Chapter Title: Name
Series Title: After
Author: Obi the Kid
POV: Cal
Rating: PG
Series Summary: Snippet of my "After" series. A string of non-chronological short stories that focus on the 1-2 years after Cal returned from Tumulus.
Chapter Summary: Soon after Tumulus, Cal comes to terms with the fact that he is indeed, a monster.
Disclaimer: All hail Rob Thurman! No profit here, I'm just having fun.
I know my name. My true name. It's what I am now. I've been to hell. I've changed forever. Sophia was right all along. I am Caliban. As I've always been. Niko was wrong. For once in his life, he was wrong.
My name is Caliban. Grendel. Monster. Abomination. Caliban.
There's a touch to my shoulder. Heavy. Profound. Supporting. Niko.
But I am no longer what he wants me to be. I can't be the little brother he needs so badly. I can't be 'Cal' to him anymore. I saw things. I did things. I was forced to do things and I had things forced on me. I remember things. I don't remember things. I feel everything. I feel nothing. I feel the weight of hell. I feel the weight of what I was born to be. What I am becoming. Caliban.
That same hand moves from my shoulder to my arm. The touch is light now. Inquiring. Concerned. Niko is searching for his brother. Searching for Cal. But all I can offer is Caliban.
Before…before, I was only a monster in theory. Half of one; but always that half hidden and secure. Protected and restrained. Unrealized. Now…after…I am what my Grendel family hoped I would be.
My name is Caliban. Grendel. Monster. Abomination. Caliban.
Now the hand pushes me down onto softness. Gentle is the motion. Caring. Compassionate.
That's not what I am. Those things aren't meant for me. What I am, I don't deserve what Niko gives. I have hate. I have rage. I am the nightmare that has haunted my dreams since the moment I was born.
My name is Caliban. Grendel. Monster. Abomination. Caliban.
The hand that has directed me settles on my head, stroking soothingly, like when I was a child. Like when I was 'Cal' and I was scared or hurt, or after I'd had a nightmare.
I am that nightmare now. I live as one…and I hurt. And I am terrified. My name is…Caliban. Grendel. Monster. Abomin…
The hand still caresses as Niko's voice follows. The voice that I know better than any other…reassuring.
"Cal. I'm here. You can let go now."
No.
No. No. No. No! Monsters don't give in. Monsters don't cry. Monsters don't need. Monsters…like me. Caliban.
That same stubborn hand cups the back of my head and pulls me inward. My breath falls on Niko's shirt. I close my eyes against the hurt and the fear. My name is Caliban. Grendel. Monster…
"I'll take care of you, Cal."
Caliban.
"You're safe now. I promise."
My name is…
"It's okay to let go, little brother. I'm here."
Here. Niko. Safe.
Let go…
My name…
"I've got you, Cal."
Cal. My name is Cal. Niko is here. He will help me to not hurt. He will help me to not be afraid. He will help me to not be Caliban.
His hand doesn't waver and I remain leaning into his chest. Monsters don't hurt. I hurt. Monsters don't fear. I am terrified. Monsters don't cry. I cried.
Niko moved from in front of me to my side. The hand became an arm, became two arms. I slunk boneless into the embrace.
My brother, he wouldn't…if I was a monster…he wouldn't stay with me. He wouldn't protect me. He wouldn't love me.
"I've got you, Cal."
Cal. My name is Cal.
Hurt. Scared.
Needed. Loved.
Niko is here.
I am not a monster. I am not an abomination.
My name is Cal.
The End.
