6 months later
In a way, they both knew this would come to an end. It was easy when they were working so closely together again, though things were different. Everything was a secret and the pressure of keeping things quiet quickly overcame the novelty of it. They were happy but there was something looming over their heads and everyday was another day closer to the end. Kristen had projects lined up and so did Dakota – and neither were located remotely close to one another. And as every moment passed, Kristen could feel the distance between them. They would be in the same room and Kristen missed Dakota. It was painful, but she knew deep down this couldn't last forever. She loved Dakota with all her heart but this couldn't be forever. It just couldn't.
Dakota could feel the tension between them as well. She felt everything slipping away and couldn't stop thinking about the fact that they would be on opposite sides of the country for months at a time. What made it worse was the fact that Kristen and Rob seemed to be getting a little too cozy lately and Dakota looked at them with distain and jealousy. She didn't like the way Rob always leaned in so close to talk to her, or the playful smile Kristen would get when he said something charming. She couldn't compete with him – nor did she want to. Of course, Dakota knew that Kristen loved her but she was never really sure how much or what it truly meant. Was she in love with her? Or was she just in the love with the idea of her? Sometimes it was hard to figure out the difference. But even though Dakota had been so hesitant before, now she knew that as every second passed, she was falling more and more for Kristen. And it just about killed her to realize that this might not last.
"So," Kristen said nonchalantly as she lit a cigarette.
"So," Dakota repeated, leaning back in her chair. She looked away for a moment and around Kristen's backyard. It wasn't anything special, but it was nice; comforting.
"I guess we wrap filming next week, huh?" Kristen said, taking a long drag.
Dakota nodded. "Yup," she said. She felt a tingling feeling in her stomach.
"What, uh, do you think?"
"About what?"
"About being done."
"It sucks, I guess. I mean, wrapping a movie is always kind of sad."
Kristen smiled. "Yeah. But, I mean what do you think about us?"
Dakota took a deep breath. She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts. "I don't know, really. I guess we'll just have to see what happens."
Kristen nodded. "You think, uh, we should keep things going, you know, while we're both away and everything?"
Dakota shrugged, trying to play it cool even though it felt like her heart was self-imploding. "We could."
Kristen took another long drag on her cigarette, looking out across the grass. "Well, you know I really like you Dakota. I mean, you're my best friend and this thing, whatever it is, has been really fun. I mean, I really like being with you," she looked back over at Dakota. "But, I think it's gonna be really hard, you know, when we're far away from each other for so long. And, maybe, I dunno, maybe we should put things on pause for a little while. Do our own thing and then see what happens when we're both back in L.A."
Dakota swallowed hard, trying to eradicate the awful lump that was scratching at her throat.
"Yeah," she said. "Yeah I can see that would make sense."
Kristen leaned over, placing her hand on Dakota's arm. "You know I love you, right? You're my best friend."
Dakota nodded. Best friends, she thought. With benefits.
Kristen couldn't believe how calmly these words were coming out of her mouth. It was almost heartbreaking to be sitting there, next to Dakota, breaking up with her when she spent so much time pining over her. But she knew this is how it had to be. This was the only way she knew how to make things right – she wanted to end it while it was good instead of letting everything just fade away.
They sat there quietly for a moment and Dakota felt that overwhelming feeling flood her. Her eyes began to sting and she tried so hard to fight it back. She looked away, over her shoulder, so that Kristen couldn't see, and wiped her eyes.
"Shit," Kristen said under her breath, stubbing her cigarette out and standing up. She kneeled down in front of Dakota, placing her hands on her knees.
"Please don't cry," she said softly. "You know I don't want to do this but it's just the only thing that makes sense. This was so much fun but you and I both know…I mean…this can't be forever, right?"
Dakota nodded, clenching her jaw, trying so hard to keep it together.
"I know," she said quietly. "This was just for fun. This was just an…experiment," the word tasted wrong on her tongue, but she knew it was the truth.
"It's not like, you know, we won't see each other anymore," Kristen said. "That's the last thing I want from this. I honestly can't imagine my life without you, but maybe this whole…sex thing between us is just, you know, something that happened naturally. I mean, look at Joan and Cherie! They're still friends."
"They didn't talk for 20 years," Dakota replied quickly.
