_Eve_

"We need a shore leave." I mumbled while I chewed a bite of stale bread. Most of the crew was eating breakfast or gambling their credits on poker. "Why is that, Commander?" Joker asked. He was leaning back in his chair with his feet on the table. I'd hadn't minded at first, but the thought of boots in my food was ruining my apatite. "Feet off the table." I said rather seriously. He looked at me like I'd thrown something at him. "What?" I was at the end of my rope today. Technically the day just started which meant today was going to be awful.

"I said, feet. Off. The. Table." I said while glaring at him. Joker's face went from being confused to 'oops' in a matter of a second. He slid his booted feet off the table and he glanced at Jack who was picking at a scab on her tattooed arm. "Damn it!" I heard her hiss when she had finally peeled it and a big white spot was left. I rolled my eyes at her and took a swig of my water. "You know. You ruin you're tattoos when you pick scabs? You should have left it alone." I told her. Jack glared at me and scoffed, "What would you know about tattoos, redhead?"
I took a bite of kiwi. "Maybe because I have one?" Jack's face slowly turned into a devilish grin. "Well, I wouldn't have guessed that boss lady would have a tattoo. Seeing as she's a goody two-shoes." My face fell and I waved my fork at her. "Don't ever call me that again."

She smirked. "You mean boss lady, or goody two-shoes?" I chucked my roll at her seeing as that was the only thing I could pick off my plate without looking. She had chuckled and thrown it at Joker who raised his hands in defeat. "Hey, don't get me into this one! She'll kick your ass until you can't sit for a month if you keep that up, Jack." Jack scoffed once again and I tightened my grip on my fork. Why was I getting mad? "Pfft, I don't give a fuck. I'm not here for her to kick my ass I'm here for myself and myself only. She probably wouldn't hurt a fly."

I couldn't take it anymore. If I stayed here any longer my rage would break loose. I was getting shaky with anger and frustration. I couldn't do this anymore.

I stood up which made my seat slide backward and almost fall over. "I'm done." I said abruptly and snatched my tray and put it in front of Gardner. "Thanks for the meal, Rupert." He didn't respond. I didn't mind. Though as I walked back toward the elevator. I felt eyes on me. I knew it was the crew's, but more than that. I just felt- like I was being watched. I haven't felt this way in a very long time. I turned my head and my eyes fell on the blue armor. Garrus had been watching and listening to the whole thing. When I almost turned the corner I looked back again and saw him following me. ~Well, shit. He's going to lecture me now!~ My heart started thumping louder than I wanted it to.

When I entered the elevator 'he' stepped in quickly. Garrus' face was spread with sympathy and his mandibles were tight to his face. "Shepard." His voice rumbled inside of me. His gaze was almost too much to take in all at once. I tried to look away, but suddenly couldn't. "I- are you feeling..hhmm alright?" His voice was unsure. Almost like he was regretting following me. "I'm spectacular." I said finally feeling able to look away. "I'm fine. Why?" I asked him and went to press the button to my quarters. The doors beeped and wouldn't shut.

I continued to press it like a mad man (Woman in this case.), until I heard Garrus clear his throat. I looked over and saw that he had one talon in the way of the door. "Garrus!" I scolded and his face went from a little playful to serious. "Eve, what has gotten into you?" I was starting to lose my rope. "What do you mean what's gotten into me? What's gotten into you?" My hands balled into fists and I tried to ply his hand from the elevator door. "Shepard, please. Tell me what's bothering you!" He said. His tone was desperate and pleading. "Nothing is bothering me!" I insisted and tried to push my way past him, but he grabbed me and pulled me toward the main battery. "Garrus Vakarian, let go of me!" I pulled at his tight grip. I knew I could get out of it! I pried and pried and found that I might have just underestimated him. He was way stronger than I thought.

We reached the battery and he locked the door. "Shepard, we need to talk." I was started to boil over. "About what?" I yelled and went face to face with him.

