A/N: Although once again I seemed to only have sparked the reviews of deanthomasgal and MeRoNa, whom I thank wholeheartedly, I have decided I shall update again. So let's see what my brain cooks up for this chapter. I don't know if you've noticed, but I tend to simply start writing with no premonitions on what will transpire within the chapter, hit spell check when I'm done, and then publish. I should probably come up with some sort of plan for the plot, but oh well.
Lily's POV
"Hey Lily, I think you dropped your Potion's essay," remarked Remus as we sat together in the library. I had decided I could tolerate his company, especially when studying. He was always willing to lend a hand to me in Transfiguration or Defense, his two best subjects. And in return I helped him with Charms and Potions, the rest of our classes we were about equal in. If it had been only a few weeks ago, I would have never agreed to study with anyone other than Severus or the girls, but Sev and I had gotten into a bit of an argument and the girls simply lacked the concentration to study for long periods of time.
"Thanks Remus. You've got some ink on your nose, did you know?" I mentioned absently whilst looking through my Herbology book. He unsuccessfully tried to rub it off, only making the spot larger. I sighed and pulled out a small mirror that I kept in my bag in case one of the girls had a freak-out moment where they absolutely needed to make sure their hair looked okay. Alice and Marlene in particular had gotten more sub-conscious about their appearance this year.
I hand the mirror to him and as he tries to wipe off the offending mark, I notice the dark bags under his eyes are more prevalent than ever. He always looks so tired, he really should get more sleep. But he always goes up to his dorm by nine unless he isn't done with homework yet, which is rare.
"Thanks Lily," he says awkwardly, the black smudge now gone from his face. And we once again fall into the companionable silence broken only by the occasional question or breaking of a quill. And this is the bloke Emme fancies…
…
"So Lily, do you fancy anyone?" Alice asks me while painting her nails Gryffindor red with golden flowers. The first quidditch match of the season was in two days, and all of us, though Emme in particular, were excited, as Gryffindor would be playing against Ravenclaw, and they won the Quidditch Cup last year.
"Merlin, no," I said, noticing my use of wizarding slang. Instead of unfamiliar and awkward in my muggle-born mouth, the words tasted comfortable, like they belonged there. "I mean, that doesn't mean I don't find anyone attractive," I said, pulling on my pajama top unnecessarily, "but I wouldn't say that I fancy anyone. Not that Alice can say the same," I noted, a teasing tone replacing my previously defensive one.
"Oh, bugger off. You would fancy Gregory too if you got to sit next to him in Transfiguration. That boy is brilliant," she gushes. Alice always seems to have a different crush every week. But they never amount to much, so we aren't worried—yet.
"I highly doubt it," I say in an off-handed tone. "He goes fishing for compliments too much. He'll say something about how shoddy his wand work is, and then someone will butt in and tell him he's brilliant when he already knows it."
Just as Alice looks like she's about to reply in a none too lady-like fashion, Mary butts in. "Okay you too, don't you have another row about Alice's crush-life," she reprimands in a comically motherly tone. We all laugh at her use of the word "crush-life" since Alice has never worked up the courage to do anything about her various objects of affection. Not that she should, anyway. She's only twelve, for Merlin's sake, and I personally think that people should wait until they're a bit older to date. More maturity and all that.
"Fine," Alice pouts melodramatically. But she doesn't let my earlier comment go unnoticed. "So Lily, who do find, I believe you said, 'attractive,' hmm?" she says, enjoying the blush on my face.
"Well there's this one muggle bloke who lives on my block, but we haven't talked in years. And I suppose Potter and Black are good-looking enough, though I can't say the same for their personalities," I say, my blush starting to fade from my face. But it looks like the girls are determined are determined to keep my face the same colour as a tomato—and this time it's Emme that causes my blush to come back.
"Oh, wait 'til James hears this! Lily Evans, the one who rejected his hazel eyes and unruly hair, thinks he's good-looking! Oh, he's going to have a field day!" she says gleefully, and I can't tell whether or not she's just teasing or if she really is going to tell Potter that I think he's cute. The thought of that sends me into a panic.
