"There are specific variations of literary techniques that were used in each play. For example..", my attention span in my Shakespearian class was dwindling. My face was rested on my arms as I barely kept my eyes open. Not that I could sleep; not in this form anyway. I moved every once and a while to keep up my human facade but otherwise, I was in another world completely. I still heard the whispers about me. The jealousy from the girls was obvious by the looks on their faces while the lust in every boys eyes kept me from ever making eye contact. I tried to toned down my appearance, sticking to oversized sweatpants, t-shirts, and wearing my hair in a messy ponytails but apparently, dressing the way I did and still looking flawless just made it worse.
"Ms. Swan?" Professor Khaler assumed I had no idea what he was discussing based on my relaxed demeanor, but I had heard the question and answered it correctly before he could ask it once more. I barely looked at him when I spoke which further irritated him. I'm sure my blasé behavior was more than irritating to my fellow classmates as well but I wanted to go home. Dartmouth wasn't fun; it was an escape in Ivy League form. I spent a majority of my day reading every book in the massive library, educating myself faster than any of these professors could. I was qualified to have four master degrees within the first month. The library was a good place to hide from male advancements. No one intended to bother me as much when I my face was buried in a book.
The classes were mundane but a good way to test the knowledge I obtained I suppose, even though I was far ahead of each class. The nights were filled with further knowledge seeking. I would rattle my brain every day and night with further experiments on my hybrid nature. I tried eating human food again, only to force it back up an hour later. Not the best college experience; even though throwing up is customary, it's usually caused by alcohol consumption and followed by a friend holding your hair while you heave the remains of your stomach content. I had seen it a few times after some while dorm parties. I was invited to all of them but never attended. I was tempted to see what alcohol would do to me but voted against trying.
My speed as a vampire was still the same. I tried to compare it to my werewolf speed but I soon discovered I could only change when anguished or furious. I changed so often during my first few weeks away from Forks that I barely spent any time at all in my single dorm. People started to suspect I secretly had a dog after a few nights when I irrupted into fur and cried myself to sleep. That was the only comforting thing in that state, I could sleep and cry; two significant forms of relief. I never realized how important both factors were until I thought I could never do either again. But once I relaxed enough to fall into a deep enough sleep, I would awake as a vampire. I suppose my emotions were too erratic to find out too much more about werewolf side at the moment.
I found little solace in my door room, listening to others partying, studying, arguing, and having
sex; basically the college experience was fully lost on me, not that I minded. Even as a human, I don't think I would have enjoyed the same activities others did. I spent most nights in the shelter of some near by woods. I hunted often but my mind was always on Forks. I never thought I could ever miss it so much. But I knew it wasn't the town, it was the people I selfishly left behind. My father who, in a complete sense of denial, welcomed me back with open arms after my "rehab". He saw how I was a different but knew I was still his daughter. That's all that mattered to him. After some heavy persuasion that my change was necessary for me to live, he ignored it as best as he could and relished having his daughter back.
Jake, my best friend, fought so hard against his own nature out of guilt. If I had been changed far away from Forks, he would never risk his pack brothers just to remain close to me. It was because they felt it was their duty to protect me and they failed. I would never blame them, not even Sam, even though my most resent words to him would make many think otherwise. It was no one's fault in my opinion; just a series of unexpected occurrences. But Jake risked everything for me out of guilt, and I was too lonely to stop him. Leaving was the best thing for him. If he was to imprint on a girl soon, how would we remain this close? I wouldn't be able to crawl into his bed at nights just for company. I wouldn't able able to expect him to pick me over everyone, because there would be someone else more important he would care for. I don't know if I could survive another rejection from someone I love. The rejection I felt when he referred to me as "one of them" was enough to send me running.
But I knew I wasn't unloved completely. Embry. Poor Embry. To be forever tied to someone so broken she doesn't even know what she is. I feel his anguish when I left and it broke my heart. Most of my human memories are already faded but I remembered the pain I felt when I was in the woods, broken hearted, with the one person I loved leaving me. I couldn't believe I was capable of inflicting that pain on anyone else. But Embry was so innocent. Just recently starting to faze and already imprinted on someone that was once in love with a vampire, then became a drug addict, then a vampire herself, and then a wolf. Nothing could have made him deserve this much confusion in his life. Poor Embry; I spent so much time pitying the situation I was in that I never really thought about how I felt about it.