_Garrus_

Garrus took a breath and tried to calm himself. He was being broken apart bit by bit right there. Eve was out of control. He'd never seen her like this in his life. She was never mad for no reason. He figured it was time for her to talk it out. It was a way of feeling better, everyone needed it at one point.
"Damn it, Garrus let go!" She wailed and tugged at her arm that was clasped tightly in his grip. He wouldn't budge and he desperately tried to calm her down.

He made sure his eyes were apologetic and pleading. She stopped and froze for a moment when she looked in his eyes, but shook her head and was still struggling. "Shepard, we need to talk. So, stop squirming and listen." She still didn't stop and her eyes were filled with hurt and anger. "Shepard, what is the matter with you?" Garrus asked a bit worried now. He'd never seen her face so pained and angry before. "Shepard, look at me." He said softly. He tried desperately to be calm and contained.

When she refused he lost his inner sanity a bit. "Eveline Shepard, look at me!" He almost yelled, and put a talon on her chin and forced it up. He felt like his breath had been sucked out of him at that moment. Her eyes were brimming with tears that were trying to drip down her cheeks, but none had fallen yet. He wrapped his arms around her and stroked her head. He waited to see if she'd spill. It was several silent moments until she spoke. "I- I don't feel like myself anymore. Food has a different taste. Everything smell is different. I love things that I used to hate. After Cerberus 'put me back together'.. I feel lost. I- I can't even see colors anymore. My favorite was always blue. Because it reminded me of him, but now I feel lost in a deep dark corner that I'm locked in."

Everything made a bit more sense now. No wonder why her clothes were always horribly mismatched and her armor was sporting it's primary colors. He stayed silent and thought it over. Who was 'him'? His mind wandered to Alenko, and all of his hopes were smashed with a mallet. Why had he hoped anyway? He'd already known that 'they' wouldn't work. Garrus hadn't expected her to continue, but her voice continued to quiver. "I guess I should be grateful that I'm alive, but Cerberus ruined my body. I have scars everywhere. They're not even ones I obtained myself they're ones from the Lazarus project. I feel like... a copy. What if I'm just a clone? What if the real me is still out there?"

She paused painfully and worked her hands up to the front neck of his armor and clung to it for dear life. Her cheek was pressed against his armor. Garrus went to look down and see if she was crying because It had sounded like it. He barely had to bend down. She had seemed a bit taller than before, but it had been over two years since he'd last seen her before she died. She wasn't crying, but the tears were still there. Shepard's breathing was rapid as she continued.

"Before I died I should have sent him a message. I should have, but I didn't. I told myself it could wait. Before I knew it it was too late. I died and woke up in a place I didn't recognize. I had no idea who to trust. I didn't know if I was even alive or if I was..hallucinating in hell. I was scared. I was scared that I would never find my crew and I was scared to be completely on my own with no one I knew. No one I could fully trust."

Garrus felt her clutch tighter onto his armor and he continued to stroke her hair. He rested his cheek atop of her head. She shivered and it was minutes before she had regained a little sanity. He swayed a little, and continued to stroke her hair. It felt like hours that they stood there like that. Until, finally she stepped back and it wasn't pain he saw in her eyes.. it was.. Shepard. For once since he'd been recruited she looked like she did in the old days. It was her eyes. She blinked a couple of times and the tears hadn't fallen, but disappeared. He was afraid to make her angry again by asking questions, but she didn't look like she would attack him.

"So, now will you explain?" She scoffed. It wasn't an angry scoff it was a sweet and grateful scoff. "Garrus, I- I'm sorry you had to listen to that. I should go." She seemed to be panicky and Garrus hadn't dismissed that. She turned to leave, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her to him. "Shepard, please. Tell me everything. I'll listen." She bowed her head for a couple moments, and looked back up.

"After I came back. I found I don't feel like myself anymore." She started. Garrus watched her eyes wander everywhere except to his eyes. "Remember those times that I used to walk around eating apples? I hated peaches, but now I love them. I know that they probably took multiple body parts from other people and just used them for mine... The whole ship smells a bit different. Well, that's mostly because it's a brand new ship. Everything I smell has a little bit of a different fume except...hmm. I'm colorblind now, and I don't remember being colorblind."

