Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.
Warning: Past onesided Maes/Roy, current Ed/Roy. Flashbacks to rape.
EIGHT
It turned out that Ed didn't have the time to find anybody to watch the little girl. So the next day Ed brought her over in her car seat and handed the bag to a reluctant Roy who was already trying to back out of his responsibility. Ed no longer felt guilty about leaving her with him deciding that this was the push Roy would need to accept his two month old. Ed wasn't going to be with her all the time since he wouldn't take her on missions and her papa would have to learn to take care of her. Not that he would let her loose on an unsuspecting Roy all the way though and asked his subordinates to help him out only if Roy panicked and suffered a nervous breakdown. Now though Roy had her on the opposite side of the room hoping she wouldn't cry. Ed said that he had to make sure she was alive and healthy by the time he got back but Roy was finding it hard to even get near her.
He made his way over seeing as how his subordinates were away from the area at the moment. She was sleeping at the moment but he didn't know how long that would last. She was definitely innocent and didn't look like the evil man that had raped Roy in the past for four straight months. Even if he agreed to do anything to help keep the others safe, the man still forced him against his will and he had ended up making this kid here in front of him.
Reluctantly, he put a finger lightly on her nose, happy that she didn't wake up. He lightly traced his finger across her forehead seeing that she was still a little itty bitty baby. Mayleigh Isabella, he thought. The man was retired and couldn't force him into anything anymore but he was still scarred. He hated the fact that Ed was treading carefully around him. He just needed a bit more time than Ed could fuck him into the mattress for all he cared. The baby yawned and he paused in touching her hair which was much like his although different in color.
After a moment's hesitation, he pulled her out of the car seat and finally was able to hold her if only out of curiosity. He played with her little hand for a little bit before trying to find out which features belonged to him again. She started to move again and he adjusted her so that she couldn't fall. Her mouth opened again to yawn and finally she began to wake up but remained quiet. Her large brown eyes seemed to blink but filled with tears once she saw him and she wailed.
Seeing Hawkeye coming in the room, he shoved Mayleigh over to her rushing out after that. He couldn't believe that his own child didn't like him! Running down the hall and ignoring the shouts from behind him, he reached the bathroom and locked himself into the stall. Why did Ed try to get him to get close to her knowing that the baby didn't even like him? He felt like he should've deserved that after what he had done to her. He basically abandoned her, forcing Ed to take the responsibility and now she didn't want anything to do with him.
"Colonel are you in here?"
Roy tried to ignore Havoc's voice, turning away from it but it proved difficult. He knocked and Roy flinched a little before remembering that he wasn't in danger. He forgot often that he wasn't going to be used that way anymore. If anything he was unfair to Ed. He pushed Mayleigh onto him stating he wasn't ready and never paid her the time of day. Then he kept freezing up during sex and he could tell even though Ed seemed confused, he didn't ask which made him even guiltier than before. He found himself throwing up before he could get a grip on what he was doing but Havoc seemed to lose patience, finding a way to open it himself before coming in.
"Colonel, what was that? Hawkeye said that you handed off your baby to her and ran for it. I know that you have been trying to get used to the change but Mayleigh doesn't deserve to have you snub her. If you didn't love her, why didn't you just let her get adopted? I know Ed loves her so much already but he can't take care of her AND take care of restoring his brother. You need to meet him half way-"
He stopped when Roy threw his arms around him in the form of an awkward hug on Havoc's part at least before the man started to break down. He really didn't believe this was happening only believing the man to be a jackass and now wanted to really talk some sense into him. What's wrong with you, he thought fearfully. Did you have a solid reason for not wanting to see your baby for some time now? He returned the hug halfheartedly not understanding at all why he would just break down like that.
"Listen, calm down and we can talk. Mayleigh loves you okay? You may not have spent much time with her but she is still your baby girl right? Please promise to at least try to take care of her-"
"Mayleigh doesn't love me Havoc," Roy whimpered feeling a fresh wave of tears came on. "She cried when she saw me!"
Havoc sighed tightening his hold on him. It was new to him seeing his Commander breaking down and crying but he assumed it was because of the post-partum. He wouldn't tell him that though since he still liked his face. Pay back sure was a bitch though, he reasoned letting the man get everything out. He rubbed his back thinking about how Roy used to be such a heart breaker and now he was the one in the position thinking his own little girl hated him. Again he blamed the emotions being out of whack as well.
"Listen Roy, she doesn't know you. You are unfamiliar to her but just continue holding her, talk to her, feed her, and try to play with her. Babies will cry. It happens all the time but she is your baby. Let her so she doesn't get spoiled but don't ignore her. She will only remain small for a little while but then there will be a time that you wish that she was this size again."
Roy removed himself from Havoc to give him a questioning look.
