A/N: Hiiii everyone! So this chapter has a song that I found out about during the summer of last year while looking through tumblr and I don't think a lot people know about it so I'd like to share it with you! So it's called "So Many Doucebags" by Darren Criss and if you've seen A Very Potter Sequel it sounds exactly like the Apocalyptour version of "Guys Like Potter". The song "So Many Douchebags" is actually what inspired me to write this fanfic because when I heard it (in my magical crisspez filled head) I instantly thought "hey what if this guy Peter was the reason Lauren and Darren weren't a couple?" So I don't know, maybe you'll think the same way but it's really hard to find the link and they won't let me post links on here so I'll put the complicated way down below, or PM me and I'll find a way to send you the link that way, OR if you're just lazy and don't care that much just hum to the tune of "Guys Like Potter" the apocalyptour version. There aren't any concrete lyrics to the song because I think Darren took it off, so if you think the lyrics say something else please share with me! I hope you enjoy the song and the chapter, and excuse me if I didn't do this perfect because this is my first songfic. Reviews are my favorite thing in the world so please tell me what you like or didn't like xoxoxx.

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of this song, Darren Criss does (If that wasn't clear).


Chapter 8- Damn You, Darren Criss

Lauren surprised herself when she arrived to her class twenty minutes before the class even started. She didn't sleep well the previous night. In fact she wouldn't be surprised if she hadn't gotten a single hour of shut eye. One question kept popping up nonstop all night: Why would she promise Peter that she wouldn't hang out with Darren anymore? Of course that wasn't something she could do simply and act like it was no big deal. But when he asked her, something about him was so mesmerizing that made her forget all about Darren. But now she was stuck alone by herself contemplating what she would do when the haunting moment came, when the curly haired kid will come into the room looking for a seat next to her.

Maybe she should just sit in a different spot than where they usually sat. Maybe that will hint to him that she wasn't exactly in the mood to talk to him at the moment. At least until she got her thoughts figured out. It seemed like the best idea at the moment, so she quickly took a seat farther in the back corner. When she sat back down she felt like an idiot. What was she, a child? This whole idea about avoiding Darren made her stomach churn, but the guilt of talking with him made her feel ten times worse.

The anxiety was starting to get to her. She took a sip from her trusty pink water bottle to settle her stomach. More people started to come in, yet there was still no sign from Darren.

Maybe he wasn't even going to come. The thought gave her a wave of relief. That would solve all her problems. Oh how she would cry in joy if Mr. Collins would shut the door earlier. The entire mess would just disappear like a cloud. She wouldn't be hurting Darren's feelings by not talking to him, nor would she feel guilty when she caved because she couldn't possibly stop talking to Darren.

"God, when did my life become Twilight?" she thought.

This wasn't her. She never had this kind of drama in her life. Since when did she care about who she talked to and who she didn't? Who forced it upon her? Peter is who she first thought of because of the previous day, but ever since the beginning Darren made it clear that he didn't like Peter, hence making her feel bad that she was dating him. It was all too overwhelming and she just wanted a break. She hadn't been getting any sleep from all her thoughts. Sure she wanted to, but when she was under so much stress it was useless to try. Drifting off turned into nightmares, which made everything ten times worse.

But it was tempting. Thinking of the warmness and coziness of her bed put the weight of her tiredness to a whole new level. She imagined snuggling with her baby blue extra soft blanket that she always kept close to her. As much as she wanted to stay awake and wait for her doom, she couldn't bear it any longer. Darkness seemed to slowly invade her until she could barely keep her eyes open. Without thinking, she had surrendered to her weariness and her head was on her desk.


Lauren opened her eyes to the monotone voice that could only be identified as her boring English teacher. She didn't want to pick her head up yet. She was kinda proud of herself that she actually got some sleep, but when it dawned that she was in public she could feel the embarrassment in her face. Thank God she was sitting in the back or she wouldn't even dare to lift her head until the end of class. It wasn't like no other students did that, it was just unusual for her. Even if she did hate English, she wouldn't fall asleep. She yawned and realized how exhausted she was. "I guess there's a start for everything" she thought. She was about to pick her head up when her nose caught smell of something familiar. A smell that gave her comfort when she needed it the most.

Damn you, Darren Criss!

She slowly lifted her head and looked to her right to see him, arms crossed in a navy blue Michigan sweatshirt with his hood up, as if he didn't want to be bothered. He appeared to be sleeping too for his eyes were closed and his breathing was even. She cursed at how adorable he was when he slept. His triangle eyebrows straightened and his face resembled one of an angel.

