Ok, this is strange... I had to rely on the anime and manga calendar to make sure this chapter is based on the right dates! Uh...yeah, right, here I'll use the anime dates. But, the chap is only based in the anime, all right? I plan to do something different, but I just need the right dates to make an overall plan...Also th-
...Uh, forgive me my mumbling and please read the chap!
The beginning
Matt POV
November 5, 2007
Oh, sometimes life chose to be good with me...This time I was more that lucky, much more than happy! I had Mello! I had Mello, he loved me and I loved him and-
'Ahh, I'm in love!' my thoughts screamed as I was hoping over the steps of the short stairs to my room. To our room. The chocolate bar in my hand was shining a bright red color due to the sun that was reflecting on the shiny wrapper. I stood one moment by a short window to smile at the setting sun. A feeling of euphoria was running through my veins and I was feeling like I could bring the world down with one word. I laughed despite my thoughts and continued my hoping till my steps brought me to my door.
I momentarily closed my eyes to imagine Mello inside the small, bright room. He'd be sitting like when he had nothing to do, in the middle of my bed with his black dressed legs crossed. The sun would be lending his hair a strange orange color, just like when I looked at him through the tinted orange lenses of my goggles. I smiled again and got to open the door-
When I noticed it was already open. I frowned. 'I'm sure I had closed it...'. I ignored a slight feeling of danger in the back of my head and pushed the door completely open. I stepped inside and it took me more than usual to see that Mello wasn't in.
"Mels?" I called, light fear pinching my heart as I opened the bathroom door to find it empty. "Mello? Where are you?" I called again a little louder and knelt on the floor to search for Mels under the bed. He used to hid himself in dark places and push me to go find him, it was our game. But I could easily find him, his bright blond hair wasn't something to be blended anywhere.
"Mello, stop this game, it's no fun!" I shouted and my voice echoed all around the empty room. "Mello!"
I stood up shaking and exited the room in a hurry. 'Where are you Mello?'. My thoughts raced with me as we headed to Roger's office. If he wasn't there I wouldn't find him. 'Calm down, damn it! Roger might want to tell him something. Yes, twice in the same day...Logical'. Oh, no, I couldn't afford to panic now. I had to find Mello!
"Roger! Where is Mello?" I yelled entering the room, scaring Roger out of his guts. Right, no panic…
"You mean he's not in your room?" Roger asked in total surprise and I felt a heavy iron hand groping my heart.
"No, he's not. He sent me to take some chocolate and when I came back he wasn't there!" I screamed and felt some tears warning my eyes that they wanted out.
"Oh, no..." Roger sighed and hid his face in his palm.
"What do you mean 'oh,no'?" I yelled, completely out of control. My head was spinning and my heart was pounding in my chest. "What the Hell is going on here? Where is Mello?' I asked again and I desperately tried to keep my voice down.
"I'm afraid...Mello isn't here anymore..." Roger muttered and looked at me with the sadness being written all over his wrinkled face.
"What do you mean? What do you mean he's not here?" I shouted and grabbed his desk to support myself. My knees suddenly felt week like jell.
"I'm afraid he left, as he warned me..." Roger whispered and closed his eyes.
'No..No...No...Mello, no, please tell me it's not true...Please..' I begged in my head and my tears finally had find their way out.
"He-he had warned you? He told you he'd leave?"I gasped. 'Without me?' I wanted to add, but I couldn't find my words anymore.
"He had...He decided to leave Wammy House after he gave his place as L to Near.." Roger informed me and stood up, coming closer to me.
"..To Near.." I mumbled. So...he head willingly given up the chances to become the next L. And he warned Roger he was leaving Wammy's. Roger, of all people!
"Mello is a strong kid...I didn't want to let him go, but I couldn't push him to stay either." Roger excused himself, but I wasn't listening.
'He came out there...alone...and left me behind...' My world was crushing down, everything I knew turned out to be fake. 'He left me alone!' Why, Mello?
"-nd...Matt?" I felt Roger's hand on my shoulder but didn't move. "Matt, are you ok?" the man asked again, but I didn't bother to answer. It didn't matter to me. "Matt, are you here?".
