"What!?"
"She's gone. Left me a letter saying that she is leaving, but she doesn't know where she is going. I recieved it after I went looking for her because she had come up and kissed me then left." Catherine rips the letter out of Grissom's hand.
Gil,
You know I love you. I feel I've loved you forever. Lately I haven't been feeling very well. Truth be told I'm tired. Out in the desert under that car that night I realized something and I haven't been able to shake it. Since my father died I've spent almost my entire life with ghosts. We've been like close friends and out there in the desert it occurred to me that it was time for me to bury them. I can't do that here. I'm so sorry. No matter how hard I try to fight it off I'm left with the feeling that I have to go. I have no idea where I'm going, but I know I have to do this. If I don't I'm afraid I'll self destruct and worse you'll be there to see it happen. Be safe. Know that I tried very hard to stay. Know that you were my one and only. I will miss you with every beat of my heart. Our life together was the only home I've ever really had. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I Love you...I always will...
Goodbye
Catherine feels her heart shatter and her knees are threatening to give in. She knew before this that Sara still loves Grissom, but it doesn't diminish the pain that is seeping into her wounded heart. Tears swell up in her eyes, and she knows what she has to do. "Gil, I'm so sorry. I have to go. Will you be okay?" Catherine waits a few seconds for a reply and when none come she dashes out of the room to her car.
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Catherine pulls into her driveway. Long ago she gave into tears, which blur her vision, but they cannot blur out Sara's car in the driveway. Catherine's hope lifts even though she knows that Sara rode into work with her today, and Sara might have taken a cab straight out of town, but she pushes that thought away. Entering the house Catherine listens intently for any slight noise. She notes the contents of her liquor cabinet have been emptied, and most like poured down the sink, because of the bottles surrounding it. Quietly she walks quickly to the guest room, and finds Sara standing with her back to Catherine. Clothes are strewn all over the room. Some in Sara's bag, and the rest spread around the floor. Catherine can see Sara's shoulders shaking from uncontrollable silent sobs. Catherine crosses the room and gently rubs Sara's shoulders.
The brunette jumps with surprise, but doesn't turn; knowing who it is. Only one person would dare touch her so intamately when they are not involved without waiting for permission. "I uhh... I have to go."
"I know I read your letter." Sara turns to see Catherine's eyes just as red and puffy as she imagines her own to be. "And I heard what you did." Sara pulls away and returns to packing.
"I had to see if the spark was still there; it was the reason that stopped me from answering your question. It was the thing that I allowed to stop me from moving on."
"Is it still there?"
"No."
"Then stay Sara. Find another job. Don't let Grissom stop you from doing what you love."
"There's more to it than that Catherine."
"What else is there?"
"My relationship with Gil isn't the only thing I need to leave behind. I convinced myself that my feelings for you were a little crush, built from attraction, and the need for inappropriate validation. It turns out though that it isn't little, and it's not a crush. Staying and dealing with what never will become more tears me apart. I need to go."
Sara is across the room from Catherine emptying shelves; Catherine walks over to her, and lightly grabs her wrist. "Sara." Sara stands up looking into Catherine's clear blue eyes. Catherine takes her chance, and lightly brushes her lips against Sara's. When Sara doesn't pull back she presses on Sara's lips harder moaning quietly as Sara nibbles on her bottom lip. Catherine's hands work their way to Sara's hair then gently she bites Sara's lip. When a moan escapes from Sara, Catherine slides her tongue into the brunette's mouth. She explores every detail of Sara's mouth. Sara uses her height as an advantage and deepens the kiss as she slides her hands down to cup Catherine's ass.
The door slams, "Mom I'm home. I can't believe you made me take the bus you know why I hate it!"
Catherine and Sara pull away from each other, both breathing heavily, hearts racing, with no desire to stop. Staring deeply into Sara's eyes Catherine whispers, "Will you stick around for a little longer?"
"Yeah." Catherine steals another kiss slipping her tongue in Sara's mouth then leaves the room to find her daughter.
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Sara stands there smiling to herself. That was the best moment of her life. It felt so right holding Catherine in her arms. She goes out to find the two blonde's in their normal spot curled up under a blanket on the couch. "Hey sweetie, how was school?"
"Boring." Sara laughs and plops down next to Catherine. Catherine takes the blanket and covers Sara too. She smiles at Sara who is trying to concentrate on the TV while Catherine slides her hand up her thigh. As she is about to reach Sara's core she feels Sara's hand move her own back onto the brunette's knee. Catherine looks over at Sara slightly puzzled, and Sara points her head in the direction of Lindsay. Catherine giggles, and rolls her eyes at Sara.
