A/N: This is it, guys! Final chapter! Thank you for taking this journey with me!


Things did not stay perfect. They had a few weeks of it, though. Dave would come home for weekends and they would curl up together and drink each other in. Then, in the second week of February, Sebastian came to campus for the weekend instead. They were pointedly avoiding Valentine's day, since neither of them was the romantic type, so they'd made their plans for the week before. It was a disaster from the start.

Dave had gotten used to Joey. He did try to tone down the slurs when Dave was around, but it was a bad habit he'd yet to fully break. He was supposed to be heading home for the weekend, but he was still packing when Sebastian showed up.

"Yo! You must be the boyfriend! Hot choice, Dave my man! No homo." He added, as an afterthought in Sebastian's general direction. And it all went downhill from there.

"Excuse me?"

Joey waved in Sebastian's general direction. "You know. 'No Homo'. You're hot and all, but not in, like, a gay way." He glanced up towards Dave, actually paying attention to the conversation for once. "Shit, is that one of those things I'm not supposed to say? Sorry."

Before Dave could answer, Sebastian started in again. "And what, exactly, is wrong with 'like, a gay way?'"

"Nothing! It's just that I ain't. So I just-"

"Just thought you'd make sure I didn't get the wrong idea and start creeping on you?"

"Man, that's not what I-"

"Sebastian, he said sorry, let's just let it go." Dave knew Sebastian had a problem with the way Joey spoke, but they'd talked about it before, and he'd seemed to understand no harm was meant. Joey really was a thousand times better than he'd been back in the beginning of the first semester.

Sebastian seemed to bristle even further at Dave's words, straightening himself up with a cold, cocky expression that gave Dave high school flashbacks. "How do you put up with this all the time, Dave? Do you just let him talk to you like that?"

Joey looked from Dave to Sebastian, and then hastily shoved his pillow into his bag. "You know what, Dave, I'm just gonna head out. Call me when your girlfriend's off the-" He paused, face screwing up into a guilty expression. "Shit, not supposed to say that either. Sorry, dude, but I'm still out."

"You-" Dave slammed a hand over Sebastian's mouth before he could dig the hole deeper, and Joey took that as his cue to leave. He was just in time, too, since Sebastian bit Dave.

"Ow! What the hell, Sebastian?" Dave shook his hand, wincing at the sting.

"Don't ever do that again." Sebastian growled. "Jesus Christ, Dave, I was just trying to defend you."

"Defend me from what? Joey is an idiot, but he's not malicious, and in case you didn't notice, he apologized."

Sebastian glared at the floor for a long moment, a moment in which Dave almost wanted to apologize himself, even though he'd done nothing wrong. Then he seemed to soften, hunching in on himself. "Whatever. Never mind. Let's just not worry about it. What's the plan this weekend?"

The first part of the plan was to shuffle past the awkwardness. With the heavy silence in the air, it was unlikely either of them would have a great weekend, but Dave was not a man of words. He didn't know what to say to bring things back to the way they were supposed to be, so he reached for Sebastian, pulled him back onto the creaky dorm mattress, and tried to use his actions to fix things instead.

The night was quiet, with the nothing but the sound of breathing and the noises of intimacy, noises that Dave had long since memorized. In the morning, he still felt weird, though, and Sebastian still wore a long, withdrawn expression. It made Dave's skin crawl. He barely smiled during breakfast, and he wouldn't meet Dave's eyes. Whatever was wrong, it refused to be fixed with affection and intimacy.

He wasn't going to give up yet, though. Sebastian had never before had trouble speaking his mind, he would tell Dave when he was ready, surely, but Dave would do his best to keep him occupied until then. He dragged Sebastian all across campus, showing him his favorite places to study, the things in the cafeteria that didn't make your stomach twist into knots, and even a little secluded place in the library where he kissed Sebastian until he thought he would stop breathing. Sebastian was quiet. The whole thing was making Dave desperate.