She remembered seeing him like this one time after an intense party. It was an after party for one of the basement art plays that they were both in. They both had drank a lot, but Darren was ten times worse; he could barely walk in a straight line. Darren was always like that though. He could drink just half a beer and turn into a lightweight. Julia and her thought it would be best if he stayed at their dorm for the night since it was so close and Darren thought it was "a tremendous idea". On the walk there, he talked about how they could stay up and watch VCR movies and eat popcorn, yet by the time he reached their dorm he planted face flat onto the floor and fell fast asleep. The funniest part was that the next morning he didn't remember a thing. She grinned at the memory. He looked so peaceful it would've been a crime to wake him.

"What are you smiling at Lopez?"

Lauren almost jumped in her seat from hearing the familiar voice talk. She was too caught up in her memory to see that Darren had woken up. She laughed without thinking at how surprised she was. "God, you scared the crap out of me."

"I know." He replied with a smirk. She made a grumpy face in response. "When were you going to tell me we were going to move back all the way to the nosebleed section?"

She smiled. He was kind of right. The classroom resembled something similar to a stadium. Each row of chairs and desks were on a different level and the farther back you went the taller you would be to the ceiling. Mr. Collins taught in the lowest part of the room where all the layers were facing. She then remembered why she had moved to the back and looked down ashamed. He had made her forget completely that she wasn't supposed to be around him. If only she didn't fall asleep. But seeing Darren made her feel comfortable and happy and she didn't care at the moment if she was sitting with him. And it's not like Peter would find out, he wasn't there.

"I don't know, I guess I was tired and I didn't want Mr. Collins calling me out so I chose the back." She said with a shrug.

Something about his face said he didn't buy it, but he was glad she said it. "I could tell, you seemed pretty wiped out. I think I saw a puddle of drool on your desk." He joked while pointing at her desk.

She hit his arm. "Shut up" he just laughed and tried to avoid her punches. "I wasn't the only one catching up on their sleep." Her eyebrows were raised at him in an accusing manner.

"Yeah, but I'm Darren." He said it as if that was the answer to all assumptions and accusations. She just rolled her eyes.

She looked towards the front of the room where Mr. Collins was teaching. He was lecturing something about poets and the importance of stanzas and syllables. He began talking about Robert Frost and his famous poem "The Road Not Taken". Lauren was intrigued when he started talking about the meaning behind the poem. Mr. Collins seemed to know what he was talking about and it actually was an interesting topic, but his voice and the way he chose to teach the work bore everyone to death. The way he constantly kept looking up at the clock revealed to her that maybe he didn't even want to be there. She turned back to Darren.

"How long have we been asleep?"

"I was only resting my eyes for at least ten minutes. You on the other hand" he poked her playfully "have been asleep for almost the entire period. You must have been really tired" he said to her.

She looked down and untied her shoelace just so that she could retie them and keep her occupied for a couple of seconds before facing him again. "I guess I've had a lot on my mind" she mumbled.

Darren remembered how worn out Lauren could get when a lot was on her mind. When her dad had a heart attack Lauren couldn't sleep for days and Darren was there to comfort her and try to at least keep her preoccupied with movies, snacks, and stories. He also remembered the success he felt when he woke up the next day to see Lauren fast asleep curled up to his chest. Looking back, he couldn't remember a time when he was happier with any other girl. He wanted to always be there for her lending a helping hand, even if she did have a boyfriend. The least he could be was a friend.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he said softly.

"No." she said while shaking her head.

"Okay" he said while rubbing her back supportively.

She turned on him. "It's just that you're my best friend and I couldn't bear to not have our weekly coffees or hang out and rant about ambitions and life and the future. And when I think about not having you in my life, Darren, I start to freak out because you're the one who I go to when I need support the most. You're my rock, you know? I just don't want to lose what we have."

"And why would we lose what we have?" he asked although he had an itch that he already knew the answer.

She exhaled. "Because you kissed me, Dare."

He looked down as if he was an ashamed puppy. "And you told Peter and now he's suspicious."

"Yeah" she said, almost ashamed herself.

He looked at the front of the room because he couldn't face her. "So where does this leave us?"

"I don't want to not... I mean... I want to still hang out with you but..." she stuttered. "It's complicated" she said finally. "I just wish that we could all get along" she said it like a child would if they found out their parents were getting a divorce. "I don't want there to be this awkward tension whenever you guys are in the same room because then I have to make a choice," she looked at him in the eyes and said almost madly "and I fucking hate making a choice between you two."

Darren didn't know what to say. He hated that he was making her choose between the two of them but it was obvious that it needed to be done. Lauren couldn't keep going on like this, she had to make a choice for her sake, whether she knew it or not.

"Class dismissed" the voice came from the front of the room. Although the entire class seemed to have be dozed off, that phrase triggered all the students to grab their notes and file out, including Lauren and Darren.