Here. 'Here' where? Where is that so called 'here'? 'Here', in the office, Roger was shouting at my collapsed body, curled up on the floor, shivering. 'Here' in my heart it was raining. A heavy, toxic downpour that left my whole body dry and cracked like the dessert's dirt. Each droplet was leaving behind a bitter taste, a lingering feeling like I had bite lotus. The fruit of oblivion...
There was a myth I knew about this fruit...When Odysseus arrived in the land of lotus-eaters, his friend wandered away from the rest of the crew to see what kind of people leaved in that land. But the hours passed and they hadn't come back, so Odysseus went to find them. When he did, he saw them sitting underneath an exotic tree, eating this fruit, lotus. They had forgotten everything about their homes, their siblings, their countries...
Mello had once told me the taste of this fruit was told to be sweet. "But it's bitter, believe me! Don't try it, ok?" he had told me, and had smiled brightly.
'It hurts..' I thought as my mind showed me his image. Every detail was register in my memory, painfully clear.
Even more clear was that taste in my mouth. It said 'betrayal'. Mello must have eaten lotus before that last kiss of ours.
The kiss...That hurt most, leaving small bites all over my body, inside and outside. Tweaking in my head, tweaking on my legs, on the back of my hands...I was a tweak myself. 'Do tweaks hurt?' I wondered and tired to open my eyes, but they eyelids were glued together. 'Oh, great...'
"Matt? Matt, can you hear me? If you hear me, press my hand." a voice told me somewhere inside my head. It was echoing all over like in a cave and I couldn't tell where it was coming from. That annoyed me.
"C'm on Matt, you've got to wake up.". That voice again...Couldn't they just let me rest? It was warm there, whenever that 'there' was, and it was comfy. No hurt in my already sore heart, nothing but this tweaking sensation on the back of my hand that had turned a little too uncomfortable now.
"Hey, Matt...Uhm, you ok buddy?" Another voice...Just how many of them were around me?
"So why isn't he waking up?"The same voice asked this time. I knew that voice, right? 'Cor?'
"It'll take some minutes for him to wake up fully, we was unconscious don't you forget...". Wait a minute...I knew this voice too! 'Roger!' My eyelids flattered a little and my hand jerked. Somebody or something was holding it back.
"Ah, here he comes! Matt, can you hear me now?" Roger asked a little too loud and I felt a hand on my forehead. 'Damn well, stop shouting in my ears!' I wanted to yell, but couldn't find my mouth in the mass of bones and muscles that was my body.
"It's ok if you can't speak. Just try to open your eyes, ok?" 'Yeah, thanks for telling me..'
Oh, crap, the light was too much for my eyes! Where the Hell were my goggles? Not only this, but everything was blurry as if I had been crying and hadn't wiped the tears from my eyes!
"That's right.." Cor encouraged me. I mentally rolled my eyes and tried to lift my arm to cover my eyes. It felt limb and weak. Well, more than usual, that is. I never was the one to be practicing...
"Crap" I croaked, happy to find I still could speak.
"Oh yeah, he's fine..." Cor giggled and sat up on...my bed? 'So...it seems they brought me here again...But wait what happened back there?"
"Did I pass out?" I asked and supported my body. I felt dizzy and that pissed me more.
"Well...sort of..." Roger muttered and pressed me back on the bed. "You should rest, Matt. Cor wanted to stay here, if it's no problem to you of course..."
"Never mind..." I mumbled and closed my eyes again. The word was spinning mercilessly before my eyes, giving me a sickening sensation. The sound of the closing door only made my head heavier, and for a moment I thought Cor had gone too and I could rest. But, no, I wouldn't have it...
"You know, Matt, it's better this way." Cor said blankly and my eyes snapped open. He was staring at the floor with a pout on his lips.
"What'd you mean?" Oh, I know what he meant. I just wanted to test how bastard-y he could get on me.
"That Mello left. I never liked him, anyway." he stated and crossed his arms on his chest.
"I don't remember asking you." I whispered. My voice was so...cold. Even to my ears it seemed to be so...Mello..."I did."
Cor looked at me with a puzzled expression on his face. "Woa, man, chill out!" he laughed awkwardly. Could he tell why I was so pissed? I don't think so.
