empty.

"Dr. Banner gave her access; I didn't think you would wish me to argue with him."

"No I…" her eyes burned and she had to fight back the ridiculous urge to cry. She was so tired and depressed and lonely. She felt awful, but she knew that if Bruce were to walk in she would plaster on the happiest face ever just to keep him from being upset, and she couldn't fight off the feeling that it wasn't healthy to act like that. She had no idea what she was doing, but she'd seen other people in good relationships. Pepper and Happy, Steve and that little blonde waitress he'd saved who worked down the street, hell even Clint and Nat had a healthier relationship then she'd even been in. She couldn't even be upset with Bruce because she was the one holding back, Bruce told her how he felt, he let her know when something was wrong. Toni was so afraid of fucking this up that she only let him think she was happy.

Toni pulled on a pair of clean clothes, "Jarvis I'm going out."

"May I ask where Miss. Stark?"

She grabbed her keys and thought, "I don't know. Just out. If anyone asks," her mouth twisted into a bitter smile, no one was going to bother asking, "Just tell them I'll be back later tonight."

"As you wish Miss. Stark."

Toni took her personal elevator to the garage and hopped into her new Ferrari. She stared at the wheel silently, trying to decide where the hell she wanted to go. She didn't have many friends. Rhodes was deployed again, and she wasn't really sure if Pepper would want her around Thomas when she felt like this. She gripped the wheel tightly, knuckles stark white against the black leather. Nat and Clint were gone, Thor was with Jane, Steve was running, Bruce was busy. She had no one. The black edges of depression gripped her again. She was completely alone. She had no one to turn to, and she couldn't blame anyone but herself. She was poison and the relationships she formed never lasted long on a personal level.

She didn't even realize she was hyperventilating until her vision began to swim. She unbuckled shakily and fell out of the car. What was wrong with her? She shouldn't be feeling like this, shouldn't be this upset. She grit her teeth against tears and let her head rest against the wall. Ross just had to open that can of worms. Somewhere inside her Toni knew her father had loved her, knew he had wanted the best for her, but that knowledge was buried under countless yelling matches, countless nights where her father was so drunk he called her Steve and vowed to find her.

Toni stood shakily and walked into the elevator fighting sobs. She let her forehead rest against the cool metal. Vaguely aware that this was the elevator that Bruce nearly hulked out in.

She looked at him then at the elevator panel, and was cut off by him pinning her to the wall gently, grinning from ear to ear the entire time.

She felt a smile start to form at the memory of that grin. Felt her lips tingle from the ghost of kisses.

Bruce looked at her eyes fierce and serious, "Toni honestly I've never been happier."

She pressed the button for the lab floor without thinking. She wanted Bruce. Wanted him to hold her and tell her it would be alright, even if it was weak and even if it was out of character she wanted it. They were in a relationship, and they both knew it would be rocky, but what use was anything if they didn't really try? The depression would come back, the urge to drink would follow, but if she played her cards right, if she really gave this her all then maybe Bruce would always be there to fix it. That had to be worth giving up some of her pride and admitting weakness.

"Jarvis," her throat was tight and she had to clear it, "I'm not going out. Is Bruce in his lab?"

"Yes Miss. Stark. He's talking with Dr. Ross."

She fought back the black, fought back jealousy and everything else; simply switched her destination to their floor, "Tell him I need him. In our room. I need him right now and I can't wait."

"Of course Miss Stark."

She walked onto their floor and pulled her clothes off before slipping into his. Toni slipped into bed surrounded by Bruce's scent, and as girly and stupid as she felt, it helped.

"Toni?" Bruce walked in almost frantically and sat beside her, strong fingers carding through her curls carefully, "Jarvis said you needed me," Brown eyes roved over her, "what's wrong?"

She pulled him close desperately, burying her face in his chest and listening to his heart beat heavily against her cheek. He came. Bruce came, and all she had to do was ask. Tears began to fall without her permission, and sobs followed quickly as she clung to him.

"Toni…" his hands roved over her back gently, held her close to him protectively, "Toni what happened? Tell me and I'll fix it," he trailed his lips across her temple gently, rough stubble scraping her skin softly, "What's wrong?"

"I just…needed you." She curled up in his lap trying to wiggle closer, "I felt…" she bit her lip. She'd never told anyone about the depression, never admitted that it came and went. This was...big. So big that Toni wasn't sure she could tell him, she'd told herself it was nothing for years and if she admitted it then it wasn't nothing. In fact it was one big hell of a something.

"You felt?" His hands trailed up her back soothingly, holding her close protecting her.

"Depressed," she pressed her face into his collar, felt his arms tighten around her, "I was depressed, and I just…I needed you here."

