8. An Explosive Lunch
Max had taken a little convincing but after listening to 99's reasoning he finally decided that the castaways were harmless. Just to show there was no hard feelings and in celebration of the spy's promise to call a rescue boat, Maryann had made a brunch fit for an island chief. Max and 99 had graciously accepted the islanders' invitation.
"We're really sorry about the whole misunderstanding thing." Agent Maxwell Smart said as he stuffed another bite of fish salad into his mouth.
"That's okay." Gilligan said from across the table. "Even secret agents make mistakes."
"Yeah," Said the Skipper, elbowing the Professor in the ribs. "But nobody has ever mistaken Gilligan as an evil genius before."
"Nobody's ever called me an evil anything before." The first mate added.
"Well, you never can tell," Max, said ominously. "Sometimes the most innocent looking person can be most deadly."
"It must be horrible being a spy." Maryann said with a shudder. "Never knowing who to trust."
"The pay." Sniffed Mr. Howell.
"Having to slink when you walk. Slinking is so uncouth." Said Mrs. Howell with a disgusted wave of her hand.
"Always having to watch your back." The Skipper added.
"Fighting all the time." The Professor inserted.
Max fixed them with a hard, determined stare. "And loving it."
"Wow." Gilligan said silently to himself, staring at agent Smart in awe.
99 smiled proudly at her partner. "Being a spy is not so bad."
"I think it would be glamorous." Ginger batted her extra long black eyelashes at Max, who didn't even notice. "Using different aliases, and traveling to exotic places all for the sake of saving the world."
"Getting to mingle with some of the best scientific minds our country has to offer." Said the Professor, smiling at the thought.
"Yeah," Gilligan piped up. "You get to use lotsa really cool gadgets. Like that 'nail replacement kit'. That works great! My foot doesn't hurt at all anymore."
"I'm glad."
When the two spies had learned about Gilligan's unfortunate fall they (or at least 99) had felt somewhat accountable for his injury. After all, if they hadn't scared him half out of his wits he wouldn't have been running wildly through the jungle like a madman.
She had insisted that she could do a better job of patching the first mate up than just a gauze bandage. After she had removed the dressing, without even a grimace at the sight of the injury, she pulled a small box out of one of her pockets. "This is a nail replacement kit." She explained as she opened the box to reveal a set of red, acrylic finger and toenails, a small bottle of what looked like clear nail polish and a file. "In the spy business it's easy for a girl to injure a nail in a fight or something and that can really affect your performance. You wouldn't believe how a hangnail can weaken a karate chop."
"I can imagine," Said Ginger.
Once 99 had found a nail the right size she pulled out the bottle and unscrewed the lid, which held a tiny brush to dip into the clear concoction. "This is really and ingenious substance," She said as she began brushing the liquid onto the underside of the acrylic replacement. "It's one of the strongest glues I've seen not to mention a disinfectant, a healing agent and a painkiller."
"Amazing," murmured the Professor.
"This will hurt only for a second." 99 said as she placed the nail in position and pressed hard to be sure the glue set good.
Gilligan winced for a moment but relaxed as the painkiller began to take effect. "Wow," He said staring at his one red toenail. "That's great."
"When your nail grows back that one will fall off."
"Thanks." He walked around in a circle, and was delighted that he could do so without pain. "It's a good thing you gave me a red one."
"Why?" The Skipper beat 99 to the question.
"Because it matches my shirt." He wasn't quick enough to dodge a smack from the captain's hat.
"Well," Max said dabbing his mouth with a napkin as he rose from his seat. "Time to call the Chief."
"Oh," Maryann spoke up, her large brown eyes pleading. "Please tell him to send someone back for us soon."
"Don't worry, kid." He said, with what he thought was a charming smile. "We'll have the seventh fleet out here to pick you up."
The Professor knew it was a deliberate overstatement but he couldn't help but comment on it. "The seventh fleet would hardly halt their procedures to pick up a few castaways."
Max cocked one eyebrow. "Would you believe the sixth fleet?"
"Hardly." The island genius grinned.
"How 'bout two cops in a rowboat?"
Everyone at the table laughed as he walked a ways from the table. They all watched curiously as he took of his shoe and removed the sole.
"Gilligan wasn't just seeing things." The Skipper announced, patting his little buddy on the back. "He really does have a shoephone!"
"I told ya." He said as he reached into the fruit bowl. What he pulled out brought a frown to his face. A coconut. The first thing he noticed was that it was whole. That was odd because all the coconuts in that bowl should have been broke open. He would know; that had been his job. The second strange thing he noted was the sparkling wick sticking out the top. "Hey guys," He said holding it up. "Take a look at this crazy candle!"
Both the spies gasped in horror, while the castaways stared in confusion. "It's a bomb!" 99 shouted.
Gilligan's blue eyes gaped at the lethal object in his hands. "Here, you take it!" He tried to pass it to the Skipper who, in sudden panic gave it right back.