"I mean" he tried again "it's going to be better for you now he's gone! You were so stuck on him, like a lapdog or something!" and he laughed again.
Lapdog...That made it. I needed no other excuse to throw him out of the bedroom. What did he know anyway? What friendship was to him? Nothing. What love was to him? Nothing. I doubted if he even knew the words.
'Then again, neither Mello do...' I thought and something stabbed me in the open wound on my chest. 'Not now, I shouldn't think of it now...'
"Matt? Are you feeling ok?" Cor asked and leaned closer to me to look at my face. His hand touched mine and I felt disguise building up in me. I wanted to throw up...
"Get out." I muttered through clenched teeth.
"What?" He seemed startled.
"I said get out! Get the hell out of here!" I yelled and my voice was hard and hoarse. It made Cor throw himself on the floor and crawl towards the door. His eyes fell accusingly on me, even hurt. But I knew it wouldn't last for long. Cor was never the sentimental guy, if I knew him.
"Get lost.." I whispered again and I heard the door open and then close loudly.
And I was alone. For the first time in so many years I was alone for real.
...
It was like my first time in Wammy's, some years ago. I was alone again, in the room I was so used to be with Mello, with my Game Boy opened all day, with my goggles covering my eyes again. I was sleeping in my bed, staring at the bed in the opposite side of the room like when I prayed for someone to come in and say : "I'm the one who'll be sharing the room with you now, is that ok?". But that was many years ago...
I was used to eating alone when I was younger, but when I tried to sit among the other kids in the Hall and have a meal I felt too uneasy. They were staring at me without hiding their curiosity, that flame burning in their eyes, the desire to know what had happened, where was Mello, why was he gone... That flame was burning me all day, every day...And every night.
Oh, the night...I whisked night never came. I was entering the room and imagining Mello sitting in his crossed-leg position on my bed, waiting for me to come in and chit-chat for awhile, before he started doing his homework. I would always sit on the other empty bed and watch him study, always playing some game. And, after some silent, peaceful hours, he would yawn and stretch his long legs, close his book and turn his shiny eyes to me with a smile. He would say something like "Sheesh, I 'm hungry..." or "Hell, what a day!" or his more usual "Matt...let's go to sleep already.". Because he knew I would wait for him to close his books and turn off the lights to sleep.
I would always wait for him, anyway...To wake up, to get out of the bathroom for me to enter, to go to the classroom, to eat, to sleep... Mello was the leader, me the follower. But it had always been like that and, despite what all seemed to think, Mello and I knew that I wasn't some lapdog, and he was not my master. We were just best friends.
He would wait for me too, but it wasn't that obvious. He would give me room to have my life, he would let me adjust to his behavior. Mello would never press me on a matter. It was his unique way to give me time, to wait for me... That had made us equals...
But now he was gone.
...
And so days passed, very slowly for my liking, but they passed...
I tried to forget, I really did. I made it so nobody knew I was caring so much, that I was so concerned about Mello out there. After a month or two I plastered a huge grin in my lips and I forced it to stay there. I wanted nobody to know how it hurt to be away from Mello...I had to pretend, and so I did... But I just couldn't forget.
And my calendar that had turned to zero the day Mello left was now counting from the beginning, like it was the end of a life and the beginning of another one. But instead of filling every day with something new, like a newborn would do, I was living reversed : Each day seemed to subtract something, leaving me a little more empty...
Everything ended the day L died: November 5, 2007. That's when my new life begun...
...
November 5, 2009
I closed the door as forcefully as I could and locked it behind my back. "Get the Hell away, damn it!" I yelled and kicked the wood. A frightened shriek was heard from the other side and I couldn't hold back a hiss of annoyance, despite my anger.
"Matt, please, reconcid-"
"No. Fucking. Way!" I screamed my voice building higher in every word.
"But it's a good oportunit-"
"Shut up, damn it!" I yelled and another kick found the door. The poor, old wood shrieked and for a moment I thought it'd decompose in frond of my eyes.
A drown silence was building my tension, and I heard a sigh. I closed my eyes and slipped against the floor till I was sitting on the cool floor. Now what..?
"I know you're hurt, Matt. I really do, but you have to do this if you want to help Near." the voice whispered.
