Disclaimer: I own nothing but the hyperactive plot bunnies.

Author's Note: Well, my muse has intervened again. A reviewer mentioned Jackson, and then I got this beautiful idea so I wrote it down. But Abby does feature in here, so I'm not a total liar. This chapter is a bit of a different take than the others because Jackson would have known Clarke while she was growing up. Plus he's close to Abby, so that gives me a chance to show her from an outside point of view before posting her actual chapter. This chapter was a bit hard to write at first because I wasn't sure if I could find a good voice for Jackson, but I'm really happy with how it turned out. Fair warning though, it is a bit sad. But hopefully it's sad in a good sort of way. Enjoy!


Jackson

Jackson comes back to the infirmary after dinner to find Abby rearranging the shelves again. That's always a bad sign. Back when he was just a medical intern on the Ark, one of the first things Jackson ever learned was that when Abby Griffin gets frustrated or angry or worried or upset or in denial (actually, now that he thinks about it, pretty much any time she feels anything strongly other than happiness), she reacts by reorganizing the infirmary.

He hesitates in the doorway, trying to decide if he should just leave her be. But then Abby glances over her shoulder and sees him. Busted

"Hey, Abby," Jackson says awkwardly as he steps into the infirmary.

"How do you find anything in here?" Abby asks without looking up from the shelf. She pulls out a few more vials and shuffles them around. Jackson doesn't worry too much about the reorganizing. He's learned that when she finally tires herself out, Abby just puts it all back in the same place anyway. But something about the shuffling helps her straighten out her thoughts.

"The same way you did," Jackson says. He steps around one of the beds so he can stand beside Abby. "It's the same system you always used."

Abby pauses briefly, her hand hovering over a bottle of something. Then she moves it over and continues reshuffling the shelf.

"I always thought we needed a better one," she says. But there's no fire in her voice.

"Abby, what's wrong?" Jackson asks in concern.

"Nothing," Abby says strongly. Too strongly.

"You're shuffling supplies," Jackson points out. "You only do that when you're trying to distract yourself."

Abby hesitates with another container in her hand.

"You always did know me too well," she says with a hint of a smile.

"You want to talk about it?" Jackson asks. He almost regrets it because that small smile immediately falls from Abby's face. She forces herself to set down the container in her hand, and suddenly she looks more tired than Jackson has ever seen her.

"It's been a month," she says quietly.

"A month since what?" Jackson asks in confusion. Abby sigh and turns to face him.

"The kids had a plan to bring Clarke home," she begins.

"Wait, they found her?" Jackson asks in surprise. This is the first he's heard of it. Abby just nods. "Why didn't you say something?"

"They wanted it kept quiet," Abby explains with a tired shrug. "They didn't want anyone pushing her before she was ready. They really didn't even want me to know, but Octavia… Never mind. The point is they had a plan. And they all thought it would work. But it's been a month and she's still not home."

"Maybe she just needs more time," Jackson offers.

"I don't know," Abby says softly. She's staring at something over Jackson's shoulder as if she's unconsciously avoiding his gaze. "What if she doesn't want to come home?"

"Abby," Jackson whispers. So that's the real problem.

"Octavia seemed to think she was almost healed, and that was two months ago," Abby says. Her voice is suddenly incredibly strained. "They all think she's just waiting for something, but… What is she's just decided she doesn't want to come home?"

"Of course she wants to come home," Jackson says. He takes a step forward, trying to figure out how to make Abby see it. "You talked to Bellamy. You know how hard he said it was for her to leave. How upset she was."

"What if that's changed?" Abby asks. It could be Jackson's imagination, but he thinks he sees moisture welling in her eyes. "Being here was so hard on her. She took so much pressure on herself because she felt like she had to. And she and I… We butted heads over and over and over. What if it was just too painful for her? What if she found a better place out there and she doesn't want to come back to any of this?"

"If there is one thing that I know about Clarke," Jackson says strongly, "it's that she cares. That's why she wanted to be a doctor. It's why she wanted to help Jake warn everyone. It's why she did so much for the hundred. Because she cares. And she cares too much to just abandon everyone here."

"Maybe she should," Abby whispers. There are definitely tears in her eyes now. It shocks Jackson. In all his years working beside Abby, after all the tragedies and triumphs they've witnessed together, he can still count on his fingers the number of times he's seen her cry.

Abby sniffs and looks away, silently telling Jackson just how close she is to breaking.

"She's still a kid, Jackson," Abby continues. "She doesn't deserve any of this. She deserves to be happy. Maybe she should just stay where she is. Maybe I'm just being selfish for wanting her to come back."

Her voice is about to break now. Jackson reaches out and lays his hands on her arms in a desperate effort to stop that. He can't bear to watch his mentor, his friend, fall apart.

"You're not selfish," he tells her. "You just want your daughter back. That's not selfish. You've always wanted the best for Clarke. It's why you sent her down to Earth. So she'd have a chance to live. You love your daughter more than just about any parent I've ever seen. And Clarke knows that. And that love is why she's going to come home."