They walked out of the building in silence. Darren didn't know if Lauren still wanted to go on their weekly coffee date after the mini speech she had just gave, so he stopped once they reached the bottom of the steps outside the building. He turned to her waiting to see what she would say.

There was only silence so he filled the void. "Thirsty?"

She stared at her feet for a second before nodding up at him. He smiled wide and took her hand, swinging it playfully. She couldn't help the giggles that came out.

But as if on cue they heard a voice from behind calling out the brunette's name.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Darren thought. "Does he follow us or something?"

They regretfully turned around to see none other than Peter waving and a few of his friends that were in a circle behind him. They were a little farther away so Darren couldn't make out the faces. He instantly turned to Lauren and took her by the shoulders and spoke clearly but quickly, afraid he would run out of time and that she would vanish.

"Lauren, you need to make a choice" he said seriously. She looked over Darren's shoulder to see an upset Peter and then looked back to Darren. "This is insane, Lo. You know this guy isn't anything special, just some eye candy that any pretty girl could get." she looked offended but he continued. "He doesn't love you Lauren. You're only temporary to him, you have to believe me." He looked at her intently and she glared back with a furrowed brow. "You know you're not like them, Lauren. Why can't you see that? You're so..." he didn't get to finish before she slipped out of his grasp and started jogging towards Peter, but not before turning back to Darren and flicking him off.

Darren couldn't believe it. He would've never thought in a thousand years Lauren would do that to him. Maybe she was like them. "No" he told himself. This is Peter's fault.

He felt a fire spread throughout his body that was a mixture of all the things that had been boiling inside of him for the past week: Anger, jealousy, lust, betrayal. They all mocked him and he started to feel his face turn red.

He needed comfort and needed to get his feelings out.

He needed his guitar.


"Should I make you a key?" Julia joked as she opened the door to see a depressed Darren with none other than his black beauty of a guitar and a bottle of beer. Darren didn't laugh.

"I need to tell you something" he said while passing through her to enter. He looked past Lauren's bed and sat on Julia's instead.

"Yes, you're welcomed to come inside" she said sarcastically. "It's not like I don't have a ten page essay due tomorrow and I'm only half way done" she said while pulling up a chair next to where Darren was sitting. She just then realized he was carrying his drink. "Darren, we're really not allowed to have alcohol in our dorms. If someone found out we could get in-"

"I kissed Lauren" he stated blankly.

Julia's eyes widened. "What! Since When?"

Darren was temporarily shocked that Lauren didn't already tell her. "That night that we went to the club."

"That long! Why hasn't Lauren said anything about it to me?" She was furious.

"I don't know" he replied uninterested. "Anyways," he continued despite the urge on Julia's face from lack of details. "She didn't talk to me at all since today in class. It was all normal at first, but then she said all this crap about not wanting anything to change between us. I thought that was bullshit because it was clear that Peter wanted me out of the picture." He paused to make sure she was following. "So when we got outside, of course Peter had to pop out of fucking nowhere and literally make Lauren pick between us on the spot." He twitched at the memory. "I told her my thoughts about him and what a douche he was, but I guess that ticked her off so she ran straight to Peter's arms." He fumed. He could feel the anger inside him again and tried to calm down.

Julia was speechless for a second, unable to comfort the pain that damaged him. "I'm so sorry, Darren."

He darkly laughed. "That's not even the best part. Right before they ran into the sunset she turned around to give me the finger."

Julia's jaw dropped. "Nooooo..."

He snickered. "Yeah, surprised me too. Who knew lady Lauren had a not-so-lady-like side of her." He laughed at his stupid joke and took another swing at his drink. Julia looked around worried as if there were cameras that would get her caught at any instant. This made Darren laugh more.

After Darren got a hold of his giggle fits he turned hilariously serious again. "Anyways I kept on thinking about her and how I can't get her out of my brain and what a dick that asshole is and I came up with a little funky tune that explains my feelings perfectly." He said while slurring a little on the word "perfectly". Julia raised her eyebrows at the broken man in front of her. He was about to start playing but changed his mind and instead picked up his bottle and said, "But before I present this wonderful piece of art to you firsthand," she rolled her eyes, "you have to live a little and take a sip of my beer."

She instantly started shaking her head. "No way, Darren. I'm not going to get in trouble because of you're sad love life."

"Trouble? No way. It's only trouble if you get caught" he quoted and winked at her.

"Darren, I have to wake up early tomorrow and I don't want to get hungover and sleep in because of you" she complained.

He laughed and burped a little. "Who said anything about hangovers? You're only taking one sip! I promise you only have to take one."

She looked at the bottle sadly and then back at him again.

"I'm not playing for you until you do" he stated. She contemplated a little longer. "My arm is getting tired..." he moaned.

She puffed and rolled her eyes. "Damn you, Darren Criss" she mumbled and took a huge swing at the bottle while Darren cheered.

