Note: This is written from both POVs. I think it will be better to do away with individual POVs altogether for the upcoming chapters. It will keep me from repeating things especially between Nick and Adalind.
Chapter 8
She couldn't believe Kelly was really gone. The look on Nick's face when she asked him if he found his mother broke her in two. He looked so lost, so defeated. In the years she's known him, he was this strong immovable force that could take on anything…anyone even when he was outmatched, outgunned Nick always came out on top. When he was knocked down, Nick was never out for the count. Kelly's death broke him somehow and she hated seeing him like this.
She held him close when the levees broke and his body shook to its core, no longer able to hold his emotions in check. Adalind did the only thing she could. She held him in her arms to comfort him; a man that used to be her enemy, a man that was now the father of her baby, a man who awoke inside of her a well of desires so deep she couldn't comprehend. As deep as her own pain was in losing Kelly all over again, it couldn't compare to Nick's pain…his loss.
Grief and sleep eventually claimed them both and they laid in that bed in each other's arms, the weight too much to bear. Morning turned to noon turned to night but nothing else changed. Adalind opened her eyes in the darkened room. She could hear and feel Nick's strong heart beating beneath her ear, where she laid her head, using him as a pillow. Sometime in the night or maybe the day, they'd swapped position. He covered her in the shelter of his arms, holding her and his baby to his side. She felt his hand caressing her but when she looked up at him she saw his eyes remained closed. She also felt the weight of his leg entangled over hers when taking stock of their set up.
Adalind allowed herself to enjoy this unguarded moment between them. She didn't know what the world would be like once he woke. She felt like a thief, enjoying a sweet stolen moment but it could last too long, too much had happened between them and around them to ever enjoy this moment. Was there even a word to describe her situation, falling in love with a man whose life she helped to destroy one way or another? She was impossibly in love with Nick Burkhardt and her heart was heavier than she'd ever felt in her entire life.
There is a million songs written and sang every day about love, about how good it feels, how good it makes a person feel but she didn't feel good at all. Love felt suffocating because she couldn't breathe every time Nick's steely grey eyes rested on her. Love was a nightmare because nothing scared her more than the thought of Nick not loving her back; how could he love her? She was Adalind freaking Schade! Nobody loved her, not Sean and certainly not her mother. They all used her to further their own selfish needs and to make themselves feel better by bringing her down.
Love was cutting up massive chunks of her heart and giving them away, leaving her all hollow inside and that hurt a lot without the one she loved cutting off equalling big chunks of theirs to fill that empty void in hers. As she laid in his arms memorising the rhythm of his heart, she wished more than anything that it belonged to her, that he would give it to her as she had easily given him hers. He was the definition of perfection; whether as a cop or a man and soon to be father, yes, he was going to be a great father, she was sure of it. She already pictured him with their son.
Unlike her, he had a kind heart. He was patient, self-assured, beautiful inside and out, everything she wasn't. He was almost too good to be true. Adalind curled the fingers of the hand she surreptitiously placed over Nick's hard abs, fighting the temptation to slip her hand under his shirt to map the contours of his well-formed body. She felt like a starving man in front of a buffet given instructions not to taste any of the delectable foods before him. She had to get away from him, from this sweet embrace she didn't know she craved so badly until now.
The first thing she did was to free her limb from under his, ignoring the tingles of pleasure pooling at the centre of where body connected with his, not too far from what she desired the most since returning to Portland. Adalind unwillingly pulled herself from the safety of his arms but he quickly held her, keeping her by his side, firm against him.
"Where are you going?" he asked with a voice barely heavy with sleep. She felt trapped and not because of the arm that curled behind to her lower back drawing her deeper against him. She was drunk with need for Nick Burkhardt and he was possibly drunk with sorrow, clinging to the only available body within his grasp for comfort. It felt like heaven being in his arms but she couldn't help but feel the danger of staying there.
"I…I need the bathroom." She excused herself, removing herself from his grasp with greater determination. Adalind grabbed her robe and covered herself with the extra layer of clothing before she waddled out of the near dark bedroom, away from Nick…away from her own feelings. Their situation was getting out of control. She didn't return to Portland to pursue a relationship with the father of her baby. She came for his protection knowing he would do the right thing because that was the type of man he was, a man that didn't hesitate to do the right thing.