Shepard's eyes were sending him on edge. They were wondering around like she was talking to air. He gripped her chin and her eyes shot to his. She paused her speech for a moment and he insisted. "Continue."

_Eve_

I felt like everything was coming together and making more sense now that I was talking it out. His eyes were egging me on. Tormenting my inner soul. I took all of my inner and outer self to not reach up and touch his face. My mind flash backed a bit to one moment before Garrus left the Normandy before I died...

.,.,.,.F..,.,,.L.,.,.,.A.,.,.S.,.,.H.,.,,B.,.,,A., .,.,C.,.,,.K.,.,,.

She pressed the button to her quarters and the elevator ride was intoxicating. It was completely silent and Garrus was just as tense as she was. They walked in and Eve stretched while stalking over to her bed to sit.
Shepard sat down on her bed, making sure she sat on the edge. She left just enough room for Garrus.
She looked up to see if he was coming, but had stopped short in her doorway. "Are you coming?"
He looked at her and back around the room. "I didn't think I had permission-" "Garrus, did you really think I would bring you up here and then leave you at the doorway?" She asked and cocked her head to the side as she questioned.

It took him a moment to process that she was letting him 'come in' her 'private quarters.'
"Hhmm, no." She smiled and gestured to him. "Then come on!" Garrus took small strides toward her as he looked around. He didn't think he'd even been 'inside' a Commander's quarters before. He stood beside her. He didn't want to sit down and then break the bed while sitting. He just stood next to her and she gave him a curious look. "Why are you standing there? Sit!" She patted the bed, but he grumbled. "I don't want to be rude, Commander, but I'm fine standing." He said then he decided to sit on the floor instead.

She laughed and blinked at him a few times. "Garrus, you have too much respect." She chided and made a quick move to sit in front of him.
She swore she'd seen him blink and his mandibles flare in confusion. He'd never exactly seen a Commanding officer be so...well, willing to sink down to a subordinates level. He was speechless and she cleared her throat. "Garrus, I wanted to tell you something." Garrus felt the air in the room thicken. He watched as Shepard twisted a lock of chin-length blonde hair around her finger.
"Look, I am really grateful to have met you. I am really grateful that you wanted to be a part of the team." Garrus looked shocked out of his wits. Not what he'd been expecting."I noticed a huge improvement in your skills, not just in combat, but mentally and physically. I'm proud that I could say I worked with you. Like I have said before. I trust you and I know you'll never let me down, but above that I really do consider you as a friend." Garrus stared into her wavering dark blue eyes.

Was she saying what he thought he was saying? Or was he dreaming? "Well, really what I'm trying to say is thank you." She finished and she looked down at the floor. He never was great at reading expressions until Shepard came along. Her expressions were sometimes hard and easy to read, but right now she looked completely embarrassed. The tips of her ears just barely poking out of her thick hair and were a profound bright pink. Her face was flush except for the red blush that crept up her cheeks. He was speechless. Not one of his Commanding officers in the Turian military or C-sec were as sweet, encouraging, or understanding than she was. But she was ruthless and very deadly in combat. Her temper wasn't usually quickly flared, but when you picked a fight with her you'd be a dead man.

He plucked a few words to say, but new they were worthless. "I...I don't know what to say."
Garrus was probably not as embarrassed as she was, but not coming up with anything to say in front of his Commander was insulting."I know." She mumbled and looked up. Giving him a full view of her pink cheeks. "You don't know how much you've helped me be who I am now. For that, Commander, I thank you." "No, Garrus. Thank you."

.,.,.,.,.E.,.,.,.N.,..,.D.,.,.,.

_Shepard_

I sat there for a moment studying his curious stare. "What do you mean you can't 'see' colors?"
He asked sharply. "Turians can see colors right? Sometimes humans are born colorblind, but I wasn't born colorblind! It was Cerberus. Ever since I woke up I felt the pain of not seeing colors." Garrus hhmd and looked like he was pondering. "Why haven't you asked Miranda about it?"