"You don't know shit, Roger...Just go away already and le me the fuck alone." I mumbled and cradled my face in my palms. I really should have to watch my tongue when speaking to elders, but this...this was too much even for me.
-flashback-
"You got to be kidding me, right?" I muttered and my eyes flattered from Roger who was sitting behind his old wooden desk and the small bowed, white-dressed figure on he floor, some meters away from me. "C'mon, tell me you're joking'!" I said again and I heard something high pinched in my voice. Panic, maybe?
"No, Matt..This time it's very serious, actually.". His words pinned me in the carpet-dressed floor and I couldn't move my legs.
Serious?
"You know that from the day L died, two years now, we are trying to keep up with the Kira case. But L was unique. We don't know what he was thinking while being the head of the investigation, so we don't know how to act. Near..." he glared t the figure on the floor "Near might be great, the best we have, but he alone can't act as L.".
There was a dramatic pose here, maybe to make me take a breath and understand the sever problem we were facing this time.
"If we want to win this case and capture Kira, we have to combine all we possess. This was my plan from the start, before Mello left. I wanted him and Near working together, you see." Something twitched in my chest when Roger referred Mello's name, but I chose to ignore it.
"Yes, I see..." I mumbled.
"So...this is still my plan. As long as you are the closest person to be compared to Mello in Wammy's, you're number two now. So.." Another pose. This time I had to breathe 'cause my lungs were dried and empty.
"So?" I repeated, though I knew what was coming. Roger was right, I was clever enough to be number two here, but even someone much less clever than me would have guessed.
"So...Matt, can you and Near work together to solve the Kira case?" asked Roger, agonizing slowly, as if to make sure I would understand the meaning of this. The importance...
I knew it was the right thing to say 'yes' and shake hands with Near, my soon-to-be-partnered, as Roger wanted. But I knew, on the other hand, that I would never follow Near. It wasn't that being-second thing of which Mello left, 'cause I was sure I could be second to anyone. Being second isn't bad...
The thing was I would follow only one person, and that one person was gone.
"No" I simply said and quickly run off the office, with Roger following as quickly his old legs could take him.
What followed after that was more a continuous rambling than a talk. Too much swearing for Roger's liking, you see...
-End of flashback-
"...Is this your last word, Matt?" Roger asked, pressed by this uncomfortable silence.
"Yes. Go now." I ...ordered? Wow, I was being human again, huh? Too much human...
'So...now what, oh great Matt? What are you going to do? You surely can't just stay here and be ordered to follow Near. Hmmm...' I closed my eyes and rested my head against the wooden door. 'Roger won't stop trying. He must be thinking I'm too hurt now to understand and that I will change my mind after a day or two...' I smirked despite my thoughts. Of course I wasn't going to change my mind. In spite of Roger's thoughts, I was very sure why I didn't want to follow Near, or even work with him...
"So...So...I just leave?". This wasn't made to come out like a question, really. I wanted to hear myself being steady and sure for once, but...I wasn't that type of guy. And I didn't have where to go! What would I do?
'Agh, so many questions, damn it!'. I got up and grabbed my Game Boy, but I didn't want to play right now. 'Mother...what should I do now?' I thought and hoped my mother could answer. She would have the best solution for me...
"But I can't rely on you now, can I?" I muttered and sat on Mello's bed, caressing the sheets with my hand.
'Mello had a good reason for leaving, though I can't give him credits yet... But he knew what he was doing, even when he was lying to me...'. Hell, it hurt to think this way and forget the whole thing from the pained point of view of someone who had been left behind. My point of view...
"Mello...". Now it was time to think of him, right? Now nobody could see me, I could let myself loose and shed some held back tears without being jaded...
'Damn it, Mello...'. My muffled sobs echoed in the room as I tried to hold them back again. I fell flat on his bed, seeking for some comfort from the sheets he used to cocoon himself with. But the memories of him only pained me more...
'C'mon Matt! Get yourself together! You must leave now you can! Get up!' I mentally ordered myself and finally got up with a pair of shaking legs to rely on. I grabbed a small back underneath my bed and shoved a pair of jeans and a T-shirt inside, some spare batteries and...My last look of the room. I locked the image of it in my mind and gently pulled up the zipper of my bag. I slipped my Game Boy in my right pocket and adjusted my goggles on my eyes.