When she finished she let out a big burp.

He stared at her stunned. "What a man..." he said jokingly.

"You made me do it, that was your reward" she came back with.

"A simple 'Thank you' is satisfying enough."

"Just play your silly song on your guitar. I don't have all night" she snapped.

"Okay, okay. Without further adieu, I present to you 'So Many Douchebags'."

Julia couldn't help but crack a smile at the title as he began to play. But the jokes were over now and Darren's face turned instantly sad again. Julia knew he was thinking about Lauren and some haunting memories.

"So many douchebags in the world

So many douchebags get the girls

who deserve more than absolutely anything"

He sang soulfully and his voice was so charming, it could melt any heart.

"That you and I or anyone could bring

They need a prince in armor who could sing

Their love to them"

He started stringing his guitar harder as the tune took up pace and his facial expressions became fiercer.

"So many assholes in this place

So many assholes in my face!

Why don't they leave me alone

to love princesses and queens?

They wouldn't ever be in between.

I'd treat them nice and never be mean to them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...

But there will always be guys like Peter"

Julia noted how he spoke his name like he was spitting out poison. Like if anyone said his name, he would instantly throw up.

A no good tennis-playing-self-absorded wiener

He'll never ever go to see you at the theatre

And he'll never know the lengths that I'd go just to see your show

This confirmed to her that the song was definitely about Lauren and the comparison between Darren and Peter.

Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba

Ba ba ba ba ba ba da

Ba ba ba ba ba ba da

Ba da ba ba ba ba

He started singing the words as if he was mocking all the happiness in them and finding every way to show his despair and depression. Julia felt for him and wished she could lessen the pain.

So many bastards here

There was no hiding it in this line. He sang in full out anger. She was even a little scared by his amount of anger that he was holding in.

Why can't these bastards disappear?

I'll blast them off to outer space

We'll never see them again

I'd launch them off to Venus and then...

I wouldn't have to deal with them anymore

Yeah yeah yeah...

But there will always be guys like Peter

Who jump the ship before takeoff and reappear

Right before I'd just try to get near her

And he'll never know the steam that I blow when I see her go

If Julia thought he was scary before, she was mistaken. He was letting all the anger go now and singing in full out rage. She even felt a little uncomfortable because of how intense he was in the song and she couldn't do anything to help.

So why do these guys even exist?

And how come the girls just can't resist?

Don't they know it just makes me pissed?

Hey that's me, was born that way

And c'est la vie, what more to say?

I could complain but what's the use of denying the simple truth

that there will always be guys like Petey

The pain was gone now. He was just exhausted and tired of being let on again and again. He wanted escape. He was tired of the game and lost all hope. He had given up on love.

To make my life just a little bit more shitty

He'll always be the block to every titty

that I'll ever love

And it's been kinda rough

So Pete, I've had enough

Pete, I've had enough

It was over. He was letting it go. Julia knew that song was the only way Darren could get things off his chest and now he did. He felt better and even smiled a little. He took one last long swing at the bottle before finishing it and setting it down.

"Darren I had no idea you felt that way." Julia said trying to comfort him. It was hard to fill the emptiness in the room after so much heart had been poured out.

He looked up at her and she could trace every trait of hurt in his complexion. They stared at each other for a couple of seconds before it was broken unexpectedly by Darren grabbing her jaw and kissing her long and ferociously. Julia didn't know how to respond to this, she just stayed completely still. She could feel all the pain he had been building up with every movement in his lips. She hate to admit it, but he was a really good kisser. He was so passionate.

Lauren was a lucky girl.

It didn't last long before Darren broke apart. Julia remained motionless, still shocked by what had just happened. Darren breathed out "I'm sorry" before suddenly drooping down to the floor and not a second later falling fast into a dreamless sleep.

It was in that moment that Julia remembered:Darren always had been a lightweight.


A/N: I am sooooo sorry about this ending because Jarren ewwwwww .. gross. Definitely one of my top notps. I'm also sorry I didn't update as fast as I thought I would, I promise I didn't forget about y'all! I'm starting to see a pattern aren't you? BAD HABITS ARE HARD TO BREAK I'M SORRY PLEASE DON'T HATE ME!

How to find the song link:

Step 1: go to noregretsjustlisten's tumblr page

Step 2: under links click on "download Darren's songs"

Step 3: scroll down until you see "Individual Songs" and click on the heart next to "Darren Criss: Lives & Covers"

Step 4: under "Unknown" scroll down until you see "So Many Doucebags (Guys Like Peter)" and click "Download" next to it (don't worry you won't actually be downloading anything).

Step 5: click on "Listen" and you should be set to go!

Sorry the quality kinda sucks, but like I said, it's really hard to find. I hope you enjoy :)