Ambivalence
Chapter 8 "Delirium"
By: Knowledge Eater
Disclaimer: Ubisoft owns Far Cry 5, I just like to play with their world and characters.
They were still alive. Tracey kept repeating those words to herself. Aiden said some were hurt so she wanted to be there to help. She had to get back to the jail.
But then she found herself hesitating to leave. It was funny that she came to the bunker with the intention of killing Rachel, but now…now she not only was willing to spare her former friend but she was also hesitant to leave her alone in her condition.
Hearing the Bliss herald being violently ill didn't concern her, she just dismissed it as a consequence of the alcohol she consumed. But what did start to worry her was when she emerged from the bathroom and stumbled a step away from the bed, she couldn't regain her balance and fell. Tracey didn't want to feel concerned for her, instead she wanted to snicker and leave the woman on the cold floor. She almost did just that, she took a few steps towards the exit, but there was a tingling in the back of her head. That same tingling feeling came to her when she hesitated to shoot Rachel.
Why did she hesitate to shoot her? Tracey racked her brain about it for the last few minutes. She figured it came to two things. The first was how much Rachel didn't look like Faith at all. The stupid white dress was gone. Then there were the bruises and swelling on her face. When she first saw her, when she stepped into the bunker, it felt like time rewound itself and she was in high school again. Thinking back on the times Rachel skipped school she found her in their small cabin. When her beatings got bad, when the bruises and swelling could be seen on her face, she avoided school. Those were the times she'd take to the needle. Tracey hated those days.
The second reason she couldn't shoot was because of what Rachel said. She muttered about wanting the rook to be there with her so she wouldn't be alone. She was well aware of that fear of loneliness Rachel harbored.
So when she had the gun aimed at the woman, she wasn't seeing Faith. Instead she kept seeing her friend.
That was why she couldn't shoot her, couldn't kill her. But that didn't mean she forgave her for everything she did. She lost control of her anger, sure. When Rachel refused to give her information about her bunker, information that could save lives, she lost it and did everything she could think of to hurt the woman and get her to talk. It had worked, Rachel spewed everything she wanted to hear. But damnit she hated that feeling of shock and a little guilt that ate at her. It was easy to imagine the Peggies as mindless killers, but when Rachel cried and begged her to stop it was like being tossed into iced water, it was easy to forget that she was hurting a person.
Tracey would be needed at the jail. She had people to look after. Their make-shift doctor would have his hands full and would definitely need her help. But…she looked back at Rachel. The woman remained on the floor, unmoving. She muttered a curse and stepped beside her. The least she could do would be to leave her on the bed instead of the cold floor.
"Come on," she told the woman on the ground. The response she received was a weak groan. She shook her head and bent over to help Rachel up by placing an arm around her shoulders and practically dragged her onto her feet. The moment she touched her she wondered if it was better to leave her on the floor, a wave of heat radiated from her skin.
The flower girl was lighter than she remembered so it was easy enough to all but carry her to the bed and help her settle on it. But the intensity of her fever was worrying. More out of curiosity rather than concern, Tracey tended to her bandaged leg. The bandage was soaked with blood and pus, and possibly sweat, the heat around the wound was more intense than the heat from the rest of her skin. Worse, something she had never seen before, was a red streaking that spread from the wound itself. The streaking looked like a red spider web spreading to the rest of her thigh.
Tracey cursed again. Without a doubt the wound was infected. She'd need medical treatment. Did this place even have anything for it? And what would she need?
For now, Tracey eyed the first aid kit nearby and redressed Rachel's leg. She was needed at the jail so that took priority. She could ask Charles, the veterinarian turned doctor for the Cougars, about how to treat an infected wound. She was aware that their medical supplies were low, and after Rachel's attack their supplies would most definitely be exhausted. Not that she had any intention of using their medicine on Rachel herself, but hopefully this bunker had something.
Tracey shook her head. It was a wonder of how quickly she went from wanting to kill Rachel outright to wanting to make sure she didn't succumb to a bad wound. She just had information that they could use, nothing else.
She had turned to leave but was stopped when something tugged on the bottom of her hoodie. Looking down she found Rachel had grabbed her, her eyes half open.
"You…you won't—" She paused, her eyes closed. Tracey frowned and pulled herself out of Rachel's grasp.
Rachel opened her eyes again. "You won't hurt her, right?" Her voice was soft, hard to hear, and the words still slurred.
Tracey's frown deepened. "What? Hurt who?"
The fevered woman's eyes closed again. "You won't hurt my friend. Tracey. Right?"
Confusion struck Tracey. "What are you talking about?"
Rachel mumbled something that was impossible to understand. "If—if I stay, you'll…lea—leave her alone. Right?"
She's delirious.
Realization settled and Tracey wasn't sure if she should be concerned or weirded out. Before she could say anything Rachel lifted herself up onto her elbows.
"I don't," she paused, but still struggled to sit up. "I'm sor—sorry."
Tracey decided to play along. She had a feeling talking sense to her would be pointless. "What are you sorry for?"