In all honesty, it was disturbing. having no choice in who you love is bad enough, but to be tied to them, never to fall in love with another person again despite anything that person could do was so devastating. I wondered if their had ever been any case when an imprint didn't return the imprinters advances before now. Time drew on and class was over. I walked out a little faster than I should have but it was the quickest way to avoid conversations that someone eventually tried to have with me at the conclusion of every class. I tactic I faintly remembered Edward using while we were still in Biology
together. Those fuzzy memories I wouldn't mind completely losing.
I never knew why he came back to Forks with his family. I didn't think it really mattered. It was
plainly obvious, it wasn't for me. Why would he want to pick up and old "distraction". If he was that bored, he could have just composed another lullaby for another unsuspected human fool or someone better, his own kind. Even now, I wasn't his kind. I was no one's kind. I made a beeline for the woods knowing that the only thing following me was the questionable stares of the other college students who just assumed I was weird. I had to be away from prying eyes, if only for a few hours. I felt the sorrow rushing threw me, my eyes burning, ready to cry if my vampire body would allow it.
Being one of a kind wasn't what it was cracked up to be. It was lonely. Between my father, Jake, and Embry, I left three broken hearts behind me, forever breaking my own. I thought of them more often then I thought of myself. I began running once I was in the cover of trees and before I knew it, I was on four paws. I kept running, scaring every animal in the viscidity. I finally stopped when I got to a small clearing. I laid down and let the loneliness, heartbreak, confusion, and despair have me. I cried so hard that I began to shake. My howls rippled through the woods, echoing in the distance. I thought of my father loved me despite everything, Jake, who would forsake his pack to be able to stand by my side, Embry who had no choice but to love me, and would be beyond anguished if I never came back, And Edward, who for unexplainable reasons, I still loved. All of their faces ran through my mind like flipping through pictures. I felt the pain all over again just remembering their faces. And then, I slipped away to an unconscious state. Sure that I would awake soon as my body relaxed and my vampire side took control once more, I had one last thought of Embry wishing, for once, I was good enough for such unconditional love.
When I awoke, I was startled to see the sun was rising and I was still a wolf. I frantically looked around, wondering why I hadn't changed back. I was so distracted that I didn't immediately notice the scent of someone else near by. I immediately got on my guard, clenching my teeth. I knew it was an animal but didn't notice it was a werewolf until it was only a few feet away. As it closed the space between us, I recognized the fur, I recognized the scent, and those eyes.
'Embry?' I thought. I focused my thoughts into his head and saw the happiness he felt having found me.
'What are you doing here?' I asked. He brushed his large head against the side of mine affectionately. I remembered him doing this before when he had first imprinted on me. I don't know how I could have missed the undying love practically radiating out of his mind.
' Bella, are you alright? I was so worried. I waited every day to hear that you were coming home and then I felt you and I had to..'
I interrupted his thoughts, confused.
'you felt me?' He looked at me funny and before responding.
'Yeah, I felt you yesterday afternoon. I was in my room, of course, wondering where you were
and then I heard your thoughts and felt your pain. I was crazy worried but luckily, your thoughts showed me you were here so I ran all night. After a while, it was easier to catch your scent when I saw you...' his thoughts trailed off, his eyes showing nothing but the purest affection. Even as a werewolf, he could never appear to pose a threat with his eyes expressing nothing but unadulterated love.
'Embry...' I sighed his name, caught up with the random, unexpected feeling I suddenly had for him. He saw the change in my expression and was practically beaming with joy.
'Bella' he sung my name in his thoughts. I smiled and lowered my body back to the ground feeling more relaxed than I had in months. Embry lied down on the patch of grass next to me, lying his head on my back. After a few moments, I noticed I was fazing back but I was mortified to realize that I was naked in front of him. He sensed my embarrassment and turned his head.
