They walk side by side in silence through the Dublin streets, every other step Brendan turns his head slightly to look at him, every so often a streetlight will illuminate his face bringing with it all its beautiful features and Brendan will give him a little smile, the smile he only reserves for him, Steven gives him back the same in return.

In the evening light he looks tired and the way he walks, head down lacking confidence is not Steven. It reminds him of the boy he meet all those years ago before he gained confidence and a self-belief, no whatever has happened in the time he has been gone has taken the light out of him, in his head and his heart he knows it's down to him and if he lets him he will spend every day of the rest of his life trying to keep that light alive.

As they arrive at the front door of his building he grabs the electric key fob from his pocket and presses it to the door.

"Bit posh aint it"

He smiles at him and laughs, it feels good.

"Wait till you see inside"

"I bet you say that to all the lads"

He fains shock on his face.

"Now now Steven" He winks at him as he presses the lift button for the fourth floor. It feels good being like this with him.

He opens his front door and lets Steven go in ahead of him, he walks straight into the main room which is all open plan, big high loft windows along one wall, L-shaped sofa facing the skyline, large dining table to the side wall and running across the whole length of the back is a big open plan kitchen with a granite island running halfway into the room.

"Bloody hell Brendan, wow this is certainly different to your last place"

"You like?" he can see him eying up the kitchen with wonder and it's the first time he's seen him look like his Steven, he can see how desperately he wants to explore it further.

"Check out the kitchen, see if you approve" He takes no time taking up the offer. He runs his hands across the granite counter and follows it round into the kitchen area.

"You've got an American fridge, and, bloody hell, seven hobs, seven hobs Brendan! Since when do you need that?" He looks at him in awe.

"Well you never know I might wanna cook?"

He scoffs a laugh at him, "yeah right, do you even know how to turn it on?"

"I'm sure I could figure it out if need be" he smiles at him, it's good this feels good, seeing him happy.

"Ummmm, ah ha, big microwave, that explains it, more your level of cooking"

"Oi there mate, I have skills you know"

"You can't live off Crème Brulee Brendan" He laughs at him, he actually laughs. His heart swells with love.

He sees him spy his pride and joy, the coffee machine.

"Coffee machine and a microwave the Brendan Brady essentials. The world's best cooker and by the looks of it top notch oven and it's those two that actually look like they've been turned on"

"You know me so well" His meets his eyes and smiles at him, he looks back at him, just for a second and then it's like he shakes himself and remembers where he is and how many years have passed. Brendan can see him start to retreat again, he tries to stop it.

"Check out the view if you want impressive"

He hesitates and then walks to one of the windows.

"Wow, you can see most of Dublin, must have cost you a packet this" he turns to look at him.

"Well, you know" he says it quietly. Stevens always known Brendan's had money and where most of that money came from, he can see he's thinking that and with the revelation earlier tonight it troubles him to let him think this is how he's paid for it.

"I had money obviously as you know"

"Yeah, I know" he looks at him.

"I came into some money not so long ago"

"How? It wasn't from..." he doesn't complete his sentence because they both know what he means.

"No, no, I wouldn't have taken any of that money if there had been any" he says quietly.

"It was because of my wrongful imprisonment, turns out they have to give you compensation, taking years and all that"

"Really, they do that" he looks surprised.

"Yeah, so that's, well, where I got money for this place and other things" He doesn't want to mention the club yet, there's too much that needs to be said before they talk about anything else.

"Well I like it, its well mint"

"That means a lot, so"

It means everything because if he had his way at some point in the future he wants to see this man in this apartment, cooking in the kitchen, laughing on the sofa, naked in the bedroom or any other room that takes his fancy, or just permanently naked would suit him.

He comes back from his thoughts and gives a slight nod to bring himself back to now.

"Coffee?"

"Yeah go on then show me your kitchen skills!"

"Steven, Steven, Steven, be prepared to be impressed".

