A/N: Chloe's chapter and the beginning of the crazy spiral of emotions. Thanks for reading and reviewing you guys!

G: Glad to hear from you! I'm afraid this chapter just gives you more questions than answers but I hope you like the ride. Sorry that your schedule has been so hectic but I hope it slows down for you. ;-)

Blympienachos: Well, I'm sorry your mum was alarmed but I have to admit that the mental picture gave me a chuckle. I am so happy to her that I've given you the feels because that just means I'm doing something right but remember everything has to fall apart before it can be put back together. Thanks a lot for reviewing! Maybe I can get the next chapter out a little sooner so you don't have to wait so long. I will at least shoot for it.


On the way home it was impossible not to replay that kiss over and over. Beca was like gravity pulling me in and I would always give up a little bit of myself to her. I just knew that I belonged to Aubrey and she to me. Betrayal, even on this scale, was unforgivable, at least I feared she would feel that way. I wanted to hate Beca but there really was no definite right or wrong in my heart.

Not knowing where Aubrey was made everything worse. Every day seemed to be bringing another situation that put us on shaky ground. Guilt hit me triple fold but there was a tinge of frustration held within it. When I woke up she was gone and there was no note, no text. I could guess where she went but not when she would be home, if she would be home. As morning turned to night worry had begun to wear on me, impairing even my social skills. It had become impossible to focus on the other girls at the Bellas reunion.

I unlocked the door and pushed it open, surprised that I was had reached my destination without realizing that I was traveling. Disturbing thoughts detailing the possible fallout of my situation had kept me busy for the entire fifteen minute drive. I had to figure this out before I lost Aubrey and destroyed any friendship I could have with Beca. If that was even what I wanted.

The keys slipped from my hand and clattered to the floor but I didn't pick them up, my hands flew to my temples and pressed hard. I began questioning everything I knew about my heart. The couch looked so comfortable and it welcomed me as I slid into its softness. Beca was a surprise, an invader supplanting my self-control. I only lost it for a second but it happened. Did that mean that I wanted Beca? Even if I did, throwing away a two year relationship with someone I loved didn't seem right.

This feeling was so unfamiliar. Anger burned me down deep and it made me want to go crazy but I couldn't. I just sat there, head back, and stared at the exposed pipes running across the ceiling. Wishing for relief but knowing that there was none, I wondered if I could really do it, break someone's heart. It would probably happen either way and in the end I would be broken for causing the damage.

Conflictual thoughts merged and diverged like angles inside of me. I rolled over and buried my face in the back of the couch, hoping to smother the feelings inside of me. There was trouble ahead, I could feel it. Tears left my eyes to soak the fabric of the couch. I needed Aubrey's strength right now, to have her arms around me. It was a comforting thought but no more than that.

Flipping over, I pulled my phone out of my pocket where it had been ever since before the kiss, and checked my texts. Darkness rose inside me and I hit the phone icon, calling Aubrey. Right before it went to voicemail someone said hello, but the voice wasn't right.

"Uh… hello?"

A pause descended and sounds of shuffling in the background filled my ears. "Aubrey?" Voices, a lot of them, vaguely came across and then stopped.

"Hi, sorry is this Aubrey's girlfriend?"

It was a pleasant voice, one I had never heard before. There was a moment of disappointment at that it wasn't Aubrey but having someone finally answer me gave me a certain rush of energy. "Yes, it is. Can you tell me where she is? Is she okay?" The words came with a quick need.

"She's okay but she did have a few drinks and I really don't think she will be able to drive home."

It had been years since Aubrey had indulged in enough alcohol to impair her like this. Her usual tight control over her appearance in public coupled with the demands of a heavy school load had left her little inclination or time. The behavior was so beyond what I expected from her. Maybe it was one more sign of the fissures within our relationship.

"Well tell me where she is and I'll come get her." The seconds ticked by without answer and I lifted the phone away from my face to check the time. It was almost eleven. "Hello?"

