When Kurt came out of the shower he was surprised that Blaine wasn't on the couch. He crossed to the bedroom, where he found him buttoning up a pajama shirt.

"Figured I'd get dressed for bed," Blaine said quietly, looking away.

Kurt nodded. "I'm… sorry this is hard," he offered. "I'm sorry… I'm hard sometimes. To deal with, I mean."

Blaine looked up, surprised at that grace. "…well, it's my fault."

Kurt pursed his lips, squelching the impulse to agree and rub it in.

Blaine fidgeted. "Um… I know you don't want to talk about it—"

"I really don't," Kurt interrupted, not sharp, but tired.

"And I'm not, I just… wanted to bring up that I kind of figured… you'd probably have some… um…" Blaine's face flushed, "…consequences in mind tonight? And if not tonight, I just was…wondering when…?" his voice trailed off.

Kurt blinked. "You want to know if you're getting punished," he said flatly.

"N-no, I- I assume that—I know I deserve to be," Blaine stuttered. He took a breath. "I um… just meant—should I expect that tonight?" he asked warily.

Kurt sighed. "I hadn't thought about it," he fibbed, going to his drawer to take out his pajamas.

There was a pause. "Well, I was thinking," Blaine offered nervously. "That it might—make you feel better."

"I don't punish you to feel better," Kurt dismissed.

"You could, though—" Blaine started.

"I'd feel better if you'd have been honest with me," Kurt muttered, putting on his clothes with his back to his fiancé.

There was silence for a moment. "Yeah," Blaine conceded. "And um, I know I don't usually… put my two cents in on this stuff like Rachel sometimes, but… I've thought about it and… It really should be, um, with-" Blaine hesitated and then blurted, "You should use the spoon."

Kurt froze a moment and then turned slowly around, surprised. For a moment he had a flash of memory: the first time Blaine had suggested he put him over his knee, blurting it out all at once like that. They had argued about Blaine's continued involvement with the Dalton Fight Club despite his objections. It felt like a long time ago and yet not somehow at the same time. Prior to that Kurt had "disciplined" Blaine a bit in his own way, with a simple talking to or a little essay or something, but he'd never laid a hand on him and he never would have if it hadn't been Blaine's suggestion. He remembered how time had seemed to slow down as he tried to even process the suggestion. It had sounded crazy at first, overwhelming—maybe even wrong?

Little did Kurt know then how much a part of his lifestyle would be wrapped up in the physical discipline of not only Blaine but Rachel too. How many times had it happened now, he had long since lost count. Compared to Rachel, Blaine was usually the more likely to confess on his own to his indiscretions, accepting rather than arguing about punishment—but when there was any question about the severity of consequences he had coming, Kurt knew he always hoped he'd avoid a paddling with the wooden spoon.

"You're – asking me to-?" he marveled.

"It's the right thing," Blaine said simply.

Kurt straightened. "You don't decide your discipline," he tried.

"No. But I can make suggestions. And I know I deserve it."

Kurt closed his eyes. "I can't.""

Blaine's face screwed in confusion. "You—can't?"
Kurt shrugged. "Honestly, I'm not sure I should punish you over this at all."

"…Wh- what do you mean? You—you've always—"

"Oh come on, there's got to have been plenty of times I've let you get away with things before,"
"Not plenty."

"Well, some." Kurt was sure there were some, he just couldn't think of any off the top of his head right now and it sort of irritated him not to be able to support his argument for some reason.

"And not for something like this. You wouldn't be this upset if it wasn't a big deal to you!"

"Well you've done even bigger things before that I didn't punish you for," Kurt said dismissively, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Like what?"

"Like when you cheated on me, for instance?!" Kurt bellowed, irritated.

Blaine's stomach dropped. He blinked at a wetness in his eyes.

Damn it. Kurt knew it was a low blow, and having said it now wished he could take it back. "I—I'm sorry," he tried. "That wasn't—"

"You're still mad about that?" Blaine breathed. "After the engagement, and all this time—"

"I'm not—I mean, I'm passed it."

"If you were passed it you wouldn't have said—"

"I don't know, I just… I've got trust issues. I told you this makes me feel like I might not be able to trust you sometimes… it's just bringing up old shit. And right now, I'm just tired and hurt and I don't know, I don't mean to be passive aggressive and I don't mean to be just giving you the silent treatment, I'm just not up to figuring out everything tonight. I know we have to, and we will. I promise. Just please, not tonight. I can't. I don't know what else to tell you."
Blaine spoke quietly. "You're right though. You never- I never got punished for that."

"We were broken up."

"That wasn't a punishment. It's not the same."

Kurt shrugged and rubbed at his temple. This was giving him a headache.

"…M-maybe you should have," Blaine offered. "Or maybe after we got back together, I don't know-"
Kurt put a hand up, practically begging Blaine to stop in his quiet way. He tried to keep his voice even. "Blaine. There's a limit to this… thing we do here. Maybe I'll sleep on it and think differently. All I know is I just can't punish you like that right now, not even with just my hand."

"Because you think you'll hurt me? Go too far? You wouldn't-"

"I don't know—maybe? I mean I'm not usually this mad about things. But if I'm honest it's mostly that part of me just doesn't want you to have the satisfaction of feeling closure on this right now, and that just wouldn't… be fair."

"The satisfaction?"

"I don't know if I should punish you at all, but I know I can't if I'm not even ready to forgive you. This—just doesn't work like that. I have to be in a certain headspace and I'm just not."

"Oh." Blaine had been prepared for Kurt to not be able to forgive him right away. But the idea that he wouldn't even get a spanking was pretty shocking to Blaine. He didn't know how he felt about it. Rachel would tell me I'm an idiot and should be relieved, I suppose.

Kurt rubbed his temple again. "I've got a headache. I'm going to take a couple iBuprofen and hit the sack. Get my studying done tomorrow. I really am trying to be… a person with you about this—not just be a jerk, even if my instincts are kinda leaning that way at the moment."

"You're not."

"Well. Thanks, I guess. I'm just… done tonight."

Blaine nodded. "I understand," he said softly.

Relieved, Kurt brushed past Blaine to get the medicine, leaving Blaine with a lot to think about.