AN: Wow! So much has happened on POI! I'm really looking forward to season 2! I have to apologize for the very long wait on this chapter, just been really busy and I just got caught up in everything to actually finish this chapter off, this is relatively short compared to what I had in mind, but I promise the next chapter will be longer and fuller. Unfortunately I think this is the schedule I'll be on from now on, where I can post a chapter every two weeks or a month, as I'll be traveling over to France for a bit. So please bear with me and keep reading and reviewing, reviews are always appreciated, and thank you to all of those who added this story to their alert, and favorite lists. A big thank you to Maddsgirl75 for your wonderful beta work!
Can I take it to a morning
Where the fields are painted gold
And the trees are filled with memories
Of the feelings never told?
-Bloom by Paper Kites
Chapter 8
Everything sped up, her ears buzzed and she felt hot. John's hands were on her hips hoisting her up on the counter, he then stepped between her legs as she pulled the shirt from inside his pants. His hands pushed her blazer off of her shoulders and his fingers worked quickly to unbutton the first four buttons of her blouse. Then he was pulling away from her lips to kiss where her shoulder and neck met. It was frenzied and she was amazed at how turned on she really was. Her fingers ran through his hair before grabbing a fistful when he bit a sensitive part of her neck. She found her lips forming into a smile as he ravished her neck, and his hands were learning the curves of her sides and breasts.
It had been a long time since he had wanted a woman this badly, a long time since he'd been with a woman, and this woman had him like putty in her hands. Her skin was so soft, and it had a smell that he couldn't place; maybe it was a combination of her soap, lotion, and perfume, but it was what Carter smelled like and it had the strangest effect on him; it aroused him, and calmed him all at the same time. He heard her soft laughter and found his own lips curving into a smile as he finally pulled away from the crook of her neck and kissed her lips again. Her hand was pressed against his chest, just over his heart and he was sure that she could feel it beating fast and hard under her palm. Her hands moved ever so gently over his chest, up his neck and then up to cradle his cheeks. He felt cared for in the act, something about that made it more personal.
She kissed his jaw and down his neck, his hands tightening around her hips. She trailed her hot, wet, tongue over his Adam's Apple and he felt that electrifying jolt. He jerked her away form his neck and kissed her hard, starting the fire and intensity again. Then, he let his tongue talk in an entirely different way.
John released her lips after a long moment, her eyes remained closed for a few seconds as he rested his forehead against hers, his thumbs rubbing circles on her sides. When she finally opened them, she was dazed. They were breathless and calm all at once. She licked her bottom lip as her hands slowly dragged down his chest. They didn't say or do anything, for that moment just being where they were, was enough.
"Joss..." When he finally whispered, she looked up at him. His eyes were dancing and she felt happy that she was the cause of it, that he felt the same, but then all her fears, worries, and Taylor came rushing into her mind. She stepped away from him then, leaving John confused and uncertain.
She pushed him away from her gently and slid down off of the counter. She paced in front of him, fingers on her lips and as she tried to reason with herself, when he called her name again she looked at him, her eyes conflicted, and said one word. "Taylor."
Saying his name made it all clear to John what she was worried about. This wasn't a normal thing, they weren't going to go to dinner and slowly bring Taylor into it. It wasn't going to be simple and if he was right, she would turn away from him when Taylor out weighed the worth of whatever that minute of intimacy was between them. How could he offer her anything but darkness and secrets? How could she want to open her life to him? He sighed and scrubbed his chin and leaned against the counter to watch her. When had this woman got under his skin? When did she come to mean more than anything to him? When had she made him want more again?
Carter looked at him, she could see that he understood, but she couldn't make herself understand. She felt guilty as a mother but as a woman, she wasn't sorry, she wanted him. She wanted this to go all the way but she didn't know if she was ready to put her son through what it meant to be involved with John. But she wanted him, with all of her heart she wanted him. She slowly walked over to him, her hands were shaking as she reached out to him, placing a hand on his cheek. They had played so many roles already, why not that of lovers?
John turned his faced into her hand, taking a hold of her wrist and kissing her palm. He was so gentle, she was continuously amazed at how gentle he was. This wasn't the man that Agent Donnelly was talking about, or the man that Snow supposedly knew, or the man she'd seen countless times kicking a guy's ass without breaking a sweat. No, this was what she assumed the real John was like. She closed her eyes from the heat that his kiss had left on her palm. "John. I don't know how to do this."