He sits at the island and watches Brendan intently, he can feel is eyes on him and its making him burn, the things this boy, no man, does to him without him even realising, it sends a shiver all the way through him.

He manages to make the coffees without a drama, hands Steven his and walks them over to the sofa, he sits in the middle, he hides his disappointment when Steven sits on the end of the L part.

He's starring into his cup so he doesn't have to make eye contact with Brendan.

"So"

He's at a loss. He wants to ask Steven a million questions but he knows that would just make him feel backed into a corner. No he has to be gentle with him, let him be the one to decide how much or how little he lets Brendan in on.

"Umm"

"Do you want to talk to me Steven? You know because I remember you never shutting up" He tries to be light with him.

"Yeah, long time ago" He can see him going back into that protective shell he seems to be carrying around with him.

"Well you can if you want or not, doesn't have to be about you" He'll try anything, it seems to get a response.

He suddenly speaks up.

"Was it hard, I mean I know it would have been, but I know you and well?"

It shocks him even now how much he wants Brendan to be ok.

"Wasn't easy that's for sure, but you know, I had to do it, had to get out. I couldn't stand it anymore, it was too much..."

"That's one of the things that kept me awake at night, you know"

He looks at him.

"Well one of many. The thought of you in prison because I know what it does to you, how it affects you"

He feels a pain in his gut… one of the things that kept me awake at night.

"I'm sorry, I can't say it enough, but I am" he'll keep on saying it as long as he has too.

"Yeah well if there's one thing I've learnt in the last few years it's that you can't change the past, or the things that you've done, just have to move on"

He feels the significance of those last few words as though they are directed at him.

"Sometimes though you need other things to able to move on" He sighs.

Steven looks at him then, he crinkles up his forehead as though studying him.

"Is that was this is? Me and you here now? Mess with my head so that you can move on" He looks angry. God this boy infuriates him.

"Steven in case you forgot not 20 minutes ago I was asking you to marry me, spend a life with me, so if that's me messing with your head so that I can move on, then yes, yes it was, because I want my life to move on and I want it to be with you"

He looks at him intensely in the hope its brings the weight of his words to him.

"But what I told you Brendan, what I said, about me now"

"It doesn't matter, none of it matters"

"But it does though"

"Who who does it matter to Steven, umm, who, because it doesn't matter to me, all that matters to me is that I love you, I need you with me, safe….." It suddenly dawns on him and he's up like a shot sitting next to him taking his head into his hands.

"You are safe, Steven aren't you? Has anyone hurt you, anything" he's searching his eyes, he's desperate, his blood is running cold at the thought, if anyone has hurt him or wants him hurt then he will throw away all of this in an instant to protect him.

"I wasn't for a long time, but I am now, I think"

FUCK. If he ever finds out those names, then...

"Tell me, if anyone comes near you, I swear…"

He pulls his head back.

"See this, this is why, Brendan, I don't want that, all the things I've done you'll get caught up on them, blame yourself, be ashamed of me ,try and fix it. But me here now what I've done is just that, done, I got through it and I just need to move on and be done with it." He's angry now.

"There is nothing you could ever do that would make me ashamed of you, believe that, there is nothing."

He looks like he's considering it, weighing it up.

"Hell you could even drag me along to a gay pride march and you'd be hard pushed to make me ashamed" Uncomfortable but not ashamed.

Steven laughs.

"I might test you on that one day"

"I hope you do" he says playfully.

"I've just, so much Bren, you know" He looks tired, worn out.

"I know" he takes his cup from him and puts it on the coffee table, he reaches for his hand, sees if he's allowed to take it. He lets him, he gently brushes his fingers over his palm.

"Just answer me this. Are you ok now, things for you are they ok?"

"Yeah, yes…finally"

"That's good then, right here right now that's all that matters to me, nothing else, all the other stuff you can tell me later, if you want to tell me"

"I do" he whispers.

"This here, it's just you and me. You can decide how you want this to go Steven, and I promise whatever it is I will respect it, ok?"

