Since you all know that this AU is basically Pearl Harbor rewritten (with certain changes) with Emma and Killian instead of Evelyn and Rafe, this is the part where Killian "dies". Before you give up on the story, bear in mind that Rafe comes back, and so will Killian, two chapters from this one. Enjoy, and thank you for reading! New chapter coming on Tuesday.


Weeks pass and Emma waits; she spends her life holding her breath, braced for bad news.

Killian's letters arrive consistently, and she hopes the same is true for hers; Emma reads them and rereads them countless of times, until she memorizes every word, but she still takes them out from time to time to caress the thin paper with her fingertips.

Mostly, he describes England for her, the way it looks from the sky and how cold it is despite the fact that it's almost summer. He tells her about a few friends he'd made, then stops talking about them all together and it's not too hard to put two and two together.

He tells her that he misses her more than anything else in the world, and she wishes she could be there with him, even if it's dangerous; she just wants to be where he is.

Since they are still incredibly idle at work, most of the nurses get the afternoon off for the Fourth of July, and Ruby stops Emma from volunteering to stay, telling her that she needs to have fun on the island at least once before the war in Europe ends and they ship them back home.

Emma sighs, but she puts her bathing suit on and follows everybody to the beach, where they meet up with the pilots and Whale.

She catches herself looking for Killian among them even though she knows he's far, far away.

Graham catches her eye and gives her a sad smile, and Emma smiles back even though she feels like crying and going back to the bungalow where she could lock herself up in her room and deal with Killian's absence alone.

It's not a bad party; there's barbecue and drinks and one of the pilots had brought a guitar, but Emma isn't really in the mood to celebrate so she goes to sit just shy of the water line.

Graham joins her a few minutes later, but he just sits in the sand next to her, quiet and unassuming, yet there if she decides she wants to talk to him.

"Got any letters from Killian?" She asks, and if it bothers Graham that Killian is the only thing they ever talk about, he doesn't show it.

"A few", he says, but doesn't elaborate.

"Does he seem okay to you?" She asks, looking for reassurance that the love of her life is as well as it can be expected.

"He's scared", Graham says, and she's almost sorry she'd asked.

"He always tells me he's coming back", she murmurs and stares at the blue, blue ocean in an attempt to keep her tears at bay.

"He's not scared of dying, Emma. He's scared that he's going to lose you", Graham tells her softly and she turns her head sharply, her eyes wide with surprise.

"I love him!"

"He knows, but you can't fault him for worrying… You're beautiful, and he's five thousand miles away", Graham says, then catches sight of Killian's ring hanging from her necklace; she never takes it off, not even when she's showering or sleeping because it makes her feel closer to him. "He gave you his ring."

Graham's voice is full of wonder and Emma closes her fingers around the ring, holding it in her hand and waiting for him to explain the look on his face.

"He didn't tell me you're engaged."

"We're not", Emma says, warmth creeping into her cheeks and a smile curling her lips. "Someday, maybe we will be."

"He gave you his Air Force ring… it's his most prized possession, and he told me many times that he wouldn't give it to anybody but the woman he intends to marry", Graham says, and Emma looks down at the ring, feeling like she's seeing it for the first time.

"He can marry me the second he comes back, as far as I'm concerned", Emma says and as if on cue, the sky explodes in multi-colored fireworks; she wishes Killian were here to see it, but then again, she always wishes for that.

Her eyes follow the shooting stars, her fingers caressing the insignia on Killian's ring until the magic is over, and when she turns to talk to Graham again, he's gone.

Emma shrugs and goes back to watching the waves break against the sand, writing her next letter to Killian in her head and thinking how she's miles away from her friends even though they are just a couple dozen yards down the beach from her.

It's like living on a deserted island, and she wonders if it's the same for Killian.

"Come home", she whispers, but nobody answers her prayer.


Emma doesn't ask Killian about the ring in the next few letters, feeling foolish and giddy and fluttery, too excited about the prospect of being his wife to worry about him the way she usually does.

She finally gathers the courage to write about it on a rainy Saturday, cozily settled in the armchair in the living room, thanking God that there's no thunder because she's home alone and she doesn't want to feel frightened when Killian isn't around to calm her down and hold her.

In her letter, Emma asks him directly if the ring means that he wants to marry her, and hesitates only for a moment before telling him that if the answer is yes, she'd really like him to.

It's almost funny, but after all the letters they exchanged, she feels like she knows him better now than she did when they were spending almost every day together, and she's fairly certain that her boldness is going to make him smile.

Emma rambles for a while longer, telling him about the Fourth of July fireworks and jokingly asking him if he can send her another one of his shirts because the one she had stolen from him is so worn that she's practically naked when she wears it.

She imagines him reading those lines, and she can almost see his eyes darkening with passion.

I miss you, she tells him and kisses the paper underneath her name, leaving a bright red mark in the shape of her lips.

I love you more each day.

She doesn't know it's the last letter she's ever going to write him.


Emma is about to leave for work when a car pulls up in front of the bungalow and a pilot steps out of it in full dress uniform; the sun is low on the horizon, and in the weak light he looks like Killian, but then he rises his head and she realizes it's Graham.