She locked herself in the bathroom for what seemed like an eternity, coming out only when she realised she couldn't hide in the confined space forever and the fact that her body demanded the soft folds of the place she readily escaped just minutes ago. She felt ridiculous, hiding in the bathroom but she couldn't face the alternative. Once upon a time she would have revelled being in this situation, taking advantage of a grieving Nick to get what she wanted. He was vulnerable and in pain. He wasn't thinking clearly and despite the hunger she felt for the man, she needed to keep a clear head. Marking the boundaries between them, they shared this baby and at the moment, that included Monroe's unbelievably tiny double bed but nothing else, she thought. She'd keep things that way.
She returned to find Nick unmoved from the spot she left him; his right hand sprawled across the empty space she occupied before making her hasty exit. She disrobed and gently lifted Nick's heavy arm away from her, depositing it somewhere on his person. She got under the covers but faced away from him, leaving as much space between the two of them without tipping over to the floor beside her. She didn't move let alone breath for a very long time. She only listened…waited to be sure he was sound asleep. When he didn't move only then did she relax but sleep would not come.
They didn't touch but the heat radiated from his body like a furnace setting her ablaze. There was no way she'd ever sleep now.
She slipped through his fingers, groping in almost total darkness like she was trying to get as far away from him as humanly possible in her condition. He asked her where she was going. He didn't want her to leave his side but didn't know how else to say it. He had no right to ask her anything, no right to expect anything from her. What did he even want from her? Was it friendship because her presence was oddly comforting? His mother was gone, she was the only person who understood what he was going through but he felt bad because she had not found the same comfort in him he did in her, choosing instead to run to the privacy of a bathroom.
He stretched out his arm to feel the warmth in the spot she vacated. He could smell her lingering scent, citrusy with a hint of jasmine. Nick inhaled deeply, filling his lungs with her flowery traces. If he felt bad before, he felt even worse now for wanting her as anything more than what was allowed, he wanted her as a man longed after a woman. His body stirred as he thought of touching her, kissing her…things that had nothing to do with his mother. He'd been awake for an hour or so before Adalind, enjoying the feel of her body so close to his. It calmed him. He was at peace for the first time in a very long time. He knew it wouldn't last, that he couldn't shut the world out and simply enjoy that moment in life. Renard wouldn't let him.
Something completely unexpected was happening, he wanted Adalind to be a part of his life, as more so than just the mother to his unborn child. How did he even get there? He couldn't help making mental notes between Adalind and Juliette and felt shallow for it, reducing the two women down to how they made him feel. For the longest time he went through the motions with Juliette. Their relationship had evolved so much over the years and not for the better. He tried to think back to the time he felt for Juliette even a tenth of the desire he now felt for Adalind and came up empty. That unsettled him because he was with Juliette for a very long time and even thought of marrying her.
His mother had asked him about his feelings for Adalind and he vehemently denied them because it didn't make sense to have any kind of feelings for her other than tolerance after their past. However, Kelly saw something he wasn't ready to admit. And now that he could admit his feelings, at least to himself, tragedy struck. It robbed him of his mother just days before the birth of his son. It hit him hard to realise Kelly wouldn't be there for him nor his son as she hoped.
When Renard threatened him not with Juliette but with Adalind, Nick had lost it. He'd rushed back to the loft in delirious frenzy just to be with Adalind. And not that he had reason to trust anything Renard said about Adalind no longer needing to fear him (he was the reason she even came out of hiding in the first place because he'd never stopped tormenting her), Nick's feelings for Adalind, feelings he didn't believe he had, had made her an even more irresistible target for Renard. The man boldly made his intentions clear to Nick, so Nick reacted in kind.
But it wasn't Adalind that Renard went after. It was Kelly. How did even know about her? The peace he felt only moments ago evaporated as thoughts of his mother filled his head and crushed his heart. Nick felt like he was split in two. The one half, basked in the sweet light of day with the imminent birth of his son and the possibilities that came with it but he couldn't even let himself to find joy in that because the other half of Nick was steeped in a violent dance of death with Renard.
His Captain had come after his aunt and failed, he came after the woman he loved (at the time) and failed again but now on his third attempt, he finally found his target in killing Nick's mother. Adalind was worse off now than if she'd stayed away from him. Nick attracted death everywhere he and until Renard was completely out of his life, Adaling and his son were not safe. Nick agonised over the solution staring him in the face and that meant missing out on the chance to know his son and exploring his ever growing feelings for Adalind….
