Chapter Eight, aru

Europaliens

I woke up, feeling like a zombie. Today was the day, aru.

I dug through Everests, because mountains is an understatement and piles even more so, of my neatly folded clothes till I found my swimsuit. Today was the day, aru.

I put it on. Today was the day, a- oh, forget it.

I looked in the mirror and felt myself go hot all over. How was I supposed to wear this – in front of other people?

A pair of weird little shorts with a synthetic, plastic-y feel to them. That was it, aru. And surely there would be plenty of strangers at the pool. I was practically wearing waterproof boxers…would you wear boxers in front of anyone (oh, I forgot, you're probably a westerner and most westerners lose their virginity by eighth grade, aru)?

Perhaps I should have phrased that better, aru.

Would I wear boxers in front of anyone? NO! But I was going to have to wear these!

Europeans are strange, strange, STRANGE! They consider it not only normal but amusing to wear underclothes in front of other people!

Suddenly, a crazy thought illuminated my brain like a lightning bolt, aru!

What if Europeans aren't humans?

What if Europeans are…

ALIENS!

Maybe that is why their writing, grammar and language is so different from ours? Maybe that is why they have such a vast range of hair colours: black, brown, blond, red – and occasionally blue, pink, purple or green! And eyes: blue, green, brown, gray. While in Asia and Africa there is only black hair, black eyes.

But Liz Taylor had purple eyes! AHA! So she was the most different of them all!

Liz Taylor must have been the secret leader of the Europaliens, aru! Perhaps that is why she received so much fame and glory in return for such stupid acting skills, and why her death was so mourned…! My eyes have been opened, aru!

And, hey, hey, here's another thing, aru! Since the dawn of time (well, OK, maybe not that far back) Europeans have always tried to gain control over territories outside of their continent! We East Asians did attempt at empires, but only within our continent! (Caucasia doesn't count.)

The Europaliens are trying to take over the world, aru!

Yes, they are definitely not of this world.

I mean, take Russia for an example. I have yet to meet an Asian who is like him.

To be continued, aru…