"Okay, okay. But, that was different. I mean you and I…we're in a good place right now. I just think it's better and, uh, more mature to kind of take a step back you know? Focus on our careers, or whatever."
Dakota sighed. "Okay. Yeah. You're right."
Kristen leaned in closer to Dakota, their eyes locked. A shiver shot up Dakota's spine and she forced a smile across her innocent face.
Kristen looked up at her for one more moment, before standing up. She reached out her hand. "C'mon," she said. "I'll take you home."
The last day of filming came faster than either of them expected. Everyone gathered around, reminiscing, laughing, sharing moments with each other that they would never forget. Kristen and Dakota kept exchanging this look that was a mixture of both pain and comfort. So many things were being left unsaid, but neither of them quite knew how to put it into words. And so, it hung over them like a cloud waiting for the right moment to rain. Kristen walked over to Dakota, her heart racing inside her chest. She had a flight to catch in the morning and this would be their last time together for what felt like an eternity. She wanted to pick Dakota up and twirl her around, much like she did on the first day they saw each other again, but things were different now. Dakota watched as Kristen sauntered over, that familiar walk of hers almost painful to watch now. She had become so familiar to it, but now she studied it intricately, as if it were the only thing she had left in the world. Kristen stood in front of her, a meek smile on her peachy lips.
"Well, blondie," she said. "I guess this is it, huh?"
Dakota nodded slowly.
Kristen inched closer, putting her arms around Dakota's neck, pulling her close. She buried her face in Dakota's neck, taking a deep breath, memorizing the way she smelt. Dakota's arms instantly slid around Kristen's waist and she shut her eyes, trying to stay in this moment fully and completely.
"I'll miss you," Dakota said softly.
Kristen smiled, kissing Dakota's neck discreetly. "I'll miss you too."
Dakota pulled away then, unsure if she could handle one more moment this close to her. They looked at each other, both trying to say so much with just their eyes. Kristen's hands dropped by her side and she took a deep breath.
"I feel like a Bon Iver song right now," Kristen said, laughing slightly.
Dakota smirked. "Which one?"
"The saddest one," Kristen replied. She bit her lip slightly.
Dakota looked at the ground. "Call me when you land?" she asked, looking back up.
Kristen nodded. "Of course," she said.
"Bye, Kristen," Dakota said softly, her voice breaking.
"Bye, Dakota," Kristen replied. She touched her finger softly against Dakota's face before stepping away, turning around and walking away. She didn't cry until she got home.
Several months flew by and both of them were deeply drawn into their own busy schedules. But not a day passed that either of them didn't think of the other. Some were worse than others, but they found that as time went on, the pain eased slightly. At first they spoke regularly, but now it was only once in a while. A few text messages here and there, a few emails. Dakota had almost forgotten the sound of Kristen's voice, and sometimes wanted to call just to be reminded. It was getting easier to resist, but Kristen was still the last thing she thought of at night and the first thing in the morning.
Dakota's phone buzzed beside her and she stirred, looking at it groggily. It was a picture message from her sister. She opened it, squinting at the image on her tiny screen. It was a picture of the cover of a tabloid featuring Kristen and Rob looking extremely close.
"What is this?" Dakota replied quickly.
"Check your email," Elle replied.
Dakota groaned and leaned over her bed, grabbing her laptop. She flipped it open and scrolled through her inbox, clicking on the link Elle had just sent. It was a blow up of the picture and a brief article underneath.
"Hollywood starlet Kristen Stewart was seen canoodling with on-again, off-again boyfriend Rob Pattinson recently in London. Perhaps the two have rekindled their romance?"
Dakota grimaced and she stared at the photo. Kristen was leaning into him, saying something in his ear. Rob had a coy smile on his face and his hand delicately place on the small of her back. Dakota, who wasn't one to snoop around the tabloids, was instantly jealous. How could she? She thought. How could she do this?
She decided not to jump to any conclusions. After all, these magazines were infamous for photoshopping photos, or capturing innocent moments and making them into something they're not. But Dakota knew the effect Rob had on Kristen, and especially now that she and her were no longer together, there was no reason for her to resist his charms. She wanted to call her instantly, yell at her, ask her what the hell she was doing but she knew that it wasn't her place. She had to let it go. She had to move on. But something deep down in the pit of her stomach made her feel like she never truly ever could.
