Here's chapter 8, I'd like to thank my friends handy-for-the-bus and luvsdamovies for her help on this chapter. I'm also placing a trigger warning for this chapter as well. I'd like to thank all those who have reviewed so far, I love getting reviews.
"JOHN!" Anna's scream woke John and he scrambled out of bed, Anna was twisting the sheets as she fought off her nightmare. "JOHN! No! No! NO, STOP! JOHN!"
"Anna, I'm right here. Anna, it's alright."
Anna started sobbing as she woke from her nightmare. She lay in bed sobbing for what seemed like an eternity, John wanted nothing more then to hold her close but he had learned the hard way to make sure that Anna wanted to be held. Months before, right after he had found out about the attack, she'd had a nightmare and he had tried to gather her in his arms to comfort her. He received a stinging right hook for his efforts. When she'd calmed down, Anna had been horrified and told him that so soon after waking up she had thought she was being attacked again. So now he waited for Anna to reach out to him. She finally did, and she buried her face in his nightshirt as she continued to cry.
"I'm right here, I'm not going to let you get hurt." John spoke quietly, rubbing Anna's back in what he hoped was a calming manner. It was hard to tell what would calm her after a nightmare. Her sobs lessened though so he continued to murmur soothing words into her ear and rubbed her back.
It took longer than it normally did for Anna's sobs to dissolve into hiccups. "Do you want to talk about it?" John asked quietly.
"He was here, in our bed." A fresh wave of tears overtook Anna and clutched at her husband, as if letting go would bring the nightmare back. "And you were telling him to take what he needed, and he said he needed to teach me how to have some fun."
John could feel tears burning a trail down his cheeks as he listened to Anna. "Oh Anna," He could hear the horror in his voice. "I would never do that."
"And he was telling me that I was a naughty girl and I..." she had to stop for the tears, when she could speak again she continued. "...I needed to be taught a lesson." She took in a shuddering breath, "I liked it better when..." she stopped talking, it was nearly silent, the only sound was her sniffling.
"You liked it better when, what?" John asked. Anna shook her head, silently stubborn, but then she sighed and began to speak, her voice quiet.
"I used to like it when you called me naughty girl." One of her hands unclenched from his night shirt and she patted his chest haltingly. "That was your nickname for me. He ruined that." John was unsure what to say, but Anna kept talking. "Why was this nightmare worse?" Anna seemed to be on the verge of tears again and John quietly wiped her tears, unsure what else he could to do. "And just when I started to flirt with you again." Anna took in a breath, knowing John wouldn't like to hear her next words. "And just when I knew..." she trailed off, tears clogging her voice. She tried to steady her breath as she continued to clutch at John's night shirt.
"Just when you knew what?" John asked quietly.
Anna patted his chest, "I knew it John..." she halted. "But it was nice to have proof."
John was confused, proof of what?
"You've never left me without any doubts, even after I was-" She halted again, hiccuping. She let out a long sigh as she pressed her forehead against John's chest, gripping his night shirt tightly. She took in a few breathes to steady herself.
"Tonight, when we were deciding on Mr. Carson's name, it reminded me of before, when we were flirting..." She took in a breath, "it felt good, I felt attractive and not disgusting." She could hear John taking a breath in and she kept talking to keep him from interrupting her. "Ever since my attack, I haven't felt pretty. The bruises may be gone but I'm still marked. Flirting earlier made me feel normal, pretty again. I know you've always thought of me as pretty, John, even when I didn't feel like I was. After my attack when you didn't change the way you treat me, giving me presents and flowers and the little smiles you give me during the day." She took in another breath. "But it's different when I feel pretty. I haven't felt like that since before..."
"Oh my angel." John's voice was thick with emotion.
"And then I have this nightmare." Anna started to cry again. "I've never had a nightmare this bad."
John stroked Anna's hair, "nightmare's are always worse than real life, they show us our biggest fears." His voice dropped to a whisper. "But we always wake up. We always wake from our nightmares and realize that it was just a bad dream and we're at home, in our bed, and nothing can harm us here."
"But John, it did happen, it can't be undone. I can't wake up from what happened." Anna sniffed, trying to keep tears from falling. "I can't forget about it like I can a dream."
"Anna?" John's voice was quiet as he held her close.
"Yes John?" His heart broke as he heard her tears.
"It won't happen again. I promise, as long as I am alive, this won't happen to you again."
Anna let out a breath, laying her head on his chest. They didn't speak for a long time, they knew the other one was awake, John continued to caress Anna's long hair and Anna was gripping John's upper arm far too tightly to be asleep.
"My sweet?"
"Yes, John?"
"Would you like me to make you some warm tea, to help you sleep?"
"No." Anna's response was almost instant, and she shivered as she shifted closer to her husband. "Don't you dare leave me John."
"I'm right here Anna, I'll hold you as long as you need me to. I'm here, I'm not leaving."
"It feels that for every step forward I take, I'm pushed two steps back. That I'm not making any progress."
"You are making progress." John told her, "I'm holding you close, you're clutching at me. This wouldn't have happened even a month ago. You've reached for me for comfort after nightmares. Yes you have them, and it's horrible but you've reached for me after them." His voice lowered, "Earlier, we shared a naughty joke." Anna shuddered but even though it was dark, John could tell she was laughing quietly. "You've made progress Anna and one day, what happened will be nothing but a horrible memory." There was a long pause. "One day, there will be more happy memories then sad." There was silence between them again.
"John?"
"Yes?"
"Do you think that we'll ever be back to the way things were, before?"
"Yes."
"On valentines day, when we kept sneaking kisses and looks and..." Anna sniffed, tears coming back. "and by the time we got back home, we couldn't keep our hands off of one another and..." she trailed off.
"Yes."
"Really?"
"Yes, I do. It'll take time, but we can get back to the way we were before."
"I wouldn't blame you." Anna sounded very alone.
"You wouldn't blame me for what?" John asked, trying to figure out what Anna meant.
"If..." What Anna was trying to say was clearly difficult for her. "Men have needs. I told you once, it's not illegal to have a mistress."
John certainly hadn't been expected her to say that. He was silent for a few moments, when he finally spoke it sounded like he was holding back tears. "Anna May Bates, I don't know what brought that thought on but you get it out of your head. I will never get a mistress, ever! Your comfort and healing are more important than any selfish physical desires."
"But John..."
"But nothing Anna." He interrupted her. "For the rest of my life, you are the only one I will ever need to satisfy my needs." He stroked her hair. "I didn't marry you so I could use you to satisfy my needs, I married you so I could satisfy yours. I'm not going to push you. If you don't come to me, then I do without."
"But..." John placed a finger on Anna's lips, stopping her from continuing to speak. She yawned as he spoke.
"But nothing. I will keep telling you this until you understand, but you are more important then I am. Always."
Anna brought up a hand to wipe her tears, but John caught her hand and wiped her tears himself. "Anything you want, anything at all, all you need to do is ask and I will do my utmost to fulfill your wish."
Anna yawned again and shifted, getting comfortable so she could fall back asleep. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
"Do you know what time it is?"
John reached behind him and took his pocket watch from his night table. He could barely read it in the light of the moon. "Close to three in the morning." He told her.
"We can get a couple more hours of sleep before we go into work." Anna said, yawning again.
"Lie here and sleep, my love," John whispered. "I'll keep you safe."
Anna didn't respond, she was already asleep.
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