"You mean she cried because she didn't know me and not that she hated me?" he asked hesitantly.
Havoc refrained from rolling his eyes knowing that this was Roy's first child and he was the only child growing up so he never had to deal with a baby before. He was different and had all those siblings. Even Ed had Al. Hawkeye may not have had a sibling but he was sure being a woman, she probably babysat for some friend in the past because even she knew more about babies than Mustang did. Everyone nearly forgot that the Flame alchemist was human too and susceptible to mistakes as well sometimes. He smiled realizing what the problem was now.
"It'll be okay sir. Do something to show your love for her. Play with her and show her that she is crying for nothing. She's bound to remember your voice. You carried her for so long-"
"Didn't want to though and she probably knows it too. Are you sure she doesn't resent me for that?"
Havoc wanted to snap and ask why he carried her if he hadn't wanted to but refrained. He knew that he would only lie some more. The baby was the one being affected by this though and Ed but ultimately the innocent little life. He had to get his boss to understand that she was just a baby and didn't even know the meaning behind hating somebody yet. She was at his mercy and she was close to those who hung with her. If he chose to not be close, then she wouldn't be and she would cry because she didn't know who the hell he was!
"Listen and listen well. The baby doesn't even know what hate is yet. She does recognize faces though and you wouldn't even hold her before today so of course she'll cry. Familiarize yourself with her Chief and she won't have any reason to come to hate you okay? Good, so go and get her something that would help."
Roy nodded feeling slightly better but couldn't know what a baby would want. He really was a bad parent in the end but as long as Havoc disagreed, he would give it a shot. Who was he to deny the man's faith in him?
"Mayleigh? Lookie I got you something you'd like." He waited for her to see him and she began to cry again. He stiffened but didn't break eye contact with her, kneeling down and laying the blanket he made for her hoping she would like it.
Placing a toy teddy bear in front of her, he waited to see how she would react to it. She acted like she was reaching out and he smiled going to pick her up. She cried as he laid her into his arm but he showed her the teddy bear again and she stopped although tears remained in her eyes. He wiped them away with the pad of his thumbs and gave her small kisses on her cheeks. She seemed confused.
He just smiled.
"You're gorgeous Mayleigh. I made them myself although they aren't as good as the one's you get from stores. See here the eyes on the bear are a little lopsided and I ran out of pink for the blanket so I made it checkered with different colors. Not like how another parent would do it but I like the result and I do love you Mayleigh. I didn't abandon you I was just afraid and I'm sorry. You're my baby though and I love you."
He placed the bear by her little hands hoping she wouldn't start crying again. Smiling, he saw that she was dressed up in a dress with a barrette in her pretty brown hair. He idly wondered what her half-sisters looked like. He knew they were identical twins but didn't know much after that. He wondered how she ended up with brown eyes and hair if he had raven black and the other had had dark hair as well. His eyes were blue though and he couldn't see how she would end up with the color she had.
Kneeling down to the floor, he placed her onto her stomach before going onto his to observe her more. He knew he should be doing his paperwork but he found suddenly that spending time with his daughter was a lot more fun than doing the tedious boring stuff. Ed and Al were still away and he knew the blonde couldn't stop worrying about him. He knew that he had everyone watching him but they didn't have to worry anymore. He had her just fine.
When she started crying though, he panicked and tried to rock her. It didn't work and he found himself slowly losing it. Havoc said she wouldn't cry for very long! Seeing Havoc come through the door this time around, he finally demanded that he help him with her. He only sighed and checked her diaper instead. Turning to Roy he seemed to think it was rather tedious before remembering Roy had no clue about babies. He never held Elysia as a baby either nor did he take care of her for Hughes. He was in East City for the majority of her infancy.
"She needs a diaper change." Roy seemed to calm down and he showed him how to do it the proper way. He also explained that he shouldn't panic and lose his cool every time she cried. She was a baby and couldn't speak yet so she was going to be this way. Roy nodded throughout the explanations especially when Havoc told him about the feedings.
"She can't just, I don't know, eat pancakes?"
Havoc slapped him upon the head.
"How the hell did you figure that out? I know you aren't stupid! Didn't you read any baby books before you gave birth to her?"
Roy shook his head.
"At first I considered adoption."
Havoc now felt bad bringing that up. Why would Roy read stuff about that at all when he thought at first that he possibly wasn't good enough to be a parent? He hadn't known the reason but he didn't buy them, 'my boyfriend died in a car accident weeks before I found out about the baby' type excuses when he was at the hospital for the anemia and he didn't believe it now. He was lying about her paternity and he doubted they would ever truly know who fathered this little girl. It didn't stop her from being so cute though and it was good that Roy was finally getting his head out the clouds to see he shouldn't abandon her.