"Then I'll be here," Bruce pulled them under the covers and held her close, "If you need me I'll be here Toni."

"You haven't been." It slipped out before she could stop it, and she felt like an idiot when his incredulous gaze fell on her.

"What do you mean?"

Toni sighed a bit, and really she'd started this, "This past month you've been gone. You've been too busy to see me, or work with me, or even talk to me." Toni met his eyes, "You've barely taken the time to even say goodnight and that only happened when you actually came to bed. I get that you're busy, but I need…something Bruce. I need something. I haven't slept in 5 days. I just…need you to take time to say hi," she wound her fingers around his, "I don't care how you do it. I just need more…time with you."

He pulled her close and pressed a soft kiss to the center of her palm before kissing her forehead, "I'm sorry Toni. I thought," he gave her a rueful smile; "I thought you didn't mind how much time I was spending away. You never said anything, so I thought it was ok."

She looked at him for a moment before bursting out laughing. She felt like a crazy woman but it was just so damn ironic that this whole mess could have been avoided if she'd just told him how she felt. She believed that he'd had no idea too, and for some reason it was just so funny.

Toni tangled her fingers in his hair and kissed him leisurely as her laughter died down, "I'm better now."

His lips moved against hers with purpose soft and slow while his hands fell to hold her hips in their strong grip "Are you?"

She smiled against his lips and wiggled her hips closer, "Much," Toni sighed happily as his lips trailed against her jaw gently, not seeking anything, just there. She wasn't used to it, in her experience kissing led to sex, especially kissing that left the mouth. This was different though, his lips were trailing all over her skin with no intent, just letting her know he was there.

"If you ever need me Toni just come get me."

"I didn't want to interrupt your time with Betty," she trailed her fingers through his hair and was shocked when he pulled away abruptly and looked at her with the most resolute expression she had ever seen on his face.

"Screw Betty," her mouth fell open in shock and Toni felt like he deserved a metal for that because absolutely nothing shocked her speechless, "If you need me you get me Toni. I don't care what I'm doing. You," his hands cupped her face almost desperately, "are the most important thing to me. I know firsthand what depression can do to a person."

"I got low. I didn't see an end, so I put a bullet in my mouth... and the other guy spit it out…"

Her hands came to rest over his as she really thought about those words for the first time. Toni let her forehead rest against his and breathed slowly, trying to dispel the idea of living without him.

"I know depression Toni. I know what it does after a while and maybe I can walk away from it but you can't."

"You won't be able to soon."

Silence filled the room for a moment, "What?"

She pressed her face to his shoulder, "You're trying to get rid of the hulk Bruce, and I know what you're working on. You don't understand what that can mean; you're so focused on getting rid of him. What if you get hurt Bruce," her voice was steadily climbing higher and higher into panic, "I'm covered in metal, Steve's a super soldier, Clint stays away from most of the fighting, Natasha is a master assassin, and Thor is a god. Nothing," she clung to him, "nothing is going to happen to us, but you…Bruce you're a scientist." She looked at him almost frantically, "take away hulk and you're vulnerable. What can you do if you get hurt?"

"Toni…"

"No I'm serious," she sat up, "What are you going to do?"

Bruce pulled her close and held her tight, "That's why you want me to keep him? Toni anyone could get hurt at any time."

"But not you." Her voice was barely a whisper, and she felt awful because she told him the choice was his, but she desperately wanted him to keep hulk. For other reasons too, but this was the reason that stood out the most.

He rocked her silently, anchored her until the panic faded away. "I have to come up with…something. I don't," he paused a moment to squeeze her closer, "I don't have to get rid of him fully just…come up with an off switch. Something that I can take that'll wear off if I want to go on a roller coaster or hell something that will keep me from worrying if I just want to make out with you like a teenager."

Toni let loose a wet laugh, "We're in our forties."

"Doesn't mean I can't act like a teenager."

She smiled warmly, gripped his t-shirt tightly, "We can work on that then. We can work on something…I just…I want to work together. Nothing feels right to me with Betty around. I know you care about her, but I have to watch myself in my own home. We haven't done an experiment since before she got here, hell I don't even really know what's going on with your progress into your cure. I just want in Bruce."

He kissed the top of her head softly, "Then in you are. We haven't gotten anywhere." He smiled easily, "It's hard to work with her now. It's been so long and she's nothing like you. I'm constantly worried I'll make a mistake."

"Let's go work then, we'll have something put together in no time."

Bruce pulled her down when she tried to get up, "Right now we're going to sleep," he was using his in charge voice, "then when we wake up we'll eat, and if I feel like letting you out of bed we'll start working together."

She helped him pull his shirt off, and ran her fingers over his chest while he pulled his jeans off. "Sounds like a plan."

They settled together curled around each other until sleep took them.