"No! You can't tell Potter that! What happens in this dorm stays in this dorm! You're the one who came up with that rule when you told me you fancy-" at this point Emme leapt up and slammed her hand over my mouth. She didn't have to do that, I was going to stop myself there anyway. I had realized that I had gone too far. I knew by her face that she was desperately hoping she wouldn't be questioned on my words, but we both knew that a comment like that wasn't going to be left alone. I gave her an apologetic look as Marlene and Alice squealed.
"Emme! You fancy someone! I never would've guessed! Oh, is it one of the Gryffindor boys, you're always hanging around them—"
"Goodness gracious, will you all stop pestering the poor girl! If she wanted you to know, she'd told you by now. Maybe she didn't want to say anything because she was afraid of such a reaction as this," Mary said pointedly. She sounded like she was speaking from personal experience, though I think I'm the only one who caught that. I filed that possibility away for some time when I could speak to her later, without the other girls present.
…
Mary and I were walking alongside the lake the next day, the other girls either in the common room or the library finishing up the Transfiguration essay we had both finished last week. We watched some first years run around in the fall leaves, reminding me of a day last year when Sev and I had done the very same thing. The memory brought a smile to my face. We walked in silence for a while before Mary brought up the very topic I had come out with her to discuss.
"You know I like someone, don't you?" she said, defeat laced into her words. She had clearly been trying to keep this secret for some time now.
"I have my suspicions," I admitted, "but you just confirmed them," I said, shooting her an understanding glance.
"Darn. I was hoping I was better at hiding it than I thought," she muttered, almost to herself, but loud enough for me to hear and comment on.
"Well no one else had figured it out, have they? Not Alice, Marlene, or Emme," I say, ticking off one of my fingers for each girl's name. "I'm just annoyingly perceptive," I remark, a bit of a smile on my face. Sev always said I could read everyone like a book, and no one could read me. Which was generally how I liked it. No one could get to me that way unless I let them in.
"I suppose you're right," she sighed, defeat still evident in her voice. "If I tell you, will you swear you won't tell the girls? I don't want them getting involved, they'd just make a scene if they find out. I'll probably tell theme eventually, just, not yet." Her tone is very final and resigned, and I can't help but finding the mood of this odd.
"Mary, is there a reason that you don't want people to know? You seem awfully sad about me figuring you out," I say. My confusion must have manifested itself in my words, and she explains.
"I know Emme told you who she likes, she told me as well. And I just can't have her knowing that… That I like him too. He's sweet and smart and isn't like the rest of his friends at all. He doesn't bully and he doesn't condone their behavior. I don't understand why he hangs with them at all…" she trails off, looking rather sad as she sees me realize exactly who she likes. "And Emme is so pretty, I just don't think I'll be able to compete with that, not to mention she is actually friends with him."
I wrap Mary in a hug as her eyes well up. I had come to realize that Mary felt emotions a lot more strongly than the other girls. She sees a flash of annoyance in your eyes and quietly assumes you despise her. Or she reads a story and the main character's dog dies and her eyes are puffy for a week. Or you accidentally use her shampoo without her permission and suddenly she clams up because she feels like you betrayed her trust. I knew she didn't want to feel this way. She had backed me up when I had said most boys were unbelievably annoying. I guess it just took her until she found the one that wasn't too annoying for her to unleash her feelings. I understood that she felt as if she was betraying one of her best friends, but she still really liked Remus.
"Don't worry, Mary. I don't think you're a bad person just because you fancy the same bloke as Emme. You just have… similar tastes I suppose. A testament to your friendship, something you could bond over," I say, trying to make her feel better. She gives me a weak smile, which I took for encouragement to continue. "Listen, Mary. Don't beat yourself up over it. One, you're twelve, so it shouldn't really be an issue yet. And two, you're just as pretty and nice as Emme is! Just because you're more, er, introverted, doesn't mean you don't have the same shot as she does." I really want her to soak in what I'm trying to say to her.
"Thanks, Lily. I'm glad I told you. I guess I just feel like a rotten friend since Emme liked him first. And we both know that the other girls are going to find out about her interest soon. Just, don't slip up with my secret like you did hers, okay?" I knew she wasn't one to trust easily. But her comment didn't shame me, as it probably should've. I was happy that I was her confident, the one she trusted enough to tell her secret to. And though I knew she wasn't in an easy place, I was glad I could talk to her. I love my friends dearly, they're better siblings to me than Tuney now. And I was able to cheer her up a bit, which we were both glad of. It felt good to know I had helped someone, and that I would be able to in the future as well.
