Merlin looked at Lancelot. He really, really looked at him and found the situation ironic, sad, but ironic. Not even a year ago it had been Merlin who had been begging and apologizing and for something he had no control over, and here was one of the bravest knights behind Arthur, king of Camelot, on his knees begging.
Merlin pulled his hand away from Lancelot and brown eyes meet blue. "You expect me to accept your apology when you did not even stop to consider mine?"
Lancelot's eyes gleamed bright with unshod tears, "I was wrong. So wrong. I failed not only as a friend but as a knight. I was quick to judge and commit and did not listen. I knew, I should have known you would never betray Arthur or any of us. Not willing. I should have accepted the fact you said you could not speak that which you said you could not. But I did not. I stood by, we all stood by, and let you suffer. When we should have stood by you from the beginning."
Merlin balled his fist and his knuckles went white from clenching too hard. Merlin felt his jaw bone creak with tension and his teeth start to chatter from the force he was using to keep quiet. His shoulders hunched from a slow and cold burning animosity. It was like acid- burning, sizzling, slicing and potent. He usually never felt anger and never rose to it, but he felt he couldn't really blame himself for when he snapped- and snap he did just like his heart had a year ago. "In all my life I have give my trust and my utmost care and love to all of you. I have protected Arthur time and time again- and you know how. I trusted all of you. Stuck my neck out for all of you. I trusted each one of you with the same yet different parts of my very own heart. You!" Merlin kept his voice even but to Lancelot it was like a very cold knife cutting him.
"You were one of the people who knew the secret I kept and why. I trusted you.
"Then- then when I needed you all the most. When it was my turn to need saving, and care, and the same trust- you all abandoned me! Yet there came a time when the pain within overwhelmed and only tears came, when my body itself refused to live, began to say "no." Food would not pass my lips and sleep was fleeting. On little to no sustenance and a mind tired, I searched for help from those I loved. From all of you. "For any friend in pain I have always run toward them, helped as much as possible. Yet in my time of the greatest need I lost near everyone I ever loved - family and friends who meant just as much. I bled emotionally, shaking at times. I watched you all come and go. I watched Arthur come and go. I thought each time one of you came to me in that pit of hell I was finally believed. I would be saved, You would somehow help despite the fact I could not speak a word. But instead you hauled me like a lump of horse shit to be beaten and yelled and cursed at. You sentenced me to hell on earth.
"Abandonment is a betrayal. It is a burning of the soul. It is a dusty hot road on which the mind and body wither. I had lost the one I had loved the most in the world, the one who had kept me stable over more than half my life-time. I lost Arthur and my friends. I cried, 'I am sorry. I am sorry' over and over again, but not one of you heard. I was not the one that betrayed you- it was all of you who betrayed me. so why, why should I accept you apology when you did not even consider mine?"
Lancelot's tears flowed down his face. He reached out not quite touching Merlin. "I know. Oh how I know and I am sorry. I know the words do not mean much. I know how much we have hurt you. How much I, myself, have hurt you. We should have listened and protected you. Arthur he, I know what he did, I know, but you must know the king misses you. It tore him apart. It still is. He was clouded with love and duty and honor and he messed up. I should have stood for you. I-"
Merlin waved his hand, cutting the night off. "Don't speak to me of how the King feels. He can tell me himself if he wishes. Thought I do not know if I would listen. No. I don't forgive you. I don't forgive you for what any of you did, but I might- and it is a very small might- might one day accept you came here to offer your words. I may open my heart again to you one day. But for now," Merlin whispered, "for now we can have a simple agreement of understanding. Who knows, you may be help in the future. There is danger coming and it is a danger to Arthur."
Just then the bells rang out in a sharp peal.
Boom-boom-boom!
Causing both men to turn to the west to the bell towers. A single raven took to the sky as the sound scared it off. This was followed by a bang as the door to the garden banged open and the guard that escorted Merlin filled the doorway. He took four huge steps before looming in from of Merlin. Guais filled the door was his eyes flashing worry then surprise at seeing Lancelot before settling into a mask.
The guard looked at Lancelot, "Du-lake fancy seeing you here. Have you come to give the turn coat some lessons?"
Lancelot ignored the question, "Why have the bells rung?"
The guard grimaced and spat, "That witch whore. She's escaped." He turned to Merlin whose stomach dropped to his feet in dread. "The king request an audience.
He roughly grabbed Merlin's arm and Lancelot in turn put his hand on the guard, "I shall escort him to the king."
The guard paused but then nodded, "As you say captain."
"Come Merlin," Lancelot whispered, and Merlin tried to stop the warmth in his heart from flickering to life at the sound of an old friend's voice. Lancelot was still after once of the swords that had stabbed Merlin in the heart and he would not forgive so easily. He shook of any thoughts of strange situation and he was navigated through the halls to the throne room to speak with Arthur the first time in a year.
HI! Hope you liked the chapter! Thanks everyone who gave the story and I love!
