Hey! Didn't update all weekend because I was joining the circus my step uncle owns… Anyways I'm back now, pretty much updating every day!
This is a moment I've been waiting for – I hope you like it because I kind of do!
Chapter 7: We won't break
As Derek slammed the door behind him, he was a little taken aback by the air in the room that was too warm and smelled exactly like someone had spent several days without fresh air in there. He ignored the body he could see was sprawled on the bed and went to open the window.
It was not a sunny day; heavy grey clouds overshadowed the sky. Still, it was a perfectly clear view from his window; he could see small drops of water, clinging on to the grass straws on the lawn where he had spend so many hours. Joan's pealing laughter, Mark's freckled face lit up in a grin, David sneaking up on Nancy and Kathleen, whispering under the trees, Amelia clueless and stumbling around, his mother's content smile, his father's blue eyes…
He stopped right there. Knowing that there would never ever be another day like that, it still hurt to think of the good times.
Derek knew he was being unreasonable to his mother and sisters. Mark and David, too. He was the man of the family now; he was supposed to be strong enough to hold them all together. But after 6 months, he was still not able to close his eyes without hearing the gunshot, see his father fall to the floor with an inhuman thud. He couldn't talk about it to anyone, that especial helpless pain felt so private, not something he was supposed to share and inflict on other people.
Derek was taken out of his thoughts when a timid voice broke the silence.
"They miss you."
He slowly turned and looked at the girl. She was tiny, no more than four or five years old, skinny; too skinny. Her blonde hair lay wildly sprawled around her head on the pillow, beautifully framing her pale pace. The dark rims under her eyes seemed engraved in her face. He meant to scowl at the little girl but she seemed too fragile, too precious.
"What do you know?" he asked and was displeased that he sounded more curious than harsh. She smirked and it was a pitiful impression of a smirk; still, it was there.
"When they talk about you, they get this look in their eyes – like they're mourning you or something."
"What, like I'm dead?" Derek's voice broke on the word dead and he swallowed. This shouldn't come as a surprise to him; still, it cut him deep.
"Like they lost you" the girl whispered like there was a considerable difference and her serious eyes caught his. Derek knew he could not distrust her in any way. How could she possibly know this?
He sat down on the bed beside her.
"So what's your story?" he asked, easily comfortable around her. She was the first person he had wanted to talk to in 6 months, even if it was just small talk.
She tensed beside him. Then she giggled softly, a small giggle with enormous significance. It was a nice sound that instantly made his mouth twitch up in the corners.
Meredith. That was what Amelia had called her. Meredith.
"I don't have a story. I'm just a girl on a bed."
Derek smiled and enjoyed how it felt to use his mouth that way again. She made him smile!
"Well then I'm just a boy on a bed," he mumbled and she giggled again.
"No you're not, silly. You're Derek."
"You've got a point there," he agreed easily.
"Derek Shepherd," she whispered, tasting the words in a gentle voice that made it sound like she was high or something. "The lost son returns…"
"You should get some sleep." She really should, she looked like she hadn't slept in days – just like himself, Derek supposed.
"I don't want to go to sleep," Meredith muttered.
"And why not?"
"I'm afraid of dreaming."
"Ah, so you have bad dreams?"
Meredith lay there in silence for a moment. She had told him the truth without even thinking about it; why was it that she instantly trusted him with her secrets? The eyes, she decided, you can't distrust those eyes.
"Meredith?" Derek asked, regaining her attention.
"Just one," she admitted. "Just one nightmare." She expected him to ask what the nightmare was about. He never did; he just lay there in peaceful silence for a minute. Then…
"I have a nightmare, too."
"Do you want to tell me about it?"
She had to be older than 5, she sounded mature way beyond her body.
Did he want to tell her about it? He had no idea how to put his words, they were floating around in his head, refusing to come together and form into sentences. He lay down on the bed and crawled in under the blanket when Meredith lifted it up in invitation. He was instantly warmed up.
"I- I just- I wake up and… I realize it's not real, but still I…" Derek trailed off; he didn't know what to say. To think that he was about to pour his mind open to a girl not half his age! He looked down at her; for a moment he thought she had lost interest but then…
"You wake up and feel like you are going to break into a million little pieces, like it's impossible to hold yourself together." She pursed her lips and he swore he saw a faint glimmer of a tear in her eye.
Derek nodded wistfully.
"Hold me together, Derek," Meredith said. As soon as the words were out, her eyes widened and she looked up at him, terrified of rejection. Derek hesitated for a tiny fraction of a second before he wrapped his arms around her like it was the most natural thing in the world. Her arms wrapped around him too and he drowned in a long forgotten feeling of safety.
"Derek."
"Yeah."
"Promise me I won't break." Meredith's voice was grave with sleep. Derek felt his own eyes become heavy.
"You won't break," Derek declared and closed his eyes.
"Okay," Meredith said, she trusted him blindly in that moment.
"We won't break, Meredith."
"Derek?" Carolyn whispered, fearing the worst at she gently pushed the door to her son's room open. It had been a couple of hours. Surely, Derek must have calmed down by now.
What she hadn't expected was the sudden swell in her heart at the sight that met her eyes.
The two children were cradling into each other, their arms so tight. Meredith let out a soft snore that broke through the silence.
It was unbelievably cute, of course. But that was not what made Carolyn leave the room with a huge, genuine grin on her face.
Derek, content in Meredith's arms, in deep sleep had a smile, an actual smile, lingering on the edge of his lips.
