Hey you guys! I just wanna thank EVERYONE who has either reviewed, or been there for me through these multiple crises' (one of which is still going on)... To The Little Things in Life, Miami Blackheart, and Nikitalover: I love you guys... Thank you so much for listening to me talk and talk about how I'm feeling and helping me through it all... But especially to The Little Things in Life: keep your head high, girl... I'm

here for you and I love you so much : )

Oh and may all of our prayers go out to the Boston marathon tragedy! :(

Anyways, here's the next chapter... Enjoy.

The Light

This darkness has engulfed my whole body, at a point where all I see is darkness... But you became my light at the end of the tunnel. Now I see a new hope for the future.

She was REALLY gone... This time, I really did it. I made her feel so sad; so worthless that she turned her humanity off, as if she were a vampire or something. If she doesn't come back to me, what shall I do? Live on while my Nikita suffers in her own self-pity? Take a seat and watch her break like a movie? I can't do that. The real question is, what can I do?

I've become the man she detests... I've become the man she lashes out at. She looks at me like she looks at every other person... It's funny, she used to tell me I wasn't like every other person, but it sure as hell feels that way now. Without my love, without my drive, I have nothing. No wedding to look forward too, no long life to look forward to... What would be the point in living a long, healthy life if there's no one to share it with? I could save people's lives all day long, but with no happiness to come home to, it seems like a far-fetched reality.

I was in my room in Division. I had 2 paths that lay ahead of me. One said go to her... Ask for forgiveness and take things slow. Make her feel like the princess you always treated her as, and shower her with your love, but the other says, just let her live her life without you... She deserves at least that much. You have wrecked her trust and stomped on her heart way too many times, and now you need to just stop playing these games and let her live her life without you. I wonder if leaving her is even a possibility, as my legs swing back and forth, and my head sings a never-ending incantation of she loves me, she loves me not.

6:19 the clock read. Two days after I slept with Nikita. I wonder if she meant what she said about letting her go... Not that it really matters, because even if she dug into my brain and implanted that idea inside of it, I wouldn't give up. I would never give up on my love, my life, because without her, I'm like a broken stereo. I'm like a hoarse singer. You know exactly how to sing, but your voice just won't make any noise. I know exactly how to get her back, but it's her choice if she wants me back.

I find myself walking in the middle of some park, just wondering aimlessly around. I don't even catch people's stares because a broken man gets pity, but not direction. What's crazy about this whole situation is, I was so lost in thought, and I didn't even see the car coming my way... Who goes 83 miles near a park, I don't know... But as the car came in my direction, the celestial, sojourness light took me to a faraway place... Somewhere I could be happier, and hide away from my unanimous bodily depression. It went away the second I got pushed out of the way... I heard yells, I heard screams, I heard cries, but the only fully audible thing was her worried voice. She was yelling so damn loud I couldn't even hear a word she was sayin- I mean yelling.

"Michael!" I diverted my greens directly into her browns. The brown's somehow seemed hazel at the moment. As if she had become a new person. Stationed in my own little world, I didn't hear a word she was saying. I don't even think I was looking at her at that point. I was just happy she was here, to catch me when I fell. To hold my hand through everything. To be my only trusted... person. With my revere going away, I lifted my hand to touch her face, only to see a bitch of a wrist.

"The hell?" I said in complete confusion. I lifted up both hands, and to my relief, one was missing, not two.

"Michael! Michael!" I turned my head to the side, allowing her to see the red, gushing down my face… I would have been really scared if…

Beep

Beep

Beep

It was a dream? I knew it. No way Nikita would care about me these days. I sat myself up, willing to show my face to this greyish, gloomy world. At a moment's notice, I felt I didn't deserve to live on a usually beautiful world... I only make it a terrible place for everything I touch. Maybe Nikita's way of thinking is right after all… Maybe the only way to stop yourself from being engulfed with this never ending feeling of self-loathing, I need to just go ahead and turn my 'humanity' off… It wouldn't be that hard anyways because it's already halfway off, but the only scary thing about that is, you could easily lose yourself in the overwhelming, seductive evil... What if we never return to our normal selves? I mean any world with Nikita is a world worth living in, but what about Alex, and Birkhoff… And what about all these innocent people that Nikita stayed here to save? Does she even still believe in the cause?

