Benny didn't see Jason for a couple of days after the "fight" they had had over Sarah. There was work, with both of them working on different trials, and his boss wasn't coming home a lot - but Benny didn't take it personally, as both Sarah and Marissa had told him that Jason would often sleep at the office despite having a perfectly fine apartment.

It was late at night, and the lawyer was working on a closing argument – not for himself, but for another lawyer, Liberty – at his desk when Jason finally showed his face.

"Just so you know, I've had a bad day, and if you are interested in round two, I'd be more than happy to take it out on your nose."

"Nah, I'm here to apologize." Jason said, scratching the back of his neck. "I haven't really been myself lately."

Benny lifted his gaze from the sheets of paper he was working on, and crossed his arms over his chest. "Maybe I should apologize as well. What happened with Sarah…."

But Jason stopped him before he could continue, lifting his right hand. "Don't. Sarah's been reading me the riot act nonstop since yesterday, and told me she was the one to…" Jason swallowed hard, as he couldn't even fathom the rest of the conversation. "to initiate things between you two. I've been asked to not accept your apologies, as there's no need to apologize in the first place."

Benny sighed. Of course Sarah would try to bring peace between her brother and his friend, taking all the blame for the kiss. Even if, in a way, she was right: she had kissed him in the kitchen. The other kisses, the touches – the ones Jason didn't know about – had been all his, thought. And, even if he had been the one to put an end to it, he was still not getting any sleep, remembering things that had been, and imagining things that could have happened…

"Ehy, if you are finished there, you want to grab a beer with me?" Which was Jason's way of saying that everything was forgiven and forgotten. Benny really liked this Jason. The good friend he had grown up with.

Benny opened his mouth as to speak, but then he shook his head. He still had a lot to do, besides, he wasn't sure he could afford to stay so close to Jason. Jason… He was Sarah's brother, and thinking about her… he was already thinking way too much about the young woman. He didn't need a constant reminder of what she had offered him, and what he had refused.

"C'mon, Liberty's not gonna need that closing statement for days! And I'm all alone back home, with my beloved sister busy with dinner with some corporate guy from her office." Jason rolled his eyes, and grunted something – what, Benny wasn't sure – but it was clear that his friend didn't like this guy.

He didn't like him… and yet it was his best friend who had gotten punched!

Benny stared at Jason, annoyed. He was feeling ill, like he was burning inside – an ulcer, maybe, or something equally bad. "So, it's okay for Sarah to date some stranger, when you keep going on and on about her bad taste with men, but you throw a punch at me?!"

"Well, "Jason chuckled. "I'm not there seeing her kissing this guy – if she is kissing him at all, which means that I've done my part of protective big brother!"

It was bullshit, Benny thought. Jason wasn't with Sarah, so it meant he couldn't protect her. And Sarah… she was vulnerable right now. On the lookout for the perfect man. In a world filled with men who took advantage of young, naïve women.

"So, Benny, you coming or what?"

Benny grinned as he stood, leaving his work where it was, ready to the next day. "Actually, I'm leaving myself. I've suddenly remembered that there's something I need to do."


Sarah had just gotten home, all alone. She had been out with a friend, a coworker, a nice guy who enjoyed her company but wasn't looking for anything – not with women, at least. Brian had been of great help, he had kept her mind busy with chatter about work, about gossip and everything in between. It had been the cure she had been looking for… together with the other cure suggested by Chunk.

She hadn't said a lot to her friends about what had happened with Benny – he worked with them, after all – claiming simply that it wasn't working and that, apparently, it wasn't meant to be. Chunk's answer? Getting pampered. He had even provided her with the necessary, all kind of creams, perfumes, shower gels and the likes, everything with flowery scents. It wasn't really her style, but desperate times called for desperate measures, after all.

She was studying with careful attention a pink pepper hand-cream, when her doorbell rang. Sarah huffed, annoyed, wanting nothing more than peace and quiet, but when she saw who there was on the other side of the door from the peephole, she understood that her dreams were going to stay just that – dreams.

She opened the door, trying to look as annoyed as she felt, and, with an hand on her side, she leaned against the doorframe, making sure that Benny understood the message. He was persona non grata. She needed to get him out her sight, asap, and then she was going to try "the cure", like Chunk had suggested.

"Let me guess. You need some sugar because you're too bitter." She dead-paned, but Benny just snorted. "All right, listen Benny, I've got things to do, and if you have nothing to say…." She just shook her head, looking at him intensively, awaiting his answer.

Benny took a big breath. "Is he here with you?" Sarah just looked at him, quizzically, so he repeated the question. "The man you went out with, is he here? Are you going to let him…" do the things that I did to you, He wanted to say, but Benny didn't have the heart, or the gut, to end the sentence.