He smiled then, "I'm a little rusty too."
She couldn't help the laugh that bounced out of her then, she shook her head. "This is so crazy."
"It is, but I want it Joss." He said, pulling her closer to him. "But only if you want it."
She let him pull her to him, let him hold her and as she buried her head against his chest, she could feel his heart beating, smell him, feel his strength. "I want it." She whispered.
"But you feel guilty don't you, like you're being a bad mother and betraying Taylor's father some how?" He asked, as his fingers absently brushed over random parts of her body.
She clutched his shirt tighter, it was amazing how well he could read her. She thought she was good at reading people but she was no match for him. He knew so much about her but she still didn't know anything about him. If she were to be selfish this once, then she'd have to know him. "Tell me something I don't know about you. Something about John."
He sighed. "Not much to tell."
"Please."
He knew she needed something to rationalize this, but he didn't know what was worth sharing. He had forgotten most of who he was before the CIA, all that remained was Jessica. "I loved a woman named Jessica once, before I was recruited by the CIA. I thought I could have a life with her." He shrugged. "I wanna be normal Joss, more than anything I want something that's just pure and is what it is."
She did feel a spark of jealousy at the mention of another woman who held his heart at one point but she realized that all he wanted was to be boring, that this whole running around, hunting down bad guys, was something he did because he couldn't hurt anyone. "She meant a lot to you."
"I haven't felt that way about anyone else...until now." He said simply.
She pulled back and looked at him, "what do you feel?" She opted to leave the woman from the past in the past - for now, she rationalized that at some point she and John would reach a point where there would be no secrets between them; whether they were involved or not, it was sort of inevitable.
He smiled, "it's not just attraction for me Joss. I want all of it."
What did all mean? She wondered but she also knew in a sense what he meant. They weren't going to declare 'I love you' and run away into the sunset together. He came with major, dangerous baggage, and so did she. She didn't consider Taylor as baggage but he was the most important thing to her and she didn't know much that rivaled her instinct to protect her son, until now. "That didn't really answer the question but it's okay."
He brushed some hair back from her eyes, "I know it's not going to be easy if we decided to take this further."
She laughed, "Actually, I think that's the easy part, it's the after part that's hard."
He laughed then too. She bit her lip. She had forgotten what it was like to feel this way, to feel your heart doing funny things when you saw someone you cared about, smile or laugh. She just hadn't imagined that it would be John Reese doing these things to her insides. "We need time to figure things out John."
"I know." He said, as he kissed the top of her head softly.
She pulled away from him and smiled. "Maybe we could be normal, or at least what's normal for us."
"What did you have in mind detective?" He asked with that huskiness back in his voice.
Sex was the easy part, they were adults, they could deal with that, it was everything else was hard but they were also capable of many, almost far-fetched things, so trying to have a relationship wasn't off the table just yet. She laughed and smacked his arm softly. "Practical things first. I never took you to be so eager."
He shrugged, "What can I say, you have an unusual effect on me."
She had to laugh then. They hadn't finished what they had started but there was a promise of more and for the moment, it was enough. She left him with scorching kisses, and he felt his heart beat the way it had the first time he'd jumped from a fighter plane. He couldn't keep the smirk from his lips as he watched her walk towards her car from his window. No, they were far from done. This was only the beginning, and this time nothing would keep him for making sure that she stays his.
Nadia walked into the restaurant with a smile. He smiled back at her; she was always smiling, something she'd done even back when she was just a young girl with the world on her shoulders. He stood when she neared the table and embraced her, closing his eyes to take in her scent. "Hey." She said against his shoulder.
"How are you?" He asked, as they pulled apart and she sat down in the booth with him.
She unfolded the napkin, placed in her lap and smiled fully, "I'm great."
Elias pushed his glasses further up on his nose and smiled. "You sound very sure of that. Usually when I ask you how you are, I get something between the truth and sarcasm."
"Come on, I'm not that bad." She laughed. "But I am absolutely great. For once, I can say that I'm...happy."
He smiled. "Really? What changed? The last time you were this lively was when you returned from your travels."
Nadia grinned. "How are you? How is business going?"
Elias shrugged. "You know, set backs are expected in any business. I have patience though."
She looked at him, after everything that had happened. Suddenly she saw the lines around his eyes, saw the darkness that lurked behind them and took note of his vagueness. She wondered if he'd always been this vague or if she had just been too self-involved to notice. She nodded in understanding.
