Perfect Bride
By- An Unknown Foreign Beauty
Chapter 8- Reflection
Mulan obeyed her husband's order.
She stood at the door, clutching the lucky cricket close to her chest, while her husband talked with her father, desperately hoping her father to refuse his proposal of joining the army. Unfortunately, her lucky cricket was not lucky enough to stop her father from accepting his son-in-law's invitation.
Shang caught a brief glimpse of his wife moving away from the door. He excused himself and exited his father-in-law's study, but he could not see her anymore. He searched for her in the yard, but she was not there either. He met his mother-in-law on her way to the kitchen and asked if she had seen Mulan, and the older woman informed that she had just seen her going inside.
"She was crying." Fa Li gazed at his face worriedly, "Had something gone wrong? Did Mulan interfere the meeting?"
Since the Fa couple learned about their daughter's misdeed, they never stopped apologizing to him for her misbehavior, and were trying to make up things between them. But it was not going anywhere partly because of Mulan's stubbornness and mostly because of Shang's unforgiving attitude. But now seeing the Fa family already worried about their only male member joining the war, he decided not to bring up the topic again.
"Everything is fine." Shang shrugged noncommittally and turned, but it did not convince the mother of his bride.
"I am sorry for what she did. But she is upset. " He stopped as Fa Li spoke, and turned to meet the older woman's eyes. "Just give her a little bit time. Maybe I could try to talk with her."
Her concern somehow reminded him of his mother. If she were alive, Shang mused, she would have probably helped him to change the situation for better. Unfortunately his manly pride stopped him from seeking help from a woman, even when the woman was probably older and wiser than him.
"I will see what I can do," He gave her a false assurance, and turned to leave.
If he didn't know how much stubborn Mulan was, if she didn't dishonor his family, Shang would have been incredibly proud of his wife. He would appreciate her wit, her bravery, if she had not defied him in the presence of his superiors, thus ruining his reputation.
He found Mulan packing his luggage for him when he entered into their borrowed bedroom. His armor and sword were lying on the bed, and his travelling clothes were neatly arranged beside them. Without any further conversation with his wife, he silently put on his clothes and armor. Mulan helped him to fasten the sword with his belt. When she did that, Shang could not help but look at her face, the bloodshot eyes and the dried tears that stained her cheeks.
There were times—too many times like this—he forgot that he despised her for what she did. Times when all he could remember was the enchantment of her smile, the way she made him laugh, and how amazing she felt in his arms. For a moment he actually wanted to bend down to kiss her temple, because it felt too natural, too right thing to do in this situation.
He hated himself for his body's reaction to her. If he'd been able to hold off his admiration for her in the first place, had been able to teach her a proper lesson when she first showed her disobedience, he wouldn't be in this untenable situation.
Finished with the cape, Shang turned as Mulan handed him the luggage. Taking the bag from her, Shang faced his wife. Keeping his voice carefully devoid of emotions, he said in a tone of a parent teaching his disobedient child a lesson, "I hope you will be good, Mulan, as long as I am away. I do not want you to do anything that ruins the honor of yours or my family."
Mulan shook her head, whether in agreement or in denial, Shang was not sure. She gathered his discarded clothes and moved to dispose them in a bucket.
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That night, dinner at the Fa family was unusually silent.
Fa Li passed the bowl of rice, Mulan helped her mother by filling the cups with tea, while Fa Zhou gave thanks to Lord Buddha for food and work and friends and family. They offered a portion of their food to the ancestors before eating their dinner.
Mulan sipped her tea silently. Fa Li took her husband's hand and moved her thumb in a small circle over his knuckles. Mulan stared at their joined hands. Her parents loved each other, but they rarely showed affection like this in front of people.
"So," Fa Li said to her husband, "When are you going?"
Mulan caught her grandmother's eyes, but the old woman simply continued sipping her tea. Mulan stared at her plate waiting for her father's answer.
"Tomorrow morning." He replied curtly, then concentrated on his food.
"Oh!" Fa Li sighed softly, filling her cup with tea.