I sighed. "It's one of the last things on my list of worries, Garrus. We are going to go up against the Collectors in a couple of months and I haven't even gathered all of the Dossiers yet!" I barked hopelessly and looked down to the floor. The silence ran tight, and the hum of the main battery was threatening the silence. "We need to get ready for Illium. We are going for the Justicar today."

I said flatly and Garrus nodded. "I'm sorry you had to listen to me rant like that. I promise it won't happen again, Garrus." I was totally embarrassed that everything I felt flew out of me like that. I'd probably just gave him a list with no answers to his questions. I didn't have time for the questions though. I had went blank and when I had started speaking of my feelings. I lost it and hadn't realized I was speaking to Garrus himself. I knew he was probably confused on 'who' I had talked about a couple minutes before. But I knew full well that it was him. It had been him all along. Maybe I was subconsciously afraid that he would blow me off. The thing that attracted me to him the most was that he trusted and cared for me. He was and is my comfort in a bed of nails, always there to talk to, to be there to pull me back up. He was just genuinely always there for me.

I quickly unlocked the door and left a confused Garrus in the Main Battery. I was looking for trouble. He was eventually going to come looking for answers.

_Garrus_

Garrus was stripping off his armor and was about to clean it from the last mission. He was curious about the Justicar named Samara that was now aboard the ship. She was a very respectful woman and new where her loyalties lie. Garrus had pondered on Shepard's break down earlier that day. It was becoming peculiar and he had a couple more questions for her. He went to his terminal to check his email when he spotted an email he'd been waiting for. It was from one of his feelers and he had found Sidonis.

Garrus pushed himself on his hands and sighed. They needed to get to the Citadel now! Garrus didn't want to put more pressure on the Commander, but this Turian betrayed him. He killed his squad mates on Omega and ran. He got to 'LIVE' while ten innocent men lie dead. Garrus was now pacing around shirtless..and in pants. He sighed and made a final thought. He would tell Shepard when he could and as soon as he could. Garrus with a last sigh went back to cleaning his armor.

_Shepard_

With a final piece I was out of my sweaty armor and was about to hop in the shower when Kelly's voice was frantic over the comm. "Commander, Garrus seems displeased. I think it would be a good idea to check on him." The sweet voice stopped quickly and I stopped undressing. "What do you mean displeased? You mean-" "Pacing? Yes, I think you should talk to him. It might calm him a little."
I slid on a sweatshirt and waltzed out of my cabin once again. I felt embarrassed that he might smell me. "Kelly, do you think this can wait until after my shower?" I asked and waited for a "YES" not a "NO."

"Shepard, he is really not looking good as EDI claims. She insists you go now." "Miss Chambers is correct. Officer Vakarian is acting very strange and seems upset."
I sat in the hallway between the cabin and the elevator. "Fine." I grunted and clicked the button to the Crew Deck. "Just, don't tell him I'm coming because he might snap out of it and won't tell me what's got his stick twisted." I heard a chuckle that sounded like Joker over the elevator comm. "Joker." I said, trying to sound innocent. "Yes, Commander?" Joker said and I gritted my teeth. "Stop. Eavesdropping. Period!" I heard the comm flicker out. That man needed some mental attention.

I reached the Crew Deck and marched over to the Main Battery. I felt eyes on me as I walked in and found I wanted to turn around and leave. Turning away from the half naked Turian quickly and wincing. "Does anyone knock anymore?" Garrus groaned and I sensed a hint of amusement in his voice. I reached forward and closed the door. "Damn it. I'm really sorry, Garrus!" I cheeped and he chuckled. "No need. I'm just glad you came in with my shirt off, not my pants." I couldn't help but laugh. "Shirted?" "Yeah." "Is it safe?" "Yes, Eve!"
"What's up?" I asked simply. I turned and watched him rub the back of his neck. My cheeks were probably still red because he grinned. "Nothing. I mean..there is something I just-" He sighed loudly and chuckled. "It's harder to tell you than I thought." Clearing his throat he started again. "You know..the guy I told you about? The one that betrayed me and helped kill my men on Omega. Sidonis?" I thought this was going to be something simple, but this was really taking a toll on him. "Yes, why?" I leaned on the door frame and he started pacing while talking.