He looks solemn, and her feet carry her down the porch steps, dread filling her gut the closer she gets to him.

It feels like an eternity before she finally reaches Killian's best friend, and as soon as she looks up to meet his eyes, she knows.

Killian is gone.

"I'm sorry", Graham says and wraps his arms around her, but they offer her no comfort, they don't help her breathe again.

Her worst fear had come true, and she thinks she might be dying too.

"I'm so sorry", Graham whispers and she shatters, her world crumbling even though she still can't believe it's happening; tears blur her vision and she doesn't even try to stop them, her arms hanging limply by her sides even as he cradles her head to his shoulder and gently rocks her from side to side.

His fingers in her hair don't feel right, and his arm around her waist is burning her, but she just stands there, unable to move, unable to think or do anything except to feel the loss of the love of her life like a hole in her heart.

"Let's get you inside", Graham tells her and slowly leads her up the stairs and into the bungalow, making her sit down on the sofa while he makes her tea.

"I'm supposed to go to work", she says brokenly and he tells her not to worry about it.

"Your friends will cover for you."

Emma stares out the window without seeing anything, tears slowly rolling down her cheeks and dripping from her chin until Graham brings her the tea.

The last time she had made tea was in New York, two days before Killian left, and now the entire room smells like it, reminding her of everything that's forever lost.

Emma covers her face with her hands and starts crying in loud, heart-wrenching sobs, recoiling when Graham tries to lay his hand on her shoulder in comfort.

"Please leave me alone", she gasps out and waits for the sound of the door closing, but he doesn't move. "I need to be alone."

"That's the last thing you need", he says and sits on the other end of the couch, but doesn't attempt to touch her again.

Emma cries, the world keeps on turning, and eventually, her tears run dry.

"He promised to come back", Emma says, and she's not sure if she's talking to Graham or herself.

"They say he's a hero", Graham tells her, and she lifts her eyes to meet his, her trembling hand reaching up to hold Killian's ring.

"I don't care", she says, her voice sounding as hollow and broken as she feels.

"I know", Graham whispers, and sits with her until Ruby gets home.


Emma spends the day crying, but even though she's exhausted, she can't fall asleep no matter how much she tries.

Before he went back to base, she managed to convince Graham to tell her what had happened, and now she lies in her bed, unable to stop wondering what drowning feels like; she wonders if it was quiet and cold and too dark to see, and prays that it didn't hurt even though she knows it couldn't have been painless.

She wonders if Killian tried reaching for her.

She wonders if he had said her name before he closed his eyes.

Her face crumples again and Emma covers her mouth with her hand to muffle her cries; she feels like screaming, but she's not alone in this house and she doesn't want Ruby to hear her, doesn't want her friend to feel like she should come and try to comfort her.

There's nothing she could say that would make it better.

The door opens and closes softly, but even though Emma doesn't move and tries to stay as quiet as possible, Ruby isn't fooled, and she slips into bed next to her, pulling Emma against her in a fierce embrace, her hand gently rubbing up and down Emma's back when the tears choke her again, when the weight of the world presses heavily on her shoulders.

"It's gonna be okay, Em. I know you're hurt, but you're gonna be okay", Ruby tells her and holds her as she cries until Emma finally manages to calm down.

"He's the love of my life", Emma whispers and tries to wipe her face, but new tears just keep rolling down her cheeks.

"You'll fall in love again", Ruby reassures her, but Emma can't imagine ever loving somebody new, ever coming to terms with the fact that she's never going to kiss Killian again, that his arms are never going to wrap around her like they used to.

"I don't want to", she says and holds Killian's ring in her hand so tightly that the insignia on it imprints on her palm.

"Emma, you-"

"I love him. I love him so much, Ruby", Emma says, her voice breaking because Killian is gone, and he doesn't love her anymore.

"I am so sorry", Ruby tells her, eyes shiny with tears, and Emma doesn't even bother telling her to go because if the roles were reversed, Emma wouldn't leave Ruby alone either.

"He was supposed to marry me. We were supposed to grow old together", Emma says and bites her lip; Ruby ducks her head, looking away from Emma's pain and staying silent rather than give her empty words.

The only person who can put Emma's broken heart back together fell asleep forever, and she didn't even get a chance to say goodbye, to hold him until it was over, and that's what kills her the most.

She became a nurse to help soldiers, to ease their pain, but she was unable to comfort the one who means the most to her, the one who loved her so much, the one who made her fly even without wings.

"You need to stop sneaking around with Whale", Emma says abruptly and cuts Ruby her off when she looks up and tries to speak. "I know I told you it's not a good idea, but if you're serious about him, you need to let him know."

"Okay, I will", Ruby says quickly, and Emma prays that her friend never has to find out what happens when you don't get enough time with the person you love.

"I lost my pilot, so you need to hold on to your doctor as tightly as you can", Emma tells her and when she starts crying again Ruby leans in and holds her, promising her that it will get better, that she'll find a way to get over losing Killian.

Emma doesn't think she will, but she doesn't blame Ruby for saying it because it's the only thing she can tell her right now.

There's no comfort to be had for Emma, there's just getting through the night.


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