/I'M SO Sorry. Oh god I say that a lot! I finished both of the oneshots, then I started a new project and these didn't upload properly, so I've been preoccupied with the new project and haven't re-uploaded these! Sorry guys/
"I hate that hoe!" This was how Eric Cartman's four friends were greeted by him at the end of the day. His normal response was "I'm guessing you two fought again?" This was a question to which the answer was always yes. Cartman had gotten in more arguments with Wendy Testaburger nowadays than he did with Kyle! And considering Kyle and Cartman almost kill each other on a weekly basis, that's saying a lot.
"What happened this time fatass? She call you out in debate again? How many times did I tell you, you can't beat her" Kyle rolled his eyes. This was legitimate advice but with Cartman's and Kyle's friendship being what it was, they took everything from each other as a challenge. "Shut the fuck up jew! The bigger problem is that hoe is always fucking making little snide comments and acting all hoe-ish! She moves really close to me, then as soon as I acknowledge her existence, she completely denies what she was doing and goes back to her seat! It's infuriating!" This explanation from Cartman made the other three boys laugh amongst themselves.
"So... she's... you?" Kenny asked. He wasn't particularly wrong. That was exactly what Cartman does to win an argument, and he does it all the time, with no shame, to everyone. Everyone that is... except Wendy. As Kenny pondered the other three boys discussed ways to beat Wendy.
"Dude, if she's just waiting for you to acknowledge her, don't" Stan suggested as if it was the easiest thing in the world. He shrugged and was about to say something else before being cut off by the fatass.
"It's not that easy when her tits are pressed against me and she's five inches from my fucking face!-"
"Dude... do you like her?" The blondest of the four boys asked out of no where. All three of the rant-receivers saw Cartman's face turn the lightest shade of pale pink, which would almost be impossible to detect if the other three boys weren't looking for it. "Oh. My. God. She's your hoe!" Kenny laughed. He supported it of course, and could clearly see that it would work. Wendy didn't use those types of tactics on anyone but Cartman, so it was highly likely that she held a fondness for him too.
"Ugh, fine, I like the ho, okay?! What should I do? Huh Kenny? Write her a love note?" Cartman asked, the end being more mocking than anything.
"Actually..."
That's exactly what Cartman ended up doing. The note was godawful, but it did the job.
'Dear Wendy Testaburger,
First off, please stop being such a fucking ho. I can't really debate when your titties are practically in my mouth. Second, I... like you, okay? You're smart, for a ho, and you're... I don't know I just like you. So... I was gonna ask if you could be my candy ho?
~"FatAss"
Four days later, he got a note back
'Dear FatAss,
It's nice to know that my plan worked, and just so you know I like you back. But I am NOT gonna be your candy ho, if anything, you're my candy ho for all the work I had to do to get you to like me. Meet me under the bleachers at the football game.
~Hoe* not Ho.
Kenny turned to his younger sister, Karen. "And that is how I got the most unlikely of couples together, they're still together to this day. Even though they fight like an old-married couple, pretty amazing, huh?" The two then went on to talk about what Karen did this week.
/I HAD to add some Kenny and Karen sibling stuff bc they are the cutest set of siblings (Better than Kyle and Ike, fight me XD) I hoped you enjoyed this little drabble and the story of how Cartman and Wendy became the (CANDY) ho couple./
