A rough hand trailed down his shirt, slipping under the fabric and gently running his across Sirius' stomach. A soft groan tore its way through James' throat as he continued exploring the warm skin under Sirius' uniform. It was James' dream come true, his fantasy, to finally have his best friend to himself. To bloody finally have that unworthy werewolf out of the way so he could give Sirius the love and attention he deserved.

With a slightly uncomfortable shift, Sirius allowed James to pull off his shirt. Not because he wanted the contact, he simply wanted the opportunity to breathe. James didn't seem to believe the fact that Sirius needed oxygen. He was granted a few moments of precious time to gulp the sweet air into his abused lungs before James had covered his mouth again, slipping his tongue past his teeth and effectively stopping the air flow again.

To Sirius' shock, a small shiver shook through him as James ran his hands down the front of his naked chest. The coarse fingers trailed down to his sides, scratching from his ribs to his hips and causing Sirius to buck off the bed with a moan.i How did James know about that spot?/i he wondered. Instead of giving Sirius time to ponder this, James successfully distracted him by latching his mouth to Sirius' neck. He forcefully pulled his fingernails down Sirius' sides again while leaving an imprint of his teeth in the soft flesh of his neck.

A moan escaped from the assaulted wizard on the bed. He had no idea how James knew of all these triggers, but he seemed to be hitting every erogenous zone on his body. As if he was reading Sirius' mind, James moved one of his hands up to the nape of his neck, raking his fingers down to his shoulder blades and back up while still continuing his attack on Sirius' neck and side.

i Well, /i Sirius thought with a chuckle, i if I have to get over Remus, at least it's with someone that can make me forget my own fucking name. /i

James' head lifted with a hurt look. "Are you laughing?" he questioned, voice cracking at with his own chuckle when Sirius whined.

"Don't bloody stop, I was starting to enjoy it." Sirius forced a grin, pulling James back down to crash their lips together, trying desperately to forget, to move on.

In reality, Sirius did want him to stop. Sirius didn't want this. He didn't want his friend's hands on him, his mouth, and his moans echoing in his ear. No, he didn't want this.

He let out another reluctant shiver as James nipped at his neck again, hating himself as he did.

The guilt he felt at that moment was nearly unbearable. He couldn't wrap his mind around what he was doing. He felt his stomach sink as he realized what a selfish bastard he was being. He didn't want James like this. He fucking wanted Remus like this. But in his own way, James sort of reminded him of Remus. They shared a few facial features that were similar, and actually, some of their habits were the same as well. The way James looked down when he chuckled was like Remus…just, when Remus did it, he covered his mouth his hand and looked down, muffling the sound and hiding the smile that Sirius loved to see. And the way James would stare of into space would remind him of how Remus would bring his hand to his rest on his forehead and lips, closing his eyes and getting lost in his own world.

It was at that moment when Sirius truly realized what he was doing. He was using James. He was killing his terrible loneliness with someone that reminded him of the love he couldn't have. He was a sick, disgusting piece of rubbish that shouldn't be allowed to live. He was hurting his friend, himself, just because he wanted a few moments to pretend James was Remus.

Sirius pushed James away, overwhelmingly sickened by his revelation. "I'm sorry." He muttered. "This was a mistake. I'm so sorry." He dropped his head into his hands with a look of disgust. Sirius had never truly hated himself as much as he did at that moment.

James sat bewildered and hurt next to him, opening and closing his mouth a dozen times, trying to decide what to say. Those few moments of feeling Sirius under him, the lips of his best friend against his, had been the happiest, most blissful moments of his life. And now Sirius was apologizing for it?

"D-don't be sorry," he shifted, voice laden with the confusion and hurt that currently consumed his mind, "I…I love you, Padfoot."

Sirius groaned with self-loathing. He had hoped this was a simple crush, one that he could brush off and they could go back to the way things were. No, it wasn't going to be that easy. James was now going through the same agony and heart crushing misery that Remus had put him through.

Sirius looked up into his friend's eyes, seeing the pain that he knew had reflected in his own just an hour ago. "I think I need to think…" he choked out, repulsed at the repeated scenario. Just this time, he was tearing someone's heart out, instead of Remus tearing his out.

James nodded. "Just promise me that you'll really think, yeah? I do love you…and I really do believe I could make you happy, Padfoot.." he trailed off, reaching out to touch Sirius.

Sirius pulled back and stood up, eyes darting around as his mind seemed to cave in. "Yeah, yeah." He waved him off. It was too much. Too much had happened in one day. He took off to the common room, crashing into another student that stood outside the door.

"Oh sor-" he began, cutting off as the remaining sliver of his heart jumped. Remus stood against the wall with red rimmed eyes, letting out tiny, hiccuping sobs.

"I s-see y-your over m-me." He managed out, looking accusingly at the other wizard. Sirius' eyes popped open as he went deathly pale. Remus saw them. He saw Sirius' moment of weakness, and…Remus was…wait…Remus was crying?

"I came to tell you that I love you, Sirius." Remus choked out, a dark laugh following his confession. "But I see, you already have a new toy."

With one last look of loathing towards the boy he thought was his mate, Remus turned and once again, walked away. Once again, he left Sirius standing there in utter anguish to watch him walk away, dragging what was left of Sirius' heart behind him.

He once again broke Sirius, leaving him irreparable and empty without giving him a chance to fix his mistakes, a chance to explain, a chance to love him.