"If you don't mind me asking why did you consider adoption and why would you change your mind if you had wanted to?"
Roy looked away for a moment to think about it. He didn't want the baby to look like him, he thought. He had already suffered enough through the pain and the bleeding. Hell he let two strangers he didn't even know rape him and that felt like he had been torn from the inside out it hurt too much. He also thought that he wouldn't love the baby or give it what the baby needed. When he first saw her though after the birth, he didn't want to anymore. He saw her and knew that Ed loved her as well. It just took some time adjusting to the change that Roy had to get used to his daughter. He honestly didn't mean to seem like he abandoned her. He really didn't.
"I considered adoption because I thought she'd look like him and I changed my mind because I loved her."
Havoc nodded in understanding. Roy turned to him before smiling and continuing.
"Are you sure we can't feed her fries?"
Havoc changed his mind. His boss was an idiot.
Roy was happy that work was out although he was now nursing a headache. Havoc didn't need to bang his head when he asked why babies couldn't have milkshakes. Hawkeye was worse throwing a baby book to him and telling him to read it. It was just about as plain as he'd see it there. He was just happy that he hadn't had to breast feed her.
Now he was out of work and walking on his way home. Ed was supposed to arrive later and he had said to call somebody if he needed help. He knew there was a fat chance of that happening though since Havoc got tired of his questions. He never handled a baby before. He didn't even know what Elysia had eaten as a baby. He idly wondered if the baby could stomach chicken broth if he cooled it down. Consulting the book all he saw was milk. Babies were really hard to get though.
He somehow convinced Hawkeye tha the could take care of the baby tonight seeing as how the lieutenant had done so the night before because she would cry every time he got near her then. It tore at his heart that he let this happen but he knew he deserved it. She wouldn't be like this, according to Havoc, if he had held her from the start and paid even the tiniest bit of attention to her. He knew she loved Ed and giggled whenever he played with her. He guessed he wanted that type of relationship with her now seeing as how she wouldn't end up being that monster.
Turning to his apartment, he quickly inserted the key into the lock and pushed the door open. Letting himself in he placed the car seat on the table, pulling Mayleigh out and laying her out on the floor making sure to put pillow and blankets below her to keep her comfy. He then consulted the book to see if it specified what kind of milk the baby needed. It just said warm milk. Was it whole milk or the 2 %?
"You babies are complicated, you know that May May?" he turned to the infant to see her start to whine. He knew she was hungry but they told him to figure this out on his own. Hell with it he thought throwing the book down.
Grabbing the milk, he placed it in a pan before heating it up enough that it was warm to the touch but not scalding hot. It was soy milk and the only type he had but he hoped she didn't mind. He picked her up and sat down onto the couch, putting the nipple by her mouth. She was hungrily suckling at it and he smiled realizing he got something done right. He waited until she was finished before taking away the bottle. Picking her up, he put the bottle in the sink when she threw up on him. Was that supposed to happen?
He quickly got the phone and was about to call Havoc, all the yelling be damned when the door opened. Ed looked really wet but that's not what had him angry. Quickly he told him how the baby didn't like the milk and how she vomited afterwards like she had hated it before Ed put a hand up silencing him.
"What?" Ed finally asked after a pause in which he hung up his coat on one of the racks to dry off and headed to the bedroom to change. He thought it weird that he hadn't seen Al but Ed had said something about the younger brother before he left for the mission. He hesitated before entering the room and Mayleigh got tired of not getting the attention before throwing up on her papa again.
Ed laughed out loud and Roy glared at him.
"Well why is she throwing up? I knew she didn't like me!" Ed quickly took the baby from him seeing as how Roy didn't look really good. He hoped that he didn't panic at all during his time away realizing it had only been two days this time.
"You did burp her between feedings right?" Roy gave him a look and Ed sighed before putting the baby over his shoulder and burping her as if to show Roy the reason why she hadn't tolerated the food. It really had nothing to do with him.
He was surprised that Roy was actually holding her now though. It was sure an improvement although Hawkeye he imagined had taken her home the first day so that Roy wouldn't panic so much. It really was a lot for the man to handle for only the second day of finally paying her some attention. Ed knew that he was scared but surmised that he could now help him. Roy had taken off his shirt that was now in a desperate need of being washed and Ed motioned for him to come to the bathroom.
"I say she needs a bath before bed, don't you?" She had finally burped and looked to be much more compliant afterwards. Roy took her from Ed so he could start the bath water but didn't fill it up all the way. Roy did not think that she should have one though.
When Ed had asked, his only reply was, "Isn't she a little bit small?"