"I got a report from one of my feelers that they found Sidonis. He was last seen on the Citadel. I want to catch him before he disappears again." My stomach clenched when I saw the pure fire in my friend's eyes. It was pure hatred and anger. "Garrus.. You're not going to do what I think you're going to do are you?" I questioned and a lump settled in my gut. "Shepard, he killed ten good people. He doesn't deserve to live!" Exactly what I was afraid of.

"Garrus, you can't 'kill him' that's not like you." I stated and he waved a hand. "Shepard, you have you're way and I have mine. I just need you're help with this." I sighed and made a decision. Garrus was actually scaring me. He wasn't acting like himself. Almost.. dead with complete anger and frustration. I could only imagine what he was going through. Something in me remembered I had gone through this...but the memory was distant. "Fine. Where's your lead?" He stomped around making the metal rattle under his feet. "Fade, is an expert at making people disappear. He's on the Citadel as we speak and he was seen with Sidonis. I plan to squeeze information out of him."

I watched him tense as he stopped in front of me. "Garrus, what exactly happened to your team?"
Garrus' head bent down a bit in remembrance, but kept his step as he continued to pace the small room.
"He tipped off the mercs and told them where are base was. He drew me out with a false drop and then the mercs hit my team. My men weren't prepared and they tried to hold them off. When I got there there was only two survivors, and they didn't last long. Ten of them. Dead. Because of him."
He explained and the anger in his voice caught me off guard. "Alright, so where do we find Fade?"

_Garrus_

Garrus pulled out his pistol and entered the room when Harkin was alerted of Shepard's presence. "You were close, but not close enough!" Harkin shrilled as Garrus slammed the butt of the pistol into Harkin's face and slammed him into the wall. Shepard put her pistol away and gestured for Samara to do the same. Shepard heard the conversation between Harkin and Garrus, but it was cut short with an "Ommf" and Shepard walked over to Garrus' side. She looked at Garrus and mentally sighed. His anger wasn't going to fade anytime soon.

"That had to hurt! Maybe you should just tell us what we want to know." Garrus looked at her and back to Harkin who was getting up. "Maybe, I still haven't heard what you want." Harkin grumbled and Garrus clenched a fist. Shepard noticed and brushed her fingers over it. It almost immediately unfolded and it just balled back up again when Harkin snapped, "I know who he is and I'm not telling you squat!" Shepard bumped Garrus a bit. "Harkin, this doesn't have to be hard." She said simply.

"Screw you. I don't give out client information it's bad for business." Something in Garrus ticked off and he kneed Harkin again. Pushed him to the wall and growled in his ear. "How dare you. You'd better respect her." He whispered and threw Harkin to the ground with his foot to Harkin's neck. Shepard was getting even more tense and she reached out and gently squeezed Garrus' arm. He knew what the notion meant and hesitantly stepped off of Harkin.

_Shepard_

While Harkin limped to the terminal and arranged the meeting. Garrus took out his pistol and my eyes fixed on Garrus'. They were cold and icy and somehow I knew what he was thinking. I shook my head and Harkin walked over. Next thing I knew I was grabbing Garrus' arm and he shrugged me off. Harkin was snide. "Yeah, I hope we can do this again real soon." Then another "Ommph." Proceeded and Garrus caught up to my pace. I looked back at him and he shrugged. "What? I didn't shoot him."
I grinned.