The deadly game of hot potato didn't last long for Max went into immediate action. He dropped his shoephone and leapt back to the table, snatching the coconut out of Gilligan's hands and with a frantic pitch sent it flying into the jungle. "GET DOWN!" He shouted, diving to the ground and pulling Gilligan, who happened to be the closest, down with him. The rest of the castaways followed suit, except Mrs. Howell.
"I'm not going to jump down in the dirt like that!" She said, shocked at such goings on at the table. "It's uncouth."
"I will not have my wife blown up by a coconut. No get down here Lovey!" Mr. Howell ignored her protests as he pulled her off her seat and pushed her to the ground.
The deafening explosion that followed covered the whole landscape with pieces of misplaced surroundings, including a toppled palm tree that landed dangerously close to where Max lay face down in the sand.
He stared at it with wide eyes then looked back to the group. "Missed me by that much." He indicated the space he held between his forefinger and thumb.
"Is everybody alright?" The Skipper asked, helping Ginger to her feet.
There were stunned nods all around.
"Oh, my!" Mrs. Howell said, dusting the dirt off her cloths and picking pieces of foliage out of Thurston's hair. "I've never seen a coconut blow up like that; except for the time I tried to boil one."
"That was no real coconut." Max said as he dusted himself off.
"You mean it was counterfeit?" Mr. Howell gasped.
Max glared ominously at the millionaire. "That so called 'coconut' was really a cleverly disguised bomb."
"But what kind of homicidal maniac would put a bomb in our fruit bowl?" The Skipper asked angrily, pounding a fist on the table.
"The kind that wants to blow us up." He replied simply.
Mrs. Howell gasped. "How rude!"
"Hey guys!" Gilligan called, just now standing up. "How do you spell chaos?"
"C-H-A-O-S." Said the castaways at the same time the spies answered: "K-A-O-S."
"They're right." Gilligan pointed at the Max and 99 before the islanders had a chance to comment on their poor spelling.
"What are you talking about? Everyone knows you spell it C-H-A-O-S."
"Well whoever lost this wasn't everyone." The first mate held up a small gold object.
"What did you find there, Little Buddy?" The Skipper asked, peeking over his shoulder.
"I think it's a ring." He said handing it over.
The captain nodded as he turned the object over in his hands. It was indeed a ring, a very large one. "KAOS." He read aloud the letters deeply engraved in the shining band.
"Let me see that!" Max snatched it away, examining it closely. "99, look at this!"
"That means the base must be on this island." She said after getting a good look at the ring.
"I've got to call the Chief." Max reached for his shoephone but instantly realized his foot was bare. Then he remembered he was using it when the bomb went off. He walked to the edge of the jungle where he had been standing at the moment he dropped it and went for the coconut. "Oh, great!" He cried in frustration.
"What!" 99 ran over to where her partner was now kneeling next to the fallen palm tree. The castaways followed.
"The tree fell on it 99!" He cried in despair as he tried to pull his shoe out from under the giant trunk. With a giant heave and a grunt of effort it finally popped out. The momentum sent him falling backwards. He looked up at his partner from where he landed flat on his back. "99, Can a tree work for KAOS?"
She rolled of her eyes and helped him up.
Max turned the remains of his shoephone over in his hands, shaking his head sadly as he looked at the shattered circuitry. He looked up and frowned. "Trying to blow someone up is one thing; but breaking a man's shoephone? Now that's going too far."
"At least we still have the radio in the sub."
"Right." Said Max as he slipped the remains of his shoe back on his foot. "Let's go."
99 and the islanders watched as Max lowered himself down the hatch and into the tiny submarine.
"Now you see why we couldn't just take you all back with us."
"Yeah." Gilligan leaned over and peered down the opening. "I bet Skipper wouldn't even fit down the hole."
"Why you littleā¦" The Skipper made a swing at him with his hat. Gilligan ducked out of the way and slipped off the bank right into the lagoon. The following splash drenched everyone on shore.
The girls squealed, the Skipper and Mr. Howell shouted threats and 99 laughed.
"Is it raining out there?" Came Max's voice from inside the sub.
"No, Max." 99 said peering down the hatch, drops of water from her hair falling into darkness. "Why don't you have the light on?"
"I can't find the switch." There were a few clangs and bumps as he groped around in the shadows. "Oh, good. Here's a flashlight."
"No, Max. DON'T!"
There was the deafening sound of a gunshot. Sparks and smoke billowed out of the hatch. Then there was silence.
"Max!" 99 shouted, her heart racing. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine." Came the coughing answer. "But the sub has seen better days." There was a long pause. "99?"
"What Max?"
"Why didn't you tell me we brought the flashlight gun?"
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry I've taken so long to update. I had a lot going and a major writers block. I can't promise regular updates but I'll try to do better.