The line crackled. "Sorry, I was just… you know it would probably be better if I just brought her to you. Aubrey knows where it is so you can come get her car tomorrow."

This was all getting more and more odd, diverting from our formerly peaceful lives. "You never told me who you are." The identity of the person on the other end of the line had been secondary to making sure that Aubrey was alright.

"My name is Blythe."

I sucked in a breath. "As in Aubrey's high school girlfriend, Blythe?" I was intimately familiar with their exploits after years of being friends and even more. Sharing stories of the past was one way they had gotten closer.

Blythe sighed into the phone. "I guess you could say that."

One more thing to pile on top of this shitty night. She told me about Blythe years ago. One of those nights where you end up stumbling into your dorm room at three in the morning drunk out of your mind. We sat around the living room, my head on Aubrey's lap, talking about everything and nothing. I always told her about my relationships but Aubrey never brought hers up until that night. Sophomore year we had become closer. It was such a gradual penetration of her walls that I didn't really notice it until she was halfway through telling me about her high school fling and how it had ended badly. Now, somehow she was back.

"You shouldn't drive her over here if you've been drinking." I was tired and sad. Every word felt heavy.

"Apparently, Aubrey told you everything but the fact I don't drink," she said. The words were short and clipped. "Don't worry, just give me the address and I'll get here there safe and sound."

There was no reason to fight her anymore so I agreed and gave her the address. I sat down to wait, pulling the nearby throw blanket over my body. The air in the loft was freezing and I pulled my legs into my body as far as they would go. My head dropped onto my arms which lay on top of my knees. I tried to become as small as possible, to pull into myself so that I was no more than square inch of anger, guilt, and broken will. My world was unraveling all around me but instead of watching it I wanted to be oblivious.

I sat like that for an hour, in a trance of thoughtlessness, when the doorbell rang. My head was heavy as I lifted it to blink into the dim glow that the kitchen light shone into the room. One by one, I straightened my arms and legs until my feet touched the floor and my hands rested on the couch cushion on either side of me. When I pushed myself up the ache in my feet made my steps painful.

The door swung open easily and on the other side was Aubrey being supported by a girl, a very pretty girl. Without a word, I reached out to grab Aubrey's hand and wrapped her arm around my shoulders, taking most of her weight onto me. She smelled weird, like a mix of her perfume, alcohol, and sweat. It was unpleasant and tried not to think about what could have happened to create the mixture.

Blythe helped me take her into the bedroom and lay her down. Her hand gripped my t-shirt and she wouldn't let go of me until I assured her that I would be back in a second. Her slurred words frightened me. I was stuck in this bind between wanting to crawl up next to her and pretend that everything was okay and the urge to scream every single obscenity I could think of until I was spent and lifeless.

I just looked down at her for a long time before Blythe cleared her throat. She was standing awkwardly in the doorway to our bedroom, looking like she was afraid that she was trespassing. My nostrils flared and I left Aubrey there, mumbling incoherent words, to show her out.

We walked to the door and she opened it, turning to look at me. Her lips pursed and she shrugged. "Well, I guess I'll be going. I would say it was nice to meet you but it was just kind of awkward."

The way she stood there one foot in our loft and one foot in the carpet of the hallway reminded me of the stories Aubrey had told me. "So, you just got her drunk enough to pass out and then brought her home? Where were you guys? She couldn't pick up her own phone?"

She took a step back and grinned. "Seriously?" Neither of us moved an inch, unwilling to give up ground. "Look, all I know is that Aubrey needed to blow off some steam and she chose to do it with me. I didn't get her drunk and I sure as hell didn't make her do anything she didn't want to do."

Her sarcasm infuriated me and the implication was like a fire source for every feeling that coursed through me. I gripped the door and waited for it to all come to the surface. I could feel my lips tense and release, a sure sign that an explosion was coming. "Whatever," I said in a cold hard whisper and slammed the door in her face.