Ed just glared at him although he knew that wasn't what Roy had meant. Of course she was small; she was a baby after all. He really was going to ask what his subordinates had to put up with, seeing as how Roy was acting like she would break. He took her from Roy again to wash her and although she cried not seeming to like that, Ed just handed Roy a camera and told him to start taking pictures of his daughter's first bath. Roy listened although after the first flash, she seemed to like the bath more.
"She is so like you. She'll hate anything unless she is getting attention." Roy didn't agree but decided to let it be.
Afterwards, she was changed and put into a sleeper before Ed placed her in the crib. Once she was sleeping, Ed turned to him and pulled him down for a passionate kiss. He let Ed's tongue in to explore the inside of his mouth whilst pulling him in the direction of the bathroom. He wondered why until Ed broke it off to start up the shower and he realized why.
"You ready for some tonight or are you going to freeze up again?" Ed knew it was rude to treat him this way but he didn't want to spend another night jerking himself off because Roy suddenly became unable to handle it or changed his mind before they even started.
Roy nodded and Ed removed his own clothes waiting for Roy to do the same. Seeing as how Roy took his slow sweet time, he helped him out and then grabbed a condom from the pocket of his pants. Once they were in the shower, he didn't hesitate to pull him into a chaste kiss. He trailed kisses and bites down his jaw line and down his neck seeing as how Roy wasn't freezing up for once.
Roy closed his eyes tightly once Ed's mouth left his and tried to tell himself that he wanted this. It wasn't the same as the general. The man had used his body out of lust and played with his mind so many times that Roy started to hate sex with a passion. While Ed was getting lower, he tried to calm down and remember that Ed would never use him like that. He wouldn't force him to go through unbearable amounts of pain. He wasn't Charles damn it! Charles only took him to the shower once though and didn't seem to like it. He knew it was after he had to have been starting to show. He remembered it like it was yesterday.
"Come on baby, this is your shower. Hurry up and get your clothes off, I'm waiting. Or do you like a cold one better? It wouldn't do since I know that you are in fact the flame alchemist. HURRY UP!"
Flinching Roy quickly made it to the shower having hastily thrown his clothes off when he started to raise his voice. The man just slammed his head against the wall once he was inside before licking and nipping at his throat. He flinched but he didn't seem to care. He laughed making his way down the small curve at the stomach.
"Baby you gained some weight. I think you should go on a diet of possibly not eating for a couple of days because you sure have gotten fat." Roy didn't let it show that it bothered him and Charles pushed him down to his knees before shoving his bursting cock into Roy's mouth. The shower was starting to get warm but he knew that Charles wouldn't stop even if it were freezing cold. The man didn't even wait for him to even start before grabbing onto each side of his head and slamming his member into a fast pace to the back of his throat. When the man cummed, he made sure that Roy swallowed every single drop before laughing.
"Water will be cold before we're finished baby but you know that you are so good looking that you could get anybody here to fuck you in the shower right?"
"Yes Charles." He said when he saw that he was going to slap him for being silent. The man just grinned before sitting in the bathtub and putting his arms around his waist. Roy snapped his eyes shut knowing what was about to happen.
Charles plunged his again bursting member into Roy's entrance, waiting until Roy was seated on him and he was all the way in. He often tried his sick fantasies on him but not this time; he probably wanted to just fuck him. Last time he had taken to the toys which had Roy limping half the day at work and hoping nobody would notice. Charles didn't waste any time and started to push Roy up with his hands on his hips before slamming him down again. He flinched knowing how Charles liked it fast and rough and dry. He tried not to show he really hated this so he wouldn't get the satisfaction that it hurt him. Charles just started to nibble on his neck as he continued to slam into him at a fast pace before finally cumming into him. Waiting a moment to catch his breath, he finally pulled Roy out before turning him to face him.
"I mean it. I want you to lose the weight before I see you next time or I will fuck you fast, raw, and hard into your mattress got it?" Roy had nodded that time but he still got the punishment.
He had gained five pounds the next time he had seen him.
"Roy? Roy? Please talk to me! If you aren't enjoying this you should at let me know and we could stop." Roy still had his eyes squeezed shut remembering the pain and hurt that he went through throughout those months. Ed sighed before pulling Roy into a hug.
The man seemed to be calming down some but it didn't change the fact that his heart beat started picking up when he began to insert a finger. He knew he was going to freeze up on him though. A part of him did and he knew it wouldn't be going away quickly. He was at least happy that Roy was starting to see Mayleigh more and not snubbing her. At least that small miracle was granted. He didn't know why he acted this way but decided he wouldn't push him. Pushing him could turn to a mental breakdown which would be harder to fix.
He just hoped that whatever it was, Roy would talk to him and not continue to leave him in the dark. He needed to know Ed loved him no matter what.
A/N: Please review and tell me what you think!
