"Enter." Harry was nonplused to see Captain Janeway standing in his doorway. "Oh, Captain. Hello. I thought you would be someone else. Can I help you with something?" he stammered.
"No, Ensign. I'm just stopping by for a moment. I . . . I believe I owe you an apology."
"An apology, Captain?"
"The Doctor explained that he had to treat you and Seven for dramatically increased hormone levels. He mentioned he was surprised you could function at all."
Harry smiled. "No, it's all right Captain. I do need to be careful around Seven. It is a relief to know that there's an explanation for my lack of control besides it being, well, my own lack of control."
"I still need to apologize to you. I'd like to think it was my headaches that made me jump all over you like that."
"I'm sure that was it, Captain," Harry agreed with a smile.
Walking over to the table, conspicuously set for two, the captain asked, "Since you weren't expecting me, who's going to help you eat this meal? It smells very good."
"Seven. I asked her to come over to discuss a few things. I thought it would be good to do it here, in private."
"No wine, I see."
"No, she isn't ready for that sort of thing. And I don't want to be tempted. We've been out of control enough lately when it wasn't our fault. I don't want . . . " The chiming of the door interrupted Harry. This time, Harry's anticipated dinner guest was standing in the entrance when the door swished open.
"Well, I'll be going then. I just stopped by about that small matter. Enjoy your dinner, Seven, Ensign Kim," she excused herself.
As she walked down the corridor, the captain breathed a sigh of relief. I really don't have to worry about them. Harry will be careful with her. Chakotay was right about him. I should have known.
At the thought of Chakotay, the captain realized she had one more stop to make before retiring for the evening.
"Why was the captain here?"
"Oh, nothing much. Why don't you sit down right here, and we can start in on our salad. I've replicated a special meal for you. All easy-to-digest things."
Seven hesitated for only a second before carefully bending her body to sit in the chair Harry was holding out for her. "You had no need to tell me you replicated this. The smell is less offensive than the meals in the mess hall."
Harry smiled. Settling her at the table, he poured her a glass of white grape juice and served her the first course. The salad was of extremely mild and tender greens with a relatively bland dressing. The main course was a replicated chicken and rice dish, easy on the spices. Harry had checked with the Doctor before planning his menu. It paid off when Seven admitted, "Taste is irrelevant, but I find that this food is more . . . pleasant to eat than Neelix's meals."
She didn't eat a great deal, but Harry expected that, too. The Doctor had explained to him that Seven's nutritional needs were still partly met by the regeneration process. While Harry was finishing his own plate of food, Seven actually played with what was left on hers for several seconds. Harry was pleased to see it. An irrelevant action, by Seven!
"Ensign Kim, I have a question to ask you."
"Ask away."
"After our recent experiences, I have been reconsidering my actions towards you in the mess hall several weeks ago. In the Jeffries tubes, under the influence of the alien's sexual hormone experiment, you did not appear to mind my proposal. Yet on your own you refused. Does this mean that when you are not under an alien influence, you are . . . unattracted to me?"
"No, no! Absolutely not! I'm very attracted to you."
"Then why did you refuse me?"
"Seven, we need to go slow. This thing the aliens did to us rushed you into something you aren't ready for. Both of us, really, but especially you. Before anything else, what I want from you is friendship. I miss what I had with Tom and B'Elanna. I could talk with them about just about anything. Now, I don't have anyone I can talk to about certain things. I'd like us to be able to do that. Maybe later on, we can become more than just friends to each other. First, I want you as my friend."
Seven considered this for a few moments. "I do not know how to be a friend, but I will research it."
"I'll be happy to help you in your research. Explain things for you, whenever you're confused."
"You would demonstrate what I wish to experience, if I asked?"
He hesitated. This answer would have to be phrased very carefully. "I would be happy to give you a 'demonstration,' Seven, but only within the parameters of 'not rushing things too quickly.' There's no need to hurry." A passing thought about Tom and B'Elanna not moving quickly enough strayed through his mind, but he suppressed it. This was a totally different issue.
"Agreed. There is one thing I wish to ask you. Would kissing me constitute an unwanted acceleration of the scope of the parameters?"
"Kissing? You want to kiss me?" Visions of what happened in the Jeffries tube swirled into Harry's mind.
"Yes. When we were kissing, I found it to be a compelling sensation. Since our actions were being prompted by our increased hormone levels, however, I do not know if the sensation would be as desirable when we are not under such an outside influence. I wish to explore this with you."
"As long as you understand it would be only one kiss, I'd be willing."
At his answer, Seven turned towards him and pursed her already full lips to receive the kiss. God, she is so beautiful. I hope it is only one, or I'm not going to be able to stop. Putting his hands on her shoulders and leaning forward, Harry gave her a chaste kiss on the mouth - only a gentle touch of the lips, although it lingered quite a while, longer than most "first kisses" do. The groping in the Jeffries tubes really didn't count, as far as Harry was concerned. That wasn't Seven and him, not really. It was the creation of those alien experimenters.