Rachel gave up on sitting up and collapsed back onto the bed with a weak groan. "I don't feel good." She closed her eyes and was silent for a few moments. Just as Tracey thought about leaving again she spoke. "I'll…I'll get back to work, Father. More Bliss."
Tracey was utterly confused at this point and was unsure on how to proceed. Should she acknowledge what she was saying? She was wasting time, she didn't know what to do or say. She tried to leave again, but Rachel was surprisingly quick to grab her.
"I don't-I don't want to be alone."
There it was again. That part of Rachel, the old her, resurfaced and Tracey almost didn't want to leave. She almost felt guilty about leaving her too. Almost. She was still angry with her.
"Go to sleep, Rachel."
The ill woman didn't need much convincing. A few moments later her grip on her hoodie weakened and then slipped. Her eyelids closed and remained closed.
Tracey quickly headed for the exit.
"How's the shoulder?"
Aiden glanced up, he hadn't noticed the sheriff climbed into the pickup truck he claimed for himself. He didn't mind the company, of course. In fact, it was better that the sheriff and he got some privacy.
Since they all escaped Faith's bunker before it imploded in itself, they all slowly took to claiming whatever Peggie vehicles they came across. Of course the injured people had priority to them. There was a moderate amount of Peggies on their way to the bunker, Aiden guessed perhaps an alarm of some sort was set off when they attacked it. But it was easy enough for everyone to hide among the trees and take out the Peggies by surprise so they avoided getting more people hurt. And Adelaide's small helicopter only had so much fuel left so they weren't able to make many trips.
Eventually the vehicles stopped arriving. But by then all of the injured people already had a ride back to the jail. The most recent vehicle they apprehended was a white pickup and everyone insisted Aiden take it. He wasn't too bad in shape, there was a stray bullet that grazed his shoulder, but it had long since stopped bleeding. But as tired as he felt, he could feel the fatigue deep in his bones, he didn't argue too long before he relented and took the truck. He tried to convince some of the others to hop into the back, but they insisted on staying with the remaining group in case more Peggies arrived.
Aiden rolled his injured shoulder, but promptly winced and regretted the action. "Not too bad," he answered his superior. They were on the road a few minutes before Aiden looked over the sheriff and analyzed him for any injuries. "Are you hurt?"
"Nah," the sheriff muttered. "I'm fine."
There were a few questions the rookie deputy wanted to ask before he broke the news about Faith. For some reason he felt worried about the sheriff's reaction. "So what happened after the Peggies got into the jail?"
The sheriff sighed. "I want to say it was a slaughter, but it wasn't. Not exactly." He took his hat off and tossed it onto the dashboard with a grunt. "Their priority was to take as many alive as possible. If they were shot at then they retaliated. And they sent in the Angels first to draw our fire."
Aiden nodded.
"I don't know too much of what happened. They got me with Bliss right away. By the time it wore off I was in the bunker, Faith was there waiting."
"How did that go?"
Even though Aiden wasn't looking directly at the sheriff he could still see him twiddling with his thick mustache. "It wasn't what I was expecting."
Aiden grinned. He could say the same thing when he first encountered Faith. She was a stark difference compared to how Jacob and John first greeted him. "What were you expecting?"
"Oh, a lot of things. Violence, torture, threats. I thought she was going to kill me, to be honest."
"So what did she do?" Aiden asked.
The sheriff took a deep breath. "She put me under the Bliss, 'showed' me around it. It was weird."
"How was it weird?"
"Rook, you've endured it. What did you think about it?"
Aiden was silent for a moment as he collected his thoughts. "It's…eerie. There's so many things 'in it' that's wrong. We know it isn't real, but yet it's still calming, peaceful."
The sheriff nodded. "Exactly. I've been in its influence before I came across the Cougars. But I think I was more terrified than anything. But this time? With Faith there leading me around it, reassuring me to let go of all my worries, it was so damn peaceful I almost didn't want to leave it. I didn't want to leave it. And that thought scares me."
Aiden almost asked him why, but he had an idea of why the sheriff felt apprehensive. He remembered what the marshal said before he shot himself, he didn't want to leave the Bliss.
"Did she do anything other than 'show you around' the Bliss?"
The sheriff was quiet for a moment. "I don't know how that girl did it, but she was the most convincing person I've ever met. Damn girl convinced me I should hang myself if she didn't return."
Aiden's eyes widened. "She did that?"
The sheriff nodded. "I can't explain it. She convinced me that should she perish, I would be so overcome with grief it was only right if I follow her."
The deputy paused, hesitant with what he was about to ask. "Do you…"
"No, I don't feel any grief now that she's dead. And I definitely don't feel like I should hang myself over it. You got me out of the Bliss just in time."
Aiden paused again. His knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel. Could he tell the sheriff about Faith still being alive?
"What's wrong, rook?"
They would be arriving at the jail soon. It was now or never and this was the best opportunity he would have to speak with the sheriff privately. He wanted to trust his boss would stay true to their justice system. They were enforcers of the law, not judges or executioners. But they both experienced a lot for the past few months that would make any person willing to be the executioner.
"I got to the jail too late. You and the others were already taken, there were a few survivors left behind, and there were also a few that were killed. Of course I went after Faith. But, it was different with her."