I had been pacing back and forth for an hour thinking this over. I don't know which path to choose. One side says, Go to the dark side. If you do, Nikita won't be able to resist you, and you two can live in your own happy little world, not giving a damn about anybody else, and living free... Living free. But the other side says, if you let this happen. There's no going back... And what about your son? Once we meet again you can't be the strict dad he'd wished he never had to be reunited with. You have to stay strong for your son... And most importantly, for Nikita.

That's when my adrenaline started running wild... I cannot live without her... Every single second counted... No pun intended.

I grabbed my jacket, and although coming to anybody's house during this hour would be crazy, knowing Nikita she was already up.

I fumbled with my keys, trying to get them into the ignition, and ran a few red lights, but I had finally made it.

I now stood in front of the house I used to call mine. The house that used to bring me so much joy. The house I used to enter yelling, "Honey, I'm home." Then explaining to Nikita what 'I Love Lucy' was. I miss the good old days when we would spend hours on hours making love. I miss the romantic dinners, and the bubble baths together, and I miss that look. That look she gave me when I whispered sweet nothings into her ear. Watching the sunset, cuddling. Making dinner, and giggling. Watching Nikita look so frustrated when she burnt something in the kitchen. Sometimes, I'd even catch her staring at me as I sleep, and she'd caress the left side of my face. I did the same for her in return… Lulling her to sleep after a nightmare, or just simply cuddling in bed. Holding her hand as we drive. Making her smile had to be the best though… She didn't smile enough. He eyes always showed a blazing fire, but rarely showed happiness. She's spent her life caring about others, it's taken her remaining happiness and replaced it with worry. That's why I always strived to make her smile. Her smile could light up the whole world. She could be the world's sun, like she's been for me ever since I first met her in that gruesome prison.

But it all ended that fait driven night when she had reluctantly cut off my hand... I had tried not to blame her, and in her eyes, I could see that she although knew this simple fact, still wanted to help me. I could also see the all so self-consuming guilt she felt. Even though I could never take away the guilt she felt, I would've been able to dumb it down quite a lot. I could have helped her. I should have helped her.

And now I stood, still, staring at the door unmoved. If anyone walked by, they'd assume I was a statue lined in front of the door.

So I built up my courage, lifted my hand, and gently knocked on the door.

Flashback

So I built up my courage, lifted my hand, and gently knocked on the door.

I stood there waiting for about 20 seconds, and yes, I did count. 19, 20… Then she opened the door looking genuinely taken aback.

"Michael? What are you doing here?" She had settled her weight onto her left leg, unnoticeably letting me know she wasn't too pleased with my unexpected visit.

"I needed to see you." I rushed past her to get in her apartment. I spun on my heel to see her standing still with her back to me.

"Well come on in… Why don't you kick off your shoes while you're at it?" She said, completely annoyed. She slammed the door, and finally turned to face me. What she didn't know was that I'd not come without a purpose. I came to tell her the truth.

"Nikita-" She cut me off, and I'm guessing it was to yell at me, but she somehow kept things very mellow, and civil.

"Michael... Why are you here?"

"Because..."

"No wait, I know," She smiled as if she were about to make some kind of joke. "You came so you could once again say that I would never have to be Josephine again? Or maybe it was to once again down size our feelings for each other."

"Will you please, just let me talk?" She raised her left eyebrows in a way that let me know she was saying 'the floors all yours.' So, I opened my mouth to say the 3 little words I know she'd been dying to hear.

"I love you." The look that crossed her face was absolutely priceless. She looked happy at first, but then she looked a tad bit sad. I paced myself, taking few steps until we were mere inches apart. Gazing into my eyes, she flinched as I encircled my arms around her waist. Hazel eyes started to water, so I placed my hand on her cheek, and my thumb caressed it slowly. The intimacy level did not go unnoticed, as we both came to an unspoken, yet unanimous decision. Our minds, now in sync both had the same idea. She moved her hands onto my shoulders, melting into my touch.

Both hazel and blue closed as our lips met in a soft, loving, inhumane, sensual kiss. It felt just like we were back in St. Petersburg. Just the perfect kiss. The right amount of force, the right amount of passion, and after 10 seconds, the right amount of tongue… I pulled away, needing to know that she wasn't just driven by her attraction, but when I saw her eyes, it all clicked. She didn't even look this in love with Daniel.