We landed in the shuttle and Garrus had been on edge the whole time. He finally spoke and when he did it sent bolts down my spine. "Harkin's a bloody menace. We shouldn't have just let him go, he deserved to be punished." Ice dripped off of every word. "Are you alright, Garrus? You were pretty hard on Harkin." I tried to be decently calm with him seeing he gave me those looks like I was his next meal. "You don't think he deserved it?" "Garrus. This isn't like you." I said simply and he was silent for a moment. "What do you want from me, Shepard? -" "I want you to calm down. You've got me pretty worried about you."

He scoffed. "Shepard, what would you do if someone betrayed you?" I thought about it. Honestly, I haven't though about that until now. "I'm not sure, but I wouldn't let it change me." "I would have said the same thing before it happened to me." I wasn't sure if I was speaking to Garrus right now. "Are you sure you want to do this?" I said softly. "Yes. Yes, Sidonis needs to be brought to justice and I can do it. I have a chance when no one even knows what he's done and no one even cares." I thought it over.

Maybe I'd settle this the way I usually do. The way Garrus had me settle my problem. Talking it out. "Let me talk to him." I suggested and Garrus didn't change his mind of course. "I understand, Garrus. I really do know what you're going through, but do you really want to kill him?" Memories of Tarah flashed before my mind. I knew if he went through with this that he'd be so upset and feel guilty later. Just like I had and I couldn't let that happen.

"I appreciate your concern, but I'm not you." "This isn't you either." I said almost desperately and he just shook his head. "How would you know what this is like?" "Just trust me!" I pleaded. "I can get a clear shot from over there. He nodded to my right and I nodded hesitantly and stepped out of the car. He went over and set his gun up while he tested the communicator back and forth. I went down the stairs and found Sidonis sitting on a lounge chair. When he looked over I signaled him and he started to approach me. "You're in my shot. Move to the side." I knew I shouldn't...

_Sidonis_

Sidonis got off the couch and walked to the woman who'd gestured to him. He'd noticed this particular woman was a bit. Far fetched. He got to her and examined her hair that was in a low pony-tail and thick locks of dark hair was drifting around her eyes. "Listen Sidonis. I'm here to help you." She said and Sidonis panicked. His stomach dropped to his toes and whispered. "Don't ever say that name aloud."
"I'm a friend of Garrus' he wants you dead, but I'm hoping that's not necessary." His stomach was now dropped beneath the floor. Garrus wanted to kill him! Harkin sold him out.. "Garrus? Is this some kind of joke?" Sidonis stepped back a couple of times, but the woman kept stepping toward him. "You're not kidding are you?" He shuddered and continued to step back.

"Screw this, I'm not sticking around to find out. Tell Garrus I have my own problems." He moved to turn and leave when a rough hand pulled him back. "Don't move. I'm the only thing standing between you and a hole in the head." Sidonis froze. "Fuck."

_Garrus_

At that moment Garrus wanted to pull the trigger, but he couldn't risk it. Shepard was too close and he wouldn't shoot her. He wasn't worth her dying too. "Everyone has a choice." He groaned to himself and held his finger close the the trigger of his rifle. He listened to Sidonis. "Let me take the shot, Shepard he's a damn coward!" He sneered and continued to listen to the conversation. He was snapping bit by bit. "Just go. Tell him to go." Garrus felt like biting something. Maybe it would be Shepard's head.

They met back up at the top where they waited for Garrus by the shuttle. "I know you want to talk about this. I don't. Not yet." He growled and watched her look soften. It was almost triumphant. "I know it didn't go the way you planned, but it's for the best." She said and laid a hand on his arm. He pushed it away and continued toward the shuttle. "I'm not so sure." "Give it time." She said softly. "Yeah, maybe that'll be enough he said swinging back and forth like he was a bit dizzy. Maybe thinking twice about his choice.

"I wanna know I did the right thing. Not just for me, for my men. They deserve to be avenged, but when Sidonis was in my sights I just couldn't do it." He truly knew it was because of, Shepard. He couldn't pull the trigger and risk getting her too. "The lines between good and evil blur when we're looking at people we know." "Yeah, there was still good in him I could see it. So much easier to see the world in black and white. Grey. I don't know what to do with Grey." She chuckled and nodded. "I know what you mean."