The Problem with Men and Me

"Perdita Fray is a sexy goddess of sexiness. And she has tits I'd like to bury my face in." – James Potter

"James, you're a pig." – Remus Lupin
(Fourth year)*

Chapter 8: Perdita

Don't ask me why I insisted on keeping Divination. It was my gag class. You know, I could just sit there, spew hogwash, and try and not snicker the entire time. Mary and Lily Evans had taken it too, in our third, fourth, and fifth years; but now it was just me.

And, I thought in shock as I emerged from the silvery step ladder and into the thick perfumed air, Sirius Black. He looked really alone, sitting cross-legged on some cushions in front of one of the low tables. There was no James. No Remus. Not even a Peter. He still sat with the same lazy grace he'd always had. His hair elegantly flopping over his eyes in a way that made me wonder what sort of product he washed it with. But he'd always been surrounded by either giggling admirers or loud friends- he had neither now.

I edged around him, warily, finding a seat behind him and hoping he didn't recognize me.

No such luck.

His head swiveled around, eyebrow arched, gray eyes seeping up and down my form as if looking for something particularly heinous to point out about me.

"Pursuing a career in Divination, Lyon? Is your inner eye particularly sharp?" He asked, in a lazy taunting sort of voice.

My eyes narrowed at him. How uncalled for. But I could play the game. I slouched back on my cushion, and waved a limp hand, uncurling my fingers airily; "Yes, indeed it is." I said, in my best imitation of Professor Sarugani's thick, dreamy voice. " 'Tis a both a blessing and a burden, the inner eye."

He snorted his amusement, waggling his eyebrows mockingly, and turning back around in his seat.

Alright. Jot this down- it is possible to divert Sirius Black's harassment by appealing to his funny bone.

I'd have to try that more often.

In addition to Black and me, three Hufflepuffs climbed up through the trap door, a sallow-faced Slytherin girl I'd never much thought about, and two Ravenclaws; one a girl with sharp critical eyes, the other a misty-eyed boy. The seven of us, unsurprisingly, were the only ones who pursued Divination past O.W.L. credentials. Everyone else must have decided to actually make something of their education, and not spend a valuable period on a joke of a subject.

Although I think the Ravenclaw boy was legitimately there to learn… Who really knows with Ravenclaws?

Professor Sarugani appeared from behind some heavy curtains, separating her office from the classroom. "Good morning, my children!"

"I'm definitely not her child." Sirius muttered, to one of the Hufflepuff girls. She and her friend broke into furious giggles. "Much too good-looking."

The Slytherin girl rolled her eyes, and propped her chin up in her hand, looking very, very unhappy at being stuck in a class with him. I could sympathize with her.

"Oooh, yes, you are." Whispered Gerda Abbott, round pretty face mildly pink under all the freckles.

"Much too good-looking." Purred Perdita Fray, the other Hufflepuff girl and Gerda's best friend. Where Gerda was cute and freckled (And a little bit plump), Perdita was… gorgeous. She was taller than most girls, with long black hair, and porcelain skin. And big blue eyes, framed in thick dark eye lashes. Of course she also had generously sized knockers.

Damn it, even I could appreciate those things. Large, but not too large, and devastatingly perky. Even Lily Evans, who I thought to be quite beautiful, didn't have knockers like those things. She was much flatter than Perdita.

Damn Perdita. The Slytherin girl seemed to be thinking along the same thing (Damning Perdita, I mean, I dunno if she had the same opinion of Perdita's ample breasts.) because she had her dark eyes narrowed at her, and her thin fingers locked tensely in her lap.

And while all this was going on, dear Professor Sarugani kept nattering on about tea leaves, and opening our gifted little minds to the future. Apparently she didn't notice a bit that everyone in the room (Other than the Ravenclaws. Weirdos.) either had their eyes glued to Sirius Black's gorgeous face or Perdita Fray's perky boobs.


*it should be noted that that quote is from my own mind- not J. K. Rowling's.