#8 Post-It Notes
Summary: Sadiq and Heracles are roommates. Sadiq is a shameless flirt, and Heracles can't stand Sadiq, so he only communicates via post-it notes on the fridge.
Genre: College AU, humor, drama & romance
Rating: T+
Warnings: Implied sexual situations, explicit language, references to marijuana
Word Count: 1,166 (a bit long, sorry!)
Heracles didn't know what he was thinking when he'd agreed to room with that Turkish jerk. Except, of course, he'd started the search for apartments late and at the time, it was either the Turk or a cardboard box on the street corner (and plus, the man was really handsome, and Heracles had a weakness for handsome men.)
Now he cursed his stupid gay libido, because Sadiq was the quintessential roommate from the fiery pits of hell where pedophiles and puppy-kickers burn. He smoked and drank, had constant parties, boomed the most terrible music known to mankind and a few breeds of monkeys, left used condoms on the couch, ate Heracles' food, set fire to random shit, snored like a bitch, AND wouldn't stop hitting on him shamelessly.
Two months into their beautiful relationship and Heracles was ready to either embrace the fabulous life of a hobo or stab the man in his sleep. But, because he had the empathy God bequeathed to most human beings (unlike certain Turkish psychos,) and because he was too fond of his balls to let them freeze off in the winter, he did neither. He resorted to returning home as little as possible, stocking up on Febreze, and limiting their conversations to post-it notes stuck on the fridge.
Heracles came home for the first time that week (thank God for good friends and sofas in the student lounge.) Surprisingly, everything was quiet. He had steeled himself to find 100 drunken partiers crammed like sardines, strangers humping on his bed, or Sadiq banging some bimbo on the couch. He glanced at the fridge and re-read his last note:
Sadiq: Could you PLEASE get rid of that pile festering in the living room corner? It looks like a possum crawled up someone's ass, vomited, died, and rats humped on its remains. I'm afraid to touch it. Please get rid of it. Thanks.
Sadiq had replied: ur such a joker, kitten. I covered it up, is that better? BTW: d'u know were my lucky purple sock went? I swear som bich stole it while I was stoned. Anyway, wanna go out somtime?
Heracles opened the fridge and wasn't surprised that someone had eaten all his food. There were only empty beer cans and unidentifiable blobs of various colors left. He went into the living room. Sadiq had covered the abomination with one of Heracles' shirts and now there were little mushrooms growing on it. He stomped back into the kitchen.
Sadiq: Stop eating my food and touching my clothes. You're pissing me off. Thanks.
He went into his room, only to find Sadiq snoring away in his bed. He growled and went back to the kitchen to add: And stop sleeping in my bed! Then he slammed the apartment door and left.
Next time he was home, he saw Sadiq had replied: sorry, sweetness, wont happen again, didnt no shirt was urs. I bought food u can eat it to. also, ur never round and I miss ya. ur bed smells as irresistable as u ;) BTW: u never replid bout the date
Heracles looked in the fridge and saw that Sadiq's idea of food was a carton of beer, some chocolate, a half-eaten hotdog and a jar of pickles. He closed the door again with a sigh and wrote: I'll pass on the food, and the date, sorry. Please stop teasing me. Thanks.
A few days later, Sadiq had replied: Not teasing, jus flirting cuz ur cute. How come no date? not ur type? ur totaly my type. I'll play nice w/ u ;)
Problem was that tall, dark and handsome was his type, but Heracles wasn't going to be dating someone as selfish as Sadiq. He was sorely tempted to write out a detailed list of "how come no date," but that would've taken hours, so he just wrote: I don't date smokers or stoners. Sorry.
Sadiq's reply the following week surprised him. It said: no prob, not adicted or anything. I'll quit if u ask.
Heracles was pleased to note that the ashtray in the living room was empty, there weren't any mysterious weeds lying around, and none of his papers had been set on fire when Sadiq used them as impromptu ashtrays. Still. That was just the tip of the iceberg, so he wrote: I only do exclusive, and I don't do casual sex. Sorry.
The next time he came home, Sadiq had written: I do exclusive to! really, ur totaly worth it ;)
Heracles blushed and wondered if Sadiq was serious. Then he wondered if the man knew any smiley-faces besides ";)", and if ";)" was supposed to be a wink or a leer. He hesitated, then wrote: Maybe. But I'm not the partying type.
He didn't want to admit that he was actually looking forward to Sadiq's response.
Sadiq's next response surprised him even more:
that's what I like about u, kitten, ur not a dumb ho. I'll ease up on the partying to if it bothers u. BTW: I got rid of that pile. turns out it was pizza and dog shit (I hope it was dog). so? yes?
Heracles checked the living room; the pile really was gone, and the entire place looked a little less like a radioactive disaster as well. He felt flattered that Sadiq had gone to the trouble, and wondered if he should accept his offer after all.
Just then, the apartment door opened and he turned to see Sadiq. The Turk looked surprised, before breaking into a huge grin.
"Hey, Kitten! Just who I wanted to see!"
"Um…hi," Heracles replied lamely.
"Listen, I was thinking, I'm sorry bout all the shit over the past semester. I'm a pain in the ass to live with, I know, and you've got the patience of a frickin saint." Sadiq looked embarrassed. "So, like, I have this friend. He kicked his roommate out cause the guy was a slob, and he's looking for another one. And, uh, I kind of thought of you."
Heracles was shocked Sadiq was actually being considerate. Sadiq must've mistaken his silence for uncertainty, because he quickly added: "He's real clean, I swear. And I mean, I love having you around, it's just, you're never around, and I thought it was cause you were out partying all the time, but then you said you ain't a partier, so I figured I was being a selfish bastard. I'm actually kinda surprised ya didn't stab me in my sleep."
"…I thought about it," Heracles confessed. Instead of looking angry or hurt, Sadiq just laughed, and Heracles found he liked the sound of it. "And that's…really thoughtful of you, thank you. And, uh, about the date…sure, sounds good."
"Fuck yeah!" Sadiq beamed, and he looked as handsome as Heracles had remembered the first time they'd met. "I swear, I'm a hell of a lot easier to get along with when yer not living with me."
Heracles smiled shyly. "Yeah…. I think so too."
/end