Dave's favorite club only met on alternating Saturdays, but today was one of them. He'd hoped that it would cheer Sebastian up, but it only seemed to make him creep further from his strange stillness into anger. When one of Dave's gym friend's showed up and high fived him, Sebastian nearly crawled into his skin in his attempt to sit closer, and when Harry, who was a near perfect replica of Kurt Hummel, started to talk about an issue he'd had on campus, Sebastian outright snickered at the slight lisp to his voice. It was a soft sound, not so loud as to reach Harry's ears, but Mary three seats over shot Dave a startled, offended look, and he flushed and reached down to give Sebastian's hand a warning squeeze. Sebastian let him keep his hand, but turned, met his gaze, and rolled his eyes.

It had been a long time since Sebastian was cruel. He was still sarcastic, still snarky and just a bit stuck up, but he was no longer cruel. He was more likely to laugh with you than at you, though he still didn't let a moment of stupidity slide, and Dave no longer had to worry that someone would try to slip arsenic into Sebastian's drink.

Likewise, it had been a long time since Dave saw red. He was too busy these days. Dealing with anxiety and school and love all took up too much of his time for him to take a moment to be angry.

They must have been overdue.


After the meeting ended, Dave didn't stick along to chat. He hurried towards his dorm, Sebastian following along with a pinched expression. For one awful moment, Dave found himself thinking he looked like a weasel. It was not the kind of thing he was used to thinking about his boyfriend, and the fact that he didn't feel as guilty as he probably should have was unsettling.

Alone in his dorm room, the rage simmered under Dave's reddened cheeks. Sebastian pretended not to notice, though he was shooting Dave suspicious looks from the corner of his eyes. "Jesus, you do that every week? Do you enjoy slow suffering?" Sebastian pronounced the 'S' sound with a thicker lisp than Harry actually had, drawing out the noise until Dave wanted to punch him. That, at least, got the guilt he'd expected, though it didn't soothe his irritation.

"And those jock types are all over you," Sebastian continued, waving his arms in a vague gesture that Dave didn't fully get. "Like they want to pin you down and suck your muscle out through your dick. I can't tell if they're jealous or horny."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Sebastian at least had the good sense to look startled, if not actually ashamed. He bristled a bit, drawing up to his full height, but while he may have been taller, it was barely, and Dave was broader. Sebastian's full height wasn't enough to intimidate him.

"What the fuck is wrong with me? Are you fucking serious right now? Your roommate is an insensitive homophobe, which you allow-"

"It's not like I control-"

"And of course, you've been off gallivanting with a bunch of walking six-packs-"

"Wait, what?"

"And not once did you think to mention to me about Mr. 'Roids and you two bulking out at the campus gym-"

Dave stared at him, completely baffled. "Wait, are you seriously accusing me of cheating right now? Me?" He had known Sebastian long enough now that he recognized the tiny flash of shame that came over his face, but Sebastian quickly shoved that back down in favor of a stormy expression.

"Oh, don't act like you're above it all. Helmet Hair did it, and it's amazing he could even pull his head out of Hummel's ass long enough to find someone. I wouldn't be surprised."

It should have fed the anger, but all Dave felt was hurt. In another life, he might have spat out a line about how Sebastian was more likely to stray, but the David Karofsky who bullied and fought and hurt no longer existed. In his place was just Dave. Just a teenage boy who was desperately, hopelessly in love, and lost. "Wow." That was all he could manage to say. Just that one word, filling the empty room, and Sebastian looked furious.

"Wow? Is that all you can say? Come on, David, I know you know bigger words than that."

It struck him, finally, exactly what was happening. Sebastian wanted him angry, he wanted him to pick a fight, and Dave wasn't sure why, but he wasn't going to give him one. He was better than that. They both were. He dropped onto the bed, hands relaxed in his lap, tension slowly ebbing from his shoulders, and just stared at his boyfriend. "What's this about?"

There was a challenge in Sebastian's eyes, but he looked wary. He was starting to pick up on the fact that Dave wasn't going to rise to his bait. "This is about you and your loser harem-"

"Sebastian."

Sebastian's face dropped. The wind rushed from his sales as he seemed to shrink. Sebastian could rant for hours, given the right prodding, but without it he looked just as lost as Dave felt.