"I love you." I said.

"I love you too." She said back, with not even a hint of regret.

Present:

Knock knock knock…

After about a minute, I was about to turn and leave to make sure she was even home, but she busted the door open expeditiously as if she was in danger. She ran into me, and when she saw it was me, she flung her arms around my neck and started crying hysterically. Although I was caught off guard it didn't take even a second for me to be hugging her back... I shushed her, and rubbed the back of her head, and she was trying to stop her never ending tears. Her death grip became a desperate one, leading with me rocking her back and forth like a baby.

Her crying had stopped and after a few rude glares from people heading to work, I decided to take her inside. I picked her up bridal style, careful not to move her too much. Closing the door with my foot, I smoothly made my way to the couch, careful not to hit her head on anything.

As I was continuing to hold her, her last tears rushed down her angelic face, and I thought about how lucky I was to be here. 'If I didn't come, she would've had to deal with whatever this is, all alone.' Thank God I came today!

"Michael, it was horrible!" Gripping my neck tightly, she started shaking and crying again.

"It's okay sweetie… I'm right her." I said, trying my hardest to calm down and stop my own approaching tears. I need to be the stronger one here, so I pulled myself together. Kissing her forehead, and rubbing her back turned out to be a very good choice as she stopped crying and shaking. She relaxed into my embrace; therefore I gave her a bit of time before I questioned her about her saddened behaviors.

"Nikita, are you okay now?" I asked her pulling her head away from my chest so I could look her in the eyes. She looked back to normal, and even gave me an (even though forced), smile.

"Yes, thank you." She was about to remove herself from my lap, but she would have to do much more than lift herself up before I let her go again. "Michael?" She said glaring questioningly at me.

"What happened?" I asked a bit blunt. She sighed, and settled herself back into my lap.

"I had a terrible nightmare." She said, already forming up new tears in her eyes.

"Hey, if you don't wanna talk about it, we can wait, okay? I'm a patient man." I said, rubbing her cheek again, the same way I did earlier. A smile crept upon my lips at the thought of all the times I had shown just how impatient I was, especially when it came to her.

"No its okay… I want you to know." She again sat up, and wrapped her legs around my waist, and sat where our faces were just 3 inches apart… She was probably only doing it to make the moment more serious, but if only she knew how aroused she was making me. She dramatizingly opened her mouth, and began to speak.

Nikita's Dream

"NIKITA, YOU HAVE TO STOP THIS!" Michael yelled
"LOOK AT ME, SENSEI!" Alex yelled.
"Please, come back to me, Nik." Michael yelled.

Silence….

Then it all came back like a fire. Moving swiftly, and destroying everything in its path.

No.

Nooo.

GASP!

Heart beating rapidly...
Cough, cough…
It all felt like an irritating figment. Am I imagining this? Before the question could even be registered into my mind, the image before me did.
Then my walls really did come crashing down. Like the foundation had just slipped right out from under me...
"Oh God." There layed Sean's body. Head ripped off, blood rushing through the floors cracks. Tears began to form into my eyes.

Sonya's body, burned from acid. She was not yet dead but unconscious, none the less.

Ryan's body lay on Percy's desk. The metal bar from a recruit bed sticking straight out of his head. I put my hand over my mouth, willing myself not to scream at this unforesaken scene that stood before me.

Owen's body, hung from a single metal chain. His throat purple, and fingernails bleeding, showing a sign of struggle.

Birkhoff's body sat on his computer chair with his head bashed in with a nearby fire extinguisher.

Alex's body lay next to Katya's body. Both burned to death, as it would have been there future the night of Nikolai's assassination. I dropped to the floor, and was about to break down, when at the corner of my eye, my worst nightmare stood.

There was Michael's body, except he wasn't lying. He was in a car, frantically trying to open the door, but when he spotted me, it took my breathe away. He looked at me with such terror it blew me away. Had I seen that right? That glare was pointed towards me… Why on Earth was he afraid of me? I mean that afraid of me?