…
"Hey Sev!" I said brightly as we met up for the quidditch match the next day. Since this game wasn't a Gryffindor vs. Slytherin match, we had agreed to sit together to watch the first match of the season. I knew Sev secretly wished that he could fly half as well as the players on the field, if only because I admired them for their skill. I was absolutely hopeless on a broom, but instead of being jealous, I settled for appreciation of people who could actually fly.
"Hey Lily! Excited for the match?" he asks, looking into my eyes as if the answer were held there. I had begun to notice recently that he never asked me a question simply because it was polite, he always was genuinely interested in the answer. If only my Gryffindor mates could see this side of him. None of them understand why I hang out with him, and make no effort to conceal that from me.
"Yeah, Sev. I'm hoping that Gryffindor can win this match with Jun Chang and Madeline Franck graduated now. How about you? Excited?" I smile as he replies. He's rooting for Gryffindor today, though he doesn't like most of the others besides me much. I think it's because the Slytherins are bitter that they lost the Cup to Ravenclaw last year. That and our friendship keeps him rooting for the same side as me, Gryffindor/Slytherin matches exempt of course.
My reply is lost in the roar of the commentator's voice. This year it's some Ravenclaw fellow, which should be interesting, seeing Ravenclaws are known for their wit. My predictions prove correct, as he analyzes each play accurately, instead of just commenting on the score and how hot the girls are, like last year's commentator. The guy isn't too biased, which is refreshing as well.
Gryffindor plays really well, and by the end of the game, everyone is jumping up and down in their seats. Unfortunately, they seem to be cheering Potter's name. He made it onto the Quidditch team this year as a Chaser, and has been bragging about it since. It's pretty rare for a second year to make the team, so it was impressive, but it becomes less and less impressive each time it's used to put himself above everyone else. He's so arrogant sometimes.
…
It was late at night, and I couldn't fall asleep. I kept thinking about the dilemma between Emme and Mary. Not that Emme knew there was anything wrong. All she could do know that everyone knew was gush about Remus. I always kept my eye on Mary at these times. She would play the role of the listening friend, but every now and then she would say something snarky and she was even quieter than usual. And Mary was shutting Emme out, making Emme confused and hurt. She didn't have a clue what was going on. She wasn't doing any of it on purpose, she didn't mean to stab a knife into Mary's back with every word she said about Remus.
And I also knew Mary didn't want to be mad at Emme, she just couldn't help it. She didn't want to be around someone who felt as strongly about Remus and she did. And I was just caught in the middle of all of this, not really a part of it, but I was. What I wanted to do was figure out if Remus liked either of the girls, just for my own knowledge. With this thought in mind, I was finally able to fall asleep, dreaming about a scrawny stranger with beautiful hazel eyes…
…
Hey Remus, I wrote in my enchanted notebook. Normally we used these just for communication about homework questions, but today I was determined to use it to figure out if he had a crush. And if so, who it was.
Hi Lily, he wrote back. Do you need help with the Transfiguration assignment?
No, I actually think I've got it this time. And unless you need help with anything, I was hoping we could just talk. For instance, what's up with Sirius? Ever since he broke up with Hannah last week, Emme says he's been acting weird.
They've always been friendly, you know that. But if you keep it between you, James, and me, we think he fancies her.
Now I was intrigued. I had only been trying to use this as a conversation starter, but I was going to have to figure this all out now. Oooh, really? Why do you think that?
It just seems like it to me. Well that was real helpful Remus. Merlin, guys are so dense sometimes.
Very specific. Hope you caught the sarcasm there. So how do you feel about this? This is what I really wanted to know. If he acted a certain way, then it would clue me in on whether or not he likes Emme or Mary or neither.
I don't know what to think, I've had so much homework this week. Interesting… he seems to have avoided my question…
That's not a good enough answer.
Sorry, we just have that huge test tomorrow in Charms. Gosh, take a hint Remus!
That's lovely. You didn't answer my question. Again.
What's your question? I did a face palm, which probably would've looked odd if anyone had been in the dormitory. But everyone else was in the library or taking a walk outside, so I had the place to myself.