"Sebastian, what's this really about?"

"I got into NYU."

Dave's heart stopped. Had they talked about this? Had they ever even mentioned college to each other? He knew, in the abstract sense, that Sebastian would be graduating soon, but he'd pushed what that meant into the back of his mind. He'd just assumed that Sebastian would go to school nearby, that things would continue as they were. Maybe he would even go to OSU, and they could room together. That was what he'd thought, when he'd bothered to think about it at all. Mostly, he'd pretended it wasn't happening, because deep down he knew Sebastian would never stick around in Ohio.

"NYU."

That tiny flash of guilt from earlier grew, spread across Sebastian's face until his whole being just looked exhausted. "It was my first choice. I've always wanted to get out, Dave, you knew that."

He had, but he hadn't realized at the time exactly what that meant. And maybe he could have handled it, but Sebastian had never once told him about NYU.

"You're here, with all these gorgeous guys, and I'm going to be in New York." Sebastian continued. "You can't tell me you won't be tempted. Because apparently, anyone can get bored."

"Why didn't you tell me you applied?"

"I didn't think I'd get accepted." Sebastian had dropped his gaze, and was refusing to meet his eyes. With a start, Dave realized that he was lying. It left a sour taste in his mouth, and he swallowed heavily before he spoke.

"Did you even look at schools around here?"

There was a long pause. Dave knew the answer already, but Sebastian said it anyway. "No. I only applied to schools in the city."

Slowly but surely, anger started to trickle back in. "And you didn't think maybe you should mention it to me?"

"You might have tried to stop me." Another lie, or at least Dave hoped it was.

"You're supposed to know me better than that." He accused, pushing off the bed to draw himself back up to his full height. He couldn't stand having Sebastian looking down on him, not now, not after this revelation. "You're supposed to know that I wouldn't hurt you like that." Sebastian flinched. It was clear to Dave that he knew he'd been caught again.

"I didn't want to hurt you." Sebastian finally admitted. Maybe it should have calmed him down, but really it just made everything worse.

"So what, you thought you'd come here and make me hate you and somehow that would hurt less?"

Sebastian looked up to meet his eyes again, a bit of the old fire rekindling. He'd wanted a fight, and now he had one. He'd officially cut too deep, and Dave could no longer stop himself. "Maybe I'm just tired of not saying what I'm feeling."

"There's a difference between saying what you feel and being a dick."

Sebastian barked out a laugh, throwing his arms wide. "Oh, look at the pot calling the kettle black. You're a walking bundle of anger issues, and the only reason you haven't snapped recently is that I've been keeping you distracted. You'll jump at any chance to throw a fit."

"Are you kidding me? I have been so calm with you it's not even funny. I didn't call you out in front of everyone, did I? That's not me, not anymore. It hasn't been since..." Since Sebastian had walked into the hospital room with a fistful of stolen flowers. Maybe before that, he'd stopped being a bully, but it was that day when he realized that reacting so quickly to everything had never done him any favors.

"Maybe I'm just tired." Sebastian finally said, after a long pause where he seemed to struggle with the words in his mouth. "Maybe I'm sick of seeing you twice a month while you're here spending time with homophobes and Hummel clones. Maybe I'm sick of waiting around. Maybe I just want my life to start."

Sebastian didn't say it, but the words hung heavily in the air until Dave clarified for him. "Without me."

Sebastian looked at him, raw and aching, and when he spoke, even Dave could tell he didn't mean it, but he said it anyway. "We both knew I wasn't made for this. We just clung to it because it felt safe." He was lying through his teeth. Dave was self-conscious and a bit dense sometimes, but he knew Sebastian and he knew that none of what he was saying was true. But he was willing to say it anyway, and somehow, that was worse.

"Then maybe you should leave." It killed him to say. It cracked Dave's heart right in two. It was the only thing he could say, though. Sebastian was willing to lie to Dave's face and say horrible, hurtful things about their relationship, all because he couldn't handle their impending separation. Dave was an expert at self-destruction. If that was what Sebastian wanted, he wasn't going to help him.