'Stay put,' he order before running off. I laid flat on my stomach, counting the seconds. Of course I wasn't cold but I was uncomfortable being completely nude outside in broad day light. After 20 minutes I heard Emrby approaching on foot. He had my sweatpants and t-shirt that I had worn the previous night in his right hand. My eyes raked over his tall body. Muscular build was enhanced from the last time I had seen him before he had first fazed. His hair was cut short drawing more attention to those dark brown eyes that spoke volumes for his affection. His russet skin had a light tint of red to it as he turned away and handed me my clothes. I was done in less than two seconds but he obviously wasn't use to my vampire speed like Jake was since when I touched his shoulder, he still kept his eyes the opposite direction from me.
"Emrby, how did you know where my dorm was?" I asked, breaking the tension. He turned around slowly with a confused expression.
"I told you Bells, I saw your mind. I saw everything you've been through in the past few months in less than a minute and then I felt everything that you felt," he voice softened, no doubt feeling sorry for me.
"I'm glad you showed me everything and called out to me like you did, I couldn't stand having you away but I was okay with it as long as you were happy. But then I saw that you weren't and there was nothing Jake could do to stop me from coming to..."
"Jake tried to stop you?" I was shocked and curious how Jake would have the authority to do so.
"We'll first Sam did, that day you left, he ordered me to stay away from you. I had to obey his Alfa command but it went against ever part of me so without realizing it, I switched sides to Jake cause
it was my only escape, my only way to you. But he was worried about you to and ordered me not to follow you. I was furious because it was practically the same order Sam had given but then after you were gone, he changed his command."
There was a slight pause. He stared deep into my eyes for a moment before speaking again.
"He told me I had to reframe from following you until you ask for or needed me. After what you showed me last night, there was nothing that could keep me in Forks." I instantly felt terrible. Embry might have the body of a grown man in his twenties but he was still a boy. He still needed to finish school, be with his family and friends; not crossing state lines in the middle of the night just for me.
"I don't know how I showed you any of that." I whispered, eyes downcast so not to see the pain in his face when I finished saying what I intend to say.
"I never intended to call you Embry. My mind was just full of so much at the time and I was emotionally exhausted and I just thought of everyone I missed so much and then I wake up and you're..."
"You missed me?!" He obviously was disregarding the portion about me not calling him in the first place but I couldn't deny him when I looked up and saw his eyes light up even more.
"You saw my thoughts, you know I did," I had to smile at his hopeful expression.
"Yes but hearing you say it is even better!" he exclaimed. I laughed and the sound of my wind chime like laughter echoed in the woods, sounding like a beautiful melody in the wind. Once again, I saw the affection in Embry's eyes. This time, it was so intense, I grew bashful enough to look down and hide my face beneath my hair. He lifted my chin up lightly with his left hand and gazed into my amber eyes.
"You might not have purposely called me but you needed me. You definitely needed someone and I would never leave you out here alone and sad as you were." His voice was firm, not belonging to a boy of his age.
"I know you feel alone Bells, but there are some of us who know better than to ever leave you. I'm here and even if you ordered me away, I'd still always be around to make sure you were happy. That's all that matters to me." He said it all with such compassion that I couldn't fathom ever hurting him again. He must have sense my train of thoughts.
"I know you left because you had to. If you want to stay here, that's great. College is where you should be anyway, and what better place than here?" his eyes glanced towards the towering buildings in the distance.
"You should be in school as well and with your family and..."
"I know what your trying to say Bells, but just trust me. I can't survive if I even have the slightest indication that you might be unhappy. It hurts to be apart from you as it is but it's beyond agony when you're gone and feeling like you did. If I didn't come..." he stopped for a moment. His eyes were on my faced yet not focused on me. I opened my mouth to ask what was wrong but he spoke before I could.
"Bells, you said you didn't intentionally call me right? You just thought of me?" I solemnly nodded feeling terrible for having admit it.
"I saw everything in your past since your...change because you focused on me, even for a brief moment. Did you think of anyone else besides me?" I hadn't realized my mouth had been hanging open while he spoke. I pieced together the pieces and suddenly began frantic. Who else had I inadvertently showed my thoughts to? I already knew the answers, and for the first time, I hated my power. Jake and Embry's knowledge of my thoughts had just caused embarrassment, but Edward and Charlie... especially Charlie, that was something different all together.
