Chapter 8: Wanna Be Where You Are
Relena had paid for a room. In fact, she paid for two rooms if required but they declined that opting to stay in the same suite on the same floor as the Peacecraft entourage. It wasn't as elaborate as Relena's and Emilia's room but the size was substantial enough that they had a seperate bedroom and seating area.
Heero had spent a lot of time in hotel rooms during his travels with Odin and in spells during the war, but it was only in adulthood had he got used to ones that did not have damp stains on the ceiling and cockroaches hiding in the bathtubs.
Their duffle bags had been waiting for them in the room and Duo had grabbed his straight away, claiming "dibs" on the shower as Heero opened his cautiously, annoyed by the fact that the contents of his bag had clearly been thoroughly searched and there was no longer any order to it. Of course, he understood that their belongings had been searched as they had been travelling in the same car and shuttle as Emilia but Heero still felt annoyed as he grabbed his laptop from it's sleeve.
He completed a simple report and sent it to Une before taking a shower himself as soon as Duo had finished. There was opportunity to talk yet Heero delayed it - maybe to avoid it all together even as Relena's words lodged themselves in his skull. He had not been in love with Duo since he shot him, he was sure of that.
At first Duo had been an annoyance, more than that, he had got in the way of Heero and his mission objectives. Plus at that stage of his life, he didn't know how to process emotions appropriately and Duo had been confusing and far too different to anyone that Heero had ever met. He had never understood why Duo had tried so hard with him - how he had done so since the very beginning and how he'd seen something in Heero that was apparently worth saving.
But while Heero wasn't sure he had loved Duo since then - he was sure that they had been connected since then. That their lives had become connected in a way that had been impossible to break despite attempts from both of them.
When Heero got out of the shower, Duo was sat on the very large bed with his laptop open, shirtless and there was the smell of delicious food coming from a trolley laden with various dishes, covered with silver cloches.
"I ordered room service," Duo said, sensing Heero's unasked question, "I may have ordered too much but figured we could charge it to Relena. Or Preventer. Whichever."
Heero towel dried his hair, walking towards the trolley to inspect the choices that Duo had made - it seemed to be the entire room service menu and Heero's stomach rumbled in response. They had not really eaten properly since breakfast in Heero's apartment - they had lived on power bars and protein shakes on the flight and Heero grabbed a piece of broccoli not realising that Duo was watching.
"Geez, go for the fries, a little unhealthiness is not gonna kill you, 'Ro."
In response, he grabbed a handful of fries, stuffing them in his mouth in a wordless childish retort. Duo laughed and Heero joined him on the bed, sitting next to him to see the laptop screen open on the evaluation report. The evaluation report of Heero's competence.
"Did I pass?"
"Hells yeah and not just because you sexed up your evaluator," Duo replied, bumping his shoulder against Heero's gently, "it was a flawless mission and a complete success - full marks from me."
"Please tell me that you are not mentioning the fact I "sexed" you up."
"Aww damn, I really wanted to… wondered what colour Une's face would go. I'm thinking puce."
"Puce?"
"Yeah, I think it's a shade of pinky purple. Maybe ask Relena…"
Heero scanned what Duo had written so far and then got up to put on boxer briefs and a t-shirt, thinking about what Duo had summarised. There was one part that did not seem quite right to him and it was about his leadership capability and his ability to delegate objectives. It was about letting Duo pilot.
"I didn't let you pilot just because you are a better pilot. I let you pilot because I know you love it."
Duo had been staring intently at the screen, a strand of hair being twirled around a finger as he read back what he had written, his mouth moving wordlessly. Yet with that, Duo looked up.
"I can't really put that, babe - kinda sounds likes you were romancing me or something. It's not really Prev mission report appropriate."
"This isn't about the evaluation," Heero said abruptly and Duo eyes were on him and Heero felt so damn stupid. As Duo didn't say anything - left the space for Heero to speak as if he intrinsically knew that Heero needed to say something important even if Heero didn't know how to articulate it. "You said you loved me."
"It was…" Duo began.
"No, it wasn't a joke. It wasn't something you didn't mean."
"So what if I mean it? I've meant it for god knows how long but each time I get close you go full robot shut down on me and I have to bail as I can't…"
Duo got up then, walking over to his duffle bag, finding clothes and Heero could see his opportunity slipping.
"Duo," Heero said, his voice pleading but just saying his name was not enough and Duo turned, a shirt now covering his chest that said "no llama no drama" which Heero couldn't comprehend. But why was he focusing on that when he needed to say something? Why did he glare and grunt his way through life?
"I can't keep giving you everything and then getting nothing back. You give me these glimmers every damn time and then it just… it's like you just can't handle the fact that someone loves you. That I give a damn. And I can't keep doing this, man. I think every time it's gonna be different then it's not."
Duo managed his tirade while putting on skinny jeans, a feat that Heero couldn't quite grasp and he was then closing his laptop with unnecessary force.
It was clear Duo was going to leave and Heero remembered a dozen other occasions when Duo had done the same. And how it had hurt. But then he understood from Duo's perspective - that after a few days Heero went back inside himself as some form of self preservation. That he became stoic and uninterested and difficult as though to stop anything permanent happening. So that things could remain static, that he could remain emotionally incompetent and isolated. It was safer that way.
But this time he couldn't watch Duo walk away. Not after what Relena said. Not after what Emilia said about them being "like a married couple."
"I love you," Heero said quietly, the words feeling odd on his tongue. He remembered saying he'd kill people but never that he loved someone.
Duo stopped then, his head cocking as though questioning what he had heard.
"I love you," Heero repeated, louder then, more confident of the words and their cadence. "Don't go."
There was silence then and Heero couldn't bare to look anymore. He'd seen Duo's eyes open wide in surprise at his admission but Duo didn't reply and Heero mumbled and walked over to his bag to find his clothes. "I'll go… if you need some time…"
"No," Duo said and then he laughed gently, walking softly across the carpeted floor to just in front of Heero, "I feel like I've waited so damn long for this moment and my brain isn't able to comprehend you actually said that. "
"That I love you?"
"Yeah, that. Kinda feel like I'm in some kinda Twilight Zone."
"Relena says I've been in love with you since you shot me."
Duo snorted and reached his hand to touch Heero's arm. "Well, I did look kinda badass that day. All heroic and shit."
"And shit?" Heero questioned, an eyebrow quirked.
"Yeah and shit. My brains catching up so I'm not very articulate and I'm damn tired and I'm hungry and like what does this mean? Does this mean living together and being a proper couple? I'm not marrying your ass - wouldn't want to hyphenate my name."
"Duo?"
"Hmm?"
"Shut up."
"Make me, lover boy."
And Heero shut Duo up the only way he ever knew how - with his mouth, his tongue, his hands and his body. It felt the same but different - hands grasping tighter, kisses lasting longer and when they came, breathless and spent, Heero didn't need to say the word "love" again as he didn't need to. As Duo knew. He knew.