They looked at each other. Time stretched out, hours and hours in that one moment where their eyes met.

And then Sebastian grabbed his bag, and left.


Dave spent two weeks on autopilot. The first day that passed without a word from Sebastian, he spent curled in bed, moping. He could think of a thousand ways he should have fixed things, but he was well-trained by his therapist not to dwell on the past. So, though heavyhearted, on the second day, he forced himself out of bed. If he could just keep moving, keep doing his homework, keep studying, keep working out, he didn't have to think about it. Sebastian had never explicitly said that they were over, but he also hadn't called. Refusing to think about it was probably not the healthiest way to handle his first break up, but it was better than dwelling.

He allowed himself one moment of weakness: on the ninth day, he texted Sebastian. I still love you. If Sebastian did something about it, great. But Dave was not going to sit around making himself miserable and waiting for text messages that weren't coming. Instead, he went to his therapist, and then to the gym.

He'd never realized how much of his life was taken up by Sebastian. By talking to him, by texting him, by thinking about him. Dreams were the worst. He couldn't control or ignore dreams. They came unbidden, with flashes of Sebastian's creamy skin and the freckles that dotted his shoulders, or of the way he laughed at bad movies and let Dave win at Halo when he was feeling affectionate. Dave couldn't escape Sebastian when he slept, and as the days counted down, it crept into his waking life, along with the anxiety that wriggled under his flesh every time he checked the calendar.

On Thursday, February 21st, 2013, Dave didn't go to class. His therapist, had she known, might have called it a 'slip' (Or not, he could never predict her), but Dave thought that he'd done well enough to earn the break. He'd been fighting his anxiety and working though his problems all year. Today, he wanted to collapse. Normally, he was doing well, but looking at the calendar just made him think of the way the belt had tightened around his neck, and he'd been so afraid and so relaxed.

It wasn't like the thoughts didn't get to him on a normal day. From time to time, they crept back in. He didn't wear belts anymore, for starters, though he could at least go into his closet again without melting down. Sometimes, his skin felt tight and hot, like he was going to burst out of it if he didn't find a way to relieve the pressure. However, for the most part, he was doing fine. Today was just too much, on top of the fact that the only messages on his phone were sympathy texts from Kurt. He was miles away from his dad, with no contact from Sebastian, and no therapy appointment until March. He could do this, he could get through, but he would do it his way, progress be damned. He shooed Joey off to lunch without him and hid his face in his pillow. He hadn't even gotten dressed. He just wanted to curl up in his bed and not think about the way his breathing strained and stuttered but he felt so secure, because soon it was going to be over. He tried instead to think of the pain that came later whenever he spoke, the panic at the idea of actually dying.

Someone knocked on the door.

For a moment, Dave considered not answering, but then a second knock came, more insistent than the first. He hauled himself out of bed, rubbing at his tired eyes and pulling it open.

Sebastian looked like shit. His eyes were red and puffy, with heavy shadows, and he'd left his hair to flop around his forehead instead of styling it away from his face like usual. A fresh ketchup stain dotted his collar, as if he'd been eating in a hurry.

"I'm an asshole."

Somewhere in Dave's brain was a joke about 'Captain Obvious.' He wisely kept it to himself, instead silently gesturing for Sebastian to come in and shutting the door behind him.

"I'm an asshole." Sebastian repeated once they were alone. "I didn't want to tell you I was only applying to New York colleges because I knew if you got upset, even if you tried to hide it, I was going to break and apply to OSU. My mother would have been thrilled because she nets me free tuition, but I would have hated it, as much as I would have loved to see you every day. And then once I got in, I didn't know how to tell you. I was angry at myself, and a little angry at you-" Dave must have looked surprised, because Sebastian hurried to explain. "I knew it wasn't your fault, but I was angry at you for making me want to be here. It was really irrational. And I guess I thought if I made you made about stupid stuff, you'd either not be so mad about NYU, or you'd break up with me and then I wouldn't have to worry about you doing it while I was gone."

