Chapter 8

The card is covered with words every little part of it is field. It's like this one card wasn't enough for her to say everything she had to tell me. I can already feel the sadness blooming inside me.

Hi! I have been staring at that little thing for 2 hours now. Writing Kane's and Bellamy's was easier; I just told them how I felt because I knew it would make them happy. Sometimes I don't know if I can make you happy. You drift into sorrow in the middle of our party, looking like you're not really there sometimes. You make Octavia smile and laugh more than I ever see her do. You took Bellamy in as if he was your little brother (I know gross right?), you're taking care of all of us all the time. That's even how you get to know some of us.

She is right, that's how I met Jasper and Monty anyway. I had never met any of Octavia's friends yet, it was 2 nights after my encounter with Bellamy. I was going back for my first shift after Clarke decided that we had spent enough time under 'observation', not that we needed any actual medical surveillance but she managed to put us both in the same room and came to check on us every 30 minutes to make sure we didn't kill each other. It was pretty effective as to forge a new bound between us on how crazy she was. On my first ship back at the station around 8 pm we got a call out to go take care of a small explosion on a garage 2 houses away from Octavia's I was the first one in the fire truck. Once we got there an awful smell met us. It smells like those polecats I once found on a fishing trip when I was a teenager, really not pleasant. A big green smoke was getting out of a house garage and all I could see was Octavia laughing her heart out trying to calm down to young men. They couldn't be much older than her, the taller one is wearing some goggles on his head while having an other pair to protect his eyes, the other looks at Octavia with puppy dog eyes waiting to be yelled out. Once we get a better look inside the garage my teammates decided that we were not needed anymore but left 2 of us the make sure the boys were okay. I approach them and put a small kiss on Octavia's forehead without realizing what I was doing. Which lead the boys to WOW us.

"I suppose the two of you are Jasper and Monty." They nodded, looking proud that Octavia told me about us.

"And you are?" they ask in the same time. "Lincoln, firefighter, Octavia's boyfriend."

They were going to say something but Octavia cut them off "Save it boys, Bell already met him"

"By the way what were you two doing?" asks my Nyko, my coworker.

They stood up smiling from ear to ear, "Perfume for Octavia's birthday". I laughed looked at her "Please don't ever wear that."

But you won't let any of us take care of you and that sadden me. I wish you would trust at least one of us to share your burden with, I wouldn't even mind if it was my mom. No, sorry, I would mind that very much, please don't go to my mom for advice.

I couldn't help but laugh at that.

You are my people, my family, and it hurts me to feel like you still think you don't belong. We all love you so much. You're the closest think I have to a brother and I want you to know that I will always pick your side against the rest of the world if I have to.

I am so happy that you said Yes tonight, I don't want to do it without you, I wanted you to be the one to give me away to Bell because beside him you're the one I trust the most to protect me and care for me and I knew that if you wanted to do it, if I had your blessing to get linked to him forever everything was going to be okay, my family would be happy and complete that way. I love you so much.

Now tears are pouring down my cheeks, how can this strong headed, strong willed, caring, little blond care for me so much after only knowing me for 2 years? She is right I don't share with any of them. They all have that special bound they have known each other for years and I am still trying to figure out how to bring myself in their world. But by the looks of it, it's not their world anymore it's also mine and I have to let my wall down and just enjoy the feeling of home, of belonging I have been trying so hard to repress for month now, a little scared that they wouldn't accept me. Like my family did, like all of our family did now that I think about it.

I clean up the tears from my face, put the card back into my pocket, let the big smile I wanted to let out since I read Abby card settle in my face and walk right back into the cabin. Clarke is not wearing her dress anymore but a cotton dressing gown, although hair still make her looks like a little blond fairy. She turns slowly and when she finds me her eyes are far from happy she looks sad, unsecured, she is blushing. One look at her and my smile is gone, my heart is crushed, my little Clarke is hurt and I know I am the reason she is sad. She comes to me and I take her into a tight hug, the tighter I even gave her.

"I love you too. Little sister and I will do everything I can to show you that you are my family too. I am so sorry I hurt you before." She scooted herself closer to me. I love it when she does that, I like that other than O she is the only one I really feel this comfortable with. Raven is not a big cuddler and that's fine with me because each time she falls asleep on my shoulder one movies night I feel a little uncomfortable, like something is off. I love Raven she is fun, spirit headed, strong but we just don't share the same bound she is more of a best friends to me, my feelings toward her are more like the one I have for the guys, but I couldn't imagine my life without any of them anymore, I am so glad her and Wick are moving in with us and I am glad she seems to have found that feeling of home with Wick and Jasper. I have to tell Clarke why I was holding back.

"Do you have something else to put on?" she nods and goes to the back room without asking why. She comes back 5 minutes later, wearing sweat pants. "Good mind to take a walk with me, we have to train, don't we?" "You want us to rehearse our walking down the aisle walk?" "No I just want to talk to you".

And without even a word to the girls who didn't even bother to look up from their work on the dress the all time I have been here we went out.