She returned from the bathroom and snuck back into the bedroom. He could hear every cautious step she took towards the bed. He didn't make a move, expecting her to slip back into his arms but she didn't. She moved his hand away and covered herself, with her back turned towards him. Adalind made sure their bodies didn't dare touch. It was for the best, he thought. It was safer that way but his fingers thought otherwise, they itched to feel her. He could extend easily his hand and pull her towards him, to hold her close like before, she was so close but he stayed his hand, curling it into a fist instead. Crossing this line was impossible and yet wanted nothing more than to do it. If only they met under different circumstances…
Adalind had come to him for protection but he was nothing more than a dangerous complication for her and their child together. His own mother did for her what he couldn't do and she has paid the price for it. It became clearer to Nick that he couldn't give Adalind what she needed, not because he didn't want to or was incapable but because being with Nick was a danger all on its own. He was a magnet to Renard's deadly tendencies and no matter how much he longed to feel her body pressed against him, trailing kisses along her neck and tasting her, feeling his child between them, it could never happen.
Tomorrow, he decided, he'd find a permanent solution to their predicament and distance himself from her permanently which meant distancing himself from the child he would never know, never get to hold, never get to kiss him goodnight or teach him to play ball…all for his sake. His son would live and grow old but away from his father, like he grew up without his mother. Nick couldn't miss the irony of his situation. He was indeed his mother's son.
However, it wasn't morning yet…and against his better judgement, he reached out to Adalind, giving her a fright.
"Come here," he gently pulled her towards him. She tensed up at first but he quickly felt her body melt into his. "Let me hold you for just tonight." He said when she craned her head to face him in the dark, her glittering eyes questioning him. If he was giving her up completely, he'd at least have this night, he thought.
"Are you alright?" she asked with concern in her voice. It was now or never. He leaned down in the darkness and planted his lips ever so gently against her. He'd caught by surprise (again) as her gasp disappeared between his lips. The kiss was chaste and sweet. It lasted no longer than a moment but brimming with so much feeling. It took everything in him to hold his composure.
"I am now." He told her with sincerity.
"What was that for?" her voice trembled, he wasn't sure whether from the cold night or from desire.
"I apologise. I shouldn't have kissed you." He said, sensing her hesitation.
"No…we shouldn't…" She said but he heard a "but" in her tone, recognising the opening he honestly didn't expect and pressed down on her lips for a second time but with much more vigour. He kissed her again, his passion boiling over and when he felt her respond, returning his kisses with equal fervour, Nick came undone at the seams. He rolled her on her back, planting her firmly between him and devouring her lips like a mad man. He groaned deep within when their tongues made contact, sucking and wrestling for dominion while his right hand slipped down her face, to her neck until the reach the sweet round mounds he loved so much.
He could forget anything about their first night together but never Adalind's ample breasts, how they looked bouncing in the moonlight, how much they filled his palms like they were created especially for his hands to discover. She moaned in his mouth as he began to squeeze the covered bud on the left and then the one on the right, raising them to full attention beneath Adalind's lengthy night shirt. They had to stop, he thought but Adalind heaved her chest deeper into his hands in desperate need.
"Oh…Nick…" she moaned his name and he saw stars as he pushed her further over the edge, her own arousal matching his. Earlier he longed to touch her and now he couldn't stop to save his life. His hand snaked to the end of her shirt lifting it up her body, sending delicious waves over him at the thought of feeling Adalind's bare skin beneath his fingertips.
"I want you so badly right now…" He breathed into her. Impatiently, Adalind pulled over her shirt and chucked it over Nick's head, exposing her naked torso before him. Nick wasted no time dipping his head over her chest and capturing her very full breast between his lips. He felt Adalind's hand threading his hair pulling him down on her. She almost cried out in consternation when he pulled back but he took the other breast in his mouth, and she cried out in pleasure instead. It made his head spin.
Her body was singing for him and Nick's control was slowly slipping over the edge. He took her mouth in his again. It tasted like a piece of heaven come down. He caressed her breasts thoroughly, and she began roil under his ministration. Nick's hand swept over her belly and roundabout, heading further south at the apex of her (and his) pleasure mound. He tasted her every gasp and moan the closer he got. He reached his final destination, her breaths shortened as he fingered her folds through her delicate and wet underwear.