What do you think about the possibility of Sirius liking Emme?
I think it's highly probable. Yes, I understand that, you idiot. I'm trying to figure out if you like her! Sigh… guys are so dense.
Yes, but… What's your reaction to him liking her? Doesn't that make any sense?
All I got in response was: …. SUCH. A. GUY.
Gosh Remus! Do you think it is good, bad, etc., that he likes her?!
Well I'm not really into this gossip stuff so I don't care that much of who everyone likes. Still not what I was looking for Remus. But I'll try a different tactic.
You are no fun. Fine, if you don't want to talk about other people… What about yourself?
What about myself? Well, you see Remus, judging from the context of our conversation so far… I WANNA KNOW YOU WHO FREAKING LIKE!
Anything. What hair length you like best, your favorite type of ice cream, who you fancy, etc…
My favorite ice cream is strawberry. I'm going to slap you so hard! Grrr….
Guess I'm going to have to be even blunter than my previous message. That's wonderful. Do you fancy anyone?
I'm not going to tell anyone. Wait, so he does fancy someone! :D
So you do like someone then?
Yes. I did a little happy dance around my room. Remus John Lupin had a crush on somebody!
Okay, fine then. I understand not wanting to tell people stuff like that… But by the way it's not like I would tell anyone I'm a really good secret keeper. Will you at least describe her? Just a few words?
Nope. Butt-head.
Come on, please? Just three words why you like her?
I just do. Stupid Remus, you found a loophole! You can't do that. You're supposed to say something all sweet about the girl you fancy! Work with me here…
YOU ARE SUCH A GUY! PLEASE will you tell me if she a Gryffindor or not?
I will not tell you anything.
I'll be your best friend… Who doesn't love the classic primary school bribes? Please why won't you tell anyone? Why won't you tell me? I pinky swear I will not tell ANYONE
I'm still not going to tell you. Have I mentioned recently that I want to strangle him?
Have you ever told anyone about your crushes before? Or will you tell me someone you've liked in the past? Maybe if he'll tell me that, I'll be able to get more insight.
I haven't told anyone any of my crushes. Oooh, so he's liked multiple girls. :D
Have you ever had classes with her? This is a pretty easy one, as long as she's in our year the answer will be a yes. But you never know, he could have his eye on one of the older or even younger girls.
I will not be cooperative,
You're a butt-face.
That's okay with me. I'm still not telling you anything.
How about I get to ask one name, you tell me yes or no if you like them, and I won't bother you about any other names.
Fine. Wait, seriously? I didn't think that would actually work!
Do you like Mary? I questioned, half of me wanting him to say yes and the other half of me wanting him to say no.
Nope, different girl. Well, there is still hope for Emme, I thought.
Okay, but is she in our year?
Yes.
Am I friends with her?
After I didn't get a response for fifteen minutes, I figured he wasn't go to answer that one, so I moved on.
How many letter are in her first name?
Her real name or her nickname? He asked me, making me very excited. Emme was short for Emmeline, I really hoped it was her since he didn't like Mary.
Nickname.
Yeah, she doesn't go by her real name. Well, generally people who have nicknames have them for a reason, Remus.
May I ask another name? I pleaded, sure it was Emme this time.
Yes but you better believe I won't say yes or no.
Fine then, I won't ask. What about hair color? And you never answered my question about her name.
I won't answer I've told you enough. Oh, so you're choosing to close back up NOW?! Guys are so infuriating!
Not even the name/nickname one?
I will say that I used to like Mary. But don't tell anyone! Yes! :D That should make Mary happy to hear.
Alright, don't worry. I'm good at keeping secrets. When and how long for though?
At the very end of last year, but not very long because of summer holiday and such.
She's a great girl. What I really wanted to say was that I thought it was very cute, but I didn't think he would want to talk to me after that… But it ended up being a waste of time anyhow. The girls were returning from the library and then he wrote telling me "Sorry to end this interrogation but I'm going to go to sleep." But this "interrogation" was FAR from over.
A/N: Howdy! :D So I started this like three weeks ago and then didn't finish until today… Ooops! Sorry about that. Anyhow, hoped you liked it. Also, if you'd like to check out my blog— .com you are welcome to!
