PART 8
Adam wasn't sure, as he began to dress that he wanted to be a best man; Hoss was sharing the honor with him but for some reason that Adam couldn't understand, he was sweating and his hands were slightly shaking. He couldn't tie his tie properly and kept trying to redo it.
"Damn it all to hell," he said, pulling the tie off completely. He sat on the edge of his bed and tried to calm himself. There was a knock on the partially open door and Joe stuck his head in. Adam smiled at Joe's expression. He and Hoss had taken Joe into town last night and they had met his friends at the Bucket of Blood where they had drunk and toasted Joe. Not only that, but the saloon girls sat on his lap, stroked his hair and smothered him in kisses. Adam had just sat back and smiled at Joe's discomfort as the other men hooted and the women tried in every conceivable way to lure Joe upstairs for one last fling as a single man but Joe steadfastly refused, even when he was embarrassingly drunk. At that point, when Joe stared to cry and declare his unending love for Polly, Adam knew it was time to take Joe home so Adam paid the tab and he and Hoss practically had to tie Joe to Cochise's saddle to keep him on. It took hours to get home because if they rode any quicker than a slow trot, Joe would have toppled off his horse. And here it was, the morning after, and Joe's face reflected his misery.
"You got a minute, Adam?" Joe asked.
"Sure, baby brother. Come in and tell me what's the matter, just don't tell me you want to back out of the wedding. The only person who'd be happy to hear that would be Hoss-then he could eat that wedding cake of Hop Sing's all by himself."
Joe entered the room and sat on the bed alongside Adam. "I'm worried about tonight-the wedding night."
"Oh, damn," Adam said, rubbing his face. He gave a deep sigh and looked over at Joe whose eyes were wide with supplication. This was a turn of events that Adam-and he was sure Pa-hadn't considered. "C'mon, Joe. You're not some untried virgin. Hell, you've gone upstairs with Maisie more times than anyone could count, probably more times than you'll be with Polly in your entire marriage. You know what to do. Why are you worried?"
"Because Polly might not know what to do," Joe said quietly. "I'm not sure that I know how to treat someone who hasn't ever-Adam, I don't know that she even knows what we're supposed to do-what to expect." Joe stared at the floor.
Adam suddenly wasn't nervous anymore about standing up for Joe in the front of the church-Joe needed his support. "Joe, I'm sure that Polly has an idea, if not having the exact idea, what's to be done on a wedding night. I mean she has friends who're married and they probably talk. Do you think her mother would let her go off not knowing what to expect tonight?" Suddenly Adam's thoughts flew to Laura and what she had told him about her wedding night, how afraid she had been and how much she had wanted her mother and how she cried for her. From that first moment, the moment that Frank Dayton had shown no sympathy, their marriage was doomed. It had been then, on their wedding night, that Laura's feelings for Frank turned from love to hate. Adam didn't want that for Joe.
"Listen, Joe," Adam said, "you've kissed Polly before, right?"
"Of course." Joe looked at Adam wondering why Adam would ask such a question.
"You know how things get when you're kissing, how you can get carried away with passion, desire, feelings like that that only get stronger the more you kiss." Joe nodded. "Start that way tonight. Just start kissing her and see where it goes." Joe stared intently at Adam. "And if she's afraid or starts to cry, just hold her and tell her that sex doesn't matter as long as you have her in your arms-you know, make her feel that you understand how she feels and that you're willing to wait for her."
"But, Adam, wouldn't she know I'm lying?"
"Joe, how many women have you lied to?"
"I guess a lot."
"And how many have believed you?"
"Just about all of them."
Adam looked at Joe with an expression of complicity, his brows raised "And trust me, Joe. I know women well enough to know that Polly will be thinking only of herself, how she smells and how she looks in her lingerie and if her hair is just so. But if Polly turns out to be different, if she happens to not care about those things but just wants to do the deed, you are one lucky man and you have nothing to worry about-all this anxiety is for nothing."