"Patience is a virtue."
"That it is, the right timing is everything. The key to the kingdom, as they say."
"And what kingdom are you trying to gain access to?"
"What makes you think I haven't already gained access?"
His reply grounded her. It suddenly occurred to her that she truly hadn't been listening to him. What she heard brought a fear to light that she didn't realize she had been ignoring since John had first started to ask questions. She wondered what he would say if she told him now, what she had been doing up until a a couple of months ago. Would he be furious, or would she get that cold, calm, front with raging storms behind his eyes? He was different from the last time she saw him, but she shook her thoughts away when he asked her a question. "What?"
He smiled. "Tell me why you're so happy."
"I met someone." She looked into his eyes and saw the storm rise, but on the outside he smiled. She suddenly felt uneasy.
"Oh?" Taking a sip of his wine, he continued. "Well, who is he?"
"His name is Will Ingram, and he's the kindest, sweetest, man that I've ever met. He's a good man." She said, losing herself in the memory of the man she had just parted with a few hours ago. Her lips twitched upwards as she remembered his kisses, burning her skin as she tried to get away from him and get ready for the day, and the way he pulled her back into bed and kissed her gently, with care... yet there was passion and fire there too. Her skin absolutely glowed with it.
"You met monks on the mountains of Katmandu, those men devoted themselves to being good." He said.
Nadia frowned, "You know what I mean. He actually cares about people, he wants to help people... Selflessly."
"Selflessly?" The word dripped from his lips, almost like venom.
She felt that coldness wash over her and wondered when her happy news had turned into something she had to defend. "Yes, he's kind, different from anyone I've ever met."
Those words triggered a look from him that looked like an accusation of betrayal on her part. But then he smiled again, "How did you meet?"
"At the coffee shop where I work, he came in lost one day." Again, she lost herself in the memory of their first meeting.
"How serendipitous."
"I can hear the sarcasm in your voice." She rolled her eyes. "Charlie, I've never felt this way before."
"You're young, you'll feel it again, and again." He said dismissively.
She didn't even know when their food had arrived or when her favorite wine had been poured into her glass. She hadn't ordered, he had ordered for her; it was tradition, it was routine. She understood then, that he was taking offense to her having someone other than him to confide in.
John had watched her go into the restaurant, he'd listened with bated breath, and this was the moment he had been expecting; her realization of what she meant to Elias would be the catalyst to everything. He expected her to ask him directly but to his surprise, she did not. Instead, she replied in a tone as cold as his.
"I'm happy, Charlie and I thought you'd be happy for me, but that's okay."
Elias sighed, putting his fork down and wiping his mouth, "I just want you to be careful. No matter how knowing and worldly you think you are, you are still young and prone to making mistakes. That is what youth is Nadia, and sometimes those mistakes hurt, but being prepared for them is what makes the difference between falling apart and still standing."
Her hands dropped to her lap and she looked down at her plate of food. This was familiar, they'd been friends for a while now and she had always counted on this friendship. It was what got her through it all but now she was starting to see that this friendship had its bounds. She almost laughed at the irony; Charlie was the one who had helped her break out of the conventions of her traditional arranged marriage, yet here he was imposing those traditions on their friendship. It stung because she hadn't realized until then, that what she'd wanted for so long was someone to want her regardless of all her faults, someone who could love her despite everything. "So you're dooming this to fail even before it's had a chance to go anywhere."
"I'm not dooming it." He continue to eat. After chewing a few bites he simply replied. "I'm warning you. I'm preparing you for greatness."
She hadn't didn't look at him. While she had listened to him, her hands had clenched into fists. She unclenched them and stood slowly. "Thank you for your warning." With that, she stood, grabbed her bag, and walked out.
She didn't see the way his jaw clenched, or the way his eyes clouded over like a wild tempest that would threaten anything in it's way. But John did, he felt the man's anger, saw his feelings of neglect that shone in his eyes, and suddenly he felt scared for Nadia. But just as fast as those emotions flashed across Elias's face, they disappeared. This left John suddenly realizing the extent of love that the man felt for this girl. He was at the edge of a cliff, but he was still holding on; he was hoping for her to save him. John however, knew that Nadia was going to be the one to push him over, because he already knew what she and Elias didn't know. She was in love with Will Ingram.
TBC
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