Aiden grew weary with the sheriff's silence. He glanced beside him and found the man frowning at him. "What do you mean it was different?"
"When I faced Jacob and John I was fighting for my life. With John I wasn't the only one in danger, I had other innocent people to worry about." Just thinking about the cult's so called Baptist brought an ache to Aiden's chest, specifically the makeshift tattoo John carved onto his skin. He fought the urge to rub the pain away. "Jacob had multiple men and wolves chasing me while he took potshots at me with a sniper rifle on top of a hill a quarter of a mile away. Instincts kicked in against both men, it came down to survival. So it was kill or be killed."
"Rook," the sheriff spoke. "I'm not judging you for killing them. You don't have to justify your actions."
Aiden took a deep breath. "I'm not—no—I mean that it was different with Faith. She had no weapons and she was alone. With the Bliss I was a sitting target, she could have easily killed me. But she didn't."
Both men remained silent for a moment until the sheriff spoke up. "What are you saying, rook?"
Aiden cursed mentally. It was now or never. "I didn't kill Faith." He spared a quick look at the sheriff. It was hard to tell what he was thinking, he sat with a stoic expression.
"So then…"
"I didn't just let her go," Aiden defended. "I arrested her."
The sheriff was silent for a moment. He crossed his arms, looked out the passenger window and inhaled deeply. "Rook, if you left her at the jail, the Cougars will eat her alive. After everything she's done to them they won't spare her."
So he's not against her arrest, Aiden thought. Okay, so that was good. And they were on the same page about how the Cougars would react. "I thought as much as well. I left her at a safe place."
"Does anyone else know?"
Aiden shook his head. "Only y—." His heart throbbed and felt like it dropped to his stomach. Even saying those words put him on edge. It's been weeks since he was conditioned to act out violently when he heard that song, but to be safe he didn't want to hear that song again. Ever. He wasn't even sure if he could be cured of it. "No, I told one other person. Tracey. I trusted her to take Faith to Joey or Staci if you and I didn't make it."
His boss scoffed. "Are you sure it was wise to tell her that Faith is still alive? Poor girl seemed like she hated her."
Aiden clenched his jaw. The information Tracey gave him over the radio was too concise, he knew she had gotten it from Faith. But the sheriff didn't need to know this.
"They were close once, before the cult. Before I told her Faith was alive we spoke. She seemed like deep down she still missed the person Faith used to be. So I'm confident Tracey can be trusted."
The sheriff grunted in approval. They remained silent for a few moments and eventually the jail came into view. "So where is this 'safe place' you're keeping Faith in?"
Aiden rubbed his eyes. It seemed like now that he confessed Faith's arrest to his boss that a great weight was lifted from his shoulders and it left him feeling exhausted. The abuse his body had taken over the past two days was taking its toll and he just wanted to sleep. But they were almost to the jail. He could rest a few hours before he checked in on Faith. "I left her in a personal bunker that's not far from the jail. She was…injured in our scuffle. So she'll be unable to escape on her own. There's no means of communication from within it so she won't be able to call for help."
"Good, good," the sheriff replied. "Once things settle with the Cougars we can arrange for another place to keep her. All we have to worry about now is arresting Joseph."
Aiden pulled up into the jail parking lot. There were still other vehicles with the injured Cougars making their way into the building. And in the middle of the crowd was Tracey. Seeing her made Aiden feel nervous. He parked the truck and both he and the sheriff slowly climbed out.
Tracey and the sheriff walked into the jail together, their tones hushed as they spoke. Aiden lagged behind and helped some of the injured inside and into the room that was used as an infirmary. Every bed was occupied so some people were placed on the floor.
When there were no other rescued Cougars left to escort inside, Aiden sought out an unused wing. The mattresses in most cells weren't the cleanest, but Aiden honestly didn't mind. Sleeping outdoors for months left him willing to sleep on just about anything. He picked the closest cell and had just begun to take his boots off when he heard approaching footsteps. It looked like his power nap would be on a brief hold.
Hopefully.
Aiden looked up and found Tracey standing at the bars of his cell. The nervousness he felt earlier returned. He already knew she was with Faith. But what made him nervous was to find out if she killed the Bliss herald.
"So, rook." Tracey leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. "When you said you left her alive I wasn't expecting to find her with one leg in the grave. Literally."
Aiden frowned. "What do you mean? She was fine when I left. Well, maybe not fine fine, but she was stable."
His nerves intensified as Tracey's face fell. She dropped her arms to her sides and sighed. "We have a big problem."
A/N: So this chapter came out a lot later and shorter than I had planned. Between the need to grind for the latest expansions for both World of Warcraft and Destiny 2 I neglected writing this up. I know it's a little stale, but sometimes slow chapters are needed. I thought about skipping the conversation between Aiden and the sheriff but it felt too rushed so I ended up typing it up. Even the boring details can be important in a story. The next chapter won't take as long and things will definitely pick up as I'm sure most can see where this is going. Thank you to those that have left feedback, I really appreciate it and will get some replies out soon. As usual don't mind some of the typos and other errors, I'll get to fixing them eventually.