"I sure wish you hadn't said, 'lingerie,' Adam. Now I keep picturing how Polly will probably look without it." Joe grinned at Adam.
Adam gave Joe a small shove. "Get out of here and get to church. The sooner you get married, the sooner you'll have your wedding night and the sooner we'll be rid of you. Now go."
"Yes sir," Joe said, laughing, but before he left the room, he turned as Adam stood up and looked at the tie in his hand, preparing to have another try. "And Adam..." Adam looked at Joe. "Thanks for the advice. I'm glad you're back-really. We missed you around here in more ways than I can tell you."
Adam just smiled and Joe left. Adam stood thinking about how much had changed in the five years he had been gone. So very much. And then he remembered that he still had to pick up Gloria and thought about what it would be like to be standing at the altar with her if they were to marry. And then he thought of Lucy again-his thoughts always turned to her, and he threw the tie down, the heat rising in him, so he undid the top two buttons of his shirt, put on his jacket and stuffed the tie in the pocket. He glanced at himself in the mirror. "Hell," he said to himself, "you look like the nervous bridegroom waiting impatiently to bed his new bride." And in his mind, he saw Lucy as she would probably look, her lips softly parted, her arms lifted ready to embrace him and he felt a shiver run through him. Then he shook his head and went out to get the buggy to pick up Gloria for the wedding.
When Adam arrived at the small house she was renting, he paused before getting down and going to the door. He hadn't really wanted to take Gloria, hadn't wanted to take anyone. What he had really wanted was to get back to the Ponderosa before anyone else, change clothes and go out for the night. He wanted to take his bedroll, a pouch of food and his guitar and go camp near the lake and enjoy the peaceful serenity of the stars above him and the beauty of the glittering, silver water reflecting the moon and hearing the sounds of the night owl. He yearned for a type of peace that he had only found in the serenity of nature.
Adam knew that it was Hoss who was a man of the land and although he didn't consider himself such, he did know that he had a tie with what was beautiful in nature, that his soul often yearned to stay as far away from Virginia City as possible and not to comply with all the rules and regulations of society. But the educated man in him knew that society was a necessary part of a civilized existence and he had witnessed what happens when barbarism takes over-he had seen it on the ship. Adam knew that he was fortunate that he had a single-minded stubbornness-what had earned him the nickname of "Yankee Granite Head" with his family-that had helped him be top dog on the ship, The Mariah. He had never given in, never backed down from a fight and had defended himself seeming as if he wasn't afraid of death; and at the time, he wasn't, but he didn't go look for it. And now he was sitting in front of a woman's house, dressed in his best suit, ready to go to his brother's wedding and to participate in a ritual that symbolically joined a man and a woman together forever. Adam shook his head and chuckled to himself-forever. And who, he asked himself, could say how long forever was.
"Oh, Adam," Gloria called out to him as he sat in the buggy. "Come in for a moment. I want you to meet my children." She held the door open and waved at him to come in.
Adam climbed down from the buggy and then he noticed two small faces peeking around their mother's skirts. He walked in, took off his hat, and then bent on one knee to be face to face with them. "Well," he asked, "and who are you two?"
The boy still partially hid behind his mother but the girl piped up, "I'm Brenda. Are you going to be my new daddy? Ma told Mrs. Hoskins that if she played…" Gloria jerked her arm to pull her away from Adam who looked up at her.
"Brenda just talks too much about silly things." Adam stood up and faced Gloria. "Mrs. Pearl," Gloria said, "take the children and feed them, please. I'll be a few hours so don't forget to put them to bed."
"Yes, Mrs. Melville," Mrs. Pearl said. "C'mon children. Time for your dinner."
"Shall we go, Adam?" Gloria asked.
"Yes, let's do. I have to be there early so I hope that you don't mind that the guests won't really be arriving for another half hour."
"That's not a problem, Adam," she said putting her arm through his, "it will give us time to catch up with each other." And they walked out together.
TBC