He can see the thoughts whirling around in his head, all the words he's battling with, choices he's weighing up.

"Fuck, this is too hard" He looks like it's all too much for him.

"I don't want to think Bren, Can't think ok… no thinking"

He's about to respond and tell him he's fine with that when Steven takes him by surprise and crashes their lips together. He holds back a moment in surprise and to show him he's in control here, to make sure he wants it, but the force with which Steven sticks his tongue into his mouth tells him all he needs to know. He tries to deepen the kiss, pulling him into him, but it's not close enough, he can tell Steven feels it too, he lifts himself without leaving Brendan's mouth to straddle his lap, pushing Brendan's head back onto the sofa, groaning into the kiss, he takes his free hand to the edge of Brendan's t-shirt, lifts it and slowly brushes his fingertips over the skin at the top of his waist band, and Jesus if that's not enough to make Brendan nearly loose it, sending bolts of electricity straight to his dick. Brendan takes his hand feeling for Steven's bum, pulling him in closer, he can feel Stevens growing erection through his jeans, matching his.

Steven tugs at his t-shirt, pulling their lips a part;

"Off" he pants into Brendan's mouth.

He wastes no time getting rid of the unnecessary layer, throwing it across the room, he pulls back looking at this new more muscular him in awe.

"Fuck Bren" he says whilst curling his bottom lip revealing the tip of his tongue.

He smiles at him eyes fixed on his mouth.

"You like"

He answers by placing hungry kisses on his collar bone, his tongue licking a path from his Adams apple down to his chest, stopping at his nipple taking between his teeth.

"Jesus Steven, fuck"

He pulls at it as he releases his mouth.

"You gonna show me your bedroom, or what" he says with hunger in his eyes.

"Fucking too right" he says as he lifts them both off the sofa, Steven around his waist. It's tricky making the way across the flat whilst holding him and kissing at the same time, they bump into several pieces of furniture, but somehow he manages stopping just outside the bedroom door, breaking the kiss.

"You sure Steven?" he needs to check, he wants him to want this as much as he does.

"Never been surer of anything in me life" he's looking straight at him cheeks flushed and pupils blown, "I want you"

That does it, he drives right back into his mouth as far as he can. Somehow he manages to open the door at the same time, crashing them both through it.

He manhandles Steven onto the bed, pulling at his shirt so he can get to more skin, he can never be close enough to him. He places soft kisses on his jaw, down his neck until he reaches that spot he know drives him crazy, he languishes there in the crevice of his neck, sucking on the skin, making his mark. Stevens already starting to make filthy little sounds below him, driving him wild.

He continues on his quest licking and sucking his way across Sharpe contours and golden skin, every kiss a mark of how important this man is to him and what this means. When he reaches his destination he slowly peppers kisses just above Stevens's jeans, teasing him to distraction.

"Brendan please" he moans out at the same time grabbing at Brendan's belt trying to move things along.

He lifts his mouth to his ear.

"Tell me what you want Steven" with that Stevens arching his back pushing his body closer to Brendan.

"I want you to fuck me!"

That shoots straight to Brendan's dick, any thoughts of taking this slow suddenly thrown away. He quickly grabs hold of his belt, a mad hurry to get his jeans and boxers off. Steven seems to focus for a second and follows suit with his own. Brendan stops completely still, looking at him, taking it all in. He's lying there naked on his bed, dick standing proud, he stifles back a gulp of air, he never thought, didn't dare hope that he would ever get this again, to see him like this again, other than in his memories. Steven seems to feel it too stopping for a second, before moving things on again by sitting up and placing his hand around Brendan's dick.

"Jesus Steven" he bucks in his hand. Steven gives him that shy innocent look of his that drives him insane. He gives back in kind by pushing him back onto the bed, dick in his sights. He's soft at first kissing the tip, rolling his tongue the length of him, taking his time, until Steven tells him exactly what he wants by arching upwards towards his mouth. In one quick movement he takes him all the way in down to the root, using is tongue to lap at the slit, the taste of him everything he remembered and more.