"Well I'm going to go start dinner," Catherine gets up, and goes in the other room.
"I'll be right back Linzz. I'm going to go see if your mom needs help in the kitchen okay."
"Alright."
Sara finds Catherine in the kitchen and as soon as Catherine realizes she is in the room Sara finds herself pinned against the wall with Catherine's tongue down her throat. Sara is reluctant to, but she pries Catherine off of her. "Cat we can't do this while Linzz is awake, or in the same room, or in the house for that matter."
"Why not she won't know?"
"One you underestimate your daughter she is extremely smart about everything, and two because I don't want her to get hurt."
"Okay I won't do anything until later."
"Okay," Sara smiles at Cath and lightly kisses her before going back to hang out with Lindsay.
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Sara climbs into bed, and as soon as she is under the covers Catherine is on top of Sara kissing her neck, then kissing her passionately and roughly. She then begins to yank Sara's shirt off. "Cath didn't we talk about this? Not while Linzz is in the house. She is going to her friend's tomorrow night. Can you wait until then?"
"No, not really but I guess I'll have to."
Sara can hear the disappointment in her voice. She rolls Catherine off of her then straddles the blonde kissing Catherine, Sara uses her tongue to explore every inch of Catherine's mouth, and slides her hand up the woman's shirt enjoying the sound of Catherine's longing moan. She then rolls off, and whispers in her ear, "You won't be disappointed if you wait baby." Sara hears Catherine's quick sharp intake of breath and smiles. She pulls Catherine into her taking in her sent and warmth. "Night."
"Night, hey Sara..."
"Mmmmm."
"I love you."
"I love you too baby."
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Catherine's eyes shoot open it feels as if the bed is moving beneath her. Slowly it registers as she feels herself groping Sara, and the warmth beneath her that the bed isn't moving, Sara is thrashing around lost in the depths of a nightmare. Catherine runs her hand through Sara's silky hair trying to pull her out of it. "Sara sweetie." Sara is still thrashing beneath Catherine, "Sara sweetie it's just a nightmare." Suddenly Sara tries to sit straight up throwing Catherine off of her. She is breathing hard, and hasn't recognized where she is yet. Catherine wraps herself around Sara pressing her back onto the bed as she puts light kisses on Sara's face. Lying on Sara's shoulder the blonde waits a few minutes to say anything as she listens to Sara's labored breathing, and feels the brunette shaking beneath her. When the shaking doesn't hinder and the breathing remains labored Catherine lifts her head, "Sweetheart are you alright?" The little color that is usually is in Sara's checks has drained. Catherine looks into her eyes and sees how distant they are. Quickly she reaches over and turns on the lights. Tears are streaming down Sara's face and every breath is becoming more labored. Catherine places a hand on Sara's face, "Sara, sweetie, Sara you have to calm down, Sara?" Finally Sara's eyes light up with emotion, and she slows her breathing. Catherine kisses the tears off her face, and then gently kisses her lips. "You scared me."
"Sorry," Sara whispers. That hasn't happened to me in years. Why now when I'm the happiest I've been in a long time?
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah."
"Are you sure, because you just had a panic attack? Do you want to talk about your dream, or maybe what triggered your attack?" Catherine's eyes are full of concern, and the way she is clung to Sara tells the brunette how scared she really was. Even though the strong blonde won't let on to her emotions.
"I'm fine baby. I promise." Sara rests her hand on Catherine's face and uses it to guide Catherine toward her. Sara lightly kisses Catherine over and over trying to express her emotions through the connection of their lips. She slides her hand up and down Catherine's arm, and allows the connection of their next kiss to be longer, before she pulls Catherine into her and wraps herself around the blonde. She can feel light tears on her arms, and she tightens her grip. She runs her hand through Catherine's hair trying to find something that will still the fear that has risen in the blonde. Sara puts her hand under Catherine's chin and lifts her head so they are looking straight into each other's eyes. Softly she wipes away the tears Catherine has shed leaving her hand on Catherine's face. Sara kisses her again not adding the curious tongue, lovingly, and reassuringly she tries to comfort Catherine. "I'm not going anywhere sweetie I'm going to be with you forever no matter where I really am. You don't have to worry about losing me."
"Really?" It shocks Sara to hear the doubt in Catherine's voice. Sara realizes now more than ever how much Catherine had really lost over the years she has known her. There is no doubt in Sara's mind that she has lost a lot in the years before that.
"Really."
TBC
