Open arms chapter 8

*Alanni*

They walked the streets of dark town in silence. Neither Fenris nor Sebastian tried to strike up a conversation and Anders just seemed like a hopeless cause. She sighed. How had they fallen so far apart. Now they couldn't even bear to be in the same room with each other. She remembered the night before. Drinking and forgetting with her friends in the hanged man. Celebrating her liberation and health. The time it took to heal from that arrow was impossibly long to her and she was more than happy to be free of her confinement.

But something in Anders had changed. He had been making more of an effort to avoid her, not even looking her in the eye. Speaking to her only when needed, she couldn't remember much of what happened before she had passed out aside from Sebastian's voice and his hand holding on to her. But whatever had happened, she feared it had put her relationship in danger.

They made their way into the clinic silently, having spent most of the day scavenging caves and sewers for the supplies Anders required for his separation potion. As soon as the door closed Anders turned to her, his face completely emotionless.

"Hawke, there is one more thing I must ask of you. And I cannot tell you why." She stood silently waiting for him to continue. "I must get inside the chantry, without being seen. Will you talk to the grand cleric for me? Distract her long enough for me to do what must be done?"

She felt her face turn up in shock. "Why?"

"I cannot say. I do not wish you in any danger."

Fear spiked at her heart. "Anders, what is going on? Please just tell me your plan?"

"You would not thank me if I told you. If you support the freedom of mages help me. That is all I can say."

Anger rose up inside her. "You lied to me! This potion, whatever it is you plan to do, it has nothing to do with justice, does it?"

"What does it matter! You said you believed me before! Again and again you've supported the mages. Trust me. Please, I'm only doing what is right."

Fear edged around her heart outlined by the anger she felt. This wasn't the man that she loved. The Anders she once held so deeply would have never lied to get his way. Would have never kept her out the loop. Where did their trust go? What happened to her love?

"What happened to us? We used to trust each other with secrets not even our families would have known! Where is that trust now?"

His eyes flashed blue and frustration rose to his features as a scowl spread across his face. "I don't know. Why don't you tell me?" His eyes darted behind her and she realized that he was looking to Sebastian. Guilt took over her rage. "I don't know what you're talking about." she said calmly.

He laughed. "Oh please! Do you think I'm stupid? I see the way he looks at you. I know you've been speaking with him."

"ABOUT YOU!" her arms flung out in desperation. "I came to him about you! Always with your bloody plight! How was I supposed to feel always coming in second to all the mages of Thedas. What was I supposed to do?"

A scoff escaped his mouth. "And you mean to tell me you're not the least bit attracted to him?"

She stood there frozen, caught by the sudden bluntness of the question he asked. It was true she did find Sebastian attractive. She hadn't really thought about it before, never giving it a second thought because of his vows and her commitment to Anders. But after the last month or so, after having so many fallouts with her lover….

"That is irrelevant to the matter."

He looked at her face fallen, defeated. "I lied there is no potion."

The next words out his mouth brought her thoughts back to the necessary. "Tell me your plan. I cannot act blindly."

"I am taking a risk. Regardless of our state, I would not like to draw you into to a battle you need not need to fight."

"Now you care for her safety?" Sebastian stepped up and joined the conversation and as much as she wanted to stop the confrontation that was very likely to spawn she didn't.

"You do realize either way you are roping her in to your battle. The grand cleric is not as oblivious as others may be."

"But out, choir boy. I'm tired of you and your righteous acts. This is between me and Hawke, as it should have stayed!" Anders eyes sparked blue and magic flowed from his fingertips.

"STOP!" Alanni held her hands between them, stopping any further confrontation. "Sebastian has done nothing but care for me since you started being a complete ass! Now unless you tell what exactly you plan to do, you cannot count on my helping."

"Well then, I guess your support for mage ends with talk. It's easy to support a cause if no one's willing to die to achieve it. You cannot pretend love, then stop now"

She gasped. She felt the tears burn in her eyes. "Being in love does not mean I agree with your every decision nor you with mine as you have so plainly made clear."

"Loving me and despising what I stand for? You cannot do both. Either you love me and are willing to stand by my side, or you oppose me?"

It has happened. The last shred of happiness she had in the world, gone right before her eyes. The worse has come to pass. She lost the one she loved.

"I don't know what I did to make you feel such a way. Whatever it might have been I hope you find comfort in the fact that I will not be tying you down any further. Get inside the chantry yourself. I will have no part in this." She turned and exited the room, tears streaming down her face. Now she would go home and cry. Alone. Finally she was all alone.