I ran to the car, but my feet stopped about three feet away from it, and Michael backed himself against the opposite side, trying to open the door, farthest from me. My mouth had been closed by some powerful force, and my body wasn't in my control anymore… Michael looked back at me, and his eyes were directed at something in my hand. He turned back around and started trying to open the door even more frantically! I looked down, now in control of my head, and saw that a grenade was in it. The worst part was, in my other hand was the grenades pull ring was in my other hand, unattached to the grenade! That's when I knew…

"No… No. Please don't do this! Whatever you are taking hold of my body STOP THIS NOW!" This thing, this other me was about to kill Michael the same fateful way he'd have died if he'd taken that bomb with him... March 21st. The day Michael's family was killed. He had survived several years after just to have me, his fiancée kill him.

My hand uncontrollably lifted up... It was all gonna end soon… I, Nikita, the legend, the one who saves lives was about to kill the only man I've ever loved. No this was not Nikita the righteous; this was Nikita, the bad side. And now, because I decided to change my life like a childish high school girl, Michael, my love, was about to pay the price.

"Michael!" I shouted in a voice that let him know it was me. He fumbled over to the other side of the car, the side facing me, and gave me an 'it's okay' look.

"I love you." He said, making my heart sting with hurt.

"I love you too." I said, as my hand drew back, and threw it right into the window… Whatever was in me, let go, and left as soon as the grenade broke through the window.

I hit the ground quite painfully, but at that moment I couldn't care less. I hopped up, about to run to the car, but like Michael described his experience, I wasn't close enough, and the explosion blew me across the room.

As I hit the ground, my arising pain came crashing in on me. Not the deafening of my ears, but the emotional pain. My love, my Michael, was now gone because of me. I jumped up, and ran to the blazing hot car, and stared at the flames that took him away from me. Then it became too much and I let it all out in a simple…

"NOOO!" I hit the ground crying hysterically. Michael… He's, he's gone. And I spiraled back into reality with a hard bang.

Reality:

"Then I fell out of my bed, and heard what brought me out of my dream, your knocking." We were both currently in tears and not trying to hide them… I could not believe she had to endure such an awful nightmare. I still had to force myself to be the stronger one, so I pulled her against my chest so she and I could get some needed comfort.

"I am so sorry I wasn't here." I was rubbing her back, soothingly. I wasn't trying to send her to sleep though. Willing her to go back to sleep would be like trying to place a fire on gasoline and not get a bigger flame.

"It's okay… As long as you're here now." She said, in between her fallen tears. "But that's not the problem, Michael." She pushed my chest away, sitting up, gazing into my eyes. "The problem is I have something in me… It's too evil, and it could hurt everyone I love, and most importantly, it could hurt you… You have to stay away from me." She said, and before I could even begin to comprehend what she said, she was trying to get away from me. But I was brought back just in time to catch her wrist.

"Nikita."

"I don't wanna hurt you, Michael… I've done it before and that wasn't even the worst I can do… I'm far too capable of hurting you." She whispered tearfully, not even thinking of glancing in my direction.

"But that's just it, Nikita… Even if you were to occasionally hurt me, you make me happy every single moment. You constantly make me happy so if a little pain comes with it," I stood up, and enclosed her in yet another embrace. "Then I'm willing to feel the pain… I'll do it all, just to be with you." She busted into tears again, lowering her head.

She whispered, "Why? Why would you do this all for me?"

"Because," placing both palms at both sides of her face, I brought it up to mine, and kissed her with everything I had. Love, affection, passion, caring, worry, mind blowing overprotectiveness, and some tongue. "Because, I love you. I will forever love you."

Then she started crying harder. "You're only gonna get yourself hurt by staying with me."

"Did you hear a word I just said? The pain is worth it… YOU are worth it!"

"I love you too." She said, and cracked me that gorgeous smile I'd been waiting to see, and like the sun, she was the light at the end of this tunnel, and she will forever glow up my world.


Okay, so this will probably be the second to last chapter… I need to end this all, so I'm gonna post my last chapter ASAP, but my EOC's and Finals are coming up, SOO just bear with me… And to all of my reviewers, you guys are truly amazing! Making my day and making me smile! Also to my friend NikitaLover... Go check out her story. She's an aspiring writer, and I think you'll enjoy her stuff...

Anyways, REVIEW!

-Iris Elena