"Good-bye..." I whispered and turned my back to my room with a determined look. I opened the door and quickly passed the Hall, the main door that led to the garden. The tall black gate wasn't much for me, and I was soon outside my home. Yes, my home...Wammy's had been my home for so long I didn't even remember calling 'home' any other place apart from that building I was ready to leave forever...
"But all good things come to an end..." I mumbled and closed the gate with a gentle push.
The sun was high on the sky, a bright orange tinted circle behind my lenses. I felt his caress on my skin and smiled. And then an idea stuck my mind.
'And what if I find Mello...? We would start the Kira investigation all over again, we would be together again...Together!'. The image of Mello and I being together after so much time made my heart beat faster that usual, and a twist of my lips made me realize I was grinning again like a cat. But something cut my illusion midway.
'No. He was lying when he told me he wanted to be with me anyway... He wouldn't have left if he really cared about me, right? Or, at least, he would have asked me to go with him! I would have ad he knew, so...the only logical thing was that he didn't want to be with me...'
Something wet-a tear- rolled down my cheek and I reached the back of my hand to wipe it away. Soon another one followed, and I found myself crying again. Only one thought was spread all over my mind, the one I had so hard tried to keep in the back of my mind : he didn't want me, he was just playing with me back there...
"But what's done is done. I can't change the past, just fight for the future." And fighting was what I was going to do.
'Let's see...If I want to start my own investigation on the Kira case, I must bee somewhere close to all kind of information... Though Winchester isn't a nice place to start, I can't leave yet though. I have no money...Hmmm...'
I had to work. But where? I was only seventeen years old, I needed somewhere to stay, something to eat and money to buy both the accommodation and food.
On the other hand, I was a genius. I grinned at that thought. I could do whatever I wanted with the mind I possessed. Anything.
...
A month later.
'All right, when I was thinking of a job, I certainly didn't have that in mind...'
"Spacing out again, are we?" I heard a happy voice and rolled my eyes, then turned to face a girl round my age.
"What's wrong with spacing out anyway?" I asked back and the raven heard girl snorted.
"Holds ya back from working, brat." she said with another smile and this time I couldn't hold back mine.
"Yeah, right..." I muttered and bowed my head to smile at a little kitten. It could barely fit in my palm and it's eyes were slited.
"You like this one, huh?"
"It reminds me myself..." I muttered again and dragged my finger along the small back of the kitten.
"Josh...You never told me why you're here in the first place."
Yeah right, another alias. It was obligatory to have one now. Winchester wasn't that far for Roget to find out that a red hair boy was working to a pet shop, really. Though he would have to travel for six days non stop to get here, and one more to discover the small pet shop I was working at.
No, not far away enough...
"I need the money, Chris, I've told you." I sighed. She had asked me so many times the first week I entered the pet shop. Truth be told, even the owner was afraid to let me work there because I was so young. Chris didn't count; she was the owner's doughter.
"I mean the real reason why you're here. I'm not dump, Josh; I know you could have chosen another job. You're the cleverest boy I've ever met." she concluded.
"Whatever..." I hissed. "Let's just say I really need the money." I said and ended the talk there.
Yes, I didn't have that in mind when I was thinking of a job. But it was the only thing I could do, the only thing available, let alone legal, for my age. The money wasn't that good, but with another two months I would have the money needed for a ticket to Japan. That's all I needed.
Ah, Japan...I was sure I would find something there, a good point to start my investigation with. I just had to be patient.
"What are you thinkin' again, brat?" Chris hissed and I clenched my fists in order not to punch her.
Patience? Patience? Good God, I'd be lucky if I left that place without killing her!
Oh, do you think the ending's good? I hope it's not soooo crappy...
Yes, another chap is over and ...well, I think I should have made it a little bigger, but...
Drop it. I have the plot in my mind, but I need time to make it real. I don't have time, the thing is. So, please, I'll ask you one more time to forgive me if you don't see any chapter for a long time (or, on the other hand, you see one very-very soon!).
Disclaimer : I don't own Death Note, Manga or Anime.
Till my next chapter
xxx