She opened her eyes, looking straight into his and daring him further as he slipped behind the flimsy barrier. She winced in pleasure with every swirl, pinch and pull. By the time his fingers pushed their way into her, her walls collapsed around his thick digits. He watched her eyes close with a satisfied smile curling her lips. It was too soon but worth price of admission, he thought playfully.
"That was…" She said breathlessly, reeling from her orgasm. But Nick was distracted by his own throbbing pulse left unattended. He'd taken things too far, past the point of no return but watching Adalind come undone under him was worth it. Her hair clung to her sweaty brow, her red cheeks and full lips making it impossible to come down from his high without being satisfied. Suddenly a hand rested against his member feeling him through his thick jeans. He almost lost it when Adalind dug deeper springing him to life.
"It's your turn," she said and unbuckled Nick's belt but he stopped her.
"No…the baby…" he said. Nick didn't want to hurt her or his baby.
"It's okay. You are not going to hurt me or our baby." She unzipped him and held him in her hand, feeling the full length of him. Nick wanted to protest but he closed his eyes instead, surrendering to her nimble soft hands. She fondled him, stroked him gently; Nick thought he would explode.
"This would be so much easier without clothes getting in the way." He agreed. She tried to pull down her underwear but he gently pushed her hands aside rolling in front of her resting his knees beside the bottom end of her legs. He slowly peeled back the little item of clothing, hungrily staring at the soft tufts of blond drawing him in. His erection jerked excitedly at the sight. He threw it aside once she was completely naked before, enjoying the view. He stripped down to his birthday suit as she watched unintentionally putting on a show for her viewing pleasure. The twinkle in her eye only made him want her more.
"You are so beautiful," he said as his eyes moved from her face and down her body. She turned red at the scrutiny but it was the truth.
"Speak for yourself." She blushed deeper. He climbed back atop of her thighs, making sure to hold his weight as he covered her belly, their child, with kisses. The ache below was almost raging but Nick chose rather to shower her with more attention, moving up to join her mouth, eventually. He quickly moved to her side, afraid of hurting their child. They kissed deeply, taking their time to explore each other.
Adalind's hand returned to feeling him, squeezing him senseless. She smiled at the effect she had on him. After stoking him to the point of oblivion, she turn her back to him arching it just so, sliding up and down his extended shaft as it teased her backside. She raised herself in anticipation. He fingered her a second time, stroking more rigorously whispering her name into her ear wanting her to hear how much he desired her, making her ready for him but Adalind, patient no longer, grabbed him from behind and guided him to her flaming core.
Nick, taking the lead from her he plunged slow and then deeply into her sweet abyss. She hissed as he filled her. Nick waited a moment of two before pulling out and plunging deep within her again and again, repeating his actions slowly and meticulously while his hand played with her sensitive nub. It was glorious. She matched his every stroke, twisting her hips the deeper her went.
"…Yessss…" She moaned.
"Unghh!" He responded every time she moaned his name. He wasn't going to last. He felt the tension build crescendoing as Adalind muffled her screams into her pillow. He hoped Monroe and Rosalee weren't privy to their lovemaking. What would he say? He started pumping quicker with less control as he neared the end. He felt Adalind tighten around him in sweet ecstasy heralding his own blissful ending as his seed filled her to overflowing. He stroked her a few more times before he was completely spent.
They didn't move after, enjoying each other a few minutes more in their afterglow.
"That was…amazing…" she turned to face him. He smiled back at her as he pulled out of her limp and satisfied. Adalind snuggled closer into him, already missing him. Nick enveloped her to him, nuzzling her neck sweetly. It was amazing. She was amazing. He kissed the top of her head and held her tight, committing this night to memory, every kiss and every touch. The way her tongue rolled as she spoke his name.
By George, he loved her. Perhaps he's always loved her even when she infuriated him working against him. Perhaps he loved her as his relationship with Juliette broke down year after year since the moment he laid eyes on her one sunny afternoon outside a coffee shop. Nick fell asleep to thoughts of Adalind and their time together leading to this night. This time he'd remember. When he dreamed of her, he wouldn't mistake her for another woman. He would remember this night long after she was gone.
A/N: I ended up changing it as I was editing. Bear with me, I have never written mature sex scenes this detailed in my life. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.
