Father, why have you forsaken me? I begged you for help, for guidance. I pleaded with you for a sign. Where were you?

I died to protect your creations twice! I have been fighting for so long, I have lost so much. My brothers and sisters dead, Heaven was in turmoil, yet you still refuse to show your face!

Someone had to do your job! I did not want the power; I wanted only to prevent the destruction of mankind…to save my friends, my new family.

Now they are gone, I have lost everything! Because of you!

Why must I sacrifice myself again? I was always loyal; I kept my faith in you until the very end.

Why must I die again to prove my love for you? For your creations? Why?

****************************************************************************** Castiel knew what must be done. This time there was no doubt and no questions. He returned to the mountain glade where he had performed the spell to open Purgatory.

He had chosen this spot because of its peacefulness, the purity of the water and the greenness of the trees. This place was as close to Heaven that he had ever found on Earth. Castiel could smell the wild flowers blooming nearby and see the flickering of the fireflies.

Castiel stood next to the rock where he had used the mixture of monster and virgin blood to paint the sigil to open the doorway to Purgatory. He could feel the souls inside him. They were in turmoil; seemingly able to recognize their last hope for freedom was about to end.

Some screamed obscenities, others begged for a chance for redemption. Castiel knew that the chance for redemption was gone; for himself and for them. He had lied to his friends, to his family. He did what he had to do yet he had lost everything, everyone who mattered.

His plan had worked; he had saved the world again but at such a terrible price. Castiel also knew that he would die a million deaths if it meant that Dean, Sam, Bobby and humanity survived and thrived.

With a last thought of his slain brother Balthazar; of his friendship with Sam, his comrade Bobby and lastly his human brother Dean, bound by something far stronger than kinship, Castiel began the spell that he knew would cause his final death.

The sky grew bright, while silence spread throughout the glade as the doorway began to open. Then the pain began as the final words of the spell were spoken. Castiel tried to direct the souls, to manage them as they left his vessel.

He felt them tearing at his grace as they left, the pain unlike any he had ever felt before. As the millions of souls left his vessel he grew weaker, eventually falling to his knees.

As blood poured from his nose and his ears, he silently gave thanks that Jimmy Novak had gone to Heaven before the war had begun. Knowing that Jimmy was at peace and would someday see his wife and child again, filled Castiel with a sense of relief.

Once he was sure the souls had left him, Castiel used whatever was left of his grace to seal the doorway to Purgatory. Never again would anyone, human or supernatural creature, be able to manipulate the souls for their own gain. The souls were safe now as was humanity.

His grace gone, his wings ripped from his body, Castiel focused on finding a place to heal or a place to die.

Castiel's final thought as he lost consciousness was that he wanted to go home.

******************************************************************************The next sound that Castiel hears was the cocking of a gun and Bobby Singer saying, "Give me one reason not to kill you."

"I am dying anyway," Castiel replied with resignation. He was unsure why he ended up in the living room of a man who surely wanted him dead. Castiel had killed Bobby's friend, a necessary act yet he didn't think Bobby would see it that way.

Castiel braced himself for death once more.

"What happened? Last we saw you, you were leaking soul juice."

"When was that?"

"Six weeks."

Six weeks? Castiel thought. It felt like it had only been hours. The purging of the Purgatory souls had taken far longer than consuming them had. Perhaps it was because the souls had fought him, had tried to convince him to let them go free to roam the earth.

"I returned the souls and closed the doorway to Purgatory. It cannot be opened again. By anyone or anything," he said.

"That why you look like you went nine rounds with a semi?" Bobby asked sarcastically. He looked at Castiel curiously. "Why haven't you healed yourself? Or is the new God looking for sympathy points?"

"I am not a God, Bobby. I never was; the souls assumed power and made demands of you and the Winchesters. I never would have asked you to bow to me."

"Why not? I am only a man, I couldn't have stopped you," Bobby said, using Castiel's reply to Dean against him.

Castiel sighed, walking wearily to the couch.

"When I said that, I did not mean that Dean was powerless because he was a man. I meant that he was vulnerable as a human; he could not fight against Raphael and win. I did not want to see him die for me."

Bobby studied the exhausted, probably dying, ex-God lying on his couch.

"Dean and Sam know any of this?"

"The last memory I have is the night of the eclipse," said Castiel, closing his eyes in fatigue. He wished the questions would stop. "I closed the doorway using my grace. I remember wanting to go home."

"Huh. And you ended up here," Bobby observed.

Castiel nodded, unsure how to answer the unspoken question. Bobby came to a decision.

"Well, let's get you cleaned up. You're bleeding all over my couch."