Stevens a wreak below him, wriggling about and shouting a colourful line of expletives, he knows it would be cruel to tease him and if he's honest he doesn't think he could last either. He takes three of his fingers to his mouth, whilst still devouring his prize, Steven running his tongue along playing with them. He slowly releases his dick tasting the pre cum on his lips, he moves himself further up the bed taking Stevens thigh in one hand to give him more leverage, his pink hole displayed as an invite, fuck Brendan can't get enough of this, he takes a slicked up finger and slowly taps at its entrance, running his finger back and forth, earning him a low groan from Steven, he slowly pushes the tip in, Steven pulls back a little in shock, before pushing in further. Jesus he's tight, so fucking tight, reminders of their first time flash before his eyes. He looks into Steven's eyes searching for a question he dare not ask.

He looks at him, his answer completely knocking the breath out of him, sending his world into a blazing haze.

"You, only ever you"

He stills for a moment, searching his eyes. He can feel and see the emotion as a stray tear falls across Stevens's cheek, he catches it with his thumb, laying his forehead to his.

"It's ok, it's all ok" he whispers into his lips.

The silence says a thousand words before Steven pushes himself back towards his finger letting him know to continue.

He composes himself, focuses back in, he's slow, gentle, taking the one finger out and back in again, before Stevens had enough begging him for more, he's powerless to his pleas. He slips in a second finding that spot that drives the boy crazy, opening him up, he's soon adding a third, he has to make sure he's completely prepared, he doesn't want to hurt him. He has him right on the edge and its him that breaks, can't fucking take not being inside him, feeling his heat around him. He releases his fingers, grabs the lube and a condom from the drawer putting it on himself, making sure to coat his dick thoroughly, the whole time Steven is staring at him in wonder. He looks into his eyes, a surge of energy crackles between them, leaning over him he slowly rubs his dick over his entrance, he wants to be gentle but he knows if doesn't have his release soon he's going to explode, it seems Steven feels it too because he makes the decision for him wrapping his legs around his back trying to push Brendan over the edge.

He goes as slowly as he can, inching his dick into the warm heat that's surrounding him, he stops to give Steven a much needed second.

He lets him know when he's ready.

"Please Bren, Please"

This boy knows all the buttons to press. He pushes all the way in, the tight muscles of his hole trying to take him further, he adjusts to the feeling slowly pulling out and driving straight back in. They fall into a slow rhythm, the rolling of hips the arching of bodies. It soon becomes more frantic with Steven grabbing hold of his dick matching the thrusts that Brendan is making, wrapping his legs tighter around him in an effort get him to go deeper, on every thrust Brendan tries to go as far as he can, hitting that spot inside Steven that has him a withering wreck below him, his strokes on his dick becoming uncoordinated.

"Brendan, oh god, I'm gonna"

He can feel it too, his senses going into overdrive, on every thrust his nerve endings burning like fire. He pulls out and slams right back in hitting that spot and it's enough to push Steven over the edge, his cum exploding onto his stomach, his mouth screaming out Brendan's name. His head is alight with fire as the muscles constricted around his dick sending waves of pleasure through him until it all becomes too much and his orgasm is being ripped out of him, he makes a loud groan that sounds like an animal before collapsing onto Steven panting.

They lay there both breathless, wrecked. He places a few sloppy kisses onto his lips before pulling out of him, the loss of contact sends a shiver through him, he takes the condom ties it and throws it onto the floor and lays down beside him.

"Fuck Brendan….that was" He sounds like he's shaking.

"Yeah, I know" he looks over at him, Stevens smiling at him in a blissed out state, his golden skin shinning.

He moves so they are side by side. He runs his thumb gently across his cheekbone, trailing down along his bottom lip, bringing his forehead to meet his, noses bumping a little. He closes his eyes.

"I love you, it's always you" he whispers onto his lips.

He gently pulls him into him, holds him close, and for the first time in over three years they sleep safe together in each other's arms.