She could feel his fingers still on her hips, his breath on her neck, his trembling as he thrust. Her eyes closed and she shivered, the memory of what had happened two weeks ago still fresh in her mind. She hadn't enjoyed it in the slightest. Admittedly, the only reason she'd allowed it to happen was her fear of that pale figure who'd come so near to her the night Severus rescued her.

Some Gryffindor she turned out to be.

Rescued? Was that really the correct term for what he'd done? She curled up a bit tighter into herself on the bed. His bed. He was still sleeping on that saggy couch. Magazine pages, long forgotten, rustled in the breeze from the tiny crack in the window. She stared at the colorful pictures absently, then stood. She needed the loo.

Footsteps outside her door raised her heart rate slightly and she hurried to finish her business.

"Don't flush," came that familiar deep voice. She did as she was asked, knowing exactly why he didn't want her to flush. He needed to know if their efforts had proved a success. She stepped out, glancing at the man before her. If he didn't look so damned ashamed of himself, he'd be intimidating. He was at least a foot taller than her, his lanky black hair hanging in front of his face in a sort of shield. She didn't think she'd seen the color of his eyes since they're ten minutes in bed together.

She returned to bed, her back to him. If it was negative, she'd make him go through it again. It was her only power here. She could see plainly he did not like it. Must be because she's just another Mudblood whore to the likes of such a mighty Death Eater. The little bit of power she had, she would hold over him. Revenge, of sorts, for the death and torture they'd brought into her lives.

She heard his slow exhale from the bathroom and a flush of the toilet. She placed a hand against her lower stomach, curious. She could see out of the corner of her eye that he was leaving the room without a glance her direction. She sat upright in bed and stared at him. He stopped, not looking at her. There was a long silence before he spoke.

"I must start dinner. Shepherd's Pie. I'll put it in the oven, then you'll be able to find me in my potion room. I have to start on your prenatal draughts." His voice dropped off at the end and Lily's face paled. She brought her knees to her chest, her eyes suddenly welling with tears.

"Monster." She whispered and Severus again stopped dead in his tracks. He turned and stared evenly at her. They were open. His black eyes that were always so guarded back in school were open and full of fear. He was that frightened little nine year old again, who desperately tried prolonging their games so he wouldn't have to go home and face his father. She swallowed, her shoulders beginning to shake, sobs of fear starting to rip from her small form. He watched her a moment more then sat in the chair beside her bed.

"I've-… I've never been a Dad before, Lils...," he whispered, his voice not at all stoic or threatening. "I know this is not what you want. This is not what I wanted. Not the baby, just… the way the baby's come about, but I promise you, I-…" He paused, struggling with his next words. Lily had quieted, her eyes on his, still curled tightly around herself. "I'm getting out. I realized that there's no way a child is safe under Voldemort. Lucius Malfoy and his wife are expecting a son and we've been… Speaking. They're as frightened as I am. I promised you I'd keep the baby safe and I intend to keep that promise. Do you understand?"

She nodded, very slowly, tears leaking down her cheeks. This was the soft Severus she'd known. He had always spoken in this tone with her whenever they were alone, whenever the Marauder's weren't giving him hell. She edged towards him on the bed. He continued.

"We have to make appearances. We must appear as if everything is going as He has planned. We'll be dead in a minute if he discovers us. You don't have to be civil towards me, Lily, but that baby is counting on us now." She was perched on the edge of the bed, her arms tucked to her chest, her tears still flowing.

"Harry counted on me," she whispered, "James counted on me." Severus slumped a little in his chair. She knew she hadn't said a single word about her family since their first outburst nearly a month and a half ago.

"It wasn't your fault, Lily."

"If your child was murdered wouldn't you blame yourself?" she spat, her eyes suddenly angry. Severus flinched visibly.

"This child will not die. I'm going to take care of us."

"That's what James said." Lily wiped her eyes and lay back down on the bed, her eyes staring blankly at the wall. She could feel him staring at her but ignored him, her stomach churning.

This was too complicated. He stood, but instead of leaving her presence he sat directly on the bed. He was taking a chance when he reached out and rested his hand on her shoulder in a comforting sort of gesture. It had been so long since she'd felt a kind touch of another human being she very soon felt herself relaxing beneath his hand. When she felt him getting up to leave a single desperate act of loneliness caused her to spring up and grab hold of his middle, pulling him back down. She could sense his surprise as she curled up against him, sobbing, and he awkwardly wrapped his arms around her. He was completely silent but allowed her to wet his robes with tears, squeezing her every so often as if to remind her that she was still there. Lily eventually managed to cry herself to sleep.

Severus stared at the broken woman in his arms, knowing she was only there out of desperation and not because his pent up emotions matched her own. His heart swelled a little, however, and he couldn't tear himself away from her. For the time she slept, he was right there. Her head rested against the softness of his stomach and he sat perfectly still for her, occasionally brave enough to reach out and smooth a strand of hair behind her ear or out of her face. This woman was carrying his child.

He loved her.