When Harry broke contact and opened his eyes, he saw that Seven's eyes were still closed. Her breathing sounded a bit ragged. He was willing to bet, had there been anyone around to bet with other than Seven, that her heart was pounding at a higher rate than usual. Slowly, her lids raised, and she was looking directly into his eyes. Into his soul, he suspected, although he would prefer not to look into his feelings too deeply. He had promised himself he would not lose control again. That wasn't an easy vow to keep, with Seven still in his arms.
"Ensign Kim . . ."
"Call me Harry, Seven."
"I believe that kissing is irrelevant."
"Perhaps." Harry couldn't help feeling a bit disappointed by this remark.
"But I must concur with the literature. It is also very pleasant."
"I'm glad to hear it." Harry's mood brightened.
"Harry, I know you said you wished only to demonstrate one kiss. May I request just one more kiss?"
"You may. But only one, and we should wait until you're ready to leave." Or else we may end up with a repeat of our kissing in the Jeffries tubes, and it really is too soon for that.
Her responding "oh" was a very small sound for Seven.
"But I could demonstrate something else. How would you like to find out what it's like to sit back with my arms around your shoulders?"
"Acceptable."
As Seven settled into his arms and relaxed, Harry rested his cheek against her hair. This was very nice. A good night kiss was something to look forward to. For the first time in too long a time, Harry was content.
"I'm glad to find you're back to being your 'old self' again - or should I say 'younger old self?" Janeway remarked as Chakotay ushered her into his quarters. "But why haven't you had your hair regenerated yet?" His missing hair was disturbing; it made her think how close she came to losing rest of him, too.
"The members of the crew that saw it liked my 'whole' tattoo, so I thought I should leave it this way," he teased. At her visible shudder, he relented. "I'll have it regenerated after a few more days. I'm just giving all the crew a chance to see the tattoo first. Let me ask you something. Why did you cut your hair? Because of the headaches?"
"Yes, I've always had them with my hair pulled back - nothing like those experimental ones, though! But I'd been thinking about cutting it for a while now. It should be easier to keep, and maybe I won't be getting any more headaches. I'd be happy if I never had another one again!"
He reached out and took a strand of her now chin-length hair, wrapped it around his fingers, and observed, "I can understand that, Kathryn. Your hair looks good on you this way."
"I'm glad it meets with your approval, Chakotay." Laughing, she tried to control the shiver she felt going up her spine. She couldn't help feeling uneasy, knowing how close he'd come to death. Too close. Much too close.
She tried to turn her attention towards studying his tattoo to get her mind off her uneasiness. The tattoo itself was fascinating, and the temptation for her to touch it, overwhelming. Gently, she raised her fingertips to his temple and traced the outline of the entire design, front to back and back to front again. His eyes bored into hers, glinting with a light she had seen in them before. The Angry Warrior had always had the capacity to stare at her with an intensity that made her body vibrate with longing. Kathryn tried to do what she had done so many times before - to push him away, to refuse to let her memory tempt her into doing something she might regret.
Then an image flashed into her mind, of a single photon torpedo casing, sitting ready to be launched into space. Two bodies were lying there, wrapped within each other's arms, holding each other in death as they never had in life. In a flash, the image changed, and only one body was in the casing. A tall man with a tattoo, faded by age. How close she'd come to having to cast his mortal remains away into the indifferent embrace of the frigid, eternal ether. The image burned itself painfully into her consciousness.
She knew how good it felt to lie within the circle of his arms. Pushing him away no longer seemed to be an option, as it had for so long.
Kathryn found she could not stay her hand. Memories washed over her; then memory itself was shunted aside by the touch of a hand on her face. Releasing the lock of her hair, he'd moved his fingers to trace her features softly. She caught her breath as Chakotay's was expelled upon her face when he leaned in to kiss her. Not since New Earth had she felt this way. I should stop this now, I should. But she did not. The remembered feel of his arms around her gave way to the reality. She rested herself within his embrace and gave in to being Kathryn Janeway, not Captain Janeway.
It had been so long for them both. The trail of kisses across her cheek and the touch of his hand told her what he was willing to give her, and without reservation.
Had it been a mistake to deny themselves this when they returned? Would the crew have understood? Had she been foolish to give up the comfort he offered? She was no longer sure they had made the right decision then, even though both of them had been convinced it was the only proper course at the time. If he would no longer stand in their way, should she? Kathryn had been alone and lonely for a very long time. So had he.
As his expressive lips reacquainted themselves with her face, Kathryn offered her mouth to him. No more waiting, no more hesitation. Death was always waiting, seconds away at any moment. Perhaps it was time to pick up life again and enjoy it for as long as it lasted.
"Chakotay," she murmured, when he finally released her lips. "I forget. Do you have a bathtub in your quarters?"
"No, but I could build one for you, if you want."
Later, as he held her, a smile crossed Chakotay's face.
Kathryn shifted herself in the bed so that she could look into his face. "What is that evil grin doing on your face now, Chakotay?"
"Oh, it's nothing."
"Are you going to keep secrets from me? That's not a very good way for us to begin all over again, is it?"
"I was just thinking. If I'd known it was our hair that was keeping us apart, I would have chopped off your ponytail and shaved my head a long time ago."
Her rich laughter warmed him. After all they'd been through lately, it was good to be able to laugh.