Sebastian paused for a moment, an embarrassed flush settling over his cheeks. "And I was jealous." He admitted, glancing away. "You have this entire life here. I think I got used to being the center of your universe over the summer, and I got here and you had all these friends and these attractive gay men fawning over you-" Dave bit back a laugh, because Sebastian's habit of melodrama and exaggeration would always be funny, "And I was going to be in New York, while you were here. Just like Kurt and Blaine."

That was less funny. He'd spent the past few weeks hurting, but it was still instinct to reach out and pull Sebastian into his arms. Sebastian went willingly, wrapping around him like he'd never left. "I would never do that to you." Dave promised.

"I know," Sebastian said, voice muffled by Dave's shoulder. "But I couldn't make myself believe it. And when you told me to leave, I figured it was better for you. I hated it, you have to believe me. I've spent every waking moment since I left kicking myself, but I was so sure I was doing the right thing. And then I saw the calendar, and all I could think was that I left you alone. I told you I loved you and then I abandoned you, and I remembered what day it was. I don't think I'll ever forget it." Sebastian pulled back, wiping at his eyes, which shone with a thick dampness Dave politely pretended he didn't see. Sebastian cleared his throat, meeting Dave's gaze, as if trying to project just how serious he was. "You should never be alone today. I don't care if we're fighting. I don't care if we're 50 years old, and divorced, and living in separate countries, and we hate each other. I'll fly in from Paris, and you won't be alone."

Neither Dave nor Sebastian liked to get emotional in front of people, although Dave tended to have less of a choice in the matter, thanks to the occasional panic. However, since Sebastian was tearing up again, Dave figured he wasn't likely to judge, and he let himself cry. He tugged Sebastian back to him, hating even the inch of distance between them. "You're an asshole." He agreed, choking on a laugh. From the way Sebastian's shoulders shook, he'd done the same. "You're an asshole, but I knew that from the start. I shouldn't have asked you to leave. Because I love you, as crazy as that seems sometimes, and I'm never going to make that mistake again."

"You can't just handcuff yourself to me." Sebastian pointed out, a trace of his usual sarcasm creeping in. "Well, you can, but only in the bedroom."

This time, Dave's laughter was real. It was amazing how normal things could feel again, just from a sly comment here or there. "There are trains. I'll come visit you every other weekend, just like now."

"It'll be more expensive."

"So's buying you chicken nuggets 8 times a week, I think we'll manage."

"You wouldn't have to, if you didn't suck so hard at video games."

Things were never going to be easy for Dave. They never had been. He would never be able to undo the things that had damaged him. He was never going to change his mom, or the strangers on the street. He would always be a little more aware of the way people looked at him, always be prone to that moment of second-guessing himself. He was never going to forget climbing onto a chair in his closet. There would be days when he would have to count cracks in the ceiling just to get himself breathing again, and that was never going to go away. But it was going to get better. He had people who loved him, and he knew now how to keep going. Things were going to be just fine.


A/N: So, realism was very important to me when writing this (I got a bit carried away. The day Dave goes to OSU? That was the actual move-in day in 2012). The last thing I wanted was to write another story where getting a boyfriend solves your depression. I really wanted to make it clear that Dave was getting better before Sebastian ever kissed him, through a combination of having a killer support system made up of friends and family, and good old fashioned therapy. That's also one of the reasons I had them break up for a little: It meant I got to show that yes, Dave was upset by their breakup, but he was capable now of coping mechanisms, and able to keep moving his life forward, instead of just collapsing.

At the same time, I didn't want to do what the show did and go 'He's all better now!' At the end of Breathing, Dave is doing so much better than he was during On My Way. But he'll carry that with him for the rest of his life, it's not something that will just vanish. But it's manageable. He has a good life ahead of him, and he can finally enjoy it.

I have depression. I have self-harm tendencies, and when I was a high school senior like Dave, (Funnily enough, the year before On My Way aired, making it very hard to watch), I had some really bad suicidal thoughts. I'm doing so much better now, and I relished the opportunity to show someone else going through the same thing. Thank you for reading!