"He is a friend from work. We are working on a project together and we wanted to brainstorm." She answered, annoyed, as she turned to look at the table filled with the cure.

"Are you free tomorrow evening?"

Sarah sighed. Here he was going at it again. All the times. And all she wanted was to forget he even existed! Why was he going hot and cold and hot at her? Couldn't he settle with one damn decision? Seriously – the man had to see a very good doctor.

"No, I'm busy Benny. With life. And this is everything there was to your visit…." She showed him the door. Just to make sure she really didn't want him there.

"Benny, full disclosure? You've been back just for a few weeks and I'm already fed up with your brotherly concern." She said, exasperated.

He grunted, shaking his head. "Sarah, I had you half-naked in my arms the other night. You surely understand that there's nothing brotherly about that."

Sarah closed her eyes and sighed. Her annoyance was just getting stronger with each passing second. She had initiated the whole kissing ordeal, but Benny had answered her – just to put an end to things and act like she was a little kid behaving a little irrationally just because. And now, now he dared to ask her out? Like nothing had happened at all?

She massaged the bridge of her nose. "Benny, I'm not an idiot. And neither a kid. I know there was nothing even remotely brotherly about what we did last night." She said, her voice a mixture of exasperation and defeat.

Benny cleared his throat, hands in the pockets of his pants. "It's just… this… "he sighed. "It's… too hot. Too fast. And, I don't know how what to do."

As the butterflies decided to have a party in her belly at the knowledge that Mr. calm and controlled lawyer wasn't so calm and in control when it came to his childhood "friend", Sarah blushed, feeling a little bit victorious.

She gripped her chest, feeling bold, and empowered. "Would you like to come in and talk about it?"

"What?" He asked, swallow. wing hard, his eyes as huge as saucers.

"Come inside. Be with me." She had missed him, even if she had wanted him out of her heart and her mind, she had still missed him. And now she knew that he had been missing her, too. "What do you say, Benny?" Playing the damsel in distress wasn't going to work. It wasn't who she was. But she could be straight-forward. Just like her brother and her dad had taught her to.

"I… say no." he said, sounding defeated.

"No?!" she practically screamed, gritting her teeth. "You say no? You reject me again?!" Shame and embarrassment colored her delicate features.

"What? No, I'm not rejecting…." But he couldn't end the sentence, for Sarah slammed the door shout, soundly, on his nose. Benny rang the doorbell, again and again and again, but she put on her headphones, letting some Hard Rock covering the annoying sound, as she prepared a vanilla-scented hot bath for herself.


The next morning, Marissa stopped by Sarah's office with some brownies, explaining how Danny's mother had backed them for her beloved child, but that Danny had begged her to just get rid of the damn thing or else she wouldn't have entered in the dress Chunk had talked her into.

"I don't think any of us should really have any this…" Marissa said, probably thinking how both she and Sarah were going to be bridesmaids in a few days. "But, let's be honest. Sometimes you just got to have the worst thing for you just to feel good."

Sarah, like she was a child performing some antics, playfully moved the plate away from under her friend's nose, and started to play with the crumbs. "You know, there's this song I absolutely adore, it says, everything that kills me, makes me feel alive."

Marissa opened her mouth as to speak, but one of the office's secretaries stepped into their safe-zone. A young sweet thing, she was attempting to walk on heels way too high for the purpose, and was carrying a huge modern glass vase, filled with a cloud of white and green – ivy and tulips and roses and freesias.

"Miss Bull? This just came in for you?" The secretary said, as it was a question.

Sarah looked at the flowers, quizzically. "No, there must be a mistake. I don't know anyone who would give me flowers with no reason…"

Marissa, former homeland agent that she was, immediately noticed a piece pf paper, folded between the leaves and the flowers, and grinned as she kept it between her fingers. "Well, there's your name here, sweetheart. Sarah Carmichael-Bull.

Stunned, Sarah took the flowers and put them on the table, next to the brownies, and looked at the card Marissa had put on the table. She didn't want to read it. It was kind of new. Last person to give her flowers? Her brother when she was a teen. Her dates… well, none of them had been too much into flowers…

Marissa grunted, and shaking her head took the offending not in her hands and opened it. She read it, and her eyes went huge as she gasped in surprise.

"It says, Please forgive me, and be my date tonight." Marissa sighed, dreamily, as she had suddenly changed her mind about the whole ordeal. "It's from Benny…."

Sarah looked at the flowers, dreamily, and sighed. "Do you know that these are my favorite flowers? Not even Jason remembers…" they both sighed, and their eyes met across the table.

"Well?" Marissa asked, and Sarah chuckled, shaking her head a little.

"It's just like you said, Mar - sometimes, we can't stay away from what's really bad for us…"


a/n: the lines everything that kills me, makes me feel alive
are from the OneRepubblic song" Counting Stars", which the story is titled after.