How could they act so normal, Mulan wondered. It seemed like they had given up all hopes, and waiting for the fate to decide their future. She gazed at her father's face only to see his deep frown and sagging posture. Seconds later he put down his chopsticks and stormed out of the dining room without finishing his dinner.
"Baba…" Mulan tried to follow him, but her mother's hand over hers stopped her.
"Don't stop him, Mulan." She said; her voice was firm. But Mulan simply ignored her, and followed her father to his study.
She pressed herself against the wooden wall as she watched her father unsheathing his old sword. It took her a lot of will power to hold herself back as Mulan watched the line of pain appearing in his face with his every movement. But when the sword cluttered to the floor, ripping a scream of pain from his proud lips, she could not hold herself back anymore. Forgetting all the promises she made to her husband, she rushed to her father's side, and cried with an unsuppressed anguish, "Baba, you can't go."
"Mulan!" The raw anger in her voice made Fa Zhou to look at his daughter's face with much surprise. "Do you know about what are you talking?"
"Yes, I know." Mulan insisted wildly, voicing the first logical argument that tumbled in her mind, "And I also know that there are plenty of young men to fight for China."
The anger she felt towards him was valid, because she loved him, and this realization flooded Fa Zhou's heart with affection. He moved to his daughter's side, and cupped her chin. Mulan tried to look away, but Fa Zhou held her shoulders firmly. Her eyes were still puffy from crying all day. Somehow she reminded him of her four years old self.
"Would you were right, my child, but you're wrong." Suddenly he paused for emphasis, a fond smile on his face, "It is not a question of right and wrong. It is my duty to protect my country and my family. It is a great honor."
"Honor," Mulan repeated blankly. "Baba, I know what you mean, but you can't die just for honor!" Her hands clutching helplessly at her skirt, she looked at him with desperate plea, while her mind made up all the possible scenarios of her family crying over her father's lifeless body.
"Please," she said, looking at the medals on the wall given to her father by the emperor in recognition of his service to the country, then at her father. "Try to understand. This is not a question of honor; this is the question of reason, Baba. It is a question of our future. You have served the country when you were able. But now what will happen to us if you die? Think about grandma, you are her only son alive. Think about mama—"
She just hit his weakest point.
And his daughter's stubbornness, her unwillingness to understand the reality pushed a quiet man like Fa Zhou at the edge of his patience. His determination was weakening with every word she spoke, and he felt a sudden urge to silence her before his heart could overrule his logic.
"Stop arguing, Mulan." Finally he snapped, raising his voice at his daughter, feeling bad for chiding her in this way. "Stop speaking of the things you have no idea about . You have already lowered my head to your in-laws with your foolishness."
Mulan felt as if he had slapped her, because he too was sounding like her husband, like her father-in-law, like rest of the world. She hoped at least her father would understand her, but it seemed like he did not anymore. Yet in some tiny part of her she realized her father was only trying to keep himself from breaking. "But—" She whispered, almost inaudibly.
"I know my place." Fa Zhou cut her off firmly, feeling guilty as he looked at his daughter's face, at the hurt look in her eyes. But his sense of duty made him to speak the next words, "Now it is time to learn yours. You must learn the difference between a son and a daughter, a man and a woman, a husband and a wife. You can never change the role set for you in the society."
Each word her father spoke struck Mulan's heart like a lash, making her cringe with a shame and hurt that was almost past bearing. When he was finished, she stood there while a blessed, cold numbness came over her, until she felt nothing at all. Nothing struck her like this. Nothing, not even her husband's harsh words. When she finally came back to the reality, she thrust open the door and ran.
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Mulan ran, until she reached their family temple. Her father's words were still ringing inside her head.
Now it is time to learn yours...
She never hated herself for being a girl before.
She prayed to the ancestors, asking for a miracle. But nothing happened. No fairy godmother appeared out of thin air to change her situation. Only her lucky cricket stared at her from its cage.
There was no such thing called miracle, Mulan realized all of a sudden. There was no such thing called luck. She set her jaw and opened the cage to set the cricket free.
If you could magically transform into a man…
She unsheathed her father's sword. The silver blade glowed in the moonlight. Gritting her teeth, she dragged the blade down right through her long silken hair, letting them fall on the ground like dead leaves in the autumn.
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