Abby nods, but it looks like it's just as much for her benefit as his. Like she's still trying to convince herself that he's right. Jackson reaches out and pulls Abby into a hug. There was a day he had been far too in awe of Dr. Abby Griffin to get through a handshake without stuttering, let alone dare to hug her. But they've come a long way since then.

Abby hugs him back tight, as if she's trying to draw strength from him.

"Thank you, Jackson," she says quietly.

"You're welcome," Jackson says.

Abby pulls away after a moment. She takes a deep breath and lets it out, and Jackson can almost see her chancellor mask falling into place.

"I have a meeting I need to get to," she says. She glances at the cabinet beside her and winces. "Sorry about the mess."

"Don't worry about it," Jackson says. "We need a new system anyway."

Abby chuckles a little at that.

"Don't work too late," she tells him with a fond smile.

"Yes, ma'am," Jackson says meekly.

Abby steps around him, and a moment later she's gone. Jackson looks the cabinet up and down. It's not too bad. There were times she had done far worse in the Ark's med bay. And to be perfectly honest, Jackson doesn't mind cleaning up after her. Abby's got enough on her plate. If messing up the cabinets helps her relieve some of that tension, then he's more than happy to let her keep doing it.

He pulls as many of the various containers as possible over to one side of the shelf Abby was working through and begins placing the items one by one back in their correct places. It reminds him of the many inventory checks he'd been forced to do while he was still an intern. Most of the interns had hated inventory, but Jackson had found it calming. Everything always had a proper place. It was far more stable than life on the Ark could sometimes be.

Of course, reorganizing the shelves also brings up memories of Clarke. There had been a few times when she was young that Abby had gotten called in after school hours and had been forced to bring Clarke along because Jake was busy with something. She had typically left Clarke with Jackson, her favorite intern, and sent him to do more inventory. Little Clarke had always been eager to help him. She had been curious and smart even at that age, happily absorbing whatever Jackson was willing to teach her. He's always wondered if that's part of why she wanted to be a doctor. Actually, she wanted to be an artist, but she's practical just like her mom. So instead she went for medicine, her second love, and left drawing for a hobby.

Jackson also saw a lot of the Griffins outside of work. Both of his own parents kept pretty busy, so Jackson spent more than his fair share of evenings with the Griffins. Those evenings had become more and more rare after he stopped being an intern, but they had still occurred every so often. When Clarke was older, she had often dragged him into medical trivia wars with Abby serving as referee. Jake had always complained that he couldn't understand all the medical jargon, but it was clear from his smiles that he was too proud of his little girl to make them stop. Once Clarke became a medical intern, she had even worked beside Jackson and Abby a bit in the infirmary. She had been headed for a bright future.

And then Jake had gotten arrested and Clarke had gone down with him. She's been through hell these last two years. And amazingly, she's risen to the challenge. She's grown up almost beyond the point of recognition. But somewhere along the way she got stuck in Jackson's head as that tiny inquisitive girl asking him how there could be different types of blood if everybody's looked the same. In some ways, he figures the same is true of Abby. She looks at Clarke and she sees her baby girl. That's why the last six months have been so hard for her. The mother in Abby just wants to hold her daughter and make it all better. But she can't. She can't fix this. She can't protect Clarke anymore. None of them can. All they can do is wait.

For most of them, that's been the hardest bit. But not for Jackson. What worries him is thinking about who will finally walk back through that gate. He knows Clarke will come home. He knows it in his bones. But that curious little girl that followed him around the med bay... Her Jackson will never see again. She's gone forever, destroyed by what she's been through. And no matter how much Jackson wishes it, he knows in his heart that she's never coming back.

He's pulled out of his thoughts by the realization that the labels on the containers in front of him are beginning to blur. Tears for innocence lost, he supposes. And it's not just Clarke. It's everyone in this camp. They may heal, but they will never again be the same. In some ways, Jackson supposes, that's one of the harder parts of being a doctor. No matter how much you want to, there are some things you just can't heal. You can fix the external, of course. You can stitch the wound back together. But the scars remain. And learning to live with it… Well, that's up to the patient.

Jackson wipes his eyes and quickly moves the final containers into their proper places. It's not that he doesn't want Clarke to come home. He does. Abby needs her. So do Bellamy and the other surviving members of the hundred. And after all those hours spent in the Griffin's living room, some part of Jackson still sees Clarke as something similar to a little sister. (Although he doubts she sees him as anything more than her old babysitter or her mother's former protégé.) He really does miss her. And he'll be just as glad as everyone else when she finally comes home.

But that doesn't stop him from mourning the inquisitive little innocent who never will.


As always, please take a second and write a quick review. It doesn't even have to be a complete sentence. Any kind of feedback at all is greatly appreciated. And thanks to all of you who have reviewed previous chapters. You have no idea how happy it makes me. I've sort of given up on putting a cap on how many chapters this story will be because people keep asking for different ones and then my muse takes off. So for now the plan is to possibly do a Miller chapter next if my muse will cooperate, then Abby (finally), then hopefully Kane, and finally Lexa to end it. This is obviously subject to change, but that's the tentative plan at this point. I hope you guys will continue to stick with me for the rest of this story. And feel free to check out all my other stories for this fandom. Thanks for reading!