Going back to the bedroom wasn't a smart idea right now but I had to. There was a force bigger than my will that propelled my steps until I was nearly jogging across the wood floor. When I reached the side of the bed I slowed to a halt. Aubrey was turned onto her side, arms reaching out into my side of the bed.

I sat down beside her so that I could see her face, but the movement of the bed made her come to life. She pulled me in and wrapped herself around me, whispering an apology. I was so used to forgiving her without questioning if it was fair to me but I just couldn't this time. Too much had happened and I was all out of excuses.

I hugged her back, considering what I needed to yell at her for first. "Why didn't you pick up your phone?" The cold steel of my words surprised me and her. She leaned back, her arms sliding from my back to my arms. Her eyes were cloudy and unfocused.

"I'm sorry. I just couldn't. I was with my family."

I shook my head and gripped her wrists. "But you could have texted me, at least told me that you were okay. I was going fucking crazy not knowing." Her eyes got wider and anger sparked in them. I never, ever talked to her like this. "You know how I feel about things like that, how worried I get."

"O...kay, I said I was sorry." Her face softened. "Can we please just go to sleep. I'm so tired and I just want to hold you."

"No, we can't," I said. "Not when I still have no idea where you were and how the hell you hooked up with your ex who isn't even supposed to be in the country."

She leaned her head back until it was resting on the headboard but it shot up again at the mention of Blythe. "If you're going to ask that question, you also have to tell me what happened between you and your ex the other night."

"Beca is not my ex," I spat. "And nothing happened." Guilt made me stop there because I remembered that something had happened, something that Aubrey wouldn't be able to understand. "This is stupid." I stood up and released her. "I'm going to sleep on the couch and maybe tomorrow we can actually talk about this like adults."

"Chloe," she said and reached out for my arm. If I had been just a little quicker she wouldn't have caught me but Aubrey had always been faster than me. She pulled me back down. "I don't care what's going on with us right now. I just need you." Her hair was all messy and the sadness in her eyes bored into me, tapping into that empathy at my core. I had never been good at standing up to Aubrey before and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to resist now.

She came closer, her hair falling forward as she leaned in. Instinct made me close my eyes and my lips parted. It was slow and excruciating but finally we made contact and my heart gave a jolt. This was my home, comfortable but exciting. I scooted closer and put my hands on her cheeks. It was the perfect kiss at the worst possible time because when it ended all the things dividing us were still there defying our need to be connected in every way possible.

We parted and I kept my eyes closed, wishing that it wasn't over, but I couldn't ignore the gnawing doubt any longer. Just hours earlier, when Aubrey was god knows where, another person had kissed me, and though it was completely different from this kiss, it was one of the things that threatened life as we knew it.

"I can't," I whispered. "Not until we really talk."

Her face, so vulnerable and open, closed immediately and she broke all physical contact with me. It was my sign to go. So, I did. That long walk to the living room was the hardest of my life because everything within my body was torn, parts screamed at me to stay and some pushed me to go.

When I sat down on the couch and heard the muffled sob through the open bedroom door I knew that there was no going back to the pseudo perfect life that we had been living. There was only going forward and the ripping of hearts and rebuilding of connections. I had no idea where the next day would lead but the momentum was already too much to fight against.

I didn't want to lose Aubrey but I wasn't going to go on prioritizing her needs above my own. After years, I finally saw the worn edges of my soul. I had changed and I didn't like this person. I wanted to be me again. Maybe Aubrey would love me more for that or maybe she wouldn't but we both needed this.

I knew I wouldn't sleep tonight so I stared down out the window, trying to ignore the reflection of the walls in the glass. I needed to be outside of this place for a little while, but I was too tired to move. I dreaded the morning but I could see it coming in the dull blue lightness that was coming to the horizon. My hair fell around my face as I leaned forward. "No more